Would You Date/Marry Someone with An Eating Disorder?
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K
Personally I prefer a woman to have a little mmmpphh in her walk-away 
you need a few curves.
you need a few curves.
I dont have nor ever plan to have an eating disorder as I love my body shape very much and I dont diet - I just eat my fruit and veg every day and leave it at that. However an issue I have is that I have been recovering from an anxiety disorder called post traumatic stress since I was about 14 and so when I go through bouts of stress it tends to affect me physiologically, as in I pretty much lose my appetite for days and even weeks and if I re-experience something pretty nasty I tend to throw up whats in my stomach. I dont like that this happens to me even though it occurs very rarely for me now. So I'll reassert again that I love my body and I have NEVER ever intentionally thrown up for the sake of losing weight or being 'skinny'. Stress is just something I deal with daily that Im slowly getting better at
Its a deal breaker for me, because I always accidently say things that offend people.
There's only so many times I can hear,,,oh so you think I'm fat!!!...... before I stop saying, noooooo I didn't mean I think you're fat, and start saying (sarcastically) YES YOU'RE HUGE LOSE SOME WEIGHT. Then she vomits up her meal and doesn't eat for the next 3 days.
I just couldn't handle the insecurity.
There's only so many times I can hear,,,oh so you think I'm fat!!!...... before I stop saying, noooooo I didn't mean I think you're fat, and start saying (sarcastically) YES YOU'RE HUGE LOSE SOME WEIGHT. Then she vomits up her meal and doesn't eat for the next 3 days.
I just couldn't handle the insecurity.
Fortunately, the only time I vomit now is when I have a massive case of the flu... so hopefully my date wouldn't be a sympathetic vomiter in that kind of situation...
But in all seriousness--Sharp--I think you made an excellent point about it also being a matter of insecurity--it's the same reason why most women are turned off by super-clingy, needy, "I need a girlfriend so right now" guys... because it's a need to depend on someone else for their security.
Well-noted and I'm finding I do become much more secure about who I am as I get older. I wouldn't need someone supposedly telling me I looked skinny or whatever all the time, I just hope to find someone who likes me for me.
A compliment such as, "Wow, you're really easy to talk to and you really make me laugh," is so much more valuable than being told you're thin.
But in all seriousness--Sharp--I think you made an excellent point about it also being a matter of insecurity--it's the same reason why most women are turned off by super-clingy, needy, "I need a girlfriend so right now" guys... because it's a need to depend on someone else for their security.
Well-noted and I'm finding I do become much more secure about who I am as I get older. I wouldn't need someone supposedly telling me I looked skinny or whatever all the time, I just hope to find someone who likes me for me.
A compliment such as, "Wow, you're really easy to talk to and you really make me laugh," is so much more valuable than being told you're thin.
C
I used to battle with not eating when I was a teen. I was sickly thin, people mistook me for being anorexic. I became a Christian, it got a lot better. But then had a baby - PND, feel back into it. But recovered well enough, then went the other way and ate myself silly. So been on both sides of the fence with that also.
I'd say God has helped a lot with that. My husband also has helped, he encouraged me to eat in a non confrontational way, he didn't make me feel bad like other people in my life were a the time.
The thing with disorders, is that they don't have to be permanent. Get prayer. See a Christian councilor. Have this thing broken from your life. It doesn't have to always be there. I'm sure God doesn't want anyone to struggle with it.
It would be hard dating or marrying someone with an eating disorder, I don't know how my man did it...I guess God told him it wouldn't be forever so he wasn't too worried.
I didn't hide it from my hubby, hard to hide it really. If it were me in that situation...well I'd want the person to be upfront with me. If it were not obvious, and they'd been hiding it, I'd be disappointed, but get past it and offer help. Like I said above, disorders don't have to be permanent.
I'd say God has helped a lot with that. My husband also has helped, he encouraged me to eat in a non confrontational way, he didn't make me feel bad like other people in my life were a the time.
The thing with disorders, is that they don't have to be permanent. Get prayer. See a Christian councilor. Have this thing broken from your life. It doesn't have to always be there. I'm sure God doesn't want anyone to struggle with it.
It would be hard dating or marrying someone with an eating disorder, I don't know how my man did it...I guess God told him it wouldn't be forever so he wasn't too worried.
I didn't hide it from my hubby, hard to hide it really. If it were me in that situation...well I'd want the person to be upfront with me. If it were not obvious, and they'd been hiding it, I'd be disappointed, but get past it and offer help. Like I said above, disorders don't have to be permanent.
C
That's pretty offensive, dude.
My girlfriend is anorexic. I didn't know it when I first met her, because she sort of had it under control; I thought she was just in good shape, but she just hid the signs very well. She used to cut and purge as well, but I've helped her stop for now.
People with eating disorders are VERY misunderstood, as seen by random people saying "why don't you just eat?" and "let me buy you a cheeseburger" and making light of it. The fact of the matter is, eating disorders are the number one (yes, that's NUMBER ONE, as in, at the top of the list) killer of all mental illnesses. Misunderstanding them and criticizing them is worse criticizing someone for having Down's Syndrome schizophrenia, or autism, because they're more likely to take their own lives because of the careless things you say to them.
To answer the question, yes, I am dating and probably will marry someone with an eating disorder. It's not an easy thing to deal with at all, and it's definitely not for everyone, especially for someone forceful, abusive, impatient, or easily discouraged.
My girlfriend is anorexic. I didn't know it when I first met her, because she sort of had it under control; I thought she was just in good shape, but she just hid the signs very well. She used to cut and purge as well, but I've helped her stop for now.
People with eating disorders are VERY misunderstood, as seen by random people saying "why don't you just eat?" and "let me buy you a cheeseburger" and making light of it. The fact of the matter is, eating disorders are the number one (yes, that's NUMBER ONE, as in, at the top of the list) killer of all mental illnesses. Misunderstanding them and criticizing them is worse criticizing someone for having Down's Syndrome schizophrenia, or autism, because they're more likely to take their own lives because of the careless things you say to them.
To answer the question, yes, I am dating and probably will marry someone with an eating disorder. It's not an easy thing to deal with at all, and it's definitely not for everyone, especially for someone forceful, abusive, impatient, or easily discouraged.
It wouldnt diminish my view of the person. If I was already attracted to someone and found out they had an eating disorder it wouldnt change my mind about them. If anything it would make me want to be there for them. Eating disorders are illnesses like depression or bipolar disorder. They involve a condition called Body Dismorphic Disorder (BDD) and require treatment and supervision from doctors and dieticians. Its more than just "I want to be skinny." People with these disorders have an unhealthy view of what a normal person looks like. I know this because we went over eating disorders and disordered eating in my nutrition class. Anyway, I know its a condition and its not something I would judge someone on. Whether or not I can handle a relationship with someone that has a serious eating disorder is something I wont know until it happens, but it wouldnt reduce my attraction to that person.
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J
I'm glad you pointed this out. It is an addiction, it just looks different than what we would expect. Yet, when it comes to people who starve themselves, or even alcoholics or drug addicts, we embrace them and help them with their struggles. But too often, we look at people who are overweight with a critical and judgemental heart. Is being overweight attractive? No, not really. And yes, people often get there from lack of activity and over-eating. But, as you pointed out, there is a compulsion behind that over-eating. It is a form of self-medicating, and instead of getting support, often compulsive eaters are ridiculed and given unhelpful "advice" such as "Don't eat so much!" Gee, never would've thought of that. We'd never tell an alcoholic, ""Well, if you'd JUST stop drinking already!" Because, while that is the simple answer, yes, the root of the problem is much deeper, and has a spiritual connection somewhere. And, with food, it's more difficult, because you can't just go "cold turkey". You have to eat to live, whereas you don't need drugs or alcohol to live. So, there are different challenges with dealing with compulsive eating.
While I have never been morbidly obese, I do feel as though I can speak of this with some experience, as I have dealt with compulsive overeating (and still do, on occasion; but being aware of it helps me to keep my appetite in check). I used to be overweight, and at my heaviest weighed 40lbs more than I do now. I am a work in progress, and I am continuing to make changes to become healthier. I realize now that I was eating to stuff feelings away, from having been teased and tormented by classmates as young as 8 years old, to stuff away feelings of rejection and feelings of being ugly. The transformation in my life has been through Christ alone, without the help of counselors or even friends. I am beginning to open up a bit more about it, because I know that perhaps it can help others. I still fight the negative thoughts, especially those thoughts where Satan tries to convince me that I am ugly and worthless. I have had people tell me I'm beautiful, but I'm still struggling to accept it myself. I can see my beauty sometimes, but other times I just don't recognize it. I think I will always struggle with those thoughts (and, really, all women do - it might help for guys to be aware of this!). I enjoy eating healthy now, and I have learned to crave healthy foods. I do still crave sugary, sweet foods, though, and I have to be careful with them. I have learned how to say no to them, though (and learned to say yes without overindulging, most of the time). It's just one step at a time, one day at a time. I do not drink alcohol, because I've seen family members struggle with alcoholism. I'm glad I made that decision now, because it's likely I could've struggled with alcoholism instead (or, in addition). I am a bit uncomfortable admitting this, but you guys are my brothers and sisters in Christ, and perhaps someone else might be comforted by my story. God works in mysterious ways, after all.
I just wanted to provide another side to this topic about eating disorders. Now, as for would I date/marry someone with an eating disorder, it's hard to know until you're in that situation. Guys rarely end up with anorexia or bulemia. However, many guys out there are compulsive eaters. I think that, were I to feel attracted to someone who was a compulsive eater, it would not be a deal-breaker for me (especially as I have struggled with it myself). I have been attracted to guys who are overweight before, because personality is more important than looks, though as has been pointed out in many threads before, there has to be some physical attraction. My only concern with that would be that it might make it easy for me to slip back into my habits - the last thing I would want to do would be to bond over food. You might as well get two recovering drug addicts or alcoholics together, and see how well they fare - probably not well at all. I think it would be better for me to be with someone who has a healthy relationship with food and body image, to help hold me accountable. So, while it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me, it probably wouldn't be the smartest idea, either.
While I have never been morbidly obese, I do feel as though I can speak of this with some experience, as I have dealt with compulsive overeating (and still do, on occasion; but being aware of it helps me to keep my appetite in check). I used to be overweight, and at my heaviest weighed 40lbs more than I do now. I am a work in progress, and I am continuing to make changes to become healthier. I realize now that I was eating to stuff feelings away, from having been teased and tormented by classmates as young as 8 years old, to stuff away feelings of rejection and feelings of being ugly. The transformation in my life has been through Christ alone, without the help of counselors or even friends. I am beginning to open up a bit more about it, because I know that perhaps it can help others. I still fight the negative thoughts, especially those thoughts where Satan tries to convince me that I am ugly and worthless. I have had people tell me I'm beautiful, but I'm still struggling to accept it myself. I can see my beauty sometimes, but other times I just don't recognize it. I think I will always struggle with those thoughts (and, really, all women do - it might help for guys to be aware of this!). I enjoy eating healthy now, and I have learned to crave healthy foods. I do still crave sugary, sweet foods, though, and I have to be careful with them. I have learned how to say no to them, though (and learned to say yes without overindulging, most of the time). It's just one step at a time, one day at a time. I do not drink alcohol, because I've seen family members struggle with alcoholism. I'm glad I made that decision now, because it's likely I could've struggled with alcoholism instead (or, in addition). I am a bit uncomfortable admitting this, but you guys are my brothers and sisters in Christ, and perhaps someone else might be comforted by my story. God works in mysterious ways, after all.
I just wanted to provide another side to this topic about eating disorders. Now, as for would I date/marry someone with an eating disorder, it's hard to know until you're in that situation. Guys rarely end up with anorexia or bulemia. However, many guys out there are compulsive eaters. I think that, were I to feel attracted to someone who was a compulsive eater, it would not be a deal-breaker for me (especially as I have struggled with it myself). I have been attracted to guys who are overweight before, because personality is more important than looks, though as has been pointed out in many threads before, there has to be some physical attraction. My only concern with that would be that it might make it easy for me to slip back into my habits - the last thing I would want to do would be to bond over food. You might as well get two recovering drug addicts or alcoholics together, and see how well they fare - probably not well at all. I think it would be better for me to be with someone who has a healthy relationship with food and body image, to help hold me accountable. So, while it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me, it probably wouldn't be the smartest idea, either.