BUT I would choose:
The guy who introduced me to his dog on the first date. Unfortunately the dog was dead, cremated and in a Parkay container. When he opened the lid, he revealed the ashes. The guy barked in time with the moving lid and proceeded to chase me around the island in his kitchen. (since I was backing away from him and the 'barking' ashes)
Have you seen how much they burn for human cremations? I wonder if there are any ashed-remains in the actual ashes the give out anyway.