When an Ex Comes Back "Missing You"

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Sadkitty

Senior Member
#1
Jun 11, 2015
111
3
18
#1
So after not speaking to my ex for a month, I thought it was done. I thought he didn't even want to be friends with me. I mean he placed everything before me. His friends, his family when he was my first everything. Silence for a month and he messages me saying how he misses my face. I was so broken over him and I guess I still am because of the way I'm acting now. I keep thinking of all the reasons why I shouldn't respond - his anger, he is such a woman hater (how he treated me no excuse even if I let him) he was never supportive as a friend. He's not a believer. It's best just to let it all die the memories and love I have left. Where he is concerned though I am weak and I have literally no one to talk at the moment about this. Prayers please. My heart is hurting so bad.
 
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ToBeWithHim

Guest
#2
#2
I know its not easy to let go, but sounds like he didn't give you the respect and love that you deserved. In my opinion you need to forgive and let go, but that's just me.
 
Mo0448

Mo0448

Senior Member
#3
Jun 10, 2013
1,209
15
38
#3
The best thing you can do Sadkitty is pray about it...I know while some may say "he's a non-believer stay away" or something of that nature...honestly though how will we show or convey the Life in Christ is worth living if we close all doors to non-believers? While some of the things you brought up (anger, being a woman hater) may not be something that correlates to a healthy relationship. Ultimately though sister, you should pray and ask God to guide your heart; as one's heart (especially in sensitive moments like this) can make the "human" choice as opposed to the God inspired choice.

I know one thing, God can change and mend and fix any broken heart. But I also know and am evidence of God's power of change in one's heart. So pray about it I'll send some prayers up on my Jesus phone as well for wisdom in your decision making in this matter :)

God Bless!!
 
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VioletReigns

Guest
#4
#4
I would not want my daughter to trust her precious heart to a man who would mistreat her. I pray you don't go back to him. I recommend talking to someone at a counseling center if there has been abuse involved. Here's one helpful link:

Violence help hotlines | womenshealth.gov

I'm praying for you, my dear! ♥

forgive_optimized.jpg
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#5
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#5
I know how you feel... it's terrible to be dragged back into that, and your heart lets go much slower than your mind does. Whatever you do, don't let yourself respond. Or at least, not right now when you are feeling emotional and lonely. God has given you an "out". There are better things for you than this guy. Believe it!
 
M

MadParrotWoman

Guest
#6
#6
I think you answered your own question.

Don't go back, go forward. God is with you.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#7
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#7
I´m sorry!

In the process of being healed, the more you remember why that relationship ended, it is good to see his faults, his defects and -too- acknowledging you chose wrong.

I´m sorry! I wished those things were, simply, a bad dream we had.

:(
 
BS

BS

Banned
#8
May 13, 2015
555
9
0
#8
secularhermit said:
I´m sorry!

In the process of being healed, the more you remember why that relationship ended, it is good to see his faults, his defects and -too- acknowledging you chose wrong.

I´m sorry! I wished those things were, simply, a bad dream we had.

:(
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What about the prodigal son?
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#9
May 23, 2009
15,190
4,697
113
#9
Sadkitty,

I am so sorry you're going through this. :( When an ex comes back "missing you", it means that person wants to have someone in their life RIGHT NOW, and because they couldn't find any takers at that moment, they're running back to you. They're just looking for someone to fill the void, and the minute they find something they think is "better", they will leave for that person.

I'm sorry this guy mistreated you, as he will do to anyone woman he can find who is willing to spend time with him. You won't be able to change him, especially in this state of feeling vulnerable. :( I hope and pray you won't go back to him for another round. Please keep talking to us. I know it might not seem like much at the time, but talking here really can be an outlet and we are all here to support you and help you through.
 
C

CarolSampaio

Guest
#10
#10
Sadkitty said:
So after not speaking to my ex for a month, I thought it was done. I thought he didn't even want to be friends with me. I mean he placed everything before me. His friends, his family when he was my first everything. Silence for a month and he messages me saying how he misses my face. I was so broken over him and I guess I still am because of the way I'm acting now. I keep thinking of all the reasons why I shouldn't respond - his anger, he is such a woman hater (how he treated me no excuse even if I let him) he was never supportive as a friend. He's not a believer. It's best just to let it all die the memories and love I have left. Where he is concerned though I am weak and I have literally no one to talk at the moment about this. Prayers please. My heart is hurting so bad.
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Sadkitty... this is such a hard place to be!!!

I was married to a non-believer and did everything within my power to save my marriage... until he asked for a divorce.

It was like my world was falling apart.

Later, he tried to take it back, saying he missed me, that he loved me and that everything would be different... and you know what? I believed him, and gave it as many more chances as I was able. And it didn't work out!

The truth is you need to be at peace with the decision to never see or talk to him again! You need to do this for yourself, because of yourself, not because of him or what anyone else is telling you.

But one thing is true... when you become free of this abusive relationship (because what he did is abuse), you'll see that you will be stronger and more sure about what you want and accept from a guy!

Read the book "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. It helped me a lot when I was going through the worst of it all!!

If you need someone to talk to, we're here!! :) And I'll be praying for you!!

It's not easy... it feels as if your heart is being pulled out of your chest and cut to ribbons... but it's not impossible!! :)
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#11
#11
You can't help with who you hurt over, but you can help with how you heal. Praying for your healing.
 
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VioletReigns

Guest
#12
#12
BS said:
What about the prodigal son?
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If you're suggesting that she give consideration to going back to her abusive ex because he "may" change his ways, that is a serious NO-NO! Never advise someone to take responsibility for someone who has abused them and to go back into that relationship. Abuse only escalates if we continue to allow it.

I always say, "If you feel so concerned about the abuser, by all means feel free to take him (or her) for yourself."
 
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VioletReigns

Guest
#13
#13
Also, even the police and the court system frown upon women who keep taking abusive men back because they know it's going to happen again and again. :(
 
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sassylady

Guest
#14
#14
Rely on God for the strength to not get back into this relationship. It won't be any different if you get back together with him. Especially bad if he is not a believer. I know it hurts when you care so much for somebody but there is Life in abundance without him.
 
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Sadkitty

Senior Member
#15
Jun 11, 2015
111
3
18
#15
Thank you all for kind words and advice (I really appreciate it.) I think last night I was having a bit of a panic attack and where he is concerned he is certainly a trigger. Thinking back on how he is, seoulsearch, what you said rings true. He is probably just lonely, ("no" was never in my vocabulary with him) and if he does truly miss me he shouldn't have let me go like he did in the first place. It was good that he did though. He let me go and I renewed my faith in Jesus which is precisely why I shouldn't respond to him. He's a source of temptation for me and my faith is still so new. It was a toxic friendship as well as relationship one that shouldn't have a place in my life. It was like I was drowning that whole time and looking for him to save me but all he did was pull me under some more. That being said I'm not ready to completely let him go. I still have a box of all the stuff he gave me. I still have his pictures. I still have his name on Skype and other places. I know God is in the business of healing hearts and minds. Maybe...one day.

I wish this was a bad dream.
 
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Sadkitty

Senior Member
#16
Jun 11, 2015
111
3
18
#16
His abuse was verbal and he even stated to me it was like that with his other exes. No I can't change him. He doesn't even want to change. I have never seen a person with such a double personality. His anger was so dark. I made excuses for him. I was careful what I said and tried my best to make him happy. I was scared of him. Thank God my eyes are wide open now. You should never be scared of your boyfriend. Never!
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#17
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#17
BS said:
What about the prodigal son?
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Hello, Paco Fred!

Instead, I chose to remember the lesson of Lot´s wife (do not look back).

As an example (admitting I have NO truth, except my life experience) the "Prodigal" son is another thing: He turned back to the Father, and His household.

I can forgive ppl as I have been forgiven, but I have a good memory to keep the records of those lessons I have learned.

If I cheated on a person who dred and endangered to love me, the way I am, I could betraying God but, at the same time, I could be hurting sensible feelings, being unlawyal and untruthfull.

God is not torn apart into peieces but, human love, broke down with its pieces away.

If I tried "my" second best, finding another woman (or girl) who would pay attention on me, I disregarding what the FIRST woman offered me, for free, wholeheratedly and, in general, when I cheated on, it wasn´t FOR LOVE, but for sex (and its temporal lust).

The "Prodigal" son wanted to live his life wild. He wnated to enjoy his earthly life the way he felt it was pleasing and, when hunger appeared, when he was in a real want, he thought: "I have a FATHER... I wish I could work ia place where I was plenty of food"...

I hope our sister here won´t be "missed" for the things she gave and, if it was real love, the value of HER CHARACTER woult have been above anything I can see as legs and new skirts.

She is hurt, but she is not a fool.
 
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VioletReigns

Guest
#18
#18
Sadkitty said:
His abuse was verbal and he even stated to me it was like that with his other exes. No I can't change him. He doesn't even want to change. I have never seen a person with such a double personality. His anger was so dark. I made excuses for him. I was careful what I said and tried my best to make him happy. I was scared of him. Thank God my eyes are wide open now. You should never be scared of your boyfriend. Never!
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I have to say, you certainly possess some tremendous insight and wisdom recognizing his double personality (sociopathic) and that it caused you to make excuses for him. So many women won't admit it. Because it's very heartbreaking to admit that it wasn't love after all, but only manipulation. Praise God you can see it!

I'm so sorry you're hurting right now. It's like a bandage being ripped off of your heart in slow motion. But thank GOD that you are in the process of healing now. It will get better and better as days go by.

I like to remember what Ivana Trump said when her husband Donald Trump left her for a younger woman and broke her heart to pieces. She said, "I'm going to give myself one year to cry and feel whatever my heart wants to feel. Then when that year is up, I won't give myself another day to think about him. I will have moved on." (That's not her exact quote, but similar to that.)

Fortunately, when you determine in your heart to move on, it doesn't take a year. Most times it doesn't even take a month. When you get out of an abusive relationship, life gets sweeter and sweeter with each passing day that you realize you're finally free of that person who never really loved or respected you.
 
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secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#19
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#19
Sadkitty said:
Thank you all for kind words and advice (I really appreciate it.) I think last night I was having a bit of a panic attack and where he is concerned he is certainly a trigger. Thinking back on how he is, seoulsearch, what you said rings true. He is probably just lonely, ("no" was never in my vocabulary with him) and if he does truly miss me he shouldn't have let me go like he did in the first place. It was good that he did though. He let me go and I renewed my faith in Jesus which is precisely why I shouldn't respond to him. He's a source of temptation for me and my faith is still so new. It was a toxic friendship as well as relationship one that shouldn't have a place in my life. It was like I was drowning that whole time and looking for him to save me but all he did was pull me under some more. That being said I'm not ready to completely let him go. I still have a box of all the stuff he gave me. I still have his pictures. I still have his name on Skype and other places. I know God is in the business of healing hearts and minds. Maybe...one day.

I wish this was a bad dream.
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I don´t know if you have ppl (famuly ppl) backing up you, on that but, if I were you, to ease the troubles I would feel, I would block the SKYPE and those accounts where any person would watch my steps (and feeligs).

In case I cannot block those accounts, I would delete mine, as I had done when I had to cut strong bonds I had. Otherwise, I could be read, on those things you called "waknesses" and I could be an easy prey if I was watched.
 
J

jeremyPJ

Guest
#20
#20
Twice I have taken back wives who wanted to come back. If they hurt you once they will do it again, especially if they are attracted to running with a poisonous crowd.


Don't Look Back... ( a great song by Boston too...)
 
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