How to go about telling my mother about our relationship

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May 29, 2016
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#21
Natalia, how was or is the relationship between your Mom and her Mom? My Mom and I have had our differences but normal stuff. My Mom has never been an emotional person, my Grandmother wasn't either. I am, I was and still am a cuddly . I had severe separation anxiety as a child. School was horrible for me. My Mom didn't quite get it. I have a good Mom and now she looks back and says things like, I should have hugged more. She hugged and cuddled her Grandchildren a lot, so I think she felt she missed out on that with us.

Your Mom may not understand her actions because that's what she grew up with maybe?

Her and her mom are very close. They argue over the small things, and she grew up poor and was a very... rebellious child and got emancipated at 16. She did not get emancipated because she didn't like her mother; they have a very close relationship
 
T

Tinuviel

Guest
#22
I'm sorry Natania. I really don't have any advice. The only thing I can say is pray about it a lot, and I'm sure you're already doing that. If your mum isn't a Christian, she's a lost and hurting individual, even if she doesn't see herself as such. It helps me to remember that when I'm dealing with those kind of people. God bless you, dear sister!
 
Feb 7, 2015
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#23
When you said you'd be willing to go with her to counseling, did she understand the counselor's job was mediation?

It's important, because she is a counselor, so she really won't get why she needs counseling in the traditional sense. That would be like my hubby asking me to learn how to cook more and telling him I need a good cook to teach me how. He is a good cook, so he should be insulted, unless I could tell him why him teaching me wouldn't work for me.

Mediator she might get. Counselor she won't.
....yes? Lol sorry I am confused
Would you expect Rob to be able to go with you to, for instance, Sgt. Brown.... and accept the advice both you and he might receive from such a meeting? This is often why parents see no value in going to counsellors with their children.
 
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May 29, 2016
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#24
Would you expect Rob to be able to go with you to, for instance, Sgt. Brown.... and accept the advice both you and he might receive from such a meeting? This is often why parents see no value in going to counsellors with their children.
Sigh....
Okay but she has no other choice if she wants to fix our relationship. We've tried everything else
 

Mom22Feb

Junior Member
Mar 23, 2017
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#25
Hi Natania,

You are wise to reach out for help. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is insanity. Based on my experience with my parents as a teen and an adult I had to accept some things were not going to change and I was only responsible for my actions and attitudes. Humility and respect was lacking on my part when I was younger. I learned to "Be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger." Pray for yourself and your stepmom and let God do the changing. You sound like a mature young lady, and there is plenty of growth and maturity to acquire, so don't be too hard on yourself when you fail in your responses. Be careful who you voice your complaints to unless they can pray for you or offer objective help. Great to know you have decided to take some responsibility for the relationship and you are working on yourself. The things you are learning from this relationship will help you with other relationships in the future. May this bring you to a deeper dependence on God, as trials often do.
 
May 29, 2016
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#26
Hi Natania,

You are wise to reach out for help. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is insanity. Based on my experience with my parents as a teen and an adult I had to accept some things were not going to change and I was only responsible for my actions and attitudes. Humility and respect was lacking on my part when I was younger. I learned to "Be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger." Pray for yourself and your stepmom and let God do the changing. You sound like a mature young lady, and there is plenty of growth and maturity to acquire, so don't be too hard on yourself when you fail in your responses. Be careful who you voice your complaints to unless they can pray for you or offer objective help. Great to know you have decided to take some responsibility for the relationship and you are working on yourself. The things you are learning from this relationship will help you with other relationships in the future. May this bring you to a deeper dependence on God, as trials often do.
Yeah.... :/
Thank you so much
 

Mom22Feb

Junior Member
Mar 23, 2017
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#27
I have 2 daughters who are young adults and we have a very good relationship. We keep short accounts and forgive. Every day is a new day with a fresh start. Wish I could give you a hug!
 
Feb 7, 2015
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#28
Sigh....
Okay but she has no other choice if she wants to fix our relationship. We've tried everything else
Have you tried writing letters to one another?

Not sitting down, face-to-face, nor even talking with one another, but simply addressing relatively small and seemingly insignificant issues, in writing, at first?
 

Corbinscam

Senior Member
Jul 17, 2016
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#29
I'd agree with Willie and suggest writing a letter. IF you decide to give it to her great...if not its a great way to arrange your thoughts and deal with the feelings around it before you actually discuss them with her. If you actually have a sit down conversation I'd suggest an outlined paper detailed what you want to say. And most of all I think you really have to decide if you actually want a long lasting relationship with your mom.....It sucks but sometimes people aren't really worth keeping contact with. No matter what don't underestimate the value of prayer.
 
Apr 10, 2017
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#30
Do you go to church? Perhaps your pastor can help. They are usually trained in counseling. Godly advice is the usually the best kind.

Do you go to school? Perhaps your guidance counselor can offer some suggestions like the community family center.

Not sure why you feel the need to tell your mother what she does wrong. ("she is always making me feel bad when I bring up what she does")

Honor your mother and father. That means even if they do not deserve it.

Not sure why you want to talk with your mother about your relationship (the title of this post). It sounds to me like you can act respectfully until you can legally emancipate yourself. Perhaps, with time, your relationship will get better after growing up, moving out, and living separate lives. Until then, you need to obey and honor.

Do you have friends you can talk with about this?
 
Apr 10, 2017
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#31
Hi Natania,

You are wise to reach out for help. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is insanity. Based on my experience with my parents as a teen and an adult I had to accept some things were not going to change and I was only responsible for my actions and attitudes. Humility and respect was lacking on my part when I was younger. I learned to "Be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger." Pray for yourself and your stepmom and let God do the changing. You sound like a mature young lady, and there is plenty of growth and maturity to acquire, so don't be too hard on yourself when you fail in your responses. Be careful who you voice your complaints to unless they can pray for you or offer objective help. Great to know you have decided to take some responsibility for the relationship and you are working on yourself. The things you are learning from this relationship will help you with other relationships in the future. May this bring you to a deeper dependence on God, as trials often do.
I wish I could "like" this a thousand times!!! :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
 

Corbinscam

Senior Member
Jul 17, 2016
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#32
Honor your mother and father. That means even if they do not deserve it.
Honor does not mean a child has to respect or to endure abuse simply because they gave you life. Some parents lost their right to be a guiding force in the lives of their kids. Sometimes realizing that and asking God to replace the parental figures in your life is the best thing a person can do.
 
Apr 10, 2017
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#33
Honor does not mean a child has to respect or to endure abuse simply because they gave you life. Some parents lost their right to be a guiding force in the lives of their kids. Sometimes realizing that and asking God to replace the parental figures in your life is the best thing a person can do.
Very true ... whole heartedly agree with you. I didn't think the OP was being abused, but I could be wrong.
 
May 29, 2016
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#35
Have you tried writing letters to one another?

Not sitting down, face-to-face, nor even talking with one another, but simply addressing relatively small and seemingly insignificant issues, in writing, at first?
Yes....we have even tried getting a notebook so we could write what we had to say
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
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#36
Hello Natania :) I do not understand why, if you had stopped arguing
with your mother, she brought it up as if there was still a problem
:confused:
 
May 29, 2016
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#37
Do you go to church? Perhaps your pastor can help. They are usually trained in counseling. Godly advice is the usually the best kind.

Do you go to school? Perhaps your guidance counselor can offer some suggestions like the community family center.

Not sure why you feel the need to tell your mother what she does wrong. ("she is always making me feel bad when I bring up what she does")

Honor your mother and father. That means even if they do not deserve it.

Not sure why you want to talk with your mother about your relationship (the title of this post). It sounds to me like you can act respectfully until you can legally emancipate yourself. Perhaps, with time, your relationship will get better after growing up, moving out, and living separate lives. Until then, you need to obey and honor.

Do you have friends you can talk with about this?
.....my family is complicated haha..... a pastor or anything with religion will not help.

I can't explain in words what it is like over here.
It is constant screaming and crying, things have been thrown, I am automatically depressed just by walking through the door, she never cares about anything I may do, she's never come to a single event of mine, nothing is ever perfect for her.

I have anxiety and depression and I have been told it is situational due to my mother and our relationship.

I have 3 more years to go. It doesn't sound like much unless you are in a place where a hour feels like a week.

And to your comment about abuse, no this parent has not abused me.
 
May 29, 2016
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#38
Hello Natania :) I do not understand why, if you had stopped arguing
with your mother, she brought it up as if there was still a problem
:confused:
We stopped arguing because I stopped replying. You know how when you hold in your anger and it grows? It's like that, I started venting to some people and apparently they told her that I hated it at her house, I hated her ect.

So she thought it was getting better because I didn't show that it wasn't.
 
May 29, 2016
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#39
Honor does not mean a child has to respect or to endure abuse simply because they gave you life. Some parents lost their right to be a guiding force in the lives of their kids. Sometimes realizing that and asking God to replace the parental figures in your life is the best thing a person can do.
Thank you Corbin ♡
 
May 29, 2016
4,856
108
0
#40
Do you go to church? Perhaps your pastor can help. They are usually trained in counseling. Godly advice is the usually the best kind.

Do you go to school? Perhaps your guidance counselor can offer some suggestions like the community family center.

Not sure why you feel the need to tell your mother what she does wrong. ("she is always making me feel bad when I bring up what she does")

Honor your mother and father. That means even if they do not deserve it.

Not sure why you want to talk with your mother about your relationship (the title of this post). It sounds to me like you can act respectfully until you can legally emancipate yourself. Perhaps, with time, your relationship will get better after growing up, moving out, and living separate lives. Until then, you need to obey and honor.

Do you have friends you can talk with about this?

Also,
I do obey and honor my parents, that doesn't mean we won't have a bad relationship.....
(Except for my father I will never obey or honor him.)