Would you or do you share bank accounts with your spouse?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
8,202
4,457
113
#1
So, I’ve got friends who are married and some of them share their bank accounts (or merge it as one) but a few of my friends who are married don’t share their bank accounts.

The couples who don’t share give the reasons below:
1. They are happy with keeping accounts seperate.
2. They don’t need to know their spouses income (it’s a personal thing according to them).
3. They prefer seperate accounts so that they can manage their finances e.g one of them pays the bills one week, the other one pays the bills the following week etc etc.
4. One couple said that they were raised from backgrounds that never had to depend on their family members, so they’re comfortable of keeping it that way with their spouse.

VS

The couples who share bank accounts:
1. When you’re married, it makes life easier when you join accounts to manage the finances.
2. Easier to keep track of what’s coming in and going out.
3. It’s makes sense to merge bank accounts with your husband/wife.

Sooooo, would you or would you not share (merge) your bank account with your spouse?

Personally, if or when I get married, I would. I think, for me it would make managing of finances/income easier. But that’ll have to be discussed with my future husband if he agrees lol.

And if you’re currently married, or dating someone, you can share your experience/thoughts as well.
 
J

Jennie-Mae

Guest
#2
We share. It’s a steal😛. He’s making the money and I’m spending them. I’m just kidding...sorta...lol.

I think sharing is best because in a marriage both husband and wife needs to keep track of what’s coming in and what’s going out. Financial planning would be very difficult if you had no idea what your spouse was making/spending.
 

Miri

The Thingy Member
Jul 22, 2012
9,253
2,252
113
UK age 51
#3
Can’t comment personally as I’m not married.

It would depend on circumstances.
But lots of married couples I know who both work have a joint account
for paying bills, savings etc. Plus their own account so they can still have
some independence. That way if one keeps overspending or want to
get something for themselves, it doesn’t impact on the other.

If ever I wanted a new handbag, or clothes etc, I don’t think I would want to
keep asking the hubbie

Likewise if hubbie wanted something for himself, why would he need to keep
asking the wife.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#4
Better yet, would you share your bank account with me?

I'd prefer sharing. You share a life, bills, responsibilities, commitments, cars, beds and a whole list of other things. What's the point of stopping short in that area?
When I hear of married couples with separate bank accounts I think of things like adultery. Or being prepared in the event of divorce. Or a stash to be ready to bail in your spouse. Things like that.
Even if it's not your intent knowing you have unchecked access to money leaves so much open to temptation to do things to hide from your spouse.
 

garet82

Senior Member
Jan 20, 2011
680
88
28
#5
I prefer share :) you collect i spend it lol jk
Well when you are marriege with some one means you share all. Your live and everything you have.
So sharing is my options coz love means nothing need to hide all is transparent for both of us. Coz family is an open book for husband n wife :)
 

Demi777

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2014
6,541
1,485
113
Germany
#6
I wouldnt share accounts
If he needs anything he can talk to me But i wouldn't share all of my stuff.
Saw it with my dad. He leaves and empties the account..not withme
 

Lynx

Senior Member
Aug 13, 2014
14,984
2,769
113
#7
I think each couple has to work this out themselves. There is no pat answer.

For myself, if I can't trust my (hypothetical) wife with my money then why would I marry such a person?
 

calibob

Sinner saved by grace
May 29, 2018
6,810
4,539
113
65
lawton ok
#8
I think each couple has to work this out themselves. There is no pat answer.

For myself, if I can't trust my (hypothetical) wife with my money then why would I marry such a person?
Considering She, or he may one day have to decide weather or not to pull the plug on your life support machine? And if you expire and they can't get to the money who's gonna pay for your funeral?
 

mailmandan

Senior Member
Apr 7, 2014
18,518
6,269
113
53
#9
My wife and I share bank accounts and we have both started with nothing and have both contributed to what we have now. My wife and I are good about saving money and she is very good at managing our bank account. If you don't trust your spouse or you are afraid they will spend all the money, then it's probably better to have separate accounts. :giggle:
 

EmilyNats

Senior Member
Jul 28, 2016
1,199
34
48
#10
I would. But I don't feel like typing out an explanation of why I would.
 

Miri

The Thingy Member
Jul 22, 2012
9,253
2,252
113
UK age 51
#11
I’m the sort of person who never gets into debt. Never had a credit card or taken out a loan. If I want something I save up and budget for it. I also am ok splashing out as long as priorities are covered. I’m not a miser either I will cheerfully give to others when there is a need. I’ve given lots away over the years God has never allowed me to outgive Him though.

It’s hard to find someone with the same mentally even among Christians. We live in a society which borrows and uses invisible money at the drop of a hat. The buy now pay later mentality.

That’s why I personally would prefer separate accounts as most people that I know don’t think twice about credit cards and loans. Separate accounts would prevent a lot of arguments.
 

calibob

Sinner saved by grace
May 29, 2018
6,810
4,539
113
65
lawton ok
#12
My wife and I share bank accounts and we have both started with nothing and have both contributed to what we have now. My wife and I are good about saving money and she is very good at managing our bank account. If you don't trust your spouse or you are afraid they will spend all the money, then it's probably better to have separate accounts. :giggle:

The trouble is that in modern American culture marriage is so over romanticized that most people don't stop and think just how serious it really is. I used work in a drive thru wedding chapel in Vegas. It was all great fun doing things like renting a convertable or a Harley, going thru the tunnel of vows (tunnel of love is copyrighted) having some fake Elvis sing a couple songs to you, with a minister, photographer and videographer and doing a burnout down the strip, while the bride throws the boquet over her shoulder without a care in the world, hair flyin' in the wind.

Great fun but people no longer consider, hey wait a min. This is a contract between us and God for life, I may have to change their diaper. They may die and leave me with a mountain of bills and kids to take care of with a broken heart. People now days are too myoptic and self centered. Who among us has considered when we got married, if things go right one of us is going to die and leave the other alone and probably with a broken heart or worse yet, divorced?

Amen to Paul in 1st Corinthians chapter seven saying it's better not to get married but because of our flesh maybe we should. (yes I paraphraised, I'm not going to type the whole thing out) but at least be serious about the comitment. Have fun with it, be happy, seriously happy. That's all for now,...calibob
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,120
1,140
113
#13
People now days are too myoptic and self centered.
I think this is exactly why some couples think they should keep things separate. Because I have to take care of me in case something happens. But if marriage is becoming one unit and becoming a team (not a business partnership where you're trying to make sure that each partner pays their "fair share" of expenses), then I don't see any place for separation. For me sharing would be an expectation in marriage, and I would reconsider the marriage if the guy refused to merge our finances (might not call if off completely, but I'd definitely be rethinking it). Bottom line for me is either you're in this together or you're not.
 
T

toinena

Guest
#14
Separate accounts was our security valve. Otherwise he would have spent everything on his alcohol and cigars.

I think it is wise to have separate accounts, but a joint account for paying bills would be wise.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
9,834
1,925
113
#15
I joined my husband’s account days after we got married. When I started working, my paycheck went to our account. I did have my own account until it exhausted. That money went to my car bill.

Having a joint account works for us. He takes care of the bills. The only bill I make sure is paid is my car one lol. Any time we are going to make a purchase, we let the other know. If it’s a big purchase, we talk about it before we make the purchase, if we agree to buy it lol.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
11,796
2,086
113
#16
*Seoulsearch makes a cameo guest appearance...*

I guess I couldn't leave poor Tommy starving and holding his breath for too much longer. :whistle:

Anyway...

I was raised in "a good Christian family"--no divorce--except mine, so I was raised with people always talking about how divorce happens because people give up at the drop of a hat, no one works hard enough at keeping a marriage together, and people who don't share accounts shouldn't get married because it's obvious they have no trust in each other.

I believed all of it.

And then my own divorce hit, as well as several other life situations I never anticipated...

* My ex-husband's way of coping with almost any sort of problem was to buy something--except that he never told me that. The day after we got married I went to clean his car out and found receipts for debts he never told me he had. And even when we got them paid down, he would simply open up more credit cards and buy more (often small but pricey items that he could easily hide, such as the many gaming cards that he collected.)

I'm not sure how it all went down because he never told me anything except to go to the courthouse, fill out the papers, and have a lovely packet of documents entitled, "You Are Being Sued For Divorce" sent to me. But thankfully, somehow, and I'm guessing only by the grace of God, no one has come after me or tried to make me pay his many debts. However, I've heard of several people whose spouses also left them for someone else, and then they wound up paying all their loans and credit card bills (as well as having their credit wrecked) because they had joint accounts.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

* A beloved pastor and his wife from my congregation had been very faithful stewards of everything God had given them, and at the end of their lives, they talked with all of their family about how their things should be divided. Each member of the family, down to the youngest great-grandchild, was to receive something, whether a monetary gift or a sentimental trinket they had picked out with from the house. This couple was highly organized and had a detailed list of what everyone had asked for, and what they were to receive.

When the time came for the remaining member of this couple to be called home, one of their children came to them and said, "Hey Dad, I need you to sign this paper for the insurance company," and so, without any second thoughts, Pastor C signed this without hesitation.

What this paper actually did was hand everything over to this particular person, who then had the house locked down so that no one could come and even pick up an item from the house that they had been promised, even if it had no monetary value. This person then took everything Pastor C and his wife had worked so hard for over their lives for their own self and shut out every other member of the family.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

* A few years after a man who had lost his wife of 55 years, he found a female companion... who started asking him for money. Within a few years, she had depleted him of most of his and his deceased wife's life savings, leaving little to nothing for when his health suffered several setbacks, and would require at least $70,000 worth of care each year for which he had no insurance.

If the woman had not spent all his money, it could have been set up to earn interest and pay for at least a portion of those costs. But now, the costs will fall on his children, who have children and grandchildren of their own to pay for as well.

This woman also believes she will get anything of value that is left if this man is called home, and has been talking to him about marrying him in order to ensure that.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No one anticipates these things to happen.

But, unfortunately, they do.

And now that I am older, chances are, if I get married again, it will be into a blended family with many different branches going in all directions. I don't have much, but what I do have, I would like to make sure, if at all possible, that it will be directed in the way that I wish.

I will ask for separate bank accounts and one joint account for paying bills. I will ask for a prenup. He can keep whatever he has--I'm not after anyone's money. My parents insisted I start looking for jobs starting at 11 (babysitting) and so all I've ever known to do was to work. I didn't have many relationships but in all of them, I wound up supporting the other person, and sometimes his family as well.

But if I have something I want to give to my nephew when I die, even if all I have to give is a beat-up old car, so I will hopefully be able to put legal documentation into place to make sure that he gets is.

I will have it set up so that if my health fails, if I do have anything, it will go to the cost of my care so that I won't burden the other members of my family.

And, if the time comes that I know I am falling down the rabbit hole and am closer to being called home, if at all possible, I will have my own attorney to check over any documents that anyone asks me to sign.
 

Miri

The Thingy Member
Jul 22, 2012
9,253
2,252
113
UK age 51
#17
*Seoulsearch makes a cameo guest appearance...*

I guess I couldn't leave poor Tommy starving and holding his breath for too much longer. :whistle:

Anyway...

I was raised in "a good Christian family"--no divorce--except mine, so I was raised with people always talking about how divorce happens because people give up at the drop of a hat, no one works hard enough at keeping a marriage together, and people who don't share accounts shouldn't get married because it's obvious they have no trust in each other.

I believed all of it.

And then my own divorce hit, as well as several other life situations I never anticipated...

* My ex-husband's way of coping with almost any sort of problem was to buy something--except that he never told me that. The day after we got married I went to clean his car out and found receipts for debts he never told me he had. And even when we got them paid down, he would simply open up more credit cards and buy more (often small but pricey items that he could easily hide, such as the many gaming cards that he collected.)

I'm not sure how it all went down because he never told me anything except to go to the courthouse, fill out the papers, and have a lovely packet of documents entitled, "You Are Being Sued For Divorce" sent to me. But thankfully, somehow, and I'm guessing only by the grace of God, no one has come after me or tried to make me pay his many debts. However, I've heard of several people whose spouses also left them for someone else, and then they wound up paying all their loans and credit card bills (as well as having their credit wrecked) because they had joint accounts.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

* A beloved pastor and his wife from my congregation had been very faithful stewards of everything God had given them, and at the end of their lives, they talked with all of their family about how their things should be divided. Each member of the family, down to the youngest great-grandchild, was to receive something, whether a monetary gift or a sentimental trinket they had picked out with from the house. This couple was highly organized and had a detailed list of what everyone had asked for, and what they were to receive.

When the time came for the remaining member of this couple to be called home, one of their children came to them and said, "Hey Dad, I need you to sign this paper for the insurance company," and so, without any second thoughts, Pastor C signed this without hesitation.

What this paper actually did was hand everything over to this particular person, who then had the house locked down so that no one could come and even pick up an item from the house that they had been promised, even if it had no monetary value. This person then took everything Pastor C and his wife had worked so hard for over their lives for their own self and shut out every other member of the family.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

* A few years after a man who had lost his wife of 55 years, he found a female companion... who started asking him for money. Within a few years, she had depleted him of most of his and his deceased wife's life savings, leaving little to nothing for when his health suffered several setbacks, and would require at least $70,000 worth of care each year for which he had no insurance.

If the woman had not spent all his money, it could have been set up to earn interest and pay for at least a portion of those costs. But now, the costs will fall on his children, who have children and grandchildren of their own to pay for as well.

This woman also believes she will get anything of value that is left if this man is called home, and has been talking to him about marrying him in order to ensure that.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No one anticipates these things to happen.

But, unfortunately, they do.

And now that I am older, chances are, if I get married again, it will be into a blended family with many different branches going in all directions. I don't have much, but what I do have, I would like to make sure, if at all possible, that it will be directed in the way that I wish.

I will ask for separate bank accounts and one joint account for paying bills. I will ask for a prenup. He can keep whatever he has--I'm not after anyone's money. My parents insisted I start looking for jobs starting at 11 (babysitting) and so all I've ever known to do was to work. I didn't have many relationships but in all of them, I wound up supporting the other person, and sometimes his family as well.

But if I have something I want to give to my nephew when I die, even if all I have to give is a beat-up old car, so I will hopefully be able to put legal documentation into place to make sure that he gets is.

I will have it set up so that if my health fails, if I do have anything, it will go to the cost of my care so that I won't burden the other members of my family.

And, if the time comes that I know I am falling down the rabbit hole and am closer to being called home, if at all possible, I will have my own attorney to check over any documents that anyone asks me to sign.
That’s the problem, even the best relationship can do down hill, or have
financial difficulties. We all know what the ideal Godly way is. There is no guarantee
the ideal God way, or even good health and long life, will continue.

By the way long time no see 🙂
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
11,796
2,086
113
#18
That’s the problem, even the best relationship can do down hill, or have
financial difficulties. We all know what the ideal Godly way is. There is no guarantee
the ideal God way, or even good health and long life, will continue.

By the way long time no see 🙂
I think what some people don't realize is that even if the couple involved is the most loving, most Christian-of-all-the-Christians-out-there people, there are plenty of people out there who are not, and can easily enter into the picture. You also don't know what changes your spouse might go through, such as turning to rampant alcoholism or addiction in response to the death of their mother.

I used to work at a store that processed a high number of money transfers, and I can't tell you how many lonely elderly people we had giving thousands of dollars every week to what they thought were young, extremely attractive members of the opposite gender online who "were in love" with them.

Even when we had the police talk to one particularly sweet elderly woman, she just wouldn't listen--until she realized she'd been scammed out of a rather large sum of money.

For those who had lost their spouse, I often wondered what their deceased spouse would say about them spending all the money they had earned together on a nonexistent, "hot" 24-year-old.

Now granted, I can't say I wouldn't fall prey to something like that either. I've had moments in my own life where I was in an emotional pit and did a whole lot of stupid things.

But I guess I am guilty of planning to haunt any future husband even from beyond the grave. If I should marry and then pass away first, I don't want my former husband spending any money I contributed to the relationship on his new 18-year-old girlfriend, sorry. IF he wants to spend HIS money on her, go right ahead--it's his to spend.

But if I want to will my last $100 to my nephew for college, THAT'S where I want it to go, not to some online predator who runs a lonely hearts club.

Now, as much as I would like to think he'd only do that out of all the IMMENSE SORROW he felt over losing me (ha ha ha), I would do everything legally possible to make sure anything I might have had or contributed went to better causes.
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,144
113
#19
*Seoulsearch makes a cameo guest appearance...*

I guess I couldn't leave poor Tommy starving and holding his breath for too much longer. :whistle:

Anyway...

I was raised in "a good Christian family"--no divorce--except mine, so I was raised with people always talking about how divorce happens because people give up at the drop of a hat, no one works hard enough at keeping a marriage together, and people who don't share accounts shouldn't get married because it's obvious they have no trust in each other.

I believed all of it.

And then my own divorce hit, as well as several other life situations I never anticipated...

* My ex-husband's way of coping with almost any sort of problem was to buy something--except that he never told me that. The day after we got married I went to clean his car out and found receipts for debts he never told me he had. And even when we got them paid down, he would simply open up more credit cards and buy more (often small but pricey items that he could easily hide, such as the many gaming cards that he collected.)

I'm not sure how it all went down because he never told me anything except to go to the courthouse, fill out the papers, and have a lovely packet of documents entitled, "You Are Being Sued For Divorce" sent to me. But thankfully, somehow, and I'm guessing only by the grace of God, no one has come after me or tried to make me pay his many debts. However, I've heard of several people whose spouses also left them for someone else, and then they wound up paying all their loans and credit card bills (as well as having their credit wrecked) because they had joint accounts.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

* A beloved pastor and his wife from my congregation had been very faithful stewards of everything God had given them, and at the end of their lives, they talked with all of their family about how their things should be divided. Each member of the family, down to the youngest great-grandchild, was to receive something, whether a monetary gift or a sentimental trinket they had picked out with from the house. This couple was highly organized and had a detailed list of what everyone had asked for, and what they were to receive.

When the time came for the remaining member of this couple to be called home, one of their children came to them and said, "Hey Dad, I need you to sign this paper for the insurance company," and so, without any second thoughts, Pastor C signed this without hesitation.

What this paper actually did was hand everything over to this particular person, who then had the house locked down so that no one could come and even pick up an item from the house that they had been promised, even if it had no monetary value. This person then took everything Pastor C and his wife had worked so hard for over their lives for their own self and shut out every other member of the family.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

* A few years after a man who had lost his wife of 55 years, he found a female companion... who started asking him for money. Within a few years, she had depleted him of most of his and his deceased wife's life savings, leaving little to nothing for when his health suffered several setbacks, and would require at least $70,000 worth of care each year for which he had no insurance.

If the woman had not spent all his money, it could have been set up to earn interest and pay for at least a portion of those costs. But now, the costs will fall on his children, who have children and grandchildren of their own to pay for as well.

This woman also believes she will get anything of value that is left if this man is called home, and has been talking to him about marrying him in order to ensure that.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No one anticipates these things to happen.

But, unfortunately, they do.

And now that I am older, chances are, if I get married again, it will be into a blended family with many different branches going in all directions. I don't have much, but what I do have, I would like to make sure, if at all possible, that it will be directed in the way that I wish.

I will ask for separate bank accounts and one joint account for paying bills. I will ask for a prenup. He can keep whatever he has--I'm not after anyone's money. My parents insisted I start looking for jobs starting at 11 (babysitting) and so all I've ever known to do was to work. I didn't have many relationships but in all of them, I wound up supporting the other person, and sometimes his family as well.

But if I have something I want to give to my nephew when I die, even if all I have to give is a beat-up old car, so I will hopefully be able to put legal documentation into place to make sure that he gets is.

I will have it set up so that if my health fails, if I do have anything, it will go to the cost of my care so that I won't burden the other members of my family.

And, if the time comes that I know I am falling down the rabbit hole and am closer to being called home, if at all possible, I will have my own attorney to check over any documents that anyone asks me to sign.
Sad stories. I know this happens, we get calls about it all the time. not much can be done, unless we can prove a fraudulent act.

Your Ideas about finances if you marry again seem spot on. I actually know a couple that have been married 25 years, both it's their only marriage, and they did that from day one. They never fight over money. That's the number one thing a couple fights over.

Thank God I can get some lunch.
 
Aug 2, 2009
22,688
2,470
113
#20
It depends on how much I trust her with money. If she has an itchy trigger finger, I have to make sure she doesn't use up all our ammo. ;)