Either, but I had a long term committed relationship in mind.
Well, I've actually already talked about this a couples times, but people and threads tend to come and go here. ^^
I used to have long laundry lists, and even found people who mostly fit them, but it didn't work out. After many failed relationships, life lessons, and for lack of a better term, progress, I've come to my understanding (still flawed, but better than before) today.
The Basics:
1.
Earnestly loves and is seeking God above all else. I'm not saying I'm looking for a pastor or a saint, but just a devoted Christian who earnestly wants Christ to be everywhere in her life. She can be broken, flawed, and even badly struggling (trust me, I've had this type more than once), but if Christ is her inconsistently consistent (Relient K reference) focus, then she's headed in the right direction.
2.
She has to love me more than any other human being. I'm a complex guy, but I have some grasp of what love is. Just like every other human, I need it, and a far second to God (obviously), she has to truly love me. Love is more than feelings, infatuation, etc...she has to CHOOSE me, everyday, over everyone else, over and over again. Children grow up and leave/die, and everyone else comes and goes. Very far second to God, I have to be her next deepest love.
3.
God has to give us a thumbs up. I'm still struggling with this, and it's been years. The things is, this is a three way street. We could choose each other, but I had a relationship like that in which, as I experienced and continue to believe, God told me it wasn't right. I ended that relationship, and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Not only will we have to choose each other, God will have to give 'His blessing' for us to go down that road.
Possible (not definite) Deal Breakers:
1. I'm a musician/singer/songwriter, and music is a huge, integral part of my daily life. Whether I'm singing it, creating it, listening to it, or quoting it...she'll have to love music, because it's an intimate part of who I am.
2. I'm a pastor who's 'on call' by God. (especially being in the Methodist tradition which is itinerant...) So, that means we'll be moving a lot, and apart from whatever her regular work/hobbies are, she will be a 'pastor's wife' and 'partner in ministry'. This is no small thing to simply say 'no, it's cool...' to.
3. I have a close family, and she'll have to be a part of that. There's also a possibility that my music or ministry could create ample opportunity to often be around several people in all manner of settings...so that's a bridge to tackle, too.
4. The list continues a bit, so I won't go on, but basically, she'll just have do deal with my life, just like I will with hers. Some things can be talked about/negotiated, but others are irrevocable and uncompromising. She'll have to love and accept me for me, and I'll have to do the same for her. All of this may sound simple and broad (which it is to some extent), but you'd be surprised how difficult it can be to find...