Do we share too much?

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ArtsieSteph

Senior Member
Apr 1, 2014
5,731
899
113
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Arizona
#1
I know that in a previous generation, especially in certain places such as England, that the act of wearing your heart on your sleeve just kind of wasn’t a thing. I’ve heard many people upwards of 50-something years of age say that their fathers never explicitly said “I love you” to them.

But now we seem to have the opposite problem. People are concerned so much about how the children feel at the time (which is fairly variable because they’re kids) and not on ethics like hard work, respect, and responsibility.

How do we get that back? Or rather how do we meet a happy medium, not being stoic but also not being a flippant parent? Are there ways you all who have kids have tried to do that?
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
1,485
1,251
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#2
It seems you have two unrelated topics here, and seem to think there is a connection. Wearing your heart on your sleeve does not mean you are unable to also teach ethics. In fact i would say that a health does of Both is ideal.
Nor do i see wearing your heart on your sleeve meaning you are overly concerned about how a child feels.
To wear ones heart on their sleeve simply means to be open about how you feel. How that affects ones ability to teach ethics is beyond me, or means you are overly concerned with how your child feels, is beyond me.

I can be thought of as wearing my heart on my sleeve, but i'm also a firm believer in discipline and teaching children all the things you mention. And i can also be loving towards kids.
In fact it's the loving concern for children that helps them to feel secure and safe at a young age, encouraging a greater sense of security as they grow up, helping them feel more confident as adults, aiding them in being more balanced and able to make better decisions. Because they won't be seeking to fill a lacking they had as a child.
And a healthy discipline helps take the positives that a loving foundation builds and give them the ability to utilize it into something positive and productive.
Looking at people of the past they may have had better ethics, but were also cold and unhappy. Feeling a societal or familial pressure to perform, essentially nothing but robots. And once people feel that way it makes mistreatment of others much easier because people stop looking at others as having feelings, especially their own children.

The bigger problem is that children are raised by other children and strangers so the parents can work 2 full time jobs. And each generation degrades a bit further than the previous as they carry a lower set of standards than the generation before them.
And when parents are around they don't want to be bothered by their kids, so they set them in front of a screen. Another common issue is people viewing children as a source of love for them, rather than being a source of love for their children. Probably due to being raised by strangers and other children, rather than loving parents.

So if you want to raise kids, let the foundation be showered with love, not coldness. Build on that foundation of love with healthy discipline. And from there begin teaching the things you feel are priority, because now you are building from a loving, respected authority on children that feel safe and secure and can focus on what you teach them, instead of trying to figure out how to get their needs met or on their fears.
 

Leastamongmany

Well-known member
Jun 2, 2019
3,270
1,256
113
Usa
#3
I love freely and openly. My family and I always say "I love you'd ,coming and coming! It's free to state your feelings! Give while you can,children grow up sooooo fast! Disciple should be done in love also! I wear " my heart" On my sleeve. People tend to know exactly how I feel at all times! 🙏💖💖
 
Oct 7, 2019
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#4
I agree with what Subhumanoidal said about the two things you mentioned being disconnected. I totally understand your concern! But, think of this - God, in His word, says a lot about Himself. He talks of how deeply He loves us, how He wants everyone to turn to Him, and He displays many various emotions throughout. Yet, He also establishes rules and commandments for us to follow, as well as disciplining us. There just has to be a solid balance between the two - not being so concerned with how the child feels that you let them do whatever they want to avoid bothering them in any way, and not being so uptight about discipline that you ignore any semblance of love in the first place.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
29,081
7,490
113
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Florida
#5
I know that in a previous generation, especially in certain places such as England, that the act of wearing your heart on your sleeve just kind of wasn’t a thing. I’ve heard many people upwards of 50-something years of age say that their fathers never explicitly said “I love you” to them.

But now we seem to have the opposite problem. People are concerned so much about how the children feel at the time (which is fairly variable because they’re kids) and not on ethics like hard work, respect, and responsibility.

How do we get that back? Or rather how do we meet a happy medium, not being stoic but also not being a flippant parent? Are there ways you all who have kids have tried to do that?
To get that back you must first become a parent. Being a parent myself I agree with your estimation. It is far better to stress the importance of hard work, respect, and responsibility than to base your parenting in such a way as to coddle your children by placing a hedge around them from the outside world.

While in junior high school in afterschool detention one day a list was passed out with the roster of the various offenders in detention that day. On top of the list was a quote from someone that claimed, "The problem with kids today (1968) is that they are not patted on the back enough, low enough, and hard enough." While I rarely used physical punishment as a means to instill discipline I do believe that the saying contained an element of truth. Regarding instilling discipline in your children, there really is no happy medium. To do so likewise would be a disservice to the child that is being corrected. Children that are coddled and pampered in childhood will not be prepared or have the necessary social skills to compete and flourish in the outside world. This lack of preparedness is due to lack of discipline.

However, I do believe that you should tell your children that you love them often and this love should be reflected in how you have chose to raise them.