Healing from Toxic Friends

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May 20, 2019
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#1
Hello Internet!
I have been recovering from a pretty recent struggle of losing my closest friends. I won't go too deep into it, for fear of boring you, but my ex-boyfriend's sister (who was like a sister to me) lied to my closest friends about me and convinced them that I was a bad person. They did it in such a way that I can't and don't want to talk to them. I feel like I don't have any close friends anymore. Any suggestions how to heal from this issue, and find great christian ladies to fellowship with?
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#2
My advice is to seek and cultivate just a single good friend instead of trying to acquire many because the more friends one has the least significant each one becomes. To find a great Christian lady to become friends with you will have to go where the great Christian ladies are.
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
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#3
Ouch Marie, what a painful experience. How hurtful. I am sorry. I agree with tourist. I think that praying to the Lord, spending some time cultivating your relationship with God can help too. By suggesting that, in no way am I implying you do not already, just that He can help bring some comfort. He will direct you to just the right one, you for her, and she for you. Be patient, that is the hard part.
 

Rosemaryx

Senior Member
May 3, 2017
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#4
Luke 12:51
Do you think I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I have come to divide people against each other!

Stay strong , since I have been saved , my circle has become very small...
God will lead you away from those who slander you , just see it that God is closing a door behind you , and rejoice knowing that the plans He has for you are not to harm you...xox...
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
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#5
I wonder how you found out about what your former boyfriend's sister told your friends. Did your friends tell you? Did you try to tell them that what they were relating to you was not true? I would want to set the record straight with them while also putting some distance between myself and them, at least for a while, and even permanently if they are bent on believing lies. Your former boyfriend's sister may feel justified in maligning you for the sake of loyalty to her brother, but that is no reason for your so-called friends to believe what she said.
 
May 20, 2019
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I wonder how you found out about what your former boyfriend's sister told your friends. Did your friends tell you? Did you try to tell them that what they were relating to you was not true? I would want to set the record straight with them while also putting some distance between myself and them, at least for a while, and even permanently if they are bent on believing lies. Your former boyfriend's sister may feel justified in maligning you for the sake of loyalty to her brother, but that is no reason for your so-called friends to believe what she said.
I found out because they all came in my room one night after I arrived home from work. I thought everything was fine between us, until they were very cold towards me. I asked what was up and they started accusing me of gossiping, being a fake, judging them... etc. The conversation escalated very quickly and they wouldn't let me speak. The only thing I was able to get out was me asking for examples of these accusations. They were not able to give me one single example of me doing any of these. They told me that the Lord told them that I had done these things and had also convinced me of my "wrong doings". I know where my flesh is weak, and being a gossip or a judgy person is not where I falter. The ironic part is that the very people accusing me of these things have trouble with gossiping and, as I see now, are very fake and manipulative people.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
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#7
Then why are you still friends with them? They obviously are gossipers, and easily fooled, and NOT Christians at all, since they say that GOD told them that you're a fake person.. I'd sever ties with them ASAP.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
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#8
I found out because they all came in my room one night after I arrived home from work. I thought everything was fine between us, until they were very cold towards me. I asked what was up and they started accusing me of gossiping, being a fake, judging them... etc. The conversation escalated very quickly and they wouldn't let me speak. The only thing I was able to get out was me asking for examples of these accusations. They were not able to give me one single example of me doing any of these. They told me that the Lord told them that I had done these things and had also convinced me of my "wrong doings". I know where my flesh is weak, and being a gossip or a judgy person is not where I falter. The ironic part is that the very people accusing me of these things have trouble with gossiping and, as I see now, are very fake and manipulative people.
So they ganged up on you, had their say while refusing to let you speak, and could not back up what they said except to relate gossip THEY heard while accusing you of being a gossip, and pretending God had revealed these things to them. Well, it seems you are well rid of them, and have cause to rejoice in finding out what they are really like. If any of them ever make amends for their reprehensible behavior toward you, you will have cause again for rejoicing. In the meantime, in order to find great Christian women to fellowship with, I would suggest attending church. When I was a new Christian, I attended multiple churches and church functions for years before settling in the church I now call my church home. I have made some incredible connections there; the people are wonderful, loving, supportive, and live by Christian values. I hope you are able to find something similar :)
 
May 20, 2019
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Then why are you still friends with them? They obviously are gossipers, and easily fooled, and NOT Christians at all, since they say that GOD told them that you're a fake person.. I'd sever ties with them ASAP.
I’m no longer friends with them. I cut ties completely after they hurt me that night. The girl primarily responsible for those lies attended my old church, which is where I would like to go now that I am not living in that house. She is trying to reach out to talk to me, however, her “talking to me” is her just getting after me again and making more accusation. I’ve kinda figured that I need to find a new church.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
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#10
I’m no longer friends with them. I cut ties completely after they hurt me that night. The girl primarily responsible for those lies attended my old church, which is where I would like to go now that I am not living in that house. She is trying to reach out to talk to me, however, her “talking to me” is her just getting after me again and making more accusation. I’ve kinda figured that I need to find a new church.
Sounds like you're better off without such people in your life. I have to wonder how much they really were friends to turn on you so easily.
As far as finding new friends, perhaps don't be in a rush. Building any kind of serious friendship takes time, not to mention finding someone you click with.
It may be a good time to rethink your previous friendships. What red flags you missed from them, possible mistakes you've made, etc.. so that as you come across new people you can be more wise in your handlings and have an increased chance of choosing better friends than before.