Have you ever tried to talk a 16 year girl with low self esteem and an unsupportive family into thinking about her future and what's best for her?
People in those conditions have a barrier up that it takes a helluva lot of effort to budge. Whether you like it or not, that kind of girl is going to do what she wants, when she wants, and I'd rather she got the chance to do it, sort her head out, and come out the other side with the freedom to really think about it with a more mature mind; without kids on her shoulders.
So are you saying instead of taking the initiative to try and help her understand her future and what's best for her...
Take the tools of knowledge and wisdom which is actually beneficial for her and replace it with an abundance of things that will only create more issues for her to sort out at a later time as well as creating further rship issues for herself and any guy she chooses to be with later.
How many people do you see really "sort things out properly" on their own, without the aid of someone who knows.
I havent talked to very many 16 yr old ladies in this dilemma, mostly because they are not adults yet and also because their own parents should be part of the helpful equation.
Although I have spoken with enough of them as well as guys that age to know and understand what you're speaking of.
They have asked questions such as how to please their boyfriend, what they could wear that looks sexy on a date, and things of that nature.
All I see with this is that nobody has ever been an example for them of how to do right.
They live in the world and so wish to be friends of the world. When that isn't what we're called to be.
I plainly let them know try not to worry about those things until they are at least:
1. an adult
2. wouldn't put undue stress upon her own parents for getting into trouble
3. dress modestly so as to not draw attention to themselves since if that's the kind of attention they're looking for then that is the kind of attention they will receive. A young guy most likely wont look past her looks to get to know her as a person, will not have much respect for her for giving in sexually too soon and those self-esteem issues of hers you spoke of will just be multiplied.
It's alright to have a crush or attraction at that age and possibly even date
But I believe AFTER good values have been instilled.
On the other hand I HAVE spoken with many more ladies that are older in their 20's and later who have not ever been given those instructions I spoke of, neither from their parents or teachers and saw the aftermath of.
And do you wanna know what each and every one of them has said?
"I wish someone would have told me all this before"
"I wish my parents would have showed me more discipline"
I've even heard, "I wish my dad would have spanked me when I was younger"
In other words do you realize how many kids and teens are actually testing their parents to see if they will step up to their responsibility of being a parent.
And when it doesnt happen it allows the child and teen to think it's ok to make their own rules and go through life with the only knowledge of having to learn from their own mistakes.
I say there is a better way, a much better way.
And that is providing knowledge BEFORE mistakes and regrettable decisions are made.
As the bible puts it,"teaching them the way they should go and when they get older they will not depart from the path"
This is no boastful thing on my part, I'm not bragging ok
What I am doing is suggesting that people must be able and willing to speak the truth
The truth of righteousness.
Now, on the other hand I have spoken with ladies who have gotten pregnant, had 3 kids by the time they were 21, had 2 divorces by the time they're 26 and looking for another man (mostly to take care of her and her kids) and all this was
....
WITH CONTRACEPTION BEING AVAILABLE.
I have spoken with some who when younger at ONLY 15 yrs of age have said their mom said it was ok to date someone up to the age of 30
And this while their mom is a Christian.
And I have to point out that this is a recipe for disaster.
It has the possibility of working yes, with 2 Christians, but number one if a guy is 30 and wanting to date a 15 yr old then he is obviously not a Christian and likely not going to be Noble and respectable enough to wait until she is 18 to propose since that is what dating should be the purpose of anyway, the mindset of marriage.
Not playing around to pass the time or fill a void of loneliness.
And after I have offered my advice I hear things like,
"but momma said it was ok" or my sister said or my friends mom lets her blah blah.
Who steps up to the plate and tells them what good morals are if their own parents don't?
Well, it has to be other people then, people who can be able to speak the truth.
Most People for some reason give in to the peer pressure of the world.
Well Christians don't, and a Christian should be teaching others how not to.
A person under the age of consent should be being taught how to be responsible in their actions.
Not how to light a fire and go play with it and see what happens
Then AFTERWARD of them getting burned their elders THEN decide to teach such a person what they COULD have done to prevent it.
Experience is a bitter teacher my friend.
It's like "oh ya wanna play with fire, ok well if ur gonna do it anyway here's a Bic lighter. Whoops ya burned someones house down, ahhh geez sorry to hear that, lets see if we can get ya a lawyer now to defend yourself in court for arson, lets try and work out a deal with the house owners for restitution, lets etc etc."
Or the wiser choice would be to just say,
"Ummm yeah ur not old enough yet to be playing with matches.
And THESE ARE THE REASONS WHY...x y z"
It helps to couple it with the reason why to refrain from something in order to provide a greater understanding of all things.
Give and teach the tools for responsibility instead of handing them the tools for destruction.