Why does...

[Jullianna]

I think the ladies of the Forum here are taking this stuff WAY too seriously.

I'm sure Bob doesn't really care about whatever it is as much as you think he does. If Bob gets Free Tickets to something he said he hates, like a MLS soccer game in (Insert City near him) he will probably go. Because at the end of the Day, he isn't doing it to express principles but to extract an exchange from you. (Conversation)


But mostly he wants an Engaging plugged in discussion about something. I think most women don't get it because they see it as conflict. (booo) and Most women simply don't have a horse in any race.

Whats your favorite (Thing)? She says, "Wellll......... um I don't really... BLAH BLAH BLAH... yadda yadda yadda."

What she means is, "I think that (Thing)'s are silly, but, I'm not going to hurt yer feelers so, I'll just play dumb and pretend I don't really know or haven't really thought about it, when the Truth is that I simply don't care."

Because in all honesty, they are tolerating this exchange in conversation. They don't REALLY care about what you might be interested in. They are waiting for the lead in the conversation so they can talk about whatever they care about. BUT Bob likes talking to women, but probably hates talking about Women-y stuff, so he becomes Troll Bob and picks on random things. HOPING to stir the Passionate side out of a woman, about something they can mutually get on board with.



The Irony is that men handle not caring about what women are talking about, very different than women. We simply tune out or, "Oh look a bird!" OR we throw you for a loop by doing some research and then POW! hit you with all kind of forbidden knowledge. But Women, pretend to care just enough, to throw us for a loop.

Which if you are Clutching a Joey Votto doll, this clearly doesn't apply to you concerning baseball.

Errrm...I'm sorry. Were you saying something? I was thinking about womany stuff

Do these shoes make my feet look fat?

 

[CatHerder]

If Bob puts down what others enjoy he's being rude and I think Cat hearder should tell him that. Also Bob seems a bit self centered.

Oh yes....because I was that guy in high school who took that young freshman aside and explained to him that he needed to use deodorant because his smell was offending the rest of the band geeks, it is now my job to similarly handle offensive adults.

 

[error]

I think the ladies of the Forum here are taking this stuff WAY too seriously.

I'm sure Bob doesn't really care about whatever it is as much as you think he does. If Bob gets Free Tickets to something he said he hates, like a MLS soccer game in (Insert City near him) he will probably go. Because at the end of the Day, he isn't doing it to express principles but to extract an exchange from you. (Conversation)


But mostly he wants an Engaging plugged in discussion about something. I think most women don't get it because they see it as conflict. (booo) and Most women simply don't have a horse in any race.

Whats your favorite (Thing)? She says, "Wellll......... um I don't really... BLAH BLAH BLAH... yadda yadda yadda."

What she means is, "I think that (Thing)'s are silly, but, I'm not going to hurt yer feelers so, I'll just play dumb and pretend I don't really know or haven't really thought about it, when the Truth is that I simply don't care."

Because in all honesty, they are tolerating this exchange in conversation. They don't REALLY care about what you might be interested in. They are waiting for the lead in the conversation so they can talk about whatever they care about. BUT Bob likes talking to women, but probably hates talking about Women-y stuff, so he becomes Troll Bob and picks on random things. HOPING to stir the Passionate side out of a woman, about something they can mutually get on board with.



The Irony is that men handle not caring about what women are talking about, very different than women. We simply tune out or, "Oh look a bird!" OR we throw you for a loop by doing some research and then POW! hit you with all kind of forbidden knowledge. But Women, pretend to care just enough, to throw us for a loop.

Which if you are Clutching a Joey Votto doll, this clearly doesn't apply to you concerning baseball.

Whatever. But I must admit-I like soccer.

 

[Mo0448]

Whatever. But I must admit-I like soccer.

Greatest sport ever! Can't wait for the games today for the Confederations Cup

 

[kayem77]

I think the ladies of the Forum here are taking this stuff WAY too seriously.

I'm sure Bob doesn't really care about whatever it is as much as you think he does. If Bob gets Free Tickets to something he said he hates, like a MLS soccer game in (Insert City near him) he will probably go. Because at the end of the Day, he isn't doing it to express principles but to extract an exchange from you. (Conversation)


But mostly he wants an Engaging plugged in discussion about something. I think most women don't get it because they see it as conflict. (booo) and Most women simply don't have a horse in any race.

Whats your favorite (Thing)? She says, "Wellll......... um I don't really... BLAH BLAH BLAH... yadda yadda yadda."

What she means is, "I think that (Thing)'s are silly, but, I'm not going to hurt yer feelers so, I'll just play dumb and pretend I don't really know or haven't really thought about it, when the Truth is that I simply don't care."

Because in all honesty, they are tolerating this exchange in conversation. They don't REALLY care about what you might be interested in. They are waiting for the lead in the conversation so they can talk about whatever they care about. BUT Bob likes talking to women, but probably hates talking about Women-y stuff, so he becomes Troll Bob and picks on random things. HOPING to stir the Passionate side out of a woman, about something they can mutually get on board with.



The Irony is that men handle not caring about what women are talking about, very different than women. We simply tune out or, "Oh look a bird!" OR we throw you for a loop by doing some research and then POW! hit you with all kind of forbidden knowledge. But Women, pretend to care just enough, to throw us for a loop.

Which if you are Clutching a Joey Votto doll, this clearly doesn't apply to you concerning baseball.

If Bob didn't really care, then he wouldn't argue so passionate for something. I understand having a passion about something or wanting to share something so bad with someone that you talk about it all the time, but in reality, Bob is just acting like a self-centered jerk. I've dealt with people like Bob. I have a Bob in my family. When he doesn't like my interests he can be more than willing to let me know, but whenever he likes something, he believes everyone MUST like it too. If we have something we both like, it's cool, but since we are different people of course,there is always something someone doesn't like, and then the Bob syndrome starts, ''That's stupid, it doesn't make sense, I don't see the point of you liking that''.

I simply can't understand a Bob because for the most part, I'm the kind of person who is willing to find appreciation for something, and if I don't , I try not to be so pushy about it. If Bob was more open and selfless, he could try to find some appreciation for what I like. There are occasion where I've been a Bob, when I believe someone likes something bad for them (let's say drugs, a bad boy or girl, a bad frienship,etc). I believe there are occasions when you can act like that (with certain coundaries), but for trivial things, we should allow everyone to form their own opinions.

In my experience, I've had guys pretend they like something I like, just so I become interested in them. We women also have interests and passions. Don't be such a Bob .

 

[Shouryu]

Whatever. But I must admit-I like soccer.

Of course you do, Jolanta. You're a non-American. ^_^

[video=youtube;k-o5-9ipOLM]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-o5-9ipOLM[/video]

 

[Jullianna]

Okay...so here's the thing...women would enjoy sporting events more if they understood sporting events more. For example, I grew up in Europe, so I don't know much about what folks in the US call football. When guys began to ask me to go to games with them, I would be honest about it and tell them that I would love to go, but didn't know much about it...which makes it a little difficult to get excited about it. Men TELL you.."Oh! That's okay! I'll teach you!". Women...when men tell you this, they are soooooooooooooooooooooooo lying. If you want to learn, you need to learn on your own time, which I eventually did.

If you don't learn, the games go a little something like this:

Man: *beaming* This is great!!!! (Because he has the required fan finger, jersey, hot dog, beer, cheesehead, nachos, brat, spirit towel)

Woman: (Quietly watches the game and tries to figure out who is who and what is going on while being whacked in the back of the head with spirit towels, having beer spilled down her back and a couple of really tall guys sitting in front of her keep jumping up and down blocking her view)

Man: (After bad call) DID YOU SEEEEEEEEEEE THAT!!!!!!!!!! ????????????????? (throws fan finger on the ground and stomps on it)

Woman: See what?

Man: *groans*

Woman: *waits for explanation that never comes* (Resumes attempt to learn, especially the "first/second/third down" thing...because they are DOWN a LOT!) *woman processes information: everyone runs at everyone after they throw the ball and try to knock one another down. When they get to the end, they do the same, but they run the other way.*

After 45 minutes of this process, Woman's mind begins to wander:

"Did I start the dryer up before I left because last time I didn't and the clothes soured and that smelled awful and I don't ever want to do that again because I didn't think I was ever going to get that smell out, hey I really like this nail polish I need to remember where I got it, this seat is really HARD and really COLD but he loves it so I need to figure out why, did I feed the dog, I need to call my brother back he left a voicemail and now I'm really worried but I was in a hurry to get here and I forgot, I need to work on my Bible study notes for Wednesday night I wonder if the materials came in"

MAN: *suddenly jumps out of his chair and starts cheering* *Picks fan finger up offa the ground*

Woman gets smacked by a few more fan towels and feels a few more splashes of beer rolling down the back of her shirt from the guys behind her.

WOMAN: *cheers and applauds because apparently something good just happened*

MAN: *smiles at Woman apparently enjoying this romantic time together*

Woman attempts to determine what the good thing was that happened. After a while her mind again begins to wander:

"I need a new ironboard cover. I need to make an appointment to take the dog to the groom. Is he due for his shots too? If so, I need to call the vet. I'm not taking him back to that groom I used last time. They charged me way too much and he likes the other one better anyway. These jeans seem a little tight. I need to stop drinking softdrinks. Seriously. Yeah, I told myself I was going to stop, but this time I really mean it. Wow..I need to have my hair thinned out. It's been taking forever to dry."

MAN: *suddenly jumps out of his chair and starts cheering* *Picks fan finger up offa the ground*

Woman gets smacked by a few more fan towels and feels a few more splashes of beer rolling down the back of her shirt from the guys behind her.

WOMAN: *cheers and applauds because apparently something good just happened*

MAN: *smiles at Woman apparently enjoying this romantic time together*

Woman attempts to determine what the good thing was that happened. After a while her mind again begins to wander:

*I wonder what he would like for dinner? Would he be too tired to grill something? I would offer to do it but I know he doesn't like it when I use his grill. I really need to do some work on the patio. It's not level in that one place. Someone could trip and fall. If his mom trips and falls I'll feel horrible. I don't think she likes me anyway."

Man: DID YOU SEEEEEEEEEEE THAT!!!!!!!!!! ????????????????? MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! C'MON REF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SERIOUSLY????????????????????

Woman: See what?

Man discusses terrible ref with other men in the immediate vicinity. All are in agreement that it was a terrible call...whatever it was...

Woman hears terms like flea flicker, tight end, safety team (which in her mind = paramedics) and makes mental notes to learn this foreign language. In the meantime, her mind begins to wander:

"Five minutes left on the clock. I know that doesn't mean anything. Last time I went to a game and it said that I think I was here for five more days. My behind was totally numb by the time we left, but I would never say anything. We really need to update the livingroom. It's so blah... It wouldn't take much...maybe new drapes, sofa cushions to brighten it up a little bit. Plants. I like plants. I read that it's healthy to have them in your house. My mom always........"

MAN JUMPS TO HIS FEET CHEERING UNCONTROLLABLY GRABS WOMAN AND BEGINS JUMPING UP AND DOWN LIKE A CRAZY PERSON WAVING HIS FAN TOWEL AND FAN FINGER!

WOMAN realizes our side won, smiles and jumps in sync to minimize bruising.

Man hugs woman and says he's so glad she came with him.

WOMAN: I'm glad I came too.

 

[kayem77]

Wow Jullianna, now I think I would never go to a football game. I would probably be as lost as the woman in the game. And I don't like beer spilled on my clothes. But I like soccer games

 

[PopClick]

I am Bob.

Clearly. lol

But seriously, I could easily be Bob.

Basically, what is the point of being into something if you can't be passionate about the quirks of it. Like take the Bible Forum, You've got Premillennialist, Predestination people arguing with Molinist and Presuppositionalist and Calvinist and all these people who STUDY HARD, to know both themselves and their positions and to be able to defend their positions and Denominations. Almost like Sports fans...

But those of us who are simply content to have a position and don't feel compelled to share it or defend it, it makes those people seem different.

But when it comes to sports, or Bible Peripherals, or MBTI or whatever, if I think you have a STAKE or a FAVORITE TEAM or an impassioned position concerning end times prophecy, then there is going to be a passionate conversation about that. People like having passionate conversations about the things that they love, its not an attack, its just enthusiastic. Like Mac vs PC or Organic vs. Economical, Honda vs Suzuki vs Kawasaki, etc. People want to Support what they can believe in and get behind.

Like, I like watching lots of Sports, Olympics, Football, World Cup, Women's Tennis, etc. And I can't simply watch without rooting for one side or another.

Life is a lot like that for some of us. We crave the camaraderie of having "Brothers in Arms" to be passionate about the same things that we are passionate about. Its a sort of Bonding Exercise. To say, "Hey this makes me feel alive! You should see if it does the same for you!" ...and if it does WOO HOO!!

and if it doesn't, well, I guess thats where PopClick makes a thread about it.

I have no idea if you're seriously thinking that you might be the real-life Bob, or if you're just trying to stir things up.

It's also not about passion at all. If Bob (or anyone) likes something and wants to share his love of it, that is leagues different from trying to cut other people's hobbies down. I have seen the guy interrupt two other people who are talking, to let them both know that he does not enjoy the particular activity they are discussing. Even if they did want to try and explain to Bob why they like said activity, it really isn't the time or place. Because he just interrupted their conversation. But they don't want to try and explain it to him, because when he says things like "boring", "stupid", "waste of time", etc, he comes across as really judgmental and rude, and he doesn't listen very well anyhow.

I'd say it could be what Liamson said, that want for other people to see the joys of what they like, or it could be an insecurity issue like DuchessAimee said.

I have friends who try to "convert" me to like country music, and they get offended/mad when I tell them that will never happen. I also get flack because I love cheese pizza ("That's what 6 year olds like."). I've never really understood it. I've teased people jokingly on some thing (one of my friends doesn't like chocolate and my mind cannot wrap around that), but for people who get legitimately upset that I don't like what they like...it just isn't really necessary.

This is more what I was talking about. Not trying to "share the love" by telling you that something is awesome and you should try it, but making fun of you for liking cheese pizza. You like it because it tastes good, darn it. They couldn't possibly expect you to be passionate about something so trivial. It does not affect them in any way if you eat cheese pizza. So why would they say it? 0.o

~~~

I actually started the thread because "Bob" is a very difficult person to love. I had been trying to understand why he would do the things he does, in part because I want to be sympathetic towards whatever his real issue is. If I could somehow help him deal with it, that would be great, but (as I said), he doesn't listen very well. CatHerder is right though, about him not seeming very happy.

Catlynn, your post was very helpful. May I ask how you would have reacted to someone who asked you why you said those things? Did you realize at the time what you were doing or why?

 

[Shouryu]

{snip!}

0_o

See, now you being all Texas proud all the time, I'm starting to have my doubts about you. (Which actually means I have hope for you yet.) Because Texas culture is pretty much guns, trucks, and football. (Granted, it's actually centered around high school and college ball more than the NFL, but considering that there are two major franchises in the state, one being one of the most popular in the nation, Texas really is football central.) I mean, it's the ONLY state with the audacity to tell the other 49 states, "Hey, we think we're so awesome, we're going to make a team out of the very best high school kids just from Texas, and you other 49 states can also make one team of the very best. And we'll do this every year, and the teams play each other every year, so we can thump you and show everyone that Texas is better."

I think Indiana is rubbing off on you, Red. Yay! ^_^

 

[Liamson]

Okay, so I'm not Bob.

Bob is an Jerkface.

 

[PopClick]

Okay, so I'm not Bob.

Bob is an Jerkface.

But... if you were Bob... then what would he be? 0.o

 

[LightningClap0002]

If I were him, I would hope that someone would write me a letter or email describing the impact of my actions on them and others. If it comes from someone, such as yourself, whom I respect then I would attempt to resolve the situation.

 

[seoulsearch]

Pop, I'm just wondering... and I'm sorry if you answered this in other posts... I've tried to read everything here but it's been in a hurry.

I'm assuming that Bob is like this with everyone and not just you? Does he have many, or any friends? When I meet people like Bob, I tend to stay as far away from them as possible. I'm pleasant if I encounter them but I am not around them by choice. Do you know if other people come to this conclusion about Bob as well?

I personally think Bob needs to be put in front of a soccer ball firing squad to knock a little sense and consideration into him, but that's just my bad side coming out.

I admire you for having the faith to try to show Bob kindness.

 

[AsifinPassing]

Good/interesting responses to a common potentially problematic occurrence. Of the several things which could be said this issue (and have to some extent), I'd like to add a personality perspective.

If you've ever done the Chicago Color test (or True Colors for my business example), you'll find that different people (in general) have different ways of dealing with what they like/dislike, and that to some extent (along with other studies like conflict resolution), have natural inclinations toward the ways that they handle said matter.

For example, of the many colors, I'm almost a perfectly matched green & blue with high gold ratings. (For this to make any sense, I'll try to find a link: http://studentservices.fgcu.edu/DOS/files/DOS_Staff_Training_True_Colors_PowerPoint.pdf ...not that I really expect most people to look at it, but if you do...awesome!)

So, after long careful, analysis, my base color is probably green. I have strong blue influence as well (same score), but I'm probably green. 'Green' people talk about things 'in abstract' or in a somewhat 'detached' nature. Now, preferences play a role, but the conversation is just that, a conversation (not paying attention to anyone's ties to a particular thing, but looking at the thing itself in somewhat objective manner...)

Now, I have a very close friend who's natural color is blue. 'Blue' people cannot talk about things like 'green' people do. There is personal attachment and offense when criticism of something they hold dear comes into play.

Subjective as Bob's argument for or against soccer/volleyball may be, It's possible that he's coming at it from this perspective. If he should be a 'green' type, then he's critically evaluating why he believes something to be good/desirable or bad/undesirable, and will voice that process, analysis, and derived conclusion to others.

Hopefully, if this is the case, it provides some insight into why Bob is the way he is. The question then, is if you understand the way your are, and he understands the way he is. Once you both understand, then (given that you like each other and actually want to do this), you can try to re-calibrate the way you deal with each other to try to 'compensate' (so to speak) for the differences.

Just a thought...not necessarily an answer...

 

[PopClick]

Pop, I'm just wondering... and I'm sorry if you answered this in other posts... I've tried to read everything here but it's been in a hurry.

I'm assuming that Bob is like this with everyone and not just you? Does he have many, or any friends? When I meet people like Bob, I tend to stay as far away from them as possible. I'm pleasant if I encounter them but I am not around them by choice. Do you know if other people come to this conclusion about Bob as well?

I personally think Bob needs to be put in front of a soccer ball firing squad to knock a little sense and consideration into him, but that's just my bad side coming out.

I admire you for having the faith to try to show Bob kindness.

Kim! ♥

Bob is that way with almost everyone. There is one, maybe two people that he seems to respect, but they really don't like most of the same activities that he likes. The two people seem to think that he's a decent guy. <--- That is possibly one of the most puzzling things about him. But he acts... very differently towards most people, and honestly he has very few friends. Most people don't want to take much of him, and I don't blame them. But he does seem unhappy and lonely.

He also seems REALLY arrogant about his preferences; almost as though liking any other activities is a sin. But he will call other people arrogant and judgmental a lot... it's like he's trying to contradict himself? And yet he doesn't seem to think of himself as the least bit arrogant or judgmental.

I also thought it seemed like he was deliberately trying to take other people's enjoyment away from them. Like, trying to sap any joy that they got out of their activities or hobbies. If that's what he's doing, I have no idea why he would do such a thing.

He claims to be a Christian, for what it's worth, but he doesn't go to church, and if there are any fruits of the Spirit around him, I cannot see them. They could still be there though. Maybe he hides them really well.

I'd be willing to try the soccer ball firing squad, but I'm not sure I could get Bob to go along with it. And thank you.

 

[GRA]

Errrm...I'm sorry. Were you saying something? I was thinking about womany stuff

Do these shoes make my feet look fat?

"Only when you are not wearing them..."

( three ... two ... one ... *ducks to keep from getting hit by fast-moving airborne shoes* )

 

[PopClick]

Good/interesting responses to a common potentially problematic occurrence. Of the several things which could be said this issue (and have to some extent), I'd like to add a personality perspective.

If you've ever done the Chicago Color test (or True Colors for my business example), you'll find that different people (in general) have different ways of dealing with what they like/dislike, and that to some extent (along with other studies like conflict resolution), have natural inclinations toward the ways that they handle said matter.

For example, of the many colors, I'm almost a perfectly matched green & blue with high gold ratings. (For this to make any sense, I'll try to find a link: http://studentservices.fgcu.edu/DOS/files/DOS_Staff_Training_True_Colors_PowerPoint.pdf ...not that I really expect most people to look at it, but if you do...awesome!)

So, after long careful, analysis, my base color is probably green. I have strong blue influence as well (same score), but I'm probably green. 'Green' people talk about things 'in abstract' or in a somewhat 'detached' nature. Now, preferences play a role, but the conversation is just that, a conversation (not paying attention to anyone's ties to a particular thing, but looking at the thing itself in somewhat objective manner...)

Now, I have a very close friend who's natural color is blue. 'Blue' people cannot talk about things like 'green' people do. There is personal attachment and offense when criticism of something they hold dear comes into play.

Subjective as Bob's argument for or against soccer/volleyball may be, It's possible that he's coming at it from this perspective. If he should be a 'green' type, then he's critically evaluating why he believes something to be good/desirable or bad/undesirable, and will voice that process, analysis, and derived conclusion to others.

Hopefully, if this is the case, it provides some insight into why Bob is the way he is. The question then, is if you understand the way your are, and he understands the way he is. Once you both understand, then (given that you like each other and actually want to do this), you can try to re-calibrate the way you deal with each other to try to 'compensate' (so to speak) for the differences.

Just a thought...not necessarily an answer...

Very interesting; thank you for posting that. Bob is a definite orange, and I'm obviously a green. This could be helpful in the future.

 

[Ugly]

If I were him, I would hope that someone would write me a letter or email describing the impact of my actions on them and others. If it comes from someone, such as yourself, whom I respect then I would attempt to resolve the situation.

But likely the type of person to behave in that manner wouldn't respond that way. They would blame the other person for being too sensitive. So if you're the type to wish to know you were acting like that so you could change, you probably aren't that way to begin with.
'Bob' sounds abusive in nature. Its one thing to express a dislike for something, and even to offer explanations why, but its another thing to criticize that thing in front of the person that likes it, or to criticize the person who likes it.

I've dated women who were NFL fans. I hate sports in general. I let them know it too. I wanted to avoid the attempt to get me into it and push me to watch with them. I grew up near Miami, as in Miami Dolphins. I wasn't far from Gainesville. As in Gainesville Gators (for college fans). So i've seen enough football. Its not for a lack of trying. But despite this i didn't put them down for liking it, though i had no clue why they did.
Though country music may be the exception to the rule. I hate country music. =P

 

[adekruif]

I haven't read all the replies but I did see some people mention insecurity, and I agree. Bob feels threatened if someone doesn't like soccer, and so he needs to tell of these "so called great" qualities of soccer. I don't understand the need for this though. For example, I don't really care for Apple. My friends and co-workers know that I don't care for Apple, but I couldn't care less if YOU have an Iphone, Ipod, Ipad, AppleTV, etc. I am happy that other people enjoy Apple products, I just don't care for them and I see no reason to tell everyone I know why I don't like Apple. I joke/tease about it, but that's it.