I'm head over heels for a guy that treats me poorly

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
K

kendrachristine

Guest
#1
#1
I have been so into this guy for over a year. We've never officially dated but have talked and hung out on and off. He messes with my head and makes it seem like he wants to be with me, but then the next day will just stop talking to me. This has been ongoing. I feel like I have a strong connection to him. I also met him at the same time that I was saved and surrendered to the Lord.

I'm going crazy! Advice?
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#2
#2
My advice is based in experience with a whole lot of similar situations:

Stop talking to him. Really. Just...stop. You feel like you have a "strong connection" to him because you're infatuated. You like the attention he gives you, when he's bothering to give it to you, and you crave it when he doesn't.

Stop letting him mess with you. You'll feel better.
 
T_Laurich

T_Laurich

Senior Member
#3
Mar 24, 2013
3,356
122
63
30
#3
MissCris said:
My advice is based in experience with a whole lot of similar situations:

Stop talking to him. Really. Just...stop. You feel like you have a "strong connection" to him because you're infatuated. You like the attention he gives you, when he's bothering to give it to you, and you crave it when he doesn't.

Stop letting him mess with you. You'll feel better.
Click to expand...
Agreed make sure it is love and not lust
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#4
#4
kendrachristine said:
I have been so into this guy for over a year. We've never officially dated but have talked and hung out on and off. He messes with my head and makes it seem like he wants to be with me, but then the next day will just stop talking to me. This has been ongoing. I feel like I have a strong connection to him. I also met him at the same time that I was saved and surrendered to the Lord.

I'm going crazy! Advice?
Click to expand...
Yeah, my advice. Get some self respect and ditch this um... person... and find a real man.
 
A

AprilAngel

Guest
#5
#5
kendrachristine said:
I have been so into this guy for over a year. We've never officially dated but have talked and hung out on and off. He messes with my head and makes it seem like he wants to be with me, but then the next day will just stop talking to me. This has been ongoing. I feel like I have a strong connection to him. I also met him at the same time that I was saved and surrendered to the Lord.

I'm going crazy! Advice?
Click to expand...
I'll never understand why some young ladies go for guys like that. If he treats you poorly just as a friend, why would it be any different if you were dating?? IT COULD EVEN GET WORSE. That "strong connection" is your feelings of "head over heels" which is a chemical in the brain, that for "relationships" like this, only lasts a short time. He is toying with your heart which is not Godly, he is not a good leader is sounds, and if he doesn't act Christ-like, towards you now, why would he start later?
Don't assume things will change. Don't try to make him see, or make him change. God would not, in my opinion, make you 'change' or be 'less than' for the person He has given you to Marry, which is a privilege not a given right.
This person does not seem to sound like a good fit for you, in a relationship AND as a "friend"....you deserve better than that!
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#6
#6
Men enter relationships expecting the woman to not change.
Women enter relationships expecting the man to change. Often in they ways they want them to change. Or think they can 'train' the man to be what they want. Its a false thinking your man will change in the ways you hope. And its quite unChristian to date or marry a man thinking its your place to train him to your expectations. If he isn't what you want now, then don't be with him. Because when he doesn't conform to your 'training' you will be dissatisfied with someone who is not what you want. Find what makes you happy now and try to grow and change together.
 
thecreationtutor

thecreationtutor

Senior Member
#7
Jun 30, 2011
2,521
35
0
#7
kendrachristine said:
I have been so into this guy for over a year. We've never officially dated but have talked and hung out on and off. He messes with my head and makes it seem like he wants to be with me, but then the next day will just stop talking to me. This has been ongoing. I feel like I have a strong connection to him. I also met him at the same time that I was saved and surrendered to the Lord.

I'm going crazy! Advice?
Click to expand...
I would separate yourself from him
most people attract people who treat them poorly because they are looking for that. Seems you might need to find some healing yourself, in Christ to be a whole person

Crazy begets crazy in relationships - no offense(i have been that way) You need to build boundaries
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#9
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#9
I'm going to agree with the others that have posted, ditch him, he's no good for you. Now that you are saved realize this is not how God wants anyone to be treated. Mind games are a human thing not a God thing.
[FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif][SIZE=+1]Trust in the LORD[/SIZE] with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.[/FONT]
[FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif][SIZE=-1]Proverbs 3, 5-6[/SIZE][/FONT]



This passage is a good one, trust in the Lord he will lead you the right way. The right way is not a guy who will play mind games.
 
A

Anna20fAustralia

Guest
#10
#10
The more I think about it the more I feel that guys are more naturally dominant and girls are more naturally submissive. I know not everyone agrees with me but I feel that is more natural and what is in the Bible. So I feel this guys is being more 'dominant' with you and you are attracted to taht which I feel is pretty normal. BUT, that doesn't mean that it is good. But it's normal, like a guy attracted to a girl who is 'hot'. Really normal, but it doesn't mean that she is the girl for him to spend the rest of his life with. Sooooooooooooooooo just chill and realise you might be attracted to him, but that doesn't mean you have to marry him ! Perhaps even best to avoid him, like the other people here say.
 
AAAPlus

AAAPlus

Senior Member
#11
Aug 2, 2011
601
10
18
#11
kendrachristine said:
I have been so into this guy for over a year. We've never officially dated but have talked and hung out on and off. He messes with my head and makes it seem like he wants to be with me, but then the next day will just stop talking to me. This has been ongoing. I feel like I have a strong connection to him. I also met him at the same time that I was saved and surrendered to the Lord.

I'm going crazy! Advice?
Click to expand...
You want him because you think you can't have him. Think about that for a bit.
 
G

GreenNnice

Guest
#12
#12
Anna20fAustralia said:
The more I think about it the more I feel that guys are more naturally dominant and girls are more naturally submissive. I know not everyone agrees with me but I feel that is more natural and what is in the Bible. So I feel this guys is being more 'dominant' with you and you are attracted to taht which I feel is pretty normal. BUT, that doesn't mean that it is good. But it's normal, like a guy attracted to a girl who is 'hot'. Really normal, but it doesn't mean that she is the girl for him to spend the rest of his life with. Sooooooooooooooooo just chill and realise you might be attracted to him, but that doesn't mean you have to marry him ! Perhaps even best to avoid him, like the other people here say.
Click to expand...
This is Truth, the Word of God (bible) states that women are to be submissive to men when married to them, but man is to be with the fear of God in them.
But you're in a simple relationship, it sounds like, that's good, this guy seems not right, and , you need to submit to God at this stage in your life :)

Find your life in God and the lust of men will become less and less. Your life will become more and more , too. Because the Lord will be leading your life . Be brave and let Him lead you, it sounds like this guy is genuinely not sure himserlf of what he wants and often that comes from not knwoing who he is. But ,you are a child of God and you should tell him that he needs to commit to God and only if he begins to live his life in this way will 'we ever have a chance. '

I'm praying for you to be brave, KC, and, you can ONLY be that way with Him being asked to lead you. CAST ALL YOUR CARES ON HIM FOR HE CARES FOR YOU. Don;t be afraid to leave this guy IF the Lord tells you that it's time, and, it does sound like there is a disconnect of understanding by him of how to treat you in a way that says he is going to treat you right physcially if you ever get past just the social conversation state and stage of your relationship.

"Delight yourself in the Lord (serve Him) and He will give you the desires of your heart." :)
 
Last edited by a moderator:
thecreationtutor

thecreationtutor

Senior Member
#13
Jun 30, 2011
2,521
35
0
#13
so has she gotten rid of this loser or is she going to pursue the guy till he marries her, then wonder why 10 yeas later they are divorced?
 
thecreationtutor

thecreationtutor

Senior Member
#14
Jun 30, 2011
2,521
35
0
#14
Thread should watch the video in the thread - But i know God wants us to be together
 
F

fourleaf

Guest
#15
#15
don't waste your time to a guy who treats you like that. i hate to say this but girls sometimes can be stupidly in love for the wrong person, just because he treats you well or he said good things doesn't mean he likes you or love you.. my advice to you friend is stop liking that guy, you deserve better.
 
TheAristocat

TheAristocat

Senior Member
#16
Oct 4, 2011
2,150
26
0
#16
fourleaf said:
don't waste your time to a guy who treats you like that. i hate to say this but girls sometimes can be stupidly in love for the wrong person, just because he treats you well or he said good things doesn't mean he likes you or love you.. my advice to you friend is stop liking that guy, you deserve better.
Click to expand...
I have a friend who is now happily married. But before this she was strongly attracted to a manipulative man (who wasn't even that good-looking in my opinion). Having her relatives disapprove of the relationship didn't help any either. But eventually she recognized him for what he was and broke up with him. Afterward she said something like, "Was I drunk that whole time?"
 
resurrection33

resurrection33

Banned
#17
Dec 19, 2009
27,513
128
0
71
#17
kendrachristine said:
I have been so into this guy for over a year. We've never officially dated but have talked and hung out on and off. He messes with my head and makes it seem like he wants to be with me, but then the next day will just stop talking to me. This has been ongoing. I feel like I have a strong connection to him. I also met him at the same time that I was saved and surrendered to the Lord.

I'm going crazy! Advice?
Click to expand...
Do not be influenced by the fact you met him at the same time you were saved and surrendered to the Lord.
 
S

ServantStrike

Guest
#18
#18
resurrection33 said:
Do not be influenced by the fact you met him at the same time you were saved and surrendered to the Lord.
Click to expand...

She may have been saved when she was because she met this guy. As in stay far away Child of God, you don't need that kind of drama.

If someone seems passive aggressive outside of a relationship, they are surely not going to be any better in a relationship.
 
J

Jordache

Guest
#19
#19
I'm confused. You say he treats you poorly and yet you don't give a really go description. He doesn't talk to you sometimes, but what are your expectations especially if you say you aren't dating. I don't call people I'm not dating everyday. I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just looking for clarification. So how often do you expect him to call? Does he have obligations like work or an old granny to care for? Have you even made it clear that you are interested in him? If I thought I was just someones friend I wouldn't call them everyday. But if they showed me interest and I felt similarly then I might communicate more often.
Only you really know the answers to these questions. If you are expecting something that hasn't been communicated then its unfair to expect him to respond well.If you are expecting too much then you need to discuss it so that things are clear. If things are out in the open meaning you're not just expecting him to realize you want to date him because you like talking to him, then I'd say walk away. He's not ready for a relationship.
 
TheAristocat

TheAristocat

Senior Member
#20
Oct 4, 2011
2,150
26
0
#20
Jordache said:
I'm confused. You say he treats you poorly and yet you don't give a really go description. He doesn't talk to you sometimes, but what are your expectations especially if you say you aren't dating. I don't call people I'm not dating everyday. I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just looking for clarification. So how often do you expect him to call? Does he have obligations like work or an old granny to care for? Have you even made it clear that you are interested in him? If I thought I was just someones friend I wouldn't call them everyday. But if they showed me interest and I felt similarly then I might communicate more often.
Only you really know the answers to these questions. If you are expecting something that hasn't been communicated then its unfair to expect him to respond well.If you are expecting too much then you need to discuss it so that things are clear. If things are out in the open meaning you're not just expecting him to realize you want to date him because you like talking to him, then I'd say walk away. He's not ready for a relationship.
Click to expand...
I agree. If you've both communicated that you want to be in a relationship together but he hasn't done anything about it then maybe he's not ready for a relationship. Move on. Beware of people who don't know what they want; they can be very fickle and manipulative whether they try to be or not. And heart break follows them like a bold squirrel on a jar of Skippy.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.