@Heart_Melody
I want to comment to say that your understanding of the Scriptures regarding rape is incorrect (as is that of many people, unfortunately). God does not condone rape at all, in fact rape was punishable by death. Please read the below (it's not a long read):
From:
https://www.livingwaters.com/does-the-bible-say-a-rape-victim-must-marry-her-rapist/
“Where is, ‘Thou shalt not rape’…?”
—Pat C., Facebook question
While the Bible doesn’t say, “Thou shalt not rape” in the Ten Commandments, it is summed up in the essence of the moral Law, which says to love your neighbor as yourself. Love does not rape.
Hebrew criminal law considered rape such a serious crime that rapists were to be put to death:
“But if a man find a betrothed damsel in the field, and the man force her, and lie with her: then the man only that lay with her shall die” (
Deuteronomy 22:25, KJV).
Yet there are some who believe that the Scriptures say that the victim of the rapist had to marry him. He wasn’t to be punished, but to be rewarded with the woman as his prize. Here is the verse used to justify that belief:
“If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and LAY HOLD ON HER, and lie with her, and they be found; Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days”(
Deuteronomy 22:28-29, KJV, caps added).
Unbelievably, (in the light of the previous verse saying that a rapist was to be put to death) a number of modern translations interpret “lay hold on her” as rape.
The Hebrew word “tapas” means to “take hold of something,” to grasp it in hand, and (by application) to capture or seize something.
In
Genesis 4:21, it used for “handling” the flute.
If a man raped a woman, he was to be put to death. Killed. That means he is dead (no longer alive), and a dead man can’t marry the woman he raped. He can’t marry her because he’s dead.
So for those who can figure out that dead men don’t marry women, coupled with the fact that the verse says “if THEY be found,” implying both were guilty, this verse obviously refers to consensual sex.
It’s similar to what we nowadays call a “shotgun” wedding. They had to get married.
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There is a similar misunderstanding about slavery described in the Bible, and many people don't understand it the way it's meant to be understood -- it requires actual studying of the Scriptures and the cultural context, not just "plain reading". (I actually looked into it myself because I was confused and wanted to know the truth about the matter, just like with the "rape" verses.)
I suggest this article (it's long but it's quite exhaustive) if you or anyone else ever wants to read about it:
https://emergencenj.org/blog/2019/01/04/does-the-bible-condone-slavery
(Though I know you most likely won't, which is OK, perhaps one day you'll come back to this and read about it)
Lastly, we
do need the Holy Spirit to understand the Scriptures and to know God's nature. It is not a bunch of bologna and it's not arrogant to say so. The Word of God says so and there are many, many people who can attest to the truth of this:
1 Corinthians 2:10-14
But God has revealed
them to us through His Spirit. For the Spirit searches all things, yes, the deep things of God. For what man knows the things of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him?
Even so no one knows the things of God except the Spirit of God. Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might know the things that have been freely given to us by God.
These things we also speak, not in words which man’s wisdom teaches but
which the Holy Spirit teaches, comparing spiritual things with spiritual.
But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.
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May the Father's will be done in your life in Jesus' name. May He lead you back to Him so you can finally meet Him for real and experience the love He has for you.
Take care of yourself!