How to go about telling my mother about our relationship

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Feb 7, 2015
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#61
Neck I guess... and because.... I don't know...we can't work together, I can't trust her, she's doesn't think she's doing anything wrong, and I know I'm doing things wrong.
So, why are you choosing to do things wrong?
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
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#65
I slipped up a lot when I was 15. I had a sick Dad and a stressed out Mom and older siblings who were trying to help my parents and still dealing with their own issues. I know your situation and it's really easy to feel lost and unwanted when your in the midst of all that chaos. Sometimes you might say or do something that screams, I'm here, hello!! Adults sometimes forget that teenagers aren't adults and they are trying to navigate life through what I thought was a really weird onset of hormones, emotions and changes. When you top that off with a bunch of family issues it's hard.

I hope you have a adult mentor that you can go to. I was so lucky to have a teacher in my corner throughout high school.

I can tell you the stuff I went through has made a really resilient person. I am confident that you are going to be one strong Woman because you're certainly one strong young lady.
 

FGT

Banned
May 26, 2017
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#66
Hi Temp
One of the most difficult people to talk to are people who don't take responsibility for their actions and put the blame on others. Such people have a Very low rate of change. Change happens when someone acknowledged their wrong behavior and is motivated to want to so things differently. If someone is not willing to own their behavior change isn't possible because, inthwir minds, there's nothing they need to change.
Some people do this out of insecurity, maybe others learned find this growing up. Still some are simply narcissists not capable of seeing themselves doing wrong. I think the first two have a better chance at change, though.
Are you talking about a adolescent know it all 15 year old teenager(even more than their parent)
or the parent that has no representation on here for their side of the story?
 
May 29, 2016
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#67
Ouch....lol
Ugly has more information than the people here because I have vented to him and told him what is going on just by the way to the poster above me.
But I guess that's fair.
Listen, I'm just looking for how to fix our relationship. I'm a crappy child, I have a very quick temper, and I do yell and do stupid things that would get on anyone's nerves. She's has every right to be angry at me. No one has to hear her side of the story to see that lol
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
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#68
Ouch....lol
Ugly has more information than the people here because I have vented to him and told him what is going on just by the way to the poster above me.
But I guess that's fair.
Listen, I'm just looking for how to fix our relationship. I'm a crappy child, I have a very quick temper, and I do yell and do stupid things that would get on anyone's nerves. She's has every right to be angry at me. No one has to hear her side of the story to see that lol
You read just like me when I was 15.
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
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#70
I'm 38, recently divorced, have two kids, and am just looking forward to being taken up into heaven..... if that tells you anything.
I fantasize about my mind being transported back in time to when I was just starting high school..... the school lessons were easy, if I had done the work. I could have achieved so much more..... my father told me back then, I would want back in school after graduating..... I didn't believe him...... he was right.
All the strife and discontent I gave my parents..... I regret to this day.
I think you are a good girl. You atleast asked for advice.... more than I would have done at your age.
 
May 29, 2016
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#71
I'm 38, recently divorced, have two kids, and am just looking forward to being taken up into heaven..... if that tells you anything.
I fantasize about my mind being transported back in time to when I was just starting high school..... the school lessons were easy, if I had done the work. I could have achieved so much more..... my father told me back then, I would want back in school after graduating..... I didn't believe him...... he was right.
All the strife and discontent I gave my parents..... I regret to this day.
I think you are a good girl. You atleast asked for advice.... more than I would have done at your age.

I'm good at school. I've gotten straight A's since 7th grade which is when I started caring. I'm in honors classes now with a 4.1 GPA so far.
It's only because i have good work ethic. Nothing to do with how smart I am.


I am trying so hard to stop causing my parents strife, my mother didn't even know anything was wrong because I quit letting her know things were wrong to make our relationship better.
I am trying, I really am. I'm probably failing. But I'm trying.
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
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#72
I'm good at school. I've gotten straight A's since 7th grade which is when I started caring. I'm in honors classes now with a 4.1 GPA so far.
It's only because i have good work ethic. Nothing to do with how smart I am.


I am trying so hard to stop causing my parents strife, my mother didn't even know anything was wrong because I quit letting her know things were wrong to make our relationship better.
I am trying, I really am. I'm probably failing. But I'm trying.
Smarts has little to do with it. It's all about putting the effort in. I graduated from high school with a 1.63. My sister graduated early, got a masters degree, and a juris doctorate........ we both took IQ test at her college for a study...... I scored 3 points higher.
I think you will turn out fine.
 
May 29, 2016
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#73
Smarts has little to do with it. It's all about putting the effort in. I graduated from high school with a 1.63. My sister graduated early, got a masters degree, and a juris doctorate........ we both took IQ test at her college for a study...... I scored 3 points higher.
I think you will turn out fine.
I've learned that. If smarts had to do with it I would be failing.
I hope I will.
 

Corbinscam

Senior Member
Jul 17, 2016
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#74
BTW, a good therapist doesn't try to 'fix' you, but rather, they lead you to the threshold of your own understanding, and let you walk through on your own.
I wish more people actually understood this. Therapy isn't just a confessional. It's learning why you do what you do and how to change negative aspects of who you are even when you can't change what caused them. It's honestly finding roots and picking them apart to decide what needs to change and why. It's cliché but a good therapist in my experience just shows you who you are and how to better you.
 
Jun 7, 2018
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#75
So, apparently someone told my mother that I hate it at her house, and I feel as if we don't have a good relationship. Which is true, but it has been this way for years. We've tried fixing it by talking it out and coming up with a plan to stop arguing and all of that, but every time it fails so I quit trying and I started working on myself and tried to keep quiet, stop arguing and staying respectful no matter what.

She brought this up a couple days ago and asked if I was willing to talk with her and come up with a plan. I said no, I'm not willing to sit and talk with her unless we are talking with a therapist.

The reason for this is because she denies anything I say she does and then turns and blames everything on me or makes me feel bad, so I want someone that can mediate.

She kept trying to push it but I said no until she left it alone. But this doesn't stop that I will still have to talk to her again. I've tried every way of talking to her, I've planned out what I'm going to say and i haven't but it never works.



Does anyone have any tips? :/
As a mom with two teens maybe I can help? Only if you feel comfortable. I am new here just joined today