I was baptized as raised Catholic. I've had spots if increased activity but always fall away again. The only time I ever "felt" anything spiritual was when I witnessed a Tridentine Mass at Notre Dame in '09. Ever since that experience I've been searching for that feeling.
Though, what if my rejuvenated search for faith through this "unbeliever" is simply a way God is using to get me to search for him? The most inspirational figure in my life (St. Augustine of Hippo) was born in Carthage and this girl lives in Tunis, previously Carthage. I don't know, maybe I'm forming connections where there are none, but that is how I feel.
I've attended both Roman Rite and Byzantine Rite Mass and that's really the extent of my religiosity beyond personal reading.
I sorta understand. The only thing that I can relate with is that growing up... I've always felt like God was watching me.
Anyways, I think based on what you've told me I'm almost certain your NOT a Christian. So, I'll tell you what you need to know.
Every Christian, practically universally would understand the process of becoming a Christian. The first step may be the most important step. That step is accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and savior. This is how you become a Christian.
You mentioned baptism but you didn't mention you accepting Jesus as your Lord (Master/King) and your savior (Hero)
Baptism won't save you, although you will find some people claiming it's necessary to be saved, all Christians universally agree that you HAVE to accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior.
The reason why you must accept Jesus is because of the state of the mankind. It all started with Adam and Eve. God created good human beings. Human beings without ANY flaws. However, mankind had free-will and Adam and Eve (mankind) used that fee-will to disobey God. To go against TRUTH, LOVE, JUSTICE... to go against God. And God warned them before that that if they took from the forbidden fruit that they will surely die. And they did... first spiritually... and then later with time, physically.
This was the beginning of our ugly world. Our world, where people lie, steal, murder, speak profanity, lust, greed... etc. Its our fault that our world is in the state it is. This answers the question of, "Why is there evil in the world?" To them I say, look in the mirror, that's why. Its obviously true that we are accountable for either all or a great deal (considering the devil will take a piece of the blame) of the evil in the world.
Moving on, God has a Justice system. This justice system basically says, if you did any evil then you deserve death. (and hell) This is how high God's standards are. To God, good means perfection. To humanity, good means... being okay with some or a lot of evil.
Romans 3:20
Therefore no one will be declared righteous in God's sight by the works of the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of our sin.
So, let's go through God's law. (I copied and pasted and 6-9 look awkward but I didn't do it on purpose. It just happened.)
1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image
3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain;
4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy
5. Honour thy father and thy mother:
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6. Thou shalt not kill.
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7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.
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8. Thou shalt not steal.
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9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.
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10. Thou shalt not covet
So, when you go through these laws. We come to realize that we have broken some or a lot of them and that's a huge deal. Because from God's perspective we have done GREAT evil. This why we are all found guilty and deserve death and hell. This is why ALL of mankind is actually EVIL... not mostly good as the society and generally the media may portray us.
Its a tough pill to swallow but this how it is. So, what next?
The point is next. This is where Jesus comes in. This is why Jesus had to come here to earth. Jesus is God. And God had to come here to earth so that HE could accomplish doing the ten commandments. So, that God can truly be a good man. A perfect man. And all this for our sake. Because we couldn't do it. However, although he has accomplished being a good man for us....someone still has to pay for all the sins of mankind. And its this reason why God (Jesus) sacrificed himself on the cross. So that God's sacrifice would be sufficient to cover that debt. The debt of all mankind's sins and evils. God died so that you can be redeemed.
This is why Jesus Christ is to be accepted as LORD and SAVIOR, king and hero.
I'd recommend you just say it out loud and consciously... and just tell God you understand and you want to accept him as your Lord and Savior.
