Physical flaws

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Smudge

Guest
#21
#21
I have a story! :D

Once upon a time I went to the bank. Sitting quietly was a guy who I would deem attractive, he looked at me and smiled.(Aww!) But when I approached the teller, a man who didn't have the physical qualities that I usually find attractive(for me, not saying he was ugly(I'm more attracted to men who, strangely enough, remind me of my dad.), but his conversation was so dynamic and the confidence was spilling over. I could tell he was having a good day and I forgot all about Mr. brown hair and scruffy beard with the sweet smile.

The End.

Initial judging the book by its cover, yes, it has an effect, but that's people. You evaluate them without even noticing. This person looks like a potential mate. This person looks a bit too old/young. This person looks like a very sweet old lady.(Then she yells at you xD)

I was just struck that day with how quick it was to get over that initial size up. Personality wins in the end.(Unless your heart is not in the right place. Then that's you messing up.)
 
G

GreenNnice

Guest
#22
#22
Smudge said:
I have a story! :D

Once upon a time I went to the bank. Sitting quietly was a guy who I would deem attractive, he looked at me and smiled.(Aww!) But when I approached the teller, a man who didn't have the physical qualities that I usually find attractive(for me, not saying he was ugly(I'm more attracted to men who, strangely enough, remind me of my dad.), but his conversation was so dynamic and the confidence was spilling over. I could tell he was having a good day and I forgot all about Mr. brown hair and scruffy beard with the sweet smile.

The End.

Initial judging the book by its cover, yes, it has an effect, but that's people. You evaluate them without even noticing. This person looks like a potential mate. This person looks a bit too old/young. This person looks like a very sweet old lady.(Then she yells at you xD)

I was just struck that day with how quick it was to get over that initial size up. Personality wins in the end.(Unless your heart is not in the right place. Then that's you messing up.)
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That's God speaking to you, smudgless :) Faith, milady, faith, faith, faith, in Him , it stiirs up the most wondrous of things from Him for us, that we can 'see' in our life through the eyes of faith, growing our faith in Him :)
 
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respekt

Senior Member
#23
Mar 5, 2013
269
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#23
dliz said:
Question:

Would it deter you from dating someone who has physical flaws?
Flaws like scars,acne,stretchmarks,obesity or anything that is visible to the naked eye.

I would like to hear your opinions guys....:)
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Hey dliz, I was gonna post the same thread. Glad you post it before I did :D

Back to my past, my former fiance had receding hair with boils on the head, he also had big belly but his legs were just as skinny as chicken legs :D. At the first look, honestly I kinda thought I would not be interested on him and would not work on anything in further. But, his personality was impressive. The more I contacted him the less I saw his physical flaws. Then I looked into myself, I'm none perfect. I had some physical flaws that none of women want to have. Anyhow, he loved me for me.

So, I believe LOVE covers physical flaws :D
 
K

kenthomas27

Guest
#24
#24
letti said:
yeah lazy,that's a issue I find really hard to cope with.No ambition equals a whole bunch of extra work they will be expecting you to do for them.Awfully bad for anybody.
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Well I was going to ask Missachu if I could be THIN and lazy but now you've got it where lazy trumps everything. Shoot. Boy, you people really have your bases covered don't you.
 
rachelsedge

rachelsedge

Senior Member
#25
Oct 15, 2012
3,659
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#25
`Well, I am overweight and I have many scars from my years of self-harm. Hopefully there's someone out there who will not be as disgusted by those scars as I am.

Then again, I don't ever show my legs (where they are the worst) to people, and I vow that only God, me, and my husband will see them (well, and medical professionals should the need arise). I wonder if that's something you show someone before you get married so they have a chance to back out if they are indeed totally turned away by them. I feel like most people would be like "They can't be that bad", but really. They really are. I'm not exaggerating or anything, it's just the truth.

Hmmm. Thoughts from the guys on that one? I plan to tell my future husband when the time arises (before we're married), but not show. Is that deceptive?
 
wisebeardman

wisebeardman

Banned
#26
Mar 22, 2013
4,718
124
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Indiana
#26
rachelsedge said:
Hmmm. Thoughts from the guys on that one? I plan to tell my future husband when the time arises (before we're married), but not show. Is that deceptive?
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I would think it would be deceptive. best to just be honest and up front about everything.

its not exactly the same thing, but if a guy you was interested in could not produce kids would you like to know somewhat early or invest a lot of time only to find out a month before wedding he cant make kids?
 
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respekt

Senior Member
#27
Mar 5, 2013
269
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#27
rachelsedge said:
`Well, I am overweight and I have many scars from my years of self-harm. Hopefully there's someone out there who will not be as disgusted by those scars as I am.

Then again, I don't ever show my legs (where they are the worst) to people, and I vow that only God, me, and my husband will see them (well, and medical professionals should the need arise). I wonder if that's something you show someone before you get married so they have a chance to back out if they are indeed totally turned away by them. I feel like most people would be like "They can't be that bad", but really. They really are. I'm not exaggerating or anything, it's just the truth.

Hmmm. Thoughts from the guys on that one? I plan to tell my future husband when the time arises (before we're married), but not show. Is that deceptive?
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I think that's deceptive. Marriage is about acceptance. But I think you should show him what it is like and if your future husband cannot accept that just because of physical flaws and not seeing your good personality, then he is not legitimate (IMO).
 
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rachelsedge

rachelsedge

Senior Member
#28
Oct 15, 2012
3,659
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#28
I guess I'll be staying single then. I'm not going to show my scars to guy after guy until one finally accepts them. I'd legitimately rather stay single than do that.

I also feel that scars are a bit different than child producing capability...

Though I do understand where you're both coming from.
 
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adekruif

Guest
#29
#29
rachelsedge said:
I'm not going to show my scars to guy after guy until one finally accepts them.
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If a guy is legitimately "in love" and planning on getting married, I can't see it ever being an deal breaker. If it was a deal breaker for said guy, tell him to start digging wells for a living cause that is one shallow dude! In the grand scheme of life, what do scars really change/affect? I can think of lots of other "issues" that would be worth worrying about.
 
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Smudge

Guest
#30
#30
rachelsedge said:
`Well, I am overweight and I have many scars from my years of self-harm. Hopefully there's someone out there who will not be as disgusted by those scars as I am.

Then again, I don't ever show my legs (where they are the worst) to people, and I vow that only God, me, and my husband will see them (well, and medical professionals should the need arise). I wonder if that's something you show someone before you get married so they have a chance to back out if they are indeed totally turned away by them. I feel like most people would be like "They can't be that bad", but really. They really are. I'm not exaggerating or anything, it's just the truth.

Hmmm. Thoughts from the guys on that one? I plan to tell my future husband when the time arises (before we're married), but not show. Is that deceptive?
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I wouldn't tell him right away though. Wait just a bit. If you unload everything right away, it's like going to a job interview and listing all of your weaknesses and forgetting to mention why they ought to hire you. Yeah, like you said, don't wait until the honeymoon, but give it some time so that you feel you trust him at least a little bit. How long depends on a lot of things, in the end, all you can do is to hopefully align yourself to God's timing. People are deceptive and he won't be a perfect angel. You never know if you end up trusting someone who is two faced. Protect yourself, but in the end, always be honest.
 
wisebeardman

wisebeardman

Banned
#31
Mar 22, 2013
4,718
124
63
Indiana
#31
rachelsedge said:
I guess I'll be staying single then. I'm not going to show my scars to guy after guy until one finally accepts them. I'd legitimately rather stay single than do that.

I also feel that scars are a bit different than child producing capability...

Though I do understand where you're both coming from.
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different but also same. again you dont have to say it right at the start but hey there is a point to where everything needs to be open.

never know the guy might find scars pretty hot.

i got a few scars myself, i kinda look at them as a badge of honor since well I can look at them and say I faced death and won.
 
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Jordache

Guest
#32
#32
Hmmm I always thought I couldn't date a guy skinnier than I am. Mostly it's my own insecurity though. Things that are flaws to one person may not be flaws to another. My ex-husband was 6'2" 400lbs. It wasn't that I was incredibly attracted to aall that extra weight, but I could look past it because I loved him.
 
Loveneverfails

Loveneverfails

Senior Member
#33
Feb 18, 2013
1,294
26
0
#33
I was always taught not to marry (or date) for looks. If I want to be with someone who will see past my physical flaws, it only makes sense that I extend the same kindness. A person's true character and personality can greatly increase or decrease their level of attractiveness in my eyes, and in the past I remember developing several small crushes on guys who weren't very physically attractive just because they were wonderful people. Plus, sometimes a "flaw" isn't even a flaw at all. My boyfriend told me that he used to wish he was taller, until he met me. I'm petite, and he's literally the *perfect* height for me. :D

and Rachel, I know you asked for guys opinions, but I hope you don't mind f I say I don't think that's deceptive at all. You did say you intended to tell him at the appropriate time, so you're not keeping any secrets. I think you have every right to cover up certain parts of your body and reserve them for your husband's eyes. I feel like when you finally reveal that part of yourself to your husband, it will be a beautiful moment of trust, vulnerability, and loving acceptance.
 
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Jordache

Guest
#34
#34
Rachel, I remember once worrying about my scars and then God spoke to me. "Even Jesus find escape without scars."
I have a friend who cut her arms a lot. As she got older she developed a bit of an affinity for tatoos. I don't like
tons of tattoos, but she got the to cover over her scars.
 
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akekot

Guest
#35
#35
i am attracted to men who are obesse,i love looking at over weight people.scars?depends how big it is especially when its on his face.
 
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letti

Guest
#36
#36
A pretty face is only just that.When the heart is ugly inside all the good looks just fade away as soon as you find out.I have seen some gorgeous people to only learn how mean and ugly the heart they had was.Beauty that is only skin deep that's easier to find but true beauty is in the heart and that is always harder to find.Never judge a book by it's cover that could be all it is.
 
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keep_on_smiling

Guest
#37
#37
rachelsedge said:
`Well, I am overweight and I have many scars from my years of self-harm. Hopefully there's someone out there who will not be as disgusted by those scars as I am.

Then again, I don't ever show my legs (where they are the worst) to people, and I vow that only God, me, and my husband will see them (well, and medical professionals should the need arise). I wonder if that's something you show someone before you get married so they have a chance to back out if they are indeed totally turned away by them. I feel like most people would be like "They can't be that bad", but really. They really are. I'm not exaggerating or anything, it's just the truth.

Hmmm. Thoughts from the guys on that one? I plan to tell my future husband when the time arises (before we're married), but not show. Is that deceptive?
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Though I'm not a guy I thought I'd comment on your question. I don't think it's deceptive to keep from showing your scars. It's not like you are hiding it, you said you would tell him eventually. I do think it's part of who you are, but there are some things that aren't talked about until further in your relationship.

If I were in your situation, was completely in love with the guy, and knew that we were going to be married, I would show him. I'd do this not because it would allow for him to change his mind because most likely he wouldn't, but instead to be open about my past. I want to share everything with that person. Just out of curiosity, why wouldn't you show if you no doubt were getting married?
 
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JessicaMae

Guest
#38
#38
Looks don't last forever. People are always aging and their faces are changing, it is part of life. I agree that spouses should be attracted to each other, but not to the extent that it is the only quality they are looking for. The more you know someone the more attractive they become, if you like their personality.
Every flaw we have makes us unique and beautiful. Physical appearances don't mean much to me. I don't mind acne because it is not something they can help, it is part of hormones and what not. I don't mind scars because it is something they had to deal with in their past. I had an ACL tear and had to have reconstructive surgery and now have a 2 1/2 inch scar along with 3 other smaller scars around my knee. Everyone has scars it just shows that we overcame the obstacles in our life. News flash to all the men out there, most girls get stretch marks during pregnancy, so if they completely are revolting to you you migh consider not having kids.
I sit differently with obesity because it affects people's health. I'm okay with a man being really overweight AS LONG as it does not affect his health.
i could absolutely in no way deal with someone who is lazy. The man is suppose to run the house, how can he do that if he is to lazy to do the "basic" manly jobs.
Reproduction problems would be very hard for me to accept in a guy because I want lots of kids. But it wouldn't beimpossible for me to accept because there are other options and I believe God will provide.
 
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MissCris

Guest
#39
#39
So, serious answer...

My husband has got these ca-RAZY eyebrows. Like, they're kind of bushy and they have an extreme, triangular arch towards the outer ends. They're a dark blonde color, but in the right one, there's this one- just ONE- really super light blonde hair that grows faster and longer than the rest of his face hair.

It drives me bonkers. I always want to tweeze it. I just don't understand what that one almost white hair thinks its doing in his eyebrow.

It's so irritating that I think if I had noticed it while we were dating, it might have been a deal-breaker. "Sorry, I can't marry you, you have wild and random face hair."

Oh, darn it, I was going for serious...
 
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whitedove

Guest
#40
#40
Physical flaws have never bothered me. I once dated a guy who had polio when he was a child and it left him with one leg a lot shorter and thinner from the other and he walks with a distinct limp.

Nobody is perfect and even if you do find a perfect guy/girl now, it won't stay that way forever.
 
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