Well, its unforunate that EmilR is trying a BDF in the laid back Singles Forum. I"m just going to put him on ignore. I've read too much already of his nonsense.
When my husband and I were first together, we had very little money. I was a student, I got some grants and scholarships, and he was at the lowest level training to get a bit higher in the organization he worked for. Money was so tight, and I admit, we fought about it all the time. It's easy to fight about money, when you have none. Because every penny needs to go for food, for fixing the car, for clothes, for a trip to see his family... etc
Then, he started moving up and I got a short term teaching job, during a recession. Since we were used to living on nothing, I put my pay in a separate account, and saved every penny I made. That was the downpayment for our first home, which was cheap, just after a recession. Meanwhile, I got pregnant, just as I got on again as a teacher, that made 4 kids! (I think I missed one somewhere in there!)
So, at 6 months, the Maternity Employment Insurance ran out, and I found a job teaching again. We were still using a joint bank account, and still fighting! Of course, having 4 kids, who were in church activiites, music lessons, and sports, used up almost everything I made. So, he got mad at me. Thought the kids should do nothing. (More about that later!). In the end, we split our accounts, and I took care of mine, and he barely took care of his. (He is good with his money now).
The fighting stopped, but there was still never any money left over. Then our oldest went to university, and I found out he was literally eating $600 a month in food. That is how much money I had left over at the end of the month, which seemed like a fortune! Gradually, the kids got older, I increased the amount I was working, till finally my daughter was in school and I went full time. But, she was figure skating, which is super expensive, paying for ice times, 3 or 4 coaches, and competitions and dresses. She did really well, 4 Golds, 2 Diamond Dances, Novice free skate, and then her coaching levels. That was when she started making really good money.
Meanwhile, my two hockey star boys were playing Major Junior, and one took his scholarship which paid for his whole university. Plus, they referreed both hockey (girls/boys) and ringette (my daughter was in it for a while.). So while it cost a lot to give them these perks, they worked hard and paid their own way after high school. (Never say out of school activities are a waste of time!)
Meanwhile, I got sick with RA. I went on disability in 1999, till I retired a few years ago. During that time, we went to a financial investment seminar through my husband's work. The man said it was imperative we had joint bank accounts, house and cars, RVs, etc, in both our names. The reason, is because if one passed suddenly, even if these things were provided for in the will, it can take a long time to probate the will, and in the meantime, you will have no money (unless you work) and no car.
So, we joined everything together. I finally had my name on both vehicles which was a pain, because we both had to go, if any changes have to be made. Hubby did all that before, but, I guess better safe than sorry.
By that time, we both were using internet banking. We joined all the accounts, so we were on both, but he was the only one who could access on-line his accounts (I would have to go to the bank to take money out of his accounts and vice versa.) The chequing account, we both can access on-line. I pay most of the bills, he puts his share of the bills into the chequing. That way, we both have control over our money, but in the event one of us passes, we just have to go to the bank, and combine the accounts with the death certificate.
Anyway, we never fought over money again, since the accounts were separated. We have the best of both worlds. Separate accounts, but with a little effort, they are all joint.
As for combining everything, some people do. My daughter married a doctor, she insisted on joint accounts. They put all their money in it, and it works for them. My parents had joint accounts for 63 years, till my father passed away. They only had trouble once, when my father wanted some money to buy my mom a gift, that she wouldn't know how much he spent. She was adamant that she control ALL the money! (She is OCD!) So, my father arranged to teach a summer session at university, and opened his own back account. My mom gave in, because he really only used it to buy her gifts.
I don't think there is a right way to work band accounts. And neither is there a set one, every Christian must follow. Sometimes, you have to work at it, to figure out what works for you as a couple. I trust my husband completely and he trusts me. But, we had to take the long way to figure out a way to stop fighting about money. We do discuss all major buying plans, and I usually put in half. Well, he bought the sailboat! But, it came with a disgusting wood trailer, so I made him get a new one, and the result, was I put in half the money, so I didn't have to put up with an ugly trailer on my driveway.
I guess the fact that our marriage has lasted 38 years, indicates that our fighting over money was pretty much on a surface level. I am fortunate, having a husband, I can trust totally, in everything. I won't even go into what an amazing handy man he is around the house! (By the way, he has to buy his own tools! LOL)
When my husband and I were first together, we had very little money. I was a student, I got some grants and scholarships, and he was at the lowest level training to get a bit higher in the organization he worked for. Money was so tight, and I admit, we fought about it all the time. It's easy to fight about money, when you have none. Because every penny needs to go for food, for fixing the car, for clothes, for a trip to see his family... etc
Then, he started moving up and I got a short term teaching job, during a recession. Since we were used to living on nothing, I put my pay in a separate account, and saved every penny I made. That was the downpayment for our first home, which was cheap, just after a recession. Meanwhile, I got pregnant, just as I got on again as a teacher, that made 4 kids! (I think I missed one somewhere in there!)
So, at 6 months, the Maternity Employment Insurance ran out, and I found a job teaching again. We were still using a joint bank account, and still fighting! Of course, having 4 kids, who were in church activiites, music lessons, and sports, used up almost everything I made. So, he got mad at me. Thought the kids should do nothing. (More about that later!). In the end, we split our accounts, and I took care of mine, and he barely took care of his. (He is good with his money now).
The fighting stopped, but there was still never any money left over. Then our oldest went to university, and I found out he was literally eating $600 a month in food. That is how much money I had left over at the end of the month, which seemed like a fortune! Gradually, the kids got older, I increased the amount I was working, till finally my daughter was in school and I went full time. But, she was figure skating, which is super expensive, paying for ice times, 3 or 4 coaches, and competitions and dresses. She did really well, 4 Golds, 2 Diamond Dances, Novice free skate, and then her coaching levels. That was when she started making really good money.
Meanwhile, my two hockey star boys were playing Major Junior, and one took his scholarship which paid for his whole university. Plus, they referreed both hockey (girls/boys) and ringette (my daughter was in it for a while.). So while it cost a lot to give them these perks, they worked hard and paid their own way after high school. (Never say out of school activities are a waste of time!)
Meanwhile, I got sick with RA. I went on disability in 1999, till I retired a few years ago. During that time, we went to a financial investment seminar through my husband's work. The man said it was imperative we had joint bank accounts, house and cars, RVs, etc, in both our names. The reason, is because if one passed suddenly, even if these things were provided for in the will, it can take a long time to probate the will, and in the meantime, you will have no money (unless you work) and no car.
So, we joined everything together. I finally had my name on both vehicles which was a pain, because we both had to go, if any changes have to be made. Hubby did all that before, but, I guess better safe than sorry.
By that time, we both were using internet banking. We joined all the accounts, so we were on both, but he was the only one who could access on-line his accounts (I would have to go to the bank to take money out of his accounts and vice versa.) The chequing account, we both can access on-line. I pay most of the bills, he puts his share of the bills into the chequing. That way, we both have control over our money, but in the event one of us passes, we just have to go to the bank, and combine the accounts with the death certificate.
Anyway, we never fought over money again, since the accounts were separated. We have the best of both worlds. Separate accounts, but with a little effort, they are all joint.
As for combining everything, some people do. My daughter married a doctor, she insisted on joint accounts. They put all their money in it, and it works for them. My parents had joint accounts for 63 years, till my father passed away. They only had trouble once, when my father wanted some money to buy my mom a gift, that she wouldn't know how much he spent. She was adamant that she control ALL the money! (She is OCD!) So, my father arranged to teach a summer session at university, and opened his own back account. My mom gave in, because he really only used it to buy her gifts.
I don't think there is a right way to work band accounts. And neither is there a set one, every Christian must follow. Sometimes, you have to work at it, to figure out what works for you as a couple. I trust my husband completely and he trusts me. But, we had to take the long way to figure out a way to stop fighting about money. We do discuss all major buying plans, and I usually put in half. Well, he bought the sailboat! But, it came with a disgusting wood trailer, so I made him get a new one, and the result, was I put in half the money, so I didn't have to put up with an ugly trailer on my driveway.
I guess the fact that our marriage has lasted 38 years, indicates that our fighting over money was pretty much on a surface level. I am fortunate, having a husband, I can trust totally, in everything. I won't even go into what an amazing handy man he is around the house! (By the way, he has to buy his own tools! LOL)
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