A Request From A Man To A Woman: Please Don't Try To Seduce Me

[1still_waters]

I'm noticing some Christian women are relying on the ways of the world to gain a sense of beauty and as a way to attract men.

Some may be doing this intentionally, while others may be doing it unknowingly. Either way, I have one request. Please stop!

Before i go any further, I'm not saying men are pure on this issue as women are evil. I'm just writing this to address some concerns I have as a guy who's trying to follow Jesus.

I'm noticing some Christian women who are using the ways of worldly seduction to attract a man to them. This may come through something as innocent as a mischievous glance from across the room. Others are more blatant like, the use of tight or revealing clothing, suggestive talk or even the way a woman carries herself in a seductive, overly sexual way.

So please, if you find yourself doing these on purpose or just by accident, stop!

These intended or unintended tactics are a major stumbling block for us guys. Many of these ways cause us to have bad thoughts that only lead us in to being tempted.

Instead of trying to use the ways of the world to attract us to you and to get a sense of beauty for yourself, can I suggest some Biblical ways?

Most of these verses are in the context of marriage and submitting to husbands, but there are general concepts of how to have true beauty, that apply to women regardless of their state of marriage.

1 Timothy 2: 9I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, 10but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.

1 Peter 3: 3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Ok, so this doesn't mean wear a potato sack that goes from the top of your neck all the way to the tips of your ankles as you walk around with bed head. It just means having your priorities straight, and finding your beauty from something substantive and of God.

By following these verses you will do yourself and us guys a great favor.

Thank you.

 

[J0Y]

*CLAPS*
That is AWESOME Stilly!
Fantastic..... refreshing honesty!!
Women don't get how much of a struggle it is for guys....I got my youth group girls together one day and brought 2 guys in who candidly spoke upon these issues and the girls were astounded at the influence they had on men, especially visually.

I have always loved this verse... "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." Proverbs 31

Now THAT is something all us women should aspire to!

 

[SamIam]

Im really glad you posted this. Women, especially christian women should be more conscience of these things you mentioned. What bothers me so much is that even in the church i go to, I see girls, even as young as 12, walking around in little short skirts really tight shirts, and i wonder where is their father (because i feel fathers really need to step up here and teach there daughters about these things) or mother to tell them how inappropraite this is. Its like you can never get away from it. These types of things are everywhere even in the church.... Its very disturbing. Joy i really like what you said up top there as well! What a great idea to do that! I think alot of women forget that men are visual..

I think theres also another side to this. I feel like men have some how egged this whole issue on, i mean women ultimately choose how there gonna dress act walk talk, but its seems that men have a hand in this issue as well, women obviously dress the way they do because they feel that is how they can attract men... Think about it.... If you knew two women were christians and they were standing side by side, one was dressed in tighter clothes showing her off more, the other was wearing something where you couldnt really make out her figure... which one are you gonna go for.............. Soceity as a whole has taught women that in order to get a man in order to be beautiful you must look a certain way. And men have played in to this big time. christian and otherwise. I think both sides need to be careful, christian men. When you see a woman that is dressed that way, dont stare at her.. because thats what im talkin about by eggin it on,.... look away... .. Theres a term for it, its called bouncing your eyes, obviously this doesnt come naturally so its gonna take work. And for women.... think about what your wearing... before you buy something... ask yourself why your buying it.. obviously if its really short to tight.... dont get it.

 

[1still_waters]

Thanks Joy n Sam..

And Sam I do agree us guys are partially guilty too. Oh well, that's just why women need to stick to their guns and follow God regardless of what some slimy men desire. They're big girls now and should have enough inward fortitude to do what is right.

 

[MahogonySnail]

amen to the OP.

I don't like to see any ankle or knee. Keep it covered ladies, there's a lot you could learn from the Amish if they had internet.

And Sam I do agree us guys are partially guilty too.

Yes that's true, I myself try to avoid tight fitting clothing and anything above the knee.

men... Think about it.... If you knew two women were christians and they were standing side by side, one was dressed in tighter clothes showing her off more, the other was wearing something where you couldnt really make out her figure... which one are you gonna go for

I think I would go for the non-Calvinistic, well-covered and slightly obtuse one.

 

[Fullofjoy]

i guess sometimes..man always look for pretty and sexy girl...and many of the gurls need to dress up and look hot....be sexy...to get man ...is so hard to find man that actually will go for a woman..inner beauty...no one guy seems to care about INNER beauty anymore

 

[SamIam]

amen to the OP.

I don't like to see any ankle or knee. Keep it covered ladies, there's a lot you could learn from the Amish if they had internet.



Yes that's true, I myself try to avoid tight fitting clothing and anything above the knee.



I think I would go for the non-Calvinistic, well-covered and slightly obtuse one.

hahahahha of course you would!!

 

[seoulsearch]

i guess sometimes..man always look for pretty and sexy girl...and many of the gurls need to dress up and look hot....be sexy...to get man ...is so hard to find man that actually will go for a woman..inner beauty...no one guy seems to care about INNER beauty anymore

This is a really great thread and I also like the Bible verses that were listed... However, I do have to give Fullofjoy a nod, too.

I am constantly being asked about my friends... because they are considered "sexy" and (I don't even know what a good, modern slang term might be that would be considered appropriate...)

I'm not sure how to put it--my friends are very good at trading insults ("jokes", "scoring") on the guys... and I've had more than one guy tell me he's attracted to that because he "likes a challenge" and enjoys it more when a girl is "harder to get." (Not in a sexual way... but it's like, he'll make a joke at her, and she'll make some biting remark back and he likes it...) I wish I had a good example.

Guys tell me I'm "too sweet" (I'm not saying that to make myself sound good--I don't see myself as sweet at all--I think I'm kind of stubborn and difficult ) because I like to give compliments and encouragement instead of trading mock insults (most days, at least.) And I don't say something complimentary if it's not genuine and I don't mean it. The girls also tell me I "dress like a Grandma" (I can't help it if I'm a jeans-and-tee girl at heart and if I wear dresses, they hit at the knee or ankle.) They tell me I should show off my body a little more (and yes, some of these are church-going girls) but it's just not comfortable to me. If I dress up, I prefer the "lady-like" look to that of a streetwalker, thank you. And the less makeup I can get away with (though I do wear some), the better.

It can be very discouraging... but... thanks for at least giving some of us "boring, apparently un-sexy" women hope that there might be a good Christian guy out there who might notice us instead of our friends.

 

[1still_waters]

This is a really great thread and I also like the Bible verses that were listed... However, I do have to give Fullofjoy a nod, too.

I am constantly being asked about my friends... because they are considered "sexy" and (I don't even know what a good, modern slang term might be that would be considered appropriate...)

I'm not sure how to put it--my friends are very good at trading insults ("jokes", "scoring") on the guys... and I've had more than one guy tell me he's attracted to that because he "likes a challenge" and enjoys it more when a girl is "harder to get." (Not in a sexual way... but it's like, he'll make a joke at her, and she'll make some biting remark back and he likes it...) I wish I had a good example.

Guys tell me I'm "too sweet" (I'm not saying that to make myself sound good--I don't see myself as sweet at all--I think I'm kind of stubborn and difficult ) because I like to give compliments and encouragement instead of trading mock insults (most days, at least.) And I don't say something complimentary if it's not genuine and I don't mean it. The girls also tell me I "dress like a Grandma" (I can't help it if I'm a jeans-and-tee girl at heart and if I wear dresses, they hit at the knee or ankle.) They tell me I should show off my body a little more (and yes, some of these are church-going girls) but it's just not comfortable to me. If I dress up, I prefer the "lady-like" look to that of a streetwalker, thank you. And the less makeup I can get away with (though I do wear some), the better.

It can be very discouraging... but... thanks for at least giving some of us "boring, apparently un-sexy" women hope that there might be a good Christian guy out there who might notice us instead of our friends.

I'm saying this to anyone who will listen.

This is where you have to stick to your guns. It's just like anything else the world offers. You have to decide if you want to follow God's ways or the world's. Even if guys won't go for a girl who's following the Bible, it doesn't matter. Choose this day whom you will serve.

 

[J0Y]

Yup Seoul sista, I hear ya!! I get sick of guys asking about my friends too! However, when it comes down to it, it just indicates shallowness to me and to be honest, that isnt the kind of guy I wanna be with anyway!

I always love the saying: a woman's (or mans) heart should be so lost in Jesus that a man (or woman) must seek him to find her.

You know, media today objectify women so much that men must battle! I mean they trim fat here and there and everywhere (digitally or cosmetically), take away freckles, blemishes and any other unsightlys to make women look their unattainable best! Defining what is 'sexy' is prescribed through the grand art of media!! So why, as Christians do we take notice? Simply because it is in our faces, wherever we look. As women, it impacts on our own self image as we see the pretty, skinny, sexy girls get hooked up while the rest of us remain single....

HOWEVER, the bible prescribes something completely different for us and the challenge is to 'be in the world, but not of it.' Its about rejecting the social norms and looking beyond face value, because when its all boiled down...in 50 years time...we will ALL be old and wrinkly (unless the Cher look is what you are goin for)..............our looks may change but our character is what defines us. So ladies and gentlemen, lets strive to become Christlike in this and be aware of what we view and entertain in our minds, how we act and dress.

 

[seoulsearch]

I'm saying this to anyone who will listen.

This is where you have to stick to your guns. It's just like anything else the world offers. You have to decide if you want to follow God's ways or the world's. Even if guys won't go for a girl who's following the Bible, it doesn't matter. Choose this day whom you will serve.

When I was younger, I was very insecure and often made fun of for being different (well, it's not much different now, I just get made fun of for different things)--whether the differences were obvious (race) or more subtle, so I used to be a lot more self-conscious about "trying to fit in." God spared me from a lot of grief though, in that He gave me wonderful parents and a few really great friends while I was growing up. I always give this as the reason why I didn't fall to drugs, drinking, smoking, or dressing provocatively...

The older I get, the more I realize some group (or more) of people isn't going to like me for some reason, whether real or imaginary no matter what you do, so I may as well just be me and trust God to send someone else along who might not think I'm so weird after all (or maybe they'll STILL think I'm weird, but in a cool kind of way .)

So, my main concern now, though I have problems with loneliness like anyone else, is to just try to be the best at being the person God made me to be...

And I encourage everyone else out there (male or female) to do the same.

 

[sarah10101]

I have to agree with fullofjoy on this one
I also agree with you though and know for a fact that outter beauty doesn't matter and will not matter after you die, but to get anywhere in this world it seems you have to have good looks. Even to get hired at a restaurant - they only put the good looking people in the front.
As for guys, no not many of them persue women for their inner beauty anymore and it's truly hard to catch a break when you aren't physically attractive. No matter how hard all of us try we focus on looks -sometimes more than personality (at least to start anyway) but i guess that's human nature.

Anyway, going back to your post, I do agree that people should not focus on vanity and aesthetics more than God. I believe it is okay to keep your personal appearance up to some degree in order to please yourself, but when individuals start forgetting about what really matters and become vain that is completely against what God wants for us.

 

[SpiritFilled79]

I really enjoyed reading every one's posts about this subject. This is especially great for any new Christians coming in from the secular world. I know a lot of friends who had to get rid of 1/2 their wardrobe. For me, a good trick was to buy cute tank tops to go under all my v-neck shirts to cover another couple inches. One thing God has really been challenging me on is not wearing make up to impress people. Not saying makeup is/was ever a bad thing. For me, I just could never leave the house without make up on, thinking people would judge me etc. I have since learned that I find my identity in Christ alone. And God made me without make up on anyway
It may seem like a small step, but when a girl learns, truly learns, where her identity comes from, and how to be content in herself, she won't feel the need to display her insecurities through immodest dress or actions. I honestly don't know how to make any girl believe me that she is beautiful and totally accepted by Christ. satan has really twisted up a lot of minds of women. He hates women, because through woman the Savior of the world was born. So he attacks us. I know a girl who just went on a mission trip to a 3rd world country and packed high heels, all her fancy make up & hair products -- so worried about how she would look-- and she ended up wearing a ponytail and sneakers the whole time. She came back feeling a little more secure, and not needing to try so hard.

This whole seduction problem all goes back to insecurities. Women feel like a man won't notice her and love her for exactly who she is when stripped of her masks. She is so afraid of being passed over and neglected that she will desperately try anything she has ever seen work in the past to get a man's attention. If only she would strive so hard to feel the love of her attentive Father.
That is my prayer for all women. Know the love that surpasses all knowledge. Know that the God in heaven who is the King of Kings is your father... you're His daughter! And the daughter of a King is a princess!! You are royalty! And God does NOT make mistakes, so you must believe God when He says you are fearfully and wonderfully made. To put yourself down is to insult the Creator. Think about that... God spent time creating every intricate detail about you. He was thoughtful in the giving of gifts, the shape of your features, everything. This is the same God who rolled out the sky and seas. The same God who placed every star in the sky and named them all. The same God who created millions of species. The God who created all the wonders in the heavenly realms... and you're going to tell Him you think He made a huge mistake when He created you? Because YOU think your nose is too big, and your hips are too wide, and your hair isn't how you want it... or whatever. YOU are His prized possession! YOU are the subject of His many precious thoughts! He loves you and takes care of you! You need to learn to accept that. When you believe and actually receive the love of the Father, you will feel freedom! And you won't care about trying to impress anyone else but your Daddy. <3

 

[ariannaaa]

To the girls who say they feel they have to dress sexy because thats all guys care about:

If thats what the guy cares about, do you really want to be with a guy like that anyway? If you want to be with a guy who cares about inner beauty, convey your inner beauty without 'conveying' every body part and he'll choose you over the girl next to you in the mini skirt because you'll share the same values.

And all the rest? Don't worry about them. Its not your responsibility. If they want someone who dresses promiscuously then that is what they will get and we'll be saved for the men who care about where our hearts are .

This week my preacher said.. "Why get mad at the lost for acting lost?" So if thats where their values are then they are lost and need our prayer, don't be frustrated with them.

Don't be too eager! I think deep down inside we all KNOW that there ARE good Christian girls and guys out there. We just get sick of waiting and start complaining and as a result, begin compromising ourselves and/or our values.

Anyway this sort of went off topic but yeah. Dressing trashy will attract trashy boys. The End.

.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I think this all goes back to nature. If you look at other species (which were also created by GOD) you'll see that the males are always competing for the attention of the females and the females are "seducing" the males with their scent or their mannerisms. Us humans aren't any different. As far as I can tell it is the guys who are always struggling to attract women, and women are always trying to make themselves more attractive. Its just nature.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I tried to include this in my original post but ran out of editing time..

As far as being attracted by a woman's inner beauty.. I believe there are still many men who are attracted that way. Just look around at couples who are getting married, the woman is not always physically attractive. The real problem is that the circumstances have to be right for a man to get to know a woman well enough to be attracted to her inner beauty rather than her physical beauty. Its like putting the cart before the horse (I think I may have just dated myself there).

 

[sarah10101]

i agree with zero. the circumstances do have to be right in order to put the inside before the out. sometimes there are times where you'll find someone attracticve, but their personality isn't all that attractive so you may actually go for someone a little less attractive, but whos interesting. the looks are just a way totally notice someone you think you'd like to get to know.

 

[Tootles_1]

I am all about modesty. With that said I have a request for the guys: Show us girls the same respect and consideration. Studies show that 27% of women have the same type of brain activity as men when visually stimulated. Which means you (men) are a visual stumbling block for women. And you don't know which woman is part of that 27%. So be conscious and cover up. Why can't you wear a shirt when you go swimming? Do you really need to show off your six pack abs and have your swim shorts hanging off your hips? Don't be a peacock!

 

[princessdeb4111962]

I am all about modesty. With that said I have a request for the guys: Show us girls the same respect and consideration. Studies show that 27% of women have the same type of brain activity as men when visually stimulated. Which means you (men) are a visual stumbling block for women. And you don't know which woman is part of that 27%. So be conscious and cover up. Why can't you wear a shirt when you go swimming? Do you really need to show off your six pack abs and have your swim shorts hanging off your hips? Don't be a peacock!

Right ON tootles Amen,more n more I see guys all over who look like models,muscles,muscles,muscles,all tanned n showing off,or wearing shades to make them like more cool,its very distracting.even on tv shows,where is the modesty?like the beef lol,anyways I use to wear makeup(i never ever get a look from a guy)my husband always said he loved me without makeup,n I'd just laugh at him,but i am separated from my husband living with my non christian single sister,she likes to party lol but I don't go,but i have always felt naked without my makeup but its so nice not to have to wear it,i do wear lonnnnng skirts,the pic i have up isn't me anymore,i have short hair,no more short skirts,i'm working on the heel boots,just love to wear boot comfy instead of shoes.but my husband tells me I get to much attention when I wear them lol.but i stopped tanning also,so i'd say i am a changed person for Christ.That's the price u have to pay to stay true to urself,as a Christian,trust me I dressed to kill before,I loved all the attention,but Christ paid a much higher price,Didn't he?I have to tell u women,the reason i am separated,i wanted attention,mind u it was the wrong attention,but got on line,posted pics of me in a bikini top n mini skirt,and tanned,I couldn't believe all the responses I got,I was than in Heaven,it made my day,but u have to understand I've been married 28 yrs n 20 yrs was mental abuse about my appearance,so having 18-59 yrs old want to chat with me was awesome.but they were after one thing only S E X.after awhile I got depressed more day after day but learn my listen the hard way n i'm only on christian chat,n facebook because my whole family is on it.please learn from my mistake,I just pray the my husband will come to forgive me one day,he isn't a Christian.Please keep us in ur prayers God bless

 

[MercyinTruth]

The most attractive woman is one which is modest and humble.