Why are so many women attracted to jerks?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

Nautilus

Senior Member
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
what about the bad boy who actually has a good heart, just enjoys living life slightly reckless and carefree?
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
I know that I can be a jerk and a nice guy.

But, I don't know that I am either really. I don't care to Jockey for the attention of anyone. If I will not be first then I will not pursue.


I have agreed with much of What Cajun has said, even when its been taken out of context.


I've been in my share of scraps, I've also spent my time biding my time.


I also feel like some women like men who take themselves too seriously. As men we laugh at the guys who do this but some women don't. Some women buy it hook line and sinker.

Also I don't play the Beta Male game either. Churches where I am from are full of women who have a herd of Friend-zoned guys who swarm them. No thanks, I'm not going to wade through their Man-harem just to try to Woo her. Because she is dense and if she doesn't see her own situation, there is nothing I can do to convince her of what is happening.

But Its not the Beta Nice guys that bug me, its the Jerks:

-Its like we see what the guy is doing but, they buy into it. And its like a Power Trip.

-Its the middle management guy picking on the high school girl to make himself feel good.

-Its the Karate Instructor who goes too far with a new student, to make himself look good.

-Its the guy who takes his job so seriously that you would think he was a fireman entering a conflagration instead of a painter, because he treats it like life or death.

-Its the Schmarmy guy who hits on every girl with the same lines and the same routine. Sure he's "Bold and Courageous." or maybe he just wants to have sex and he doesn't care who the girl is inside. (even if it takes months, he doesn't care about who they are, only how they look)


-Its the guy who shows up to church in his nice shiny pickup truck, month after month, trying to meet women but he is a walking facade. He's quiet because he's afraid of being exposed. He couldn't tell you the first 4 books of the new testament if his Rims depended on it. But he always eager to talk about how much money he makes.


-Its the Reformed Alcoholic who drinks occasionally and shows up to Bible studies to perpetually talk about his struggles and hopes the women will help "reform" him.



The women who fall for these men probably deserve them.
Ditto what Gabe said. :)

I appreciate the honesty of this post. A lot of women who get mixed up with the jerky guys know how stupid it is, but they get caught up in the moment and may be temporarily deceived.

But... a lot of women have been beaten down and have self-esteem issues. THESE are the women that guys like this will prey upon whenever possible.
 

iraasuup

Moderator
Staff member
Apr 5, 2013
185
5
18
Okay I'm just gonna ask this one thing:

Why are there so many 'Christian' guys who are Jerks?

**Disclaimer** I am not saying ALL guys are Jerks. However, there are a LOT of Jerks out there, even guys who profess to be Christian. So, possibly, the reason girls fall for said Jerks, is because they seem to be everywhere? That and they don't show their true colours until you're already too far involved. ie: let's be the sweetest guy ever until we marry, then turn into a complete Jerk! I'm just sayin' it happens...
 
I

iTOREtheSKY

Guest
Okay I'm just gonna ask this one thing:

Why are there so many 'Christian' guys who are Jerks?

**Disclaimer** I am not saying ALL guys are Jerks. However, there are a LOT of Jerks out there, even guys who profess to be Christian. So, possibly, the reason girls fall for said Jerks, is because they seem to be everywhere? That and they don't show their true colours until you're already too far involved. ie: let's be the sweetest guy ever until we marry, then turn into a complete Jerk! I'm just sayin' it happens...
Laffin my buns off....touche'
 
S

Shouryu

Guest
I've never really understood why people with glasses get bullied. It just doesn't make sense to me. I mean, bullying in general doesn't make sense to me, but getting teased for having glasses? What is that?.
Oh, that's easy. Someone with glasses is different. We make fun of people who are different. That's how bullying works. Pretty simple, really.

Now, on to the task at hand.

*looks around the thread, glances over at Zero, notices can opener in his hand, empty can at his feet, worms everywhere.*

Look what you did.

This is kind of a scary place, really. But I'mma wade through it as best as I can.

We can generalize all we want, but there's no quick and dirty answer here. I do think that many of you have touched on a bit of truth: confidence and self-assurance. These traits aren't owned only by "jerks," but I would say that all jerks have these traits. And I do believe that most women find confidence and self-assurance attractive. I would wager, and ladies, chime in here, that women want their man to have a sense of purpose, a sense of direction, and not an aimless wanderer who simply bends to the will of others. That's really all it boils down to.

When The Ex fell for me, I was single, but not terribly unhappy. I wasn't looking hard, but I was comfortable in who I was, and what I was doing. I exuded confidence and self-assurance. I was not a jerk, per se (although we all have times when we do jerky things...we are flesh, after all), but simply myself and unapologetic for who I was. (I also wasn't living in Christ at the time.) Funny thing; when I lost faith in myself, and was starting to feel emasculated by the situation I was in, all the love she supposedly had for me was gone, almost instantly. And I was replaced almost instantly. And looking back on it, it pretty much makes sense.

As men of God, we need to live for God, confidently and self-assuredly. Does this mean meekness and humility? Absolutely. But confidence and humility can exist side-by-side. Faith is nothing more than confidence in that which we cannot see. A Godly woman can see a man who is humble when others praise him, and also see a man who is confident in his place as a child of the King, a warrior in the Lord's army, and man who honors and respects the duties the Lord has given him. But a Godly man must display these things if a woman is to see them, no? Our light is not to be hidden under a basket! If we want to be seen as confident and assertive, we should not be afraid to say, "I don't agree with that, because that's not what God's Word says!" proudly, or comfortably say, "Well, it's all because God is amazing; I have nothing to do with it, really, except how He uses me," in any company at anytime. There's plenty of ways to be bold and courageous without being a bad boy - be bold and courageous in the spirit of the Lord!

I think a confident man of God also knows: not my will, but His. We serve Him happily, whether or not we find an acceptable mate, and accept His will for us. Really, this goes for both sexes.

A brief word on the friend-zone business: this is a running gag amongst single men, and I am not innocent. However, I should point out that many women are just as easily friend-zoned by men they are attracted to. I know this, because there are two women in my life right now who I have flat out friend-zoned because neither of them are women of the faith, and additionally, I don't find either of them attractive. It's just that simple. I friend-zoned The Ex for two years. In MY case, I am definitely not in a position to cast the first stone! And I would wager that some of the other men may have FZ'd a ladyfriend or two, and HAD NO CLUE ABOUT IT.

(Yes, girls, we really are THAT flippin' clueless. No, I am not joking. I wish I were.)

This is a cold, hard truth that is difficult for some people (ESPECIALLY MEN, it seems) to swallow. Ready for it? Are you ready to handle the truth, Jack Nicholson style?

BEING A NICE GUY/NICE GIRL DOES NOT ENTITLE YOU TO LOVE, A SPOUSE, A SIGNIFICANT OTHER, SEX, HOMECOOKED MEALS, BACKRUBS, OR ANYTHING.

And sometimes I think that's where the friend-zone/nice-guy-girl issue stems from, whether or not we want to admit it. "Hey, I'm a nice person! I treat them right! Why don't I get--" STOP. You get NOTHING. Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.

If there's anything I've learned from the way stuff went down with The Ex a year and half ago, I learned this: I am entitled to NOTHING. I deserve NOTHING. My happiness isn't someone else's responsibility, IT IS MY OWN. In fact, the Word of God says we are entitled to ONE THING: DEATH. Our sin, our failures as the children of the most high God, entitle us only to death. That is all we deserve, period. ANYTHING we receive, either from Him, or from anyone in this world...that's a BLESSING. That's GRACE. Because it's far more than what we are entitled to, more than we deserve. And I'm just going to flat out say it, guys, because I'm as guilty as any of you about feeling passed over (and griping about it sometimes), but the reality is, nice-guy or not, we deserve NOTHING. Our happiness is our own responsibility, and the very possibility that we are capable of being happy is an AMAZING GIFT FROM GOD, because true happiness and completion and contentment is found in HIM FIRST, not in a mate.

It's a bitter pill to swallow. But I honestly think it's the truth. And trust me, I'm still choking it down.

Maybe I'll crush it up and mix it in with my scrambled eggs and bacon.



I know this was a long rant, and I'm sure some of you will disagree with me. And that's fine; we don't have to see eye to eye here. After all, we're all here to express how we feel and what we think, and as Christian brothers and sisters, we love each other, no matter if we disagree. We are all united in Him.

("Post Quick Reply." Hilarious.)
 
L

livingepistle

Guest
Interesting perspective. Would you say that the man being the head of the woman as Christ is the head of the man is a lesser evil or a good thing then? On a side note, I don't think man is the head of anything. lol
First answer: It was not God that committed an evil act like witchcraft; i.e., disobedience. 1 Samuel 15:23; For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because thou hast rejected the word of the LORD, he hath also rejected thee from being king. Instead of Eve giving consideration to her partner, she stubbornly relied upon her individual rights and selfishly thought only of herself and satisfied desire--what looked good to her. Admittedly, Adam knew the consequences yet participated and knowingly disobeyed.

After he ate the forbidden fruit, both their eyes were opened. So, they both disobeyed God and they both independently received punishment accordingly.

Answer 1a: The only good thing about anything is God. There is none good but God. God said do it the way He commanded, so it is good. I won't weight this answer with long explanations; God's command of "man being the head of a woman" is given as pertaining to and within the context of husband and wife--not every female in the Church. 1 Corinthians of the NT covers that subject well. Other NT scriptures informs unmarried women (virgins) that they are to follow the same instructions as men concerning Jesus as head of the Church. Yes, they are independent and equal to the men where Jesus is concerned.

Second answer: I categorically agree with your "On a side note" statement. Christian men are not the head of anything unless they are married. I say, not the Word of God, if husbands are smart, they will realize that they are not the head there either...LOL; Christian wives, please continue to let your husbands think that they are in charge. :rolleyes: LOL My humor is based on scripture: 1 Peter 3:7 "...husbands dwell with your wives according to knowledge..."; paraphrased.

Almost finished; please be patient with me. :)

Jesus is our perfect example in love and understanding how we should treat each other as His children.

John 13:13-14

13 Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am. 14 If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet.


The Creator, the Great "I AM" washed the feet of His creation. We as Christians can interpret this without further explanation.

Your humble servant in love,
Livingepistle

No TheAristocat I will not wash your cat's feet/paws... LOL
 
Last edited by a moderator:
L

livingepistle

Guest
I don't understand the "bad boy" appeal either, you can have adventure with the nice guys. The ones who will stand by you and treat you with the respect you deserve. All those silly girls who love bad boys can keep them. lol
With this response, I know you are "Born Again". :cool:
 
B

buckeyegirl700

Guest
Not all women are attracted to jerks. Well I can speak for myself I am not attracted to jerks!
 

Elizabeth619

Senior Member
Jul 19, 2011
6,397
109
48
I wish it wasn't true but it is. I've seen it happen over and over again. If there is a jerk nearby you can bet there are women nearby that want to get to know him better, but if there is a perfect gentleman in the room you can bet he won't even be noticed by most women. So why is that? Any ideas?? :p

..Bueller?
Why do so many men treat women so badly? ;)
 
S

SeatBelt

Guest
Within the borders of the U.S. women think much differently (treading lightly here). Socially, Men are emasculated and vilified in US society. In Christian (U.S.) society, males have become more effeminate. Many of the males that fit the "John Wayne" typology you describe, are trending towards marring women outside of U.S. borders--so it seems.

I, as a man, appreciate you sharing your insight.
Arewen, did you just get hit on? :p
 
S

SeatBelt

Guest
Is there anything more unattractive than passive aggressiveness?
yes. blatantly bonkers crazy.
I'd rather be single than married to either, but I'd rather end up with someone passive aggressive than be back with someone that is just plain nuts.
 

T_Laurich

Senior Member
Mar 24, 2013
3,356
122
63
29
Bad boys Bad boys wha-cha gunna do?


key_art_cops.jpg
 
S

SeatBelt

Guest
Yo may have studied shotokan karateyour whole life, but I have studied Chuck Norris-Fu for the last 5 minutes.... I think you are in for a beat down...
I know redneckungfuwithatariron. Worth any points?

Why do so many men treat women so badly? ;)

I could write you a grad thesis on all manner of junk in response, much of which may have all ready been covered in this sea of "wall of words" posts. (seriously, 17 paragraphs, yeah, I'm not reading that one either... why am I still on this thread?) It comes down to this... Because the women let them get away with it.
Yes, that's one messed up answer... but it's a messed up word. Next thread?
 
L

libertygirl

Guest
I believe females tend to lean towards males who are jerks & disrespectful because they feel that they need the attention. It's sad that these girls go for men like that but they do they feel that those men will give them the love they need. That's why as fathers and mothers its so vitally important to give our children the love and attention that is needed. No matter how hard they get.
I agree. I was thinking daddy issues. A girl desires the man who is unstable because her father was not there for her. She longs for her earthly father's love and fills that void with men who treat her poorly. She waits for their approval. If she can finally win their love then she believes she is really worthy to be loved. But she's not thinking this, it's all repressed emotions. Jesus is the solution.
 

Cee

Senior Member
May 14, 2010
2,169
473
83
I'd say girls are attracted to confident men who are leaders, unfortunately jerks show these qualities more than nice guys. I have an interesting background so I can talk abut this topic intelligently. However, a lot of nice guys are not really nice they are passive aggressive nice in the fact they want something in return for their niceness. Not all of course, but a good portion. When a girl doesn't give it to them, they get all upset. Ce la vie.

It seems to me a lot of nice guys don't like girls who do like nice guys. And a lot of nice girls don't like guys who are nice. It never fails that a group of single people are always looking for something other than what is in front of them. Grass is greener on the other side, type of thing, I guess.

I'm single of course so I'm the pot calling the kettle black. But, I really think that guys and girls both say they want something, but in reality are attracted to something completely different. A lot of times we want someone who will validate us. This is extremely relevant to Christians because of the huge attack on "pride" "ego" "self-worth"... thus a lot of people don't see themselves highly because that would be prideful, right?

Anyways I think nice guys need to be more confident. They need to get out there and get rejected a few times to find out that it's not such a big deal, but that God doesn't like fear to stop His children from moving forward, and either do the women that they like. So, the jerk who is not paralyzed by fear, goes up and swoops up the woman nice guy has been subtly pining over, but unable to state his intentions.

Of course, this doesn't mean nice guys should chase every girl they like, even though some girls say they want a guy to chase them, I've found they really only want the guys they LIKE to chase them ;) So, it's a lot of catch 22s, so let's just have some fun and let God turn us into a gift worth being given. Don't listen to what men or women say, just be you, and stare fear in the face and poke him in the eye.

C.
 
G

GreenNnice

Guest
I think, vKat hit the nail on the head, the 'jerk' guys can exude confidence and leadership. It's not hard to act tough. Satan acted tough. Look where it got Eve when He did. Adam was there, too, he was wimpy, in the face of KNOWING what he should do he did the opposite. I think there is a lot to learn from Gen. 3 about how the 'evil' (jerk) guy gets the girl because she just THINKS he acts right around here. When really, he is mr. wrong as wrong can be wrong.

AND, the RIGHT guys are not sure how to act around girls, they are conscious of the FACT that they don't want to hurt them, they want the relationship to go God's way, that is, if they are a Christian guy, and, even non-Christian guys, who are not jerks, will hem and haw when it comes to trying to ask a girl out, and, both TYPES come across to the women and unconfident and definitely not the kind of guy they want to associate with nor have kids with. Just sayin'
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Loveneverfails

Senior Member
Feb 18, 2013
1,294
26
0
*whistles* what a thread. Good posts all around. I especially love T_Laurich's first post, and I think it hit the nail on the head.

Okay I'm just gonna ask this one thing:

Why are there so many 'Christian' guys who are Jerks?

**Disclaimer** I am not saying ALL guys are Jerks. However, there are a LOT of Jerks out there, even guys who profess to be Christian. So, possibly, the reason girls fall for said Jerks, is because they seem to be everywhere? That and they don't show their true colours until you're already too far involved. ie: let's be the sweetest guy ever until we marry, then turn into a complete Jerk! I'm just sayin' it happens...
I had a "fling" once with a "Christian Jerk". -.- We were never officially exclusive but he was more than just a friend and I was uh.. shall we say.. quite taken with him. These days I thank God that that fling never panned out into a full-fledged relationship leading to marriage. I feel I dodged a bullet.
Anyway. I think I know what you mean. This "Christian Jerk" was the popular guy at school. He was funny, intelligent, gifted in music, acting, and all things athletic. And oh was he charming. He could charm the socks off of anyone. He was so confident and smooth in everything he said and did. Then I find out that he actively serves in his local church and claims to love the Lord more than anything? Ugh. The seventeen year old version of me was defenseless. But as you said, they don't show their true colours until you're already too far involved. Christian Jerk seemed to be an absolute sweetheart who'd never hurt a fly when I first met him, but after nearly a year of investing my time and heart in this guy (ahem, and not even in a real relationship. *facepalm* never again) his true colors started showing. He was selfish, disrespectful, and rude, and a huuuuuuge liar. It became apparent over time that he just wanted to take from me and never give. He wanted my body, my time, my energy, and my resources without ever doing anything in return. He had major anger issues and he even used his massive physical strength against me on a number of occasions. Very few people could see these alarming red flags, but I didn't listen to the few who tried to warn me. In my head I kept seeing the "nice guy" that had swept me off my feet in the beginning.

I don't share that story to get anyone's sympathy, just to share another perspective on the topic of "Christian Jerk + nice girl". I didn't have daddy issues, and I wasn't craving attention. I have a very maternal nature and I think that I saw his flaws as wounds that I could nurse rather than red flags that should have warned me to stay away. I didn't listen to wise counsel and I allowed myself to be deceived.

Sooo... the moral of the story is to listen to wise counsel and not be deceived. Whether the guy is a believer or not, a "jerk" is usually successful with women because he is charming, and charm in and of itself is deceiving. If younger women spent more time seeking out and heeding words of wisdom from older Christian women, married couples, parents, etc, rather than ridiculous worldly dating knowledge, they might be better equipped to weed out the jerks from the gentlemen.

On a side note (as if this post isn't long enough, ha!), I don't really like the term "nice guy". Not because I don't like guys who are nice, but the term "nice guy" these days carries connotations of having a lack of confidence, sort of like a male wallflower. You know, "oh, he's nice, but nothing special". I prefer a good man over a nice guy. In my head, a good man has the "niceness" of the nice guy but he also has confidence and great strength of character, which is far more genuine than the false confidence that bad boys exude. :) I would add that in the case of a godly man, this confidence and inner strength aren't a facade built merely to impress ladies, but come directly from the spirit God has given us. "For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline". - 2 Tim 1:7

Yeah. My definition of attractive has changed drastically over the past few years, all by God's grace. Praise Him!