Would You Date/Marry Someone with An Eating Disorder?

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seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#1
May 23, 2009
16,726
5,637
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#1
Hey everybody...

Ok, we're currently tackling the topic of pornography in another thread... so, something I'm wondering that's seen as a more common "female problem" (although of course, guys can struggle with this too) are eating disorders.

As I wrote in another post, this has been a personal struggle for me all my life. I went through all sorts of phases with different experiments of most of the "eating disorder" behaviors... but my main problems now are going back and forth between the extremes of skipping food for a while or consuming most anything I can get my hands on. (I don't make myself throw up--went through that phase in high school but soon stopped because it was too painful.) I've sought counseling and help at numerous points in my life, and from many different angles... I'm striving to find balance and a healthy outlook towards eating, and I keep regular appointments with the doctor to keep myself accountable.

What do you all think, especially the guys, about dating or marrying someone with eating disorder issues? Would you avoid it at all costs, want to work with the person in their path to seek help, etc? Would it depend on where they're at in their struggle? How would you feel if someone tried to hide it from you and you found out after some time that this is something they struggle with?

I'm very interested in your thoughts--both men and women, whether you're the one with similar issues or not.

Thanks in advance!
 
L

Leilaii425

Guest
#2
#2
Men like pencils with arms and legs... so im sure most wouldnt mind
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#3
#3
I wouldn't turn away from someone I cared about just because they had a problem, even if it were a big one, if I loved someone and wanted to be with them I'd hope my love and affection in spite of the problem would bring a level support into their life that might make a difference and help them gain some control over the problem.

If it was concealed I'd be dissapointed she didn't trust me, but knowing how badly these kinds of problems can damage self-esteem I wouldn't hold it against her, I 'd support her and hopefully prove at the same time that you can find support rather than judgement.
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#4
#4
Leilaii425 said:
Men like pencils with arms and legs... so im sure most wouldnt mind
Click to expand...
Personally I prefer a woman to have a little mmmpphh in her walk-away :) you need a few curves.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#5
May 23, 2009
16,726
5,637
113
#5
Leilaii425 said:
Men like pencils with arms and legs... so im sure most wouldnt mind
Click to expand...

I had to laugh out loud at this, LL... I can totally sympathize with you... this misconception is the total reason why women like us think we have to stop eating.

But, I'm proud to say, I know some guys who seem to like normal-looking women (even, say, 10-20 pounds "overweight".)

And it's funny to me that... even though the pages in magazines aimed toward men (I'm talking the ones about men's health, cars, etc., NOT Playboy) seem to be covered by women nearly without clothes, all the women featured in the men's magazines seem to be at least 20 pounds heavier than the female models seen in the women's magazines.

Just an observation.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#7
May 23, 2009
16,726
5,637
113
#7
Matthew said:
Personally I prefer a woman to have a little mmmpphh in her walk-away :) you need a few curves.
Click to expand...

I guess for Matthew... she "gotta have dat boom, boom, boom." ;)

Oh soooo cool.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#9
May 23, 2009
16,726
5,637
113
#9
Leilaii425 said:
I seriously laughed out loud at this!!!
Click to expand...

I can see it now, instead of Fergie singing, "I'm so 3000-and-8, you're so 2000-and-late" it'll be Mathew singing, "I like the dips and the swerves, 'cuz my lady gotta have da curves!"

;)
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#10
#10
seoulsearch said:
I can see it now, instead of Fergie singing, "I'm so 3000-and-8, you're so 2000-and-late" it'll be Mathew singing, "I like the dips and the swerves, 'cuz my lady gotta have da curves!"

;)
Click to expand...
I could make that my audition song for Simon Cowell, those shows always show the worst auditions :D
 
A

Andy_K_2002

Guest
#15
#15
I wouldn't turn away from someone I cared about just because they had a problem, even if it were a big one, I would still love that special someone.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#16
May 23, 2009
16,726
5,637
113
#16
Andy_K_2002 said:
I wouldn't turn away from someone I cared about just because they had a problem, even if it were a big one, I would still love that special someone.
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Very cool answer.

I know we can't find someone who's perfect and devoid of all problems, of course... I just always wonder where the boundaries are though, because I know for me personally, part of my problem before has been trying to make a relationship work where there were way too many things I mistakenly thought I could help someone with (and sometimes vice versa.)

And I would not want to put too many burdens on someone else as well, so that's why I'm trying to be very proactive about working on my own issues as much as possible. In other words, I'd want to be able to say, "I appreciate your love and support with all my heart... but know I'm also doing everything I can to work on this, and have been doing so even long before I met you."

But I also struggle with my own limits and perceptions. For example, porn can obviously be an addiction, along with drugs, alcohol, partying, etc. But food can also be an addiction. Almost anything can be nowadays... I've seen people with addictions to things like cleaning and so forth.

So why is it that some "addictions" seem to be more "acceptable" than others? Or am I wrong and should all issues be dealt with equal tolerance?
 
biggentleben

biggentleben

Banned
#17
Oct 7, 2009
171
0
0
45
#17
Part of the issue to realize is that compulsive eating is also an eating disorder, and as common or more so than anorexia and bulimia combined (especially when viewed from the view of all females of all ages). Too often the subject is broached and only those whose struggles with food lead them to being overly thin are the ones worried about. I have worked with both, and I will tell you that getting an anorexic's views on his/her body realigned is drastically less challenging than reorganizing the issues with food that a compulsive overeater struggles with. Watch Jillian on "The Biggest Loser". She does so much in breaking down her trainees' psyches so that they will get to the root of why they have eaten the way they have their whole lives. While quite crude and abrupt, she does a remarkable job of getting the task accomplished, in my opinion.

As far as the original question, of course I would. Much like any other thing posted on here, I am not here to judge what she has done in her past, just like I'm hoping she isn't marrying me for (or in spite of) my past. However, much like taking the precaution of having your previously promiscuous partner tested before engaging in marital relations, I would say having your future spouse commit to being healthy with you is a huge prerequisite of a long term life together. I'm trying to drop a lot of weight gained after surgery myself. I would not appreciate a spouse who will watch TV all evening after work and eat ice cream! I want someone who will go for a walk with me and hit up the gym with me now and then.

To sum, don't worry so much about your past, because it is just that, your past. Take it to the One who can redeem you, and if there's someone who won't accept that part of a recovered you for some reason, that's not the person God wants with you anyway!
 
B

buckeyegirl700

Guest
#18
#18
I believe a person should be healthy enough to be in a committed relationship. I used to struggle with eating disorders, I was not happy with myself and the way I loooked. I would starve myself, and make myself become physicaly sick. I could not stand the thought of food bieng in my body. I was struggeling with self acceptence and I was not happy with myself. I remember how low I felt, I was always deppresed and hated life. Everytime I would make myself sick after I ate, I felt lighter, and prettier. I believe eating disprders are forms of addictions, it is very hard to stop. A lot of the problems I was facing had to do with the way I felt about myself. I do not feel that I could have been in a healthy relationship because I was sick.
 
C

Cako53

Guest
#19
#19
Leilaii425 said:
Men like pencils with arms and legs... so im sure most wouldnt mind
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Not true actually. I find that quite gross. I dont want to go hold your hand and grab your bone.
 
C

Cako53

Guest
#20
#20
Having an eating disorder can be considered as a sin as well. under eating and over eating can be considered a sin. For the fact that you are harming the temple of God. Just a thought.
 
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