Where Do Men And Women Receive Encouragement? (And How Do You Compliment Someone Without Sounding Creepy?)

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seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,185
4,067
113
#41
Bits and bobs?

Cajoles and nods?

Just wondering....
Have y'all never heard of bits 'n' bobs???

Didn't Ariel sing about them in The Little Mermaid???

You know... bits and bobs. Like salt and pepper, peanut butter and jelly, an air mattress and a cat...

Things that just go together. :LOL:

Or sometimes not. :cool:

P.S. DON'T MAKE ME break out the who-zits and whats-its now, ya hear??!!
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
17,898
5,962
113
#42
To make an omlette, you need to break some eggs

to be creative, its inevitable you will make a mess

what I dont get is people that insist you need to be perfectly tidy WHILE you are working on stuff.

?!

I guess thats why parents secretly like children playing on video games or watching tv. It doesnt leave much of a mess to tidy up. Theres no dirt, and things to wash and put back or return. it doesnt take any of their time cos their kids are occupied with a machine, that makes noises and has buttons so doesnt require much interaction on their part either.
 

JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
3,385
1,505
113
#43
Have y'all never heard of bits 'n' bobs???

Didn't Ariel sing about them in The Little Mermaid???

You know... bits and bobs. Like salt and pepper, peanut butter and jelly, an air mattress and a cat...

Things that just go together. :LOL:

Or sometimes not. :cool:

P.S. DON'T MAKE ME break out the who-zits and whats-its now, ya hear??!!
Ariel?
If I remember right isn't that the little mermaid?

I'm from the Bedknobs and Broomsticks era. Mickey and the Giant...Apple Dumpling Gang....Old Yeller.

My wife (17years younger) finally introduced me to Beauty and the Beast cartoon. I hadn't seen it. It's her favorite.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
21,236
6,343
113
#44
encouragement is more like 'you can do it' or 'I believe you can' rather than paying a compliment to something someone already has done or is doing.

Just to be clear.
Personally I find a sincere compliment very encouraging.

People I compliment seem to be encouraged as well. I never compliment people unless it is a serious matter, and an honest, sincere compliment.

And usually I give somebody a compliment for the specific purpose of encouraging him... For example if he is doing a good job for his first day, but I can tell he is getting frustrated.
 

Willow

Well-known member
Oct 10, 2021
435
391
63
ohio
#45
Hey Everyone,

I have been thinking a lot lately about the fact that most people in this world don't receive very much encouragement. We may have been praised as children (though we all know many didn't even receive that,) but anything positive pretty much disappears as soon as you become an adult -- and then all you hear are things like, "Why did you do that?" and "You need to do better."

After watching an elderly relative survive his wife's death, I am especially concerned about men, because he told me that it's very hard for men to make friends, and for many, their only social interaction and feedback is from the woman they marry.

We are also all aware that even in some marriages, people never hear a kind or encouraging word from their spouses. Life is hard enough as it is, let alone surviving on a steady diet of either being ignored or constantly criticized.

I can only speak from my own perspective, but it seems that many women at least get encouragement from their female friends -- women often compliment each other for their abilities, outfits, the way they look, etc. Still, most women are still in dire need of feedback that uplifts their spirits.

And what about men? Even guy friends don't exactly shower each other with praise. I guess some men might say they don't need it, but I tend to believe that everyone, whether man or woman, needs to hear positive things on a regular basis.

So how can we as Christians do something to remedy this?

I once had a young male team leader who was always getting chewed out by the higher boss: "Why didn't you meet production targets today? You need to get faster. I don't want to hear any excuses."

And yet, this young guy never let that negativity trickle down. At the end of every day, he always told us thank you and that he really appreciated all our hard work (because we were in a situation most are in today, where companies are demanding workloads that just aren't humanly possible.) It really disheartened me to see how he was being treated, and so I tried to regularly tried to compliment him regarding his own hard work, organization, etc., but without sounding overdone or insincere.

It also made me sad that his boss was probably treating him that way because he was being mistreated by the higher ups, and all the toxicity was snowballing down the hill.

Despite all my quirks, at heart, I know one of my callings from God is to try to encourage others. But political correctness and the #MeToo movement seems to have made it almost impossible to give a well-meaning compliment without being taken to court, especially in the work place.

I am certainly not trying to judge or criticize anyone who has been victimized -- I believe all victims deserve God's righteous justice -- but what I mean is, you just don't know how much trouble you might get into these days for giving compliment, even when all you're trying to do is to give someone a positive word.

I don't think it's a secret that most women like being complimented, and I don't think twice about complimenting a woman, even when it comes to looks ("Your hair looks fantastic today!")

But I know that most men are probably petrified at the thought of trying to compliment a woman, fearing they're going to get slapped with some kind of criminal accusation.

Likewise, I am very cautious in the way I compliment men. While I'm just guessing that men secretly don't mind being complimented on their looks as well, I'm always careful to avoid any comments about looks and compliment their character, work ethic, profession of faith, etc. (unless we know each other well) because I don't want it be mistaken for romantic interest or even worse, sexual harassment.

How about all of you?

* Did you receive much praise as a child, and do you receive much now? Do you wish you had more of it in your life?

* What do you feel is a safe way to approach someone in order to give a compliment?

* What things do you do to uplift other people, and what advice can you give for doing so?

* Should opposite genders avoid complimenting each other? What do you feel is the best way for men and women to sincerely praise one another?

Our sinful world is shrouded in criticism and negativity.

I am happy to be part of a community that is trying to change that, one kind word at a time. :)
Well I don't get too many compliments from friends or family at times. But do enjoy giving them. I have found it a little hard telling some men thank you I appreciate your help. Because than I have a few think I am flirting. I had a few make sure I knew they were married. But many times they think I am interested in them. I have even encouraged a few by saying they looked like they have lost weight. I keep giving compliments either way. I think everyone needs to be encouraged , so much negativity out there.
 

Gojira

Well-known member
Jul 20, 2021
2,354
890
113
Mesa, AZ
#46
Bobs look a little like bills... It does take a bit of experience to know the difference. :geek:

Usually, the bills will demand money. :cool:

Seriously... I guess this is why some people around me think I have ADHD. I can be hyper focused on something, like organizing information, but the process is a tornado in a hailstorm on top of a volcano all around me.

When working on a project like that, I will literally have every flat surface -- the floors, tables and all furniture, a box in the corner -- covered in hundreds of pieces of pieces of paper with little bits of information on each one. I have to do it that way so that I don't forget anything (if it's on a separate note, I'm less likely to overlook it, as I might if it's just part of a long list.)

I can't say that there is a method to my madness, but the madness is definitely out of this world! :alien:
Excellent.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
17,898
5,962
113
#47
some men seem to think that anytime a woman talks with them its flirting ?!

er
why

thats is why, maybe its better to say thank you in a card. However I dont think a thank you is an encouragement necessarily.

I think encouragement is giving support to someone so they are not afraid to do something. Why men cant handle it, is because maybe men are conditioned to believe they can ALWAYS do something, while women are tradtionally told you cannot do this or that. eg women couldnt drive, hold any jobs men did, have an education, speak their mind etc etc
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
17,898
5,962
113
#48
if you want to look at gender roles

its men are praised for their strength (that takes exercise, lifting weights, sports training, sweat etc)
women are praised for their looks (that takes a lot of shopping/sewng and beauty treatments to get right)

Are they encouraged to do this starting from when they are girls and boys well..I suppose so..but if a boys not interested in fighting over a ball and a girl isnt always looking in a mirror some parents and adults just dont know what to do with them or say.
 

JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
3,385
1,505
113
#49
Bobs look a little like bills... It does take a bit of experience to know the difference. :geek:

Usually, the bills will demand money. :cool:

Seriously... I guess this is why some people around me think I have ADHD. I can be hyper focused on something, like organizing information, but the process is a tornado in a hailstorm on top of a volcano all around me.

When working on a project like that, I will literally have every flat surface -- the floors, tables and all furniture, a box in the corner -- covered in hundreds of pieces of pieces of paper with little bits of information on each one. I have to do it that way so that I don't forget anything (if it's on a separate note, I'm less likely to overlook it, as I might if it's just part of a long list.)

I can't say that there is a method to my madness, but the madness is definitely out of this world! :alien:
Hyper focusing....tsk tsk tsk....

Today I was all over machine shops and clock making. How to cut the gears...how to machine the various parts....all of it.

I seen some very very cool looking clocks and I'm looking forward to building a machine shop so I can build some clocks. Right after I really retire. I got ten years. But three clocks sold can be a year's wages. The ones I like are really really expensive. *sigh*
Why buy when you can make the cool stuff?
 

Gojira

Well-known member
Jul 20, 2021
2,354
890
113
Mesa, AZ
#50
Have y'all never heard of bits 'n' bobs???

Didn't Ariel sing about them in The Little Mermaid???

You know... bits and bobs. Like salt and pepper, peanut butter and jelly, an air mattress and a cat...

Things that just go together. :LOL:

Or sometimes not. :cool:

P.S. DON'T MAKE ME break out the who-zits and whats-its now, ya hear??!!
Hmm.. best way... I got it!

Look them up and down with a hungry look in your eye and say to them, "Oooo baby mama dad!"

Whaddy'all think?
 

TheNarrowPath

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2022
827
411
63
#51
* Did you receive much praise as a child, and do you receive much now? Do you wish you had more of it in your life?I did not receive much praise as a child and it made me discern whether people mostly men were being genuine or fake. My parents didnt do fake praise. Nor did they overdo praise.

* What do you feel is a safe way to approach someone in order to give a compliment? Just go up to them, look them in the eye and give them the compliment and smile.

* What things do you do to uplift other people, and what advice can you give for doing so? Im fine with giving compliments. I compliment random people on the street if I like what they are wearing. Im fine with complimenting skills and kind gestures but not to the point it looks butt kissery.

* Should opposite genders avoid complimenting each other? What do you feel is the best way for men and women to sincerely praise one another?
No I dont have an issue with it as long as compliments are respectful. My male colleagues who are married, if they look good I will respectfully compliment them. Something simple like Hey sir, youre looking great today. Usually reserved for special occasions at school when we have to dress up. But its a genuine compliment.
 

Gojira

Well-known member
Jul 20, 2021
2,354
890
113
Mesa, AZ
#52
I did that a few times. E.g., a woman on the street was having a convo with her friend about keeping her legs covered due to something she was uncomfortable with. She was an attractive woman, so I said to her something along the lines of, "I'm sure your legs look just fine!" And, I did it with a big smile and with a lot of sincerity. She got this big smile on her face and said "Thank you!"

If you do it right, you can come off as non-creepy, non-dirty, and genuine.