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I read Matthew 19. I can't trust Jesus' promise of Eternal life. It seems like a way to influence people.
I cant trust it.
How can Jesus say "Sell everything you have, and follow me"? What assurance or fact is there that there REALLY IS a kingdom of Heaven. What if I die, and realize that everything Jesus said was a lie? Then, had I not given up everything I could have strived for?
How CAN I trust Jesus? How can I trust something I cannot see, or understand? That's not fair at all.
How can we even be sure Jesus REALLY cared? Part of me says his death on the cross was all a stunt. A stunt to win the hearts of millions. How can I, someone who IS trying to understand Jesus...trust in these words of the bible? How do I know it's not words playing a game of hope? How can I trust in this word, that there really is an Eternal Life, and that Jesus wasn't lying to win supporters?
Or...an even better question, because I know many of you believe, and HAVE to be right.
...how can YOU believe? What makes you trust in this promise? Maybe you see something I dont
I cant trust it.
How can Jesus say "Sell everything you have, and follow me"? What assurance or fact is there that there REALLY IS a kingdom of Heaven. What if I die, and realize that everything Jesus said was a lie? Then, had I not given up everything I could have strived for?
How CAN I trust Jesus? How can I trust something I cannot see, or understand? That's not fair at all.
How can we even be sure Jesus REALLY cared? Part of me says his death on the cross was all a stunt. A stunt to win the hearts of millions. How can I, someone who IS trying to understand Jesus...trust in these words of the bible? How do I know it's not words playing a game of hope? How can I trust in this word, that there really is an Eternal Life, and that Jesus wasn't lying to win supporters?
Or...an even better question, because I know many of you believe, and HAVE to be right.
...how can YOU believe? What makes you trust in this promise? Maybe you see something I dont
Regardless of these questions of doubt, you really are seeking which is great. To have the questions answered, I would say you really need to direct it towards God and ask Him to reveal it to you. Its a simple prayer, no special candles mumbo jumbo needed. I asked God to show me that He is real while I was driving my car one night and lo and behold sometime later, He did and I cant say I was really expecting anything when I did ask. Ask Him to reveal Himself to you 
I think you've identified the problem and the issue very well. The question is who or what will you trust? Jesus is one option, money is another, yourself and your abilities is another, the goodwill of strangers is another, the government to take care of you and make everything perfect is another. There's a passage in the Bible that I have thought of often when thinking of your struggle:
To them, a show of godliness is just a way to become wealthy.
6 Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. 7 After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. 8 So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.
9 But people who long to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction. 10 For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows. (1 Timothy 6)
So maybe it is time to ask yourself some tough questions. Are you following Jesus because you think it will be an easy path to material gain or because you are willing to believe that he is worthy and trustworthy?
As to the questions you raise, if Jesus death was a stunt to win hearts, what does he want those hearts for? If you believe he came back to life (and something must have happened to turn Peter from a man who denied knowing Jesus to a man who boldly told a crowd in the same city "you killed Jesus" less than 2 months later) then wouldn't it be wise to tread lightly when questioning the character of one who had the power to come back to life? A popularity stunt? There are plenty of things Jesus said that didn't encourage people to follow him. And a love of money was one of the things he most often spoke against. Jesus said you can't serve two masters. You can't serve both God and money. (Matt 6: 24, but the whole chapter would probably be good reading)
And I get the impression that this is the battle raging in your heart now. For 25 years financial and social achievement and success has been the thing you have devoted yourself to, now Jesus is calling you to change your loyalties and devote yourself to him. Best thing you can do, read the gospels. Discover Jesus' character though the eyewitness accounts of what he did and said. Then decide if he is more worth your loyalty than anything else. No one else can make that choice for you. And pray lots since if God is living and active it is reasonable to expect that he can answer prayer (keeping a written record to help you recognize when he answers is also a good idea).
To them, a show of godliness is just a way to become wealthy.
6 Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. 7 After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. 8 So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.
9 But people who long to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction. 10 For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows. (1 Timothy 6)
So maybe it is time to ask yourself some tough questions. Are you following Jesus because you think it will be an easy path to material gain or because you are willing to believe that he is worthy and trustworthy?
As to the questions you raise, if Jesus death was a stunt to win hearts, what does he want those hearts for? If you believe he came back to life (and something must have happened to turn Peter from a man who denied knowing Jesus to a man who boldly told a crowd in the same city "you killed Jesus" less than 2 months later) then wouldn't it be wise to tread lightly when questioning the character of one who had the power to come back to life? A popularity stunt? There are plenty of things Jesus said that didn't encourage people to follow him. And a love of money was one of the things he most often spoke against. Jesus said you can't serve two masters. You can't serve both God and money. (Matt 6: 24, but the whole chapter would probably be good reading)
And I get the impression that this is the battle raging in your heart now. For 25 years financial and social achievement and success has been the thing you have devoted yourself to, now Jesus is calling you to change your loyalties and devote yourself to him. Best thing you can do, read the gospels. Discover Jesus' character though the eyewitness accounts of what he did and said. Then decide if he is more worth your loyalty than anything else. No one else can make that choice for you. And pray lots since if God is living and active it is reasonable to expect that he can answer prayer (keeping a written record to help you recognize when he answers is also a good idea).