You have me curious... how would that one guy in particular test you? And how would you respond?
Hi Sculpt,
First of all, my apologies to the old-timers here who might read this and are all too familiar with my regular complaints.
I don't know if it's just because my personality, but people often start talking to me very quickly about their personal lives and problems. I don't mind this at all, but I've found that the most common thing that will happen is that guys will tell me all about the ways other women have done them wrong. (And I'm not saying that women, including me, don't do the same -- I'm just speaking from my own experience.)
The number one complaint I always hear from men is that women have used them for money, and all women care about is how much they can use a man as an ATM. They never ask about my experiences, which are much different, as I have always unfortunately wound up supporting the guys I was in relationships with.
What was my response? It finally got to a point where I just automatically pay for any date during which the man talks about this. I always offer to pay for myself anyway, but in these cases (which is pretty much almost every first date I've been on,) I just tell the waiter to bring the check to me -- and that's the end of it. If the guy thinks all women are just out for money, I'm hoping he'll at least realize that for once, he ran into one that was different. But I have also have no interest in seeing him again because who wants to lopped into a stereotype that doesn't even fit you?
Another common occurrence is when guys talk about their personal lives with their exes.
For instance, I was once set up on a blind date by some youth missionary friends with a guy whom they said had been a worship leader. We met for lunch, and he started telling me about his ex-wife. I understand this, but when he got to he part when he started saying that she used to bribe him to do things for her with sex, he then paused, looked me up and down, and said, "And I would LOVE it if YOU tried to bribe me."
How did I react? When he called and asked if I wanted to go out with him again, I immediately declined and flat-out told him that I thought his approach was completely inappropriate.
Now I realize I probably sound like a stick in the mud. Some will say, "Well Seoul, you're dealing with grown-ups and this is just grown-up talk," but I'm sorry. I'm really not interested in hearing about your sex life with your ex on a first date, and I'm certainly not going to put myself where you're trying to imagine me in comparison to her in your head. I know it's a very human reaction but that doesn't mean I have to allow or be around it.
Now I know some people would say I'm making this up or exaggerating, but when my friend asked how it went, she wasn't the least bit surprised. I was the one who was surprised, because I wondered why she would suggest I go out with him, knowing this was apparently a well-known trait about him.
So in answer to your question as to how I deal with it -- let's just say I've been on a lot of first dates, and that's all it's been. When I was younger I tried to be understanding and just listen to all their problems -- after all, it's not like I don't have problems of my own -- but over time, I just realized I was much happier spending my energy on friends who understand what it's like rather than keep jumping back into the dating shark pool.
But like most other singles, I'm still a glutton for punishment every now and then, but that's what happens to all of us, both guys and gals, when we just can't seem to give up on the idea of finding love.
I hope your experiences have been at least somewhat better?