What would you do if God told you...

Markum1972 · Feb 10, 2015

How would you react if God told you to marry a prostitute, like with Hosea, or a drug addict, or alcoholic or any other thing that might be on your list of "Disqualifying Traits"?

Would you have ears to hear like Hosea did and be obedient? Or would you lean to your own understanding and be dull of hearing and harden your heart?

I have thought about this quite a bit as I have heard people discussing "waiting on the one the Lord wants for them" while also discussing the "list of disqualifying traits in a mate" and I wonder how much conflict may exist in these two things.

We are told not to condemn others but also that we should judge righteously. So we must know that no one is condemned to not be loved. So if we are to say that a person is useless to us, are we not saying that they are useless to anyone?

Condemn: To declare to be not fit for use.

So while we might tell others that we would never be with someone that <fill in the blank>, what would we do if God told us to (like Hosea)?

Interesting in hearing other's thoughts on this.

hoss2576 · Feb 10, 2015

This may not be the type of answer you are looking for, but I would seriously question if I was hearing from God if I was told to marry a <insert> for several reasons. I would naturally be concerned where they are in their spiritual life, because God is not going to ask me to yoke myself up to the wrong person after He has already told me not to. I don't think it is about a "hardened" heart as much as it is about a "guarded" heart. I think many value (hopefully) their walk with Christ and know the potential damage being in relationship with someone who is fighting through the types of issues you are talking about can have on their own walk with Him.

I don't think anyone is saying someone may be useless to them, but rather we know our own strengths and limitations when it comes to others. For me, the opposite may even hold true, I know my strengths and limitations well enough to say when trying to be in a relationship with someone with an addiction or <insert> I may be the useless one, unable to be the patient or helpful one they need.

djness · Feb 10, 2015

My initial thoughts are you were hurt by someone and you can't seem to get over it.
You are good enough.....for someone else. So go find them.

kaylagrl · Feb 10, 2015

I'd say "Say that again Lord,I dont think I got it right the first time"

kenthomas27 · Feb 10, 2015

My first thought was - if women did this, think of all the offers I'd get! That aside I often think of Joseph in this regard. I imagine him as an older man maybe - someone with maturity. Here's a guy who's wife to be tells him she's carrying a child conceived by the Holy Spirit and who will be the King of Kings. She'd be a virgin otherwise if it hadn't have been for God.

That would be a hard to story for anyone to accept - even with a personal message from God of reassurance. The rest of the story tells us that Joseph choose correctly, but what was the ultimate persuasion for him? What drove him to the assurance that Mary was telling him the truth and if faced with a similar encounter, would I choose with the same accuracy? Did God's Word come to Joseph on a lion or a cloud? Did it whisper to him quietly like a discreet momentum that i sometimes get? Would that be enough?

Grace-Like-Rain · Feb 10, 2015

I definitely over-think things sometimes. My prayer (and confidence) is that God would open my eyes to his plan for me, if he has something in mind that I could never have foreseen otherwise.

lil_christian · Feb 10, 2015

Markum1972 said:

The reason God told Hosea to marry the prostitute was to make a very specific point, and to send a message to His people through his PROPHET (there are some things God will only tell a prophet to do) - God loves us regardless of who we are. It's not Him that runs away from us, it's us that runs from Him. Even when we run, He still tries to pursue us, saying even though you ran, even though you have sinned against me and chased other lovers that leave you empty, STILL I love YOU, and will do whatever it takes to get you back.

And that is why God does not do that anymore. Things work differently now since the Old Testament.

JustAnotherUser · Feb 10, 2015

I'll be honest and say that I probably wouldn't want to marry an alcoholic. There's been history in my own family on that, to which I would not want to have relived. Any type of addiction can be damaging... and deadly.

It would be tough and I probably would question if that was what God has been telling me to do. I'd need to know why I would need to be with that specific person. If on a mutual level then I'd understand, but to marry? In the Biblical times and long after that there was a need for people to be married since they had to put in extra effort to keep the human race going so it's not like they had much of a choice, but now...

Tinkerbell725 · Feb 10, 2015

Markum1972 said:

I am also stucked on the same crossroad right now. I'm scared and I cant decide which path to choose. Its not easy to love the unlovable but it is the burden of the brave. If I choose not to accept this person then I would be disregarding God's call for me to make a difference in this person's shattered life and lead him home to God and then it would only mean that I dont trust that the Holy Spirit can transform him totally. Love casts out all fear. I ask myself what Jesus would do? If I accept him I will be not be safe. But we are not here to be safe but to let God's glory shine. It is not about us, its all about Him. God is enough and He gives everything that we need before we even ask and He will keep us safe if we trust in Him.

seoulsearch · Feb 10, 2015

I have always wondered whether or not God still calls people into situations like Hosea and Gomer, even today. I think that sometimes He does, because the Bible clearly tells us that trials and testings will be a normal part of the Christian life. However, I'm still unsure as to how far that will go and how much is God and how much is our own decision or other deciding factors.

A long time ago, I knew a man who became a pastor, but before this, he was very much in the world. As a teenager, he starting dating a girl in high school and eventually asked her to marry him. Even then, he had problems with alcohol and the man's own father told this girl she would be crazy to marry his son. But she believed God was leading her to marry this man. She was around 16 when they started dating and around 19 when they married. By the time I met this man he was in his 50's. He told me about the horribly difficult years they'd had together--the ultimatums she'd made, the separations, the suicide attempts, the times they'd gone broke because of his addictions, and in the midst of this, they had also raised a child. But they stayed together, and he said that (in the current time I knew him) they were stronger and better together. However, this had only occurred within the last few years. Up until then, it had been decades of literal hell.

Maybe God did call her to marry him as a way of ministering to other couples who are going through this. Many of us go through other things in life--illnesses, losses, family members with addictions--part of the reason seems to be so that we can relate to others going through these types of crises, so I personally believe that God may call some to difficult marriages as well.

I don't know if Sarah felt called to marry Abraham, but it could not have been an easy marriage, seeing as he was perfectly fine with handing her over to other men to do whatever they wanted in order to save his own life. God alone, not Abraham, protected Sarah. I know this is another Old Testament example but if God called Paul and Peter to such a difficult life, I see no reason why He wouldn't call others to difficult marriages. Which is why I cringe when I read things here in the forums that seem to assume that God has bright, happy, shiny marriages planned for every Christian single.

I don't talk about this because it's something private and from my past, but a long time ago I was in a situation in which I wondered if God was calling me to enter into a marriage that I knew would be abusive. It felt like emotional torture because my heart was being pulled in every angle. I eventually left the situation, and am always glad that I did, but I know that if God did tell me to marry someone like that in the future, I would be like Jonah and would run.

He would literally have to trap me and make me do it, because I would not be able to do it on my own.

Tinkerbell725 · Feb 10, 2015

seoulsearch said:

I have always wondered whether or not God still calls people into situations like Hosea and Gomer, even today. I think that sometimes He does, because the Bible clearly tells us that trials and testings will be a normal part of the Christian life. However, I'm still unsure as to how far that will go and how much is God and how much is our own decision or other deciding factors.

A long time ago, I knew a man who became a pastor, but before this, he was very much in the world. As a teenager, he starting dating a girl in high school and eventually asked her to marry him. Even then, he had problems with alcohol and the man's own father told this girl she would be crazy to marry his son. But she believed God was leading her to marry this man. She was around 16 when they started dating and around 19 when they married. By the time I met this man he was in his 50's. He told me about the horribly difficult years they'd had together--the ultimatums she'd made, the separations, the suicide attempts, the times they'd gone broke because of his addictions, and in the midst of this, they had also raised a child. But they stayed together, and he said that (in the current time I knew him) they were stronger and better together. However, this had only occurred within the last few years. Up until then, it had been decades of literal hell.

Maybe God did call her to marry him as a way of ministering to other couples who are going through this. Many of us go through other things in life--illnesses, losses, family members with addictions--part of the reason seems to be so that we can relate to others going through these types of crises, so I personally believe that God may call some to difficult marriages as well.

I don't know if Sarah felt called to marry Abraham, but it could not have been an easy marriage, seeing as he was perfectly fine with handing her over to other men to do whatever they wanted in order to save his own life. God alone, not Abraham, protected Sarah. I know this is another Old Testament example but if God called Paul and Peter to such a difficult life, I see no reason why He wouldn't call others to difficult marriages. Which is why I cringe when I read things here in the forums that seem to assume that God has bright, happy, shiny marriages planned for every Christian single.

I don't talk about this because it's something private and from my past, but a long time ago I was in a situation in which I wondered if God was calling me to enter into a marriage that I knew would be abusive. It felt like emotional torture because my heart was being pulled in every angle. I eventually left the situation, and am always glad that I did, but I know that if God did tell me to marry someone like that in the future, I would be like Jonah and would run.

He would literally have to trap me and make me do it, because I would not be able to do it on my own.

There is freedom in surrender lay it down and let it go...sometimes when we think our life is falling apart its actually falling into place....not a tear is wasted in time you'll undertand. God is painting beauty with the ashes your life in His hands. Beautiful lines from the song just be held by casting crowns.

Lynx · Feb 10, 2015

Well shoot... I was reading down the thread, I knew exactly what I was going to say, then lil_christian said it first. Ah well.

God may direct me to marry a woman of less than sterling character, but there is ONE instance of this happening in the Bible (for a very specific reason, at a very critical point in Israel's history) and there are many things in the bible about being careful to find a good wife. And the Bible gets a bit specific about the characteristics of a good husband and a good wife.

Markum1972 · Feb 10, 2015

There are more than one instance in scriptures of this. I have met some that have experienced this through the leading of the Holy Spirit. One thing I have noticed is that those people are also gifted in a certain way to deal with those situations. Many times the broken people they are joined with receive healing and deliverance. But it HAS to be by the leading of the Holy Spirit; not your own decision.

This thread is more of a "what would you do" or "how would you react" if; not does God still do it or not. Just curious as to how honest we are with ourselves about how we might react and is something I have considered.

Markum1972 · Feb 10, 2015

seoulsearch said:

I have always wondered whether or not God still calls people into situations like Hosea and Gomer, even today. I think that sometimes He does, because the Bible clearly tells us that trials and testings will be a normal part of the Christian life. However, I'm still unsure as to how far that will go and how much is God and how much is our own decision or other deciding factors.

A long time ago, I knew a man who became a pastor, but before this, he was very much in the world. As a teenager, he starting dating a girl in high school and eventually asked her to marry him. Even then, he had problems with alcohol and the man's own father told this girl she would be crazy to marry his son. But she believed God was leading her to marry this man. She was around 16 when they started dating and around 19 when they married. By the time I met this man he was in his 50's. He told me about the horribly difficult years they'd had together--the ultimatums she'd made, the separations, the suicide attempts, the times they'd gone broke because of his addictions, and in the midst of this, they had also raised a child. But they stayed together, and he said that (in the current time I knew him) they were stronger and better together. However, this had only occurred within the last few years. Up until then, it had been decades of literal hell.

Maybe God did call her to marry him as a way of ministering to other couples who are going through this. Many of us go through other things in life--illnesses, losses, family members with addictions--part of the reason seems to be so that we can relate to others going through these types of crises, so I personally believe that God may call some to difficult marriages as well.

I don't know if Sarah felt called to marry Abraham, but it could not have been an easy marriage, seeing as he was perfectly fine with handing her over to other men to do whatever they wanted in order to save his own life. God alone, not Abraham, protected Sarah. I know this is another Old Testament example but if God called Paul and Peter to such a difficult life, I see no reason why He wouldn't call others to difficult marriages. Which is why I cringe when I read things here in the forums that seem to assume that God has bright, happy, shiny marriages planned for every Christian single.

I don't talk about this because it's something private and from my past, but a long time ago I was in a situation in which I wondered if God was calling me to enter into a marriage that I knew would be abusive. It felt like emotional torture because my heart was being pulled in every angle. I eventually left the situation, and am always glad that I did, but I know that if God did tell me to marry someone like that in the future, I would be like Jonah and would run.

He would literally have to trap me and make me do it, because I would not be able to do it on my own.

Well said and very honest.

lil_christian · Feb 10, 2015

I don't see why we're even having this discussion. I'm pretty sure God typically does not tell you to enter a dysfunctional relationship. The Bible warns us about being unequally yoked. When people do enter such relationships and they come out of it okay, they're the exception, not the rule, and that doesn't mean it was God's best for them.

This isn't a matter of surrendering to God's will. I promise you, God will give you plenty more crazy opportunities in this life that won't involve soul tying. This is a matter of becoming an abuse victim or divorce statistic.

Markum1972 · Feb 10, 2015

lil_christian said:

I understand, Eva. We are not talking about that. If God ordains it, then it is not dysfunctional. Some people need a particular kind of love and understanding to help them, or another way of saying is it that some people need a particular kind of "help" mate. Some people have that and don't realize it. Others who do not and are not told by God that they do should avoid it. But there is no legalistic bound of rules to those that hear, and hear the word of the Lord. It is by faith that we receive and only by faith; not by leaning to our own understanding.

God will not lead one into a being a victim or into abuse. But I tell you the truth, I have seen those that have been healed because they were offered someone that had the sensitivity and love that they understood. Love, joy, and peace that surpasses the understanding of men.

This is not your calling, Eva. But there are others that have been given understanding about this. You have your own gifts that God has given. Every good and perfect gift comes from the Father above.

violakat · Feb 11, 2015

I would have to think about it first. I would like to say that I would do the right thing, but at the same time, I know my own heart would tend to be very rebellious. So I don't really know what I would do.

What struck me earlier is that someone said marrying a "sinner" would be creating a dysfunctional marriage. But yet, we forget that all marriages, if viewed in a certain light, are dysfunctional because we are all sinners. Especially those that are not relying on God.

Very thought provoking question.

And by the way, don't limit God in what He might call you to do. God does do what seems to be impossible.

Deluge · Feb 11, 2015

Markum1972 said:

I am always skeptical of the claim that a romantic partner is sometimes the "right" solution. In the first place, there is very little that a friend cannot offer that a romantic partner could, insofar as one's spiritual life is concerned. If one feels incomplete without someone adoring in that romantic way, then there is something wrong which no amount of adoration can fix. Their is a novel that tells the story of Hosea in modern times, but it takes a very meaningful detour where the man and woman take time apart (before marriage) and the woman finds God for herself. I believe that this is a more meaningful application of the story of Hosea in modern times because of the way that men and woman can interact now. Historically, men and woman were not in the sort of close relationships that we see today unless they were married. This is no longer the case, and therefore it seems unnecessary to marry a woman for this purpose.

Markum1972 said:

As I mentioned, sensitivity, love, joy, and peace, can all be expressed through friendship. But I realize that your question was "If God told you".

Markum1972 said:

The problem I have with this is that the inverse would also be said to be true. "If it is dysfunctional, then God has not ordained it." And what treacherous words those would be for someone who thought they were doing the will of God, but now are stuck in a broken relationship till death.

Without hearing from God the way Moses did I would not do it. God gave me a brain for a reason, so that I may use good discernment, and everything that I know tells me that it would be a bad idea for both people involved. For this reason I would more likely suspect that the devil, not God, was prompting me to act in this way.

"Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God" - 1 John 4:1

gypsygirl · Feb 11, 2015

while i do believe that God allows us to go through painful or difficult circumstances, i do not believe God calls us to disregard biblical teaching so that we can play a martyr.

and, i would go even further to say that if someone believed they were "called" to marry an active sinner, be it in the throes of addiction, prostitution, or whatever, that they were mistaken. God never contradicts Himself.

not only are we called to not be unequally yoked, but we are also warned about keeping company with those who aren't living their life right because we are first to be concerned about our own heart and spiritual condition, and to guard against falling into sin.

when you put yourself in a position to be a "rescuer" of someone who is ACTIVELY engaged in a sinful lifestyle, you are disregarding God's cautions to flee, avoid risk of, and keep yourself free from sin because of the risk of being corrupted by their choices. i would be very concerned about the element of pride in one who feels he or she is above that risk, or can somehow overcome that temptation. we are not given the luxury of negotiating our risk of sin, but rather to avoid every kind of evil as instructed in 1 thess 5:22 (or in some translations, avoid the APPEARANCE of evil).

here are some cautions in regard to our choices in companionship/friends. there are certainly more out there:

He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm. proverbs 13:20

Do not be deceived: "Bad company corrupts good morals.1 corinthians 15:33

A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends. proverbs 16:28

note: a better use of the hebrew word used in the verse as "dishonest" is "one who is habitually disposed to disobedience and opposition".

i do believe that God can call us to do a number of things that may not make sense, or even be reasonable. but God will never call us to disregard His word.

finally, let me also clarify, i have no problem with one being called to marry someone with a past that involves any of those things, but have since repented and turned from that lifestyle.

but marrying an actively addicted, or currently in sinful lifestyle/habitual sin is not a "calling".

Jacob_Fitzgerald · Feb 11, 2015

I would obey God, regardless of what he commanded me to do. Remember Abraham? Genesis 22

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