With So Many "Fish in the Sea", How Many Should Someone be Baiting at Once?
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Might depend on why you weren't serious about it and why you decided to change. That could go for any number of changes a person might make. Why should a person be condemned for getting serious about pursuing something they've wanted for a while but haven't committed to? I can agree that we should be confronted / corrected when we're being lazy about something we say we really want, but I sure don't see the problem in taking a serious thoughtful approach to such an important decision.
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There are many myths propagated by feminists; this is a tame one, but it has two hard truths lurking behind it. Firstly, many established men will look for the PYT in her early 20's and overlook the slightly seasoned but educated gal. Secondly, most women will only look up the economic ladder, and most men only look down. The more educated she is, and the more money she makes, the fewer men will earn more than she does, and therefore be on her radar. It's not that I think these attitudes are right; they just are.
I don’t believe there’s one approach for everyone. But I think it’s important to have a realistic understanding of your strengths and weaknesses and how they’re viewed by the opposite of sex. Ideally, you’ve developed an idea of the qualities you prefer and validate this through firsthand experience. Meaning, you’ve consistently dated or attracted persons with them in tow.
When I’ve mentored women, I’ve asked them to scrutinize their connections and look for evidence their preferences were met and common denominators in character. What I’m demonstrating through the exercise is the variance between what we say and do. I look for patterns and address the scenarios in their meeting and communication to gauge behaviors working on their behalf or detriment. This enables them to make wiser choices and be more discriminating in the future.
I used a similar approach with myself and undertook a lengthy road of self-awareness and improvement. I analyzed my experiences; noting favorable occurrences and the environment and attitude that enriched my person and those which didn’t. I took advantage of opportunities for intimate discourse with gentlemen possessing the traits I desired in a partner.
I listened to their experiences and encouraged them to share their ideals. Oftentimes their responses mirrored others and I developed a clearer image of ‘him’ based on feedback, observation, and personal encounters. I continued to hone my skills through training and self-education. And deepened my understanding of masculinity and femininity and the challenges we face in today’s culture. Service became my banner and a pleasing spirit was its complement.
I learned to see things from his vantage point and speak his language. I never led by what I sought but what I had to give instead. My desires were reinforced by clear reasons for their appearance. It wasn’t wishful thinking. I forsook popular rhetoric and took my cues from men.
For me, learning him was an important precursor to drawing the one I sought. And I did. My reconciliation to God prevented us from pairing but my efforts were not in vain. I know his scent and operate from that position to this day.
As such, I don’t pursue men or initiate contact. I trust my countenance and expression will suffice and it has. It’s not my responsibility to convince someone of my worthiness. My character and bearing should encourage him to look closer and explore. In like fashion, he should embody qualities which compel my respect and admiration. It can’t be forced. Serving him should be a privilege. Not a duty.
I look for someone I can follow whose faith, behavior, and purpose align well with my own. Most men are desirous of a looking glass to some degree. The woman whose presence makes them better and brighter for all to see. If I don’t envision myself championing him wholeheartedly, I refrain and pray he finds the one who will.
When I’ve mentored women, I’ve asked them to scrutinize their connections and look for evidence their preferences were met and common denominators in character. What I’m demonstrating through the exercise is the variance between what we say and do. I look for patterns and address the scenarios in their meeting and communication to gauge behaviors working on their behalf or detriment. This enables them to make wiser choices and be more discriminating in the future.
I used a similar approach with myself and undertook a lengthy road of self-awareness and improvement. I analyzed my experiences; noting favorable occurrences and the environment and attitude that enriched my person and those which didn’t. I took advantage of opportunities for intimate discourse with gentlemen possessing the traits I desired in a partner.
I listened to their experiences and encouraged them to share their ideals. Oftentimes their responses mirrored others and I developed a clearer image of ‘him’ based on feedback, observation, and personal encounters. I continued to hone my skills through training and self-education. And deepened my understanding of masculinity and femininity and the challenges we face in today’s culture. Service became my banner and a pleasing spirit was its complement.
I learned to see things from his vantage point and speak his language. I never led by what I sought but what I had to give instead. My desires were reinforced by clear reasons for their appearance. It wasn’t wishful thinking. I forsook popular rhetoric and took my cues from men.
For me, learning him was an important precursor to drawing the one I sought. And I did. My reconciliation to God prevented us from pairing but my efforts were not in vain. I know his scent and operate from that position to this day.
As such, I don’t pursue men or initiate contact. I trust my countenance and expression will suffice and it has. It’s not my responsibility to convince someone of my worthiness. My character and bearing should encourage him to look closer and explore. In like fashion, he should embody qualities which compel my respect and admiration. It can’t be forced. Serving him should be a privilege. Not a duty.
I look for someone I can follow whose faith, behavior, and purpose align well with my own. Most men are desirous of a looking glass to some degree. The woman whose presence makes them better and brighter for all to see. If I don’t envision myself championing him wholeheartedly, I refrain and pray he finds the one who will.
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That so poetically written, encapsulates the element missing from today’s relationships. The man should present himself honourable if he intends to be properly respected. As well, if women were a little more particular, perhaps men would try harder at being the best version of themselves to win the heart and admiration of a “fair maiden”. I applaude your decision to wait for one worthy.
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Thank you for the compliment. 
My disposition has its challenges. It served me well in secular engagements. But Christian dating practices (in their current guise) are too familiar and intimate to accord the drawing I referenced. The notion of friends first obliterates his ability of winning me outright. This diminishes his confidence and weakens him.
Entertaining a gentleman’s company and advance validates his manhood through healthy pursuits. Telling a man he’s unworthy of consideration unless he adopts behaviors which don’t allow him to prove himself in the manner most appropriate is not appealing.
Affirming his masculinity without compromising his self-respect is a must. The mating process enables him to communicate his willingness to serve and protect. My response demonstrates reciprocity and how he fares. Each has its purpose.
It isn’t a question of worthy suitors. It’s the necessity of aligning myself with someone who recognizes his essence and refuses to diminish its roar.
You can’t neuter him and expect him to “man up” later on.
My disposition has its challenges. It served me well in secular engagements. But Christian dating practices (in their current guise) are too familiar and intimate to accord the drawing I referenced. The notion of friends first obliterates his ability of winning me outright. This diminishes his confidence and weakens him.
Entertaining a gentleman’s company and advance validates his manhood through healthy pursuits. Telling a man he’s unworthy of consideration unless he adopts behaviors which don’t allow him to prove himself in the manner most appropriate is not appealing.
Affirming his masculinity without compromising his self-respect is a must. The mating process enables him to communicate his willingness to serve and protect. My response demonstrates reciprocity and how he fares. Each has its purpose.
It isn’t a question of worthy suitors. It’s the necessity of aligning myself with someone who recognizes his essence and refuses to diminish its roar.
You can’t neuter him and expect him to “man up” later on.
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Thank you for the compliment.
My disposition has its challenges. It served me well in secular engagements. But Christian dating practices (in their current guise) are too familiar and intimate to accord the drawing I referenced. The notion of friends first obliterates his ability of winning me outright. This diminishes his confidence and weakens him.
Entertaining a gentleman’s company and advance validates his manhood through healthy pursuits. Telling a man he’s unworthy of consideration unless he adopts behaviors which don’t allow him to prove himself in the manner most appropriate is not appealing.
Affirming his masculinity without compromising his self-respect is a must. The mating process enables him to communicate his willingness to serve and protect. My response demonstrates reciprocity and how he fares. Each has its purpose.
It isn’t a question of worthy suitors. It’s the necessity of aligning myself with someone who recognizes his essence and refuses to diminish its roar.
You can’t neuter him and expect him to “man up” later on.
My disposition has its challenges. It served me well in secular engagements. But Christian dating practices (in their current guise) are too familiar and intimate to accord the drawing I referenced. The notion of friends first obliterates his ability of winning me outright. This diminishes his confidence and weakens him.
Entertaining a gentleman’s company and advance validates his manhood through healthy pursuits. Telling a man he’s unworthy of consideration unless he adopts behaviors which don’t allow him to prove himself in the manner most appropriate is not appealing.
Affirming his masculinity without compromising his self-respect is a must. The mating process enables him to communicate his willingness to serve and protect. My response demonstrates reciprocity and how he fares. Each has its purpose.
It isn’t a question of worthy suitors. It’s the necessity of aligning myself with someone who recognizes his essence and refuses to diminish its roar.
You can’t neuter him and expect him to “man up” later on.
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The analogy is in reference to the dating pool. Not literal fish.
well why dont people just say thats all they are really interested in.
I thought this was a christian forum, not a dating site.
Jesus said to the disciples they are to be fishers of men i.e catching for the Kingdom of God. He didnt mean go out and date people.
He meant tell people the gospel.
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You are aware that you are posting in a singles forum? If everyone followed your advice there would only be non-Christians getting married and having children. Who then would be left to “fish the men”? The Body of Christ would continue to dwindle, until all that was left was an elite priesthood of celibate monks. We are spirit and flesh. As long as the flesh does not seize the reigns of our vessels, there can be joy in finding a compatible mate and companion to share the burdens of this temporal existence. I think seeking advice from likeminded individuals on a Christian website is the perfect venue. Some may even find that significant other, even though, like you stated, this is not a dating site.
I was reared in an environment where biblical examples of masculinity and femininity were the norm. Not only with my parents but extended family too. Both were held in high esteem. We were expected to be ladies and gentlemen. Honorifics were a mainstay. I can recall when men would hasten their speech when we approached, tip their hats when greeting, and apologize if they used profanity within earshot.
We were shielded from the cultural changes taking place in society and had no inkling of feminism until college. They formed friendships with likeminded persons and kept others at bay. It’s difficult for me to grasp the idea of someone altering themselves unnaturally for the possibility of relational prospects. To see either forsake their way of being is disconcerting.
I’m glad you’ve taken the time to understand yourself. I think there are many iterations of power. How one utilizes their knowledge and talents is the difference. Some are gifted with abilities in leadership, finance, communication and influence. I believe there’s a divine purpose for our makeup. It’s our responsibility to seek their rightful use.
American society rewards go-getters and overachievers. I hasten to use alpha in my verbiage for those reasons and others I won’t address. The greater our endowment the larger our need for strength in submission. Lest we run amok and rule unchecked.
We were shielded from the cultural changes taking place in society and had no inkling of feminism until college. They formed friendships with likeminded persons and kept others at bay. It’s difficult for me to grasp the idea of someone altering themselves unnaturally for the possibility of relational prospects. To see either forsake their way of being is disconcerting.
I’m glad you’ve taken the time to understand yourself. I think there are many iterations of power. How one utilizes their knowledge and talents is the difference. Some are gifted with abilities in leadership, finance, communication and influence. I believe there’s a divine purpose for our makeup. It’s our responsibility to seek their rightful use.
American society rewards go-getters and overachievers. I hasten to use alpha in my verbiage for those reasons and others I won’t address. The greater our endowment the larger our need for strength in submission. Lest we run amok and rule unchecked.
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I don’t understand your comment. Are you offended that singles are discussing relational concerns? Do you believe their lone discourse should relate to God? Have you demonstrated the same in your comments? Is faith the only subject you undertake?
And if it is. How does that correlate to the realities of our heavenly makeup? Where do you see biblical evidence of a singular thought and discussion in the word?
Your ideas juxtapose Paul’s comments in Ephesians 4:11 and the implication “the Body” puts forth. God doesn’t create doppelgangers. We’re meant to be one in Him. Not clones in flesh.
And if it is. How does that correlate to the realities of our heavenly makeup? Where do you see biblical evidence of a singular thought and discussion in the word?
Your ideas juxtapose Paul’s comments in Ephesians 4:11 and the implication “the Body” puts forth. God doesn’t create doppelgangers. We’re meant to be one in Him. Not clones in flesh.
We are all truly uniquely gifted but it was never intended for megalomaniacal pursuits. The “strong” were designed to protect the weak. Those who have leadership abilities were intended to steer society toward the betterment of the whole. Today money, a false power, is used to elevate often the scrupulous. Stoicism is no longer practiced. Today’s philosophers are our stand up comedians. Many men have been psychologically castrated by agendas and media. “Alpha” will soon escape everyone’s verbiage because it is effectively loosing its meaning. I agree completely that our strengths should be harnessed by the Lord and employed for His service. We are the hands subject to His will.
The Parable of Talents is a good example of God’s dispense and expectations. We’re all guilty of forgetting the challenges others face in areas of excellence or activities we do with ease. We assume they can do the same and that’s rarely the case.
I’m aware of the social conditions both face and the extremes that have arisen in turn. I don’t think abdication or emasculation is the solution. But in the same vain, it’s necessary to grasp the realities our decisions have wrought.
The remedy is uncomfortable. Christian men are best suited to walk it out. But they can’t do it alone. Women must be willing to pour liberally in their companions and reaffirm what society mocks. And men must cease to listen and operate from a heavenly perspective. Not the ideals they’ve embraced.
All believers have been given an area of influence. Labels have a habit of emphasizing differences and pecking orders. We forget the necessity of variance in His mission. If all were alphas, there would be few to serve others. The bigger jobs offering greater visibility would be more appealing than those with less glamour.
In the spirit world, higher levels bring greater hardships and warfare. We must hold the largest and least in the same esteem. The bible is filled with many men of God. All weren’t like David, Paul, or Moses. Nevertheless, He used them each according to their abilities and purpose.
One of the hallmarks of sanctification is developing contentment in our place within the structure. Labels can encourage us to seek accolades and experiences which fall outside of the parameters He has in mind.
While I acknowledge exceptional capabilities. I view them as attributes meant for kingdom work. And that doesn’t always entail being in front, a large platform, or leading the weak. Sometimes He uses them to reach others who’ve attained the same or more.
Relatability is an important concept in ministry that’s rarely addressed. We must be willing to go where He sends. Whether we’re well endowed or holding a mustard seed. The challenge for people with alpha personalities is the necessity of lowering, being last, and serving others in the manner He ordains.
When you’ve peeled back the layers and glimpse your core in its beauty and nakedness. Labels are meaningless. You grasp the canvas. See the Potter’s hands. And realize it was all a mirage. It was never on account to anything we’ve said or done. But how He forged us.
We’re less likely to take credit undeservedly. He receives it all.
I’m aware of the social conditions both face and the extremes that have arisen in turn. I don’t think abdication or emasculation is the solution. But in the same vain, it’s necessary to grasp the realities our decisions have wrought.
The remedy is uncomfortable. Christian men are best suited to walk it out. But they can’t do it alone. Women must be willing to pour liberally in their companions and reaffirm what society mocks. And men must cease to listen and operate from a heavenly perspective. Not the ideals they’ve embraced.
All believers have been given an area of influence. Labels have a habit of emphasizing differences and pecking orders. We forget the necessity of variance in His mission. If all were alphas, there would be few to serve others. The bigger jobs offering greater visibility would be more appealing than those with less glamour.
In the spirit world, higher levels bring greater hardships and warfare. We must hold the largest and least in the same esteem. The bible is filled with many men of God. All weren’t like David, Paul, or Moses. Nevertheless, He used them each according to their abilities and purpose.
One of the hallmarks of sanctification is developing contentment in our place within the structure. Labels can encourage us to seek accolades and experiences which fall outside of the parameters He has in mind.
While I acknowledge exceptional capabilities. I view them as attributes meant for kingdom work. And that doesn’t always entail being in front, a large platform, or leading the weak. Sometimes He uses them to reach others who’ve attained the same or more.
Relatability is an important concept in ministry that’s rarely addressed. We must be willing to go where He sends. Whether we’re well endowed or holding a mustard seed. The challenge for people with alpha personalities is the necessity of lowering, being last, and serving others in the manner He ordains.
When you’ve peeled back the layers and glimpse your core in its beauty and nakedness. Labels are meaningless. You grasp the canvas. See the Potter’s hands. And realize it was all a mirage. It was never on account to anything we’ve said or done. But how He forged us.
We’re less likely to take credit undeservedly. He receives it all.
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