I don't want to turn this into an "All About Seoulsearch" thread 
but Lynx, I greatly appreciate that you would make the time and effort to not only look below the surface, but to also address it.
In many ways, I'm content with my life. But you are right in that I often seek meaning and purpose. The problem with me is that, while I can be the most boring person in the world, when it comes to a ministry, etc., there typically has to be some intensity to it to really catch my interest.
I've written about this before, but I was very passionate about prison ministry, and put a lot of my life into it for a long time. I had honestly thought I would be doing that for the rest of my life. Towards the end, I was also becoming interested in a ministry for veterans, but I can't describe the heartbreak that came when we found out that one of the veterans we'd spoken with had ended his life in a very extreme manner.
But there were so many things I loved about this kind of work: writing letters, and most important to me, receiving responses in exchange, talking TO people instead of AT people, and really getting to know about them and their lives one-on-one. This is crucial to me. I can no longer tolerate participating in one-sided ministries that preach to people (not counting regular church services.) Now, God bless them and there is certainly a place for them (every Sunday from the pulpit), but my passion is learning about other people, as well as sharing my own heart with them if they are interested.
I stopped doing this kind of work for reasons of personal safety and emotional burnout (which is why I learned I could never do it for a living, as I had originally intended.) For many years, I have wanted to get back into the game, but all the ministries I've found in this area are one-sided preaching ministries, which I have absolutely no interest in. If I can't get to know the people I'm talking to personally, please count me out.
I also have to confess that I have a fear of being vulnerable to that extent as well. At one time I tried ministries with female inmates as opposed to men, but found that the females were actually more manipulative than the men (this is just my own experience and certainly not an absolute.)
I backed away from the more intense programs and tried being on the local prayer team, but for whatever reason, people would sometimes fixate on me with their problems, and were sometimes calling me at all hours wanting to talk about the same circular problems all over again without wanting to take action. I just burned out and couldn't handle any of it anymore, to be honest.
So now I'm stuck between a craving... or calling, if you will... and knowing where it will take me (because I need something intense... if I subject myself to just serving in the toddler's room again I will go crazy), and fighting between wanting to serve, but fearing all the breakdowns that I know will come with it. (Intense work comes with intense threats, along with intensely unwanted advances and comments.)
but Lynx, I greatly appreciate that you would make the time and effort to not only look below the surface, but to also address it. In many ways, I'm content with my life. But you are right in that I often seek meaning and purpose. The problem with me is that, while I can be the most boring person in the world, when it comes to a ministry, etc., there typically has to be some intensity to it to really catch my interest.
I've written about this before, but I was very passionate about prison ministry, and put a lot of my life into it for a long time. I had honestly thought I would be doing that for the rest of my life. Towards the end, I was also becoming interested in a ministry for veterans, but I can't describe the heartbreak that came when we found out that one of the veterans we'd spoken with had ended his life in a very extreme manner.
But there were so many things I loved about this kind of work: writing letters, and most important to me, receiving responses in exchange, talking TO people instead of AT people, and really getting to know about them and their lives one-on-one. This is crucial to me. I can no longer tolerate participating in one-sided ministries that preach to people (not counting regular church services.) Now, God bless them and there is certainly a place for them (every Sunday from the pulpit), but my passion is learning about other people, as well as sharing my own heart with them if they are interested.
I stopped doing this kind of work for reasons of personal safety and emotional burnout (which is why I learned I could never do it for a living, as I had originally intended.) For many years, I have wanted to get back into the game, but all the ministries I've found in this area are one-sided preaching ministries, which I have absolutely no interest in. If I can't get to know the people I'm talking to personally, please count me out.
I also have to confess that I have a fear of being vulnerable to that extent as well. At one time I tried ministries with female inmates as opposed to men, but found that the females were actually more manipulative than the men (this is just my own experience and certainly not an absolute.)
I backed away from the more intense programs and tried being on the local prayer team, but for whatever reason, people would sometimes fixate on me with their problems, and were sometimes calling me at all hours wanting to talk about the same circular problems all over again without wanting to take action. I just burned out and couldn't handle any of it anymore, to be honest.
So now I'm stuck between a craving... or calling, if you will... and knowing where it will take me (because I need something intense... if I subject myself to just serving in the toddler's room again I will go crazy), and fighting between wanting to serve, but fearing all the breakdowns that I know will come with it. (Intense work comes with intense threats, along with intensely unwanted advances and comments.)
