How to go about telling my mother about our relationship

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Corbinscam

Senior Member
Jul 17, 2016
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#41
Yes....we have even tried getting a notebook so we could write what we had to say
My mom and I tried a notebook simply because it's literally impossible to actually yell at each other while writing :p

It was a flop. I wasn't ready to deal with it and she wasn't ready to either. It's easy to ignore feelings and manipulate a situation and ignore the real issue. The elephant in the room. Look around for an elephant....if you find one be ready to deal with him first. Until you do that nothing will really happen between you and your mom.

And I think I mentioned it before but pray about it. Ask God for wisdom and guidance and ask Him to help you deal.
 
May 29, 2016
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#42
My mom and I tried a notebook simply because it's literally impossible to actually yell at each other while writing :p

It was a flop. I wasn't ready to deal with it and she wasn't ready to either. It's easy to ignore feelings and manipulate a situation and ignore the real issue. The elephant in the room. Look around for an elephant....if you find one be ready to deal with him first. Until you do that nothing will really happen between you and your mom.

And I think I mentioned it before but pray about it. Ask God for wisdom and guidance and ask Him to help you deal.

Yeah....
Will do... thank you
 
Feb 7, 2015
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#44
When you guys say you tried notebooks, did you actually write individual letter personally directed and delivered to the other person? Or did you treat it like a diary entry left for the other to read?
 

Corbinscam

Senior Member
Jul 17, 2016
558
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#45
Willie,

We used both methods. I honestly think both are effective if used correctly. We just didn't use them correctly. We just weren't ready to handle reality....and if you're not being honest no relationship is fixable.
 
Last edited:
May 14, 2016
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#46
I think the idea of seeing a therapist is a good idea for the simple reason that there would be a third party present and a witness of what your mother says to do should your mother try to deny that she said anything mean and nasty to you! With time, the therapist may be able to help teach both of you how to listen and respond instead of react to each other. Just a thought......
 
May 29, 2016
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#48
When you guys say you tried notebooks, did you actually write individual letter personally directed and delivered to the other person? Or did you treat it like a diary entry left for the other to read?
We wrote it and slipped it under the door of the other persons bedroom for them to read and respond
 
May 29, 2016
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#49
I think the idea of seeing a therapist is a good idea for the simple reason that there would be a third party present and a witness of what your mother says to do should your mother try to deny that she said anything mean and nasty to you! With time, the therapist may be able to help teach both of you how to listen and respond instead of react to each other. Just a thought......
That's what I was thinking.
We found a therapist who takes out insurance and specializes in everything I need, so we'll see what happens
 

Tinuviel

Senior Member
Jun 6, 2015
4,738
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#50
That's what I was thinking.
We found a therapist who takes out insurance and specializes in everything I need, so we'll see what happens
I'm not sure how to say this without sounding insensitive, so please know that I don't mean it insensitively! What about your mum? She sounds like she has a lot of needs too.
 
Feb 7, 2015
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#52
I wish I had $10 for every time I have heard, "Boy, she (he, them, they) sure need/needed to hear THAT." Or more directly when they walk into the office.... "I brought her here so you can straighten her out."

Therapy should always be approached with an emotional mirror held up to OURSELVES....... NOT the other person.
 
May 29, 2016
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#53
I wish I had $10 for every time I have heard, "Boy, she (he, them, they) sure need/needed to hear THAT." Or more directly when they walk into the office.... "I brought her here so you can straighten her out."

Therapy should always be approached with an emotional mirror held up to OURSELVES....... NOT the other person.
Youre right......
 
May 29, 2016
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#54
I'm not sure how to say this without sounding insensitive, so please know that I don't mean it insensitively! What about your mum? She sounds like she has a lot of needs too.
By the way, when I said she specializes in everything I need I was talking about anxiety, depression ect.
The therapist isn't only there for our relationship but to try to work on me.
 
Feb 7, 2015
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#55
I have heard two things about marriage that I think apply to all of life in some way or another.

One, marriage is a give-and-take affair. Plan to give 90%, and hopefully receive 10%.

Two, the man is the head of the family, BUT the wife is the neck, and the neck turns the head.

You can swap and or substitute any of those subject/nouns for parent & child, or boss & employer, etc..... even just thinking about friends.
 
May 29, 2016
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#56
I have heard two things about marriage that I think apply to all of life in some way or another.

One, marriage is a give-and-take affair. Plan to give 90%, and hopefully receive 10%.

Two, the man is the head of the family, BUT the wife is the neck, and the neck turns the head.

You can swap and or substitute any of those subject/nouns for parent & child, or boss & employer, etc..... even just thinking about friends.
What if the "neck" or "head" isn't working
 
Feb 7, 2015
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#57
BTW, a good therapist doesn't try to 'fix' you, but rather, they lead you to the threshold of your own understanding, and let you walk through on your own.
 
May 29, 2016
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#58
BTW, a good therapist doesn't try to 'fix' you, but rather, they lead you to the threshold of your own understanding, and let you walk through on your own.
Yeah... I know
I am the only person who can fix me. I know
 
May 29, 2016
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#60
Which do you see yourself as..... and why do you think either (or both) are "not working?"

Neck I guess... and because.... I don't know...we can't work together, I can't trust her, she's doesn't think she's doing anything wrong, and I know I'm doing things wrong.