Where Do Men And Women Receive Encouragement? (And How Do You Compliment Someone Without Sounding Creepy?)

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Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#21
if someone likes what Im wearing I just say thanks I like it too.
They arent complimenting ME or trying to chat me up they just like what I am wearing as all. Or maybe they wish to know where I got the outifit or piece from.

I guess you could look at it as encouragement to wear clothes or a certain colour and to NOT walk around naked, I dunno!

Otherwise, its just nice to get a thank you card and or a gift to know that people appreciate me. The gift doesnt have to be anything expensive btw food or flowers, Im not fussed. Toothpaste or scented sachets or moisturiser ok maybe you trying to tell me I smell bad, and have dry skin but that just crosses my mind fleetingly lol

one time my sister kept giving me bags as gifts, till I had too many and had to tell her stop, I dont need that many bags, but I think she wanted me to shop more (shes in marketing so, maybe she gets the bags free) but otherwise she doesnt tell me Im great or wonderful. Mostly she just puts up with me. lol

eNcouragement is not empty praise or comlpliments or cheerleading.
to me encouragement is setting things up so people arent afraid to have a go or even make a mistake to do whatver it is they are called to do. Its like the angels say fear not! I have good news. Its when you have a mission (and I believe every believer does have one) in life to do a good work that God has called you to do.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
16,516
5,587
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#22
I think in marriages many spouses are distracted form what the Lord calls them to do because they want to please their spouse. which is why they dont get encouraged at all. Its just either work to pay the bills or stay home and be a good wife. They also dont get much support from THEIR parents half of them may not even like their daughters or sons in laws and never wanted them to get married. The ones that do probably did marry so they COULD leave home anyway.

I saw that when grandchildren never got the opportunity to bond with their grandparents. I worked in retirment villages and many just had broken those relationships off. Or they didnt want to be a 'burden'

telling a woman that shes a sight for sore eyes or something just communicates to her that your eyes are sore. It doesnt actually encourage her in any way.
women also get told they are ugly and fat or too skinny or their skin and hair colour is wrong all the time anyway. And the ones that say I like how you look, for a woman thats been told otherwise, just shows that men can only see what they want to see, they only look on the surface and outward apprarance.

she might be looking good to you but actually feeling like crap.
 

BrotherMike

Be Still and Know
Jan 8, 2018
1,589
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#23
My best man at my wedding recently was showing my high school pics with him and a lady said I wish I knew you in high school. I took that as a compliment as she is married.. but kinda creepy!
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
16,516
5,587
113
#24
ok I had a think about what it means to encourage someone, though I tend to think its you go to school to learn something and get encouraged to do something you havent done before. Teachers often talk about scaffolding i.e setting things up so the learner can reach the next level, step by step

You want to make progress, to go a bit further than what you did they day before. Learning is incremental. if you stuck, you can ask a teacher for help, thats what they are there for, to give you feedback, identify where you are going wrong then steer you in the right direction to improve. or they call it getting back on track.

some take the carrot and stick approach to learning. Though praise can often be seen as bribery.

Compliments is something else. Its congratulations for doing a good job, like giving a tip to a waiter or free chocolates or something. People like to be rewarded but people also like feeling lucky when they win a prize even with no work being done, they just entered their name in a draw or something.

I have a vistors book where people can leave comments if they wish. Most of the time they are compliments unless someone doesnt know how to write and scribbles all over my book. I think feedback helps thats why I do surveys or suggestion boxes, and it can be anonymous but I rarely ask people what they think on the spot and then they have to come up with something nice to say, you wont get a true or honest answer like that.

This is the way to compliment a person, to let them know they are wonderful . Dont say it to a persons face because the words are often gone after that.

you write a letter
you make a thank you card
if there is a feedback form you write on that
you leave them a box of chocolates or gift them something on their birthday
you write a letter of recommendation

this applies to both men and women. there shouldnt be any creepy comments on a persons looks. If you really like what you see, be polite and ask if you can take a selfie with that person otherwise, I dont think you need to do the whole wolf whistle thing. Come on.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
16,516
5,587
113
#25
I can see for some people, facebook acted a bit like 'see my face, hit the like button' or for narcissists it was a source of supply, but in all honesty, writing something on facebook is no longer the thing it used to be when you wrote something in a highschool yearbook upon graduation because you might never see them again and want to wish them all the best for the future.

before facebook schools used to have a thing called slam books. It became a source of bullying and they were banned in most schools.