how much more can i take

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Jan 14, 2018
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#1
cut it short, been in a relationship for 4 years, been lied to since day 1. finally thinking hes changing when something else comes out, I'm heart broken. I know I should leave him, but its so hard, I must say, I have never met anyone so selfish in my life. what would you do and how do you move on
 

Demi777

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2014
5,686
489
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Germany
#2
id just take my stuff. leave, block his number and stuff everywhere, talk about it a lot and cry a lot.. thats how id do it..(know the feels)
 

Ugly

Senior Member
Apr 19, 2011
20,860
826
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#3
If you've been suffering this long it really ends up being on you, not him. He showed his true colors. Over and over. You chose to stay, no matter how many times you were lied to.
There's a differences between hopeful and optimistic and doing nothing wondering when it will stop.
Why not stop wondering how much more you can take and do the right thing instead? At this point your suffering is your own fault.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
63,504
2,212
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#5
I would (and did) kick his ascot out to the curb and say bye bye bye... Then I would (and did) throw away or burn anything he ever gave me.


cut it short, been in a relationship for 4 years, been lied to since day 1. finally thinking hes changing when something else comes out, I'm heart broken. I know I should leave him, but its so hard, I must say, I have never met anyone so selfish in my life. what would you do and how do you move on
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
23,627
2,095
113
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Florida
#6
Based on your post I am surmising that this relationship that your currently in is not marriage. Lying is extremely harmful in a relationship as it erodes any trust that there is and without trust there is no basis for a sound relationship. I am making another assumption and that there are no children involved either. You are still very young but are in a relationship that is eating you up inside. My advice is to cut your losses and move forward in your life without that anchor holding you down and tearing you up.
 

PennEd

Senior Member
Apr 22, 2013
5,108
682
113
#7
cut it short, been in a relationship for 4 years, been lied to since day 1. finally thinking hes changing when something else comes out, I'm heart broken. I know I should leave him, but its so hard, I must say, I have never met anyone so selfish in my life. what would you do and how do you move on
I think you have a MUCH greater issue you should address while it is called today.

Your profile says you are not a Christian, but getting closer. What if, God forbid, an accident should befall you before you were born again? The situation with your boyfriend would mean less than zilch.

This is THE Gospel. Please pray on it and believe:

God wrapped Himself in human flesh in the form of Jesus Christ. He was born of a virgin, conceived by the Holy Spirit. He suffered, was crucified. Died to pay the sin debt we owe. Was raised to life on the 3rd day according to the Scriptures.

Confess Jesus as Lord, believe in your heart that He was raised from the dead, and you WILL be saved.

Acts 26:28 Then Agrippa said to Paul, “You almost persuade me to become a Christian.”29 And Paul said, “I would to God that not only you, but also all who hear me ​TODAY, might become both almost and altogether such as I am, except for these chains.”


Please don't be an "almost believer".
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
23,391
1,355
113
#8
cut it short, been in a relationship for 4 years, been lied to since day 1. finally thinking hes changing when something else comes out, I'm heart broken. I know I should leave him, but its so hard, I must say, I have never met anyone so selfish in my life. what would you do and how do you move on
Hello Lizzie-Marie. Four years of your short life is quite a good portion of it :( One seventh! Many of us understand how difficult it can be to let go of those in whom we have invested a lot of ourselves, and to whom we are emotionally attached. Walking away is not easy under any circumstances, but is necessary when you realize the things you have come to understand.

I would suggest you stop placing your trust in this person who has betrayed you again and again. There is no point in prolonging your suffering by second guessing yourself, or thinking he is going to change for you. Find some good support groups in your community. There are plenty of them, depending on where you live. Surround yourself with people who have your best interests at heart, and who are working on their issues to the best of their ability. Perhaps a 12 step program would be beneficial to you. There are hundreds of them, all closely following a modification of the twelve steps as developed by Bill W. and Dr. Bob for alcoholics anonymous, originally borrowed from the evangelical Oxford group, which puts God front and center.

I would suggest also that you read the literature of co-dependents anonymous.

Signs of codependency include:

Having difficulty making decisions in a relationship

Having difficulty identifying your feelings

Having difficulty communicating in a relationship

Valuing the approval of others more than valuing yourself

Lacking trust in yourself and having poor self-esteem

Having fears of abandonment or an obsessive need for approval

Having an unhealthy dependence on relationships, even at your own cost

Having an exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
 
Jan 14, 2018
71
3
0
#9
Based on your post I am surmising that this relationship that your currently in is not marriage. Lying is extremely harmful in a relationship as it erodes any trust that there is and without trust there is no basis for a sound relationship. I am making another assumption and that there are no children involved either. You are still very young but are in a relationship that is eating you up inside. My advice is to cut your losses and move forward in your life without that anchor holding you down and tearing you up.
no your right not married but engaged to be,and I have no children he has a son. you are all right I need to leave its just so hard, I hate being alone after all I have done, its just so hurtful and ungrateful
 
Jan 14, 2018
71
3
0
#10
I think you have a MUCH greater issue you should address while it is called today.

Your profile says you are not a Christian, but getting closer. What if, God forbid, an accident should befall you before you were born again? The situation with your boyfriend would mean less than zilch.

This is THE Gospel. Please pray on it and believe:

God wrapped Himself in human flesh in the form of Jesus Christ. He was born of a virgin, conceived by the Holy Spirit. He suffered, was crucified. Died to pay the sin debt we owe. Was raised to life on the 3rd day according to the Scriptures.

Confess Jesus as Lord, believe in your heart that He was raised from the dead, and you WILL be saved.

Acts 26:28 Then Agrippa said to Paul, “You almost persuade me to become a Christian.”29 And Paul said, “I would to God that not only you, but also all who hear me ​TODAY, might become both almost and altogether such as I am, except for these chains.”


Please don't be an "almost believer".
I'm learning and I'm close to believe I want to understand it all first before I commit myself or come across something I might have to second guess. to me , my fiancé situation doesn't mean zilch, but I know where you are coming from, I'm useless with a broken heart .. I need to be healed to carry on what I have started, to lead and follow a Christian life
 
Jan 14, 2018
71
3
0
#12
If you've been suffering this long it really ends up being on you, not him. He showed his true colors. Over and over. You chose to stay, no matter how many times you were lied to.
There's a differences between hopeful and optimistic and doing nothing wondering when it will stop.
Why not stop wondering how much more you can take and do the right thing instead? At this point your suffering is your own fault.
yes he has shown his true colours, many a time, I have no respect for myself, I never have when it has come to men, the fear of being alone takes over .. the type of boyfriends I have ever had were either drug takers, cheaters, and lies, but this one tops the bill with all the lies I have no idea on where to start
 
Jan 14, 2018
71
3
0
#13
id just take my stuff. leave, block his number and stuff everywhere, talk about it a lot and cry a lot.. thats how id do it..(know the feels)
I would cry a lot your right, makes me useless
 

Lucy-Pevensie

Senior Member
Dec 20, 2017
2,283
116
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#14
Lizzie, is money and/or housing an issue? I mean can you afford your own place? Or do you have a place to go?
 
Jan 14, 2018
71
3
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#15
Lizzie, is money and/or housing an issue? I mean can you afford your own place? Or do you have a place to go?
that is what is up in the air, I'm getting another place in a few weeks and I'm working out my money, and what I'm working out its very tight, very very tight, unfortunatly
 

princessca

Junior Member
Oct 10, 2017
25
0
0
#16
So I went through the same thing....dint know I was being lied to and manipulated for the 3 years I dated a guy. He finally showed his true colours when he left me for someone else and blamed me for not being good enough. Its been 5 months since and I can say ive grown so much closer to Jesus and experienced joy that ive never felt before. What I did, was constantly listen to sermons, pray and talk to God to grow my relationship with him...which I lacked during the relationship and finally, all my free time was spent listening to Christian music and really worshipping him.

Advice I got from a sermon I watched...God takes away things that are not right for you that YOU brought into your own life. Although it hurts, its temporary pain. He is leading you back into his path which you went away from...so that in the future you will be soooo happy. Instead of ongoing pain due to a wrong decision, you are now going through temporary pain. Fellowship with him so that in the future, your decisions will reflect his plan for your life and there will be no pain but happiness and joy.