I've never really understood why people with glasses get bullied. It just doesn't make sense to me. I mean, bullying in general doesn't make sense to me, but getting teased for having glasses? What is that?.
Oh, that's easy. Someone with glasses is different. We make fun of people who are different. That's how bullying works. Pretty simple, really.
Now, on to the task at hand.
*looks around the thread, glances over at Zero, notices can opener in his hand, empty can at his feet, worms everywhere.*
Look what you did.
This is kind of a scary place, really. But I'mma wade through it as best as I can.
We can generalize all we want, but there's no quick and dirty answer here. I do think that many of you have touched on a bit of truth: confidence and self-assurance. These traits aren't owned only by "jerks," but I would say that all jerks have these traits. And I do believe that most women find confidence and self-assurance attractive. I would wager, and ladies, chime in here, that women want their man to have a sense of purpose, a sense of direction, and not an aimless wanderer who simply bends to the will of others. That's really all it boils down to.
When The Ex fell for me, I was single, but not terribly unhappy. I wasn't looking hard, but I was comfortable in who I was, and what I was doing. I exuded confidence and self-assurance. I was not a jerk, per se (although we all have times when we do jerky things...we are flesh, after all), but simply myself and unapologetic for who I was. (I also wasn't living in Christ at the time.) Funny thing; when I lost faith in myself, and was starting to feel emasculated by the situation I was in, all the love she supposedly had for me was gone, almost instantly. And I was replaced almost instantly. And looking back on it, it pretty much makes sense.
As men of God, we need to live for God, confidently and self-assuredly. Does this mean meekness and humility? Absolutely. But confidence and humility can exist side-by-side. Faith is nothing more than confidence in that which we cannot see. A Godly woman can see a man who is humble when others praise him, and also see a man who is confident in his place as a child of the King, a warrior in the Lord's army, and man who honors and respects the duties the Lord has given him. But a Godly man must display these things if a woman is to see them, no? Our light is not to be hidden under a basket! If we want to be seen as confident and assertive, we should not be afraid to say, "I don't agree with that, because that's not what God's Word says!" proudly, or comfortably say, "Well, it's all because God is amazing; I have nothing to do with it, really, except how He uses me," in any company at anytime. There's plenty of ways to be bold and courageous without being a bad boy - be bold and courageous in the spirit of the Lord!
I think a confident man of God also knows: not my will, but His. We serve Him happily, whether or not we find an acceptable mate, and accept His will for us. Really, this goes for both sexes.
A brief word on the friend-zone business: this is a running gag amongst single men, and I am not innocent. However, I should point out that many women are just as easily friend-zoned by men they are attracted to. I know this, because there are two women in my life right now who I have flat out friend-zoned because neither of them are women of the faith, and additionally, I don't find either of them attractive. It's just that simple. I friend-zoned The Ex for two years. In MY case, I am definitely not in a position to cast the first stone! And I would wager that some of the other men may have FZ'd a ladyfriend or two, and HAD NO CLUE ABOUT IT.
(Yes, girls, we really are THAT flippin' clueless. No, I am not joking. I wish I were.)
This is a cold, hard truth that is difficult for some people (ESPECIALLY MEN, it seems) to swallow. Ready for it? Are you ready to handle the truth, Jack Nicholson style?
BEING A NICE GUY/NICE GIRL DOES NOT ENTITLE YOU TO LOVE, A SPOUSE, A SIGNIFICANT OTHER, SEX, HOMECOOKED MEALS, BACKRUBS, OR ANYTHING.
And sometimes I think that's where the friend-zone/nice-guy-girl issue stems from, whether or not we want to admit it. "Hey, I'm a nice person! I treat them right! Why don't I get--" STOP. You get NOTHING. Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.
If there's anything I've learned from the way stuff went down with The Ex a year and half ago, I learned this: I am entitled to NOTHING. I deserve NOTHING. My happiness isn't someone else's responsibility, IT IS MY OWN. In fact, the Word of God says we are entitled to ONE THING: DEATH. Our sin, our failures as the children of the most high God, entitle us only to death. That is all we deserve, period. ANYTHING we receive, either from Him, or from anyone in this world...that's a BLESSING. That's GRACE. Because it's far more than what we are entitled to, more than we deserve. And I'm just going to flat out say it, guys, because I'm as guilty as any of you about feeling passed over (and griping about it sometimes), but the reality is, nice-guy or not, we deserve NOTHING. Our happiness is our own responsibility, and the very possibility that we are capable of being happy is an AMAZING GIFT FROM GOD, because true happiness and completion and contentment is found in HIM FIRST, not in a mate.
It's a bitter pill to swallow. But I honestly think it's the truth. And trust me, I'm still choking it down.
Maybe I'll crush it up and mix it in with my scrambled eggs and bacon.
I know this was a long rant, and I'm sure some of you will disagree with me. And that's fine; we don't have to see eye to eye here. After all, we're all here to express how we feel and what we think, and as Christian brothers and sisters, we love each other, no matter if we disagree. We are all united in Him.
("Post Quick Reply." Hilarious.)