Does he just want sex?

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JessicaMae

Guest
#1
#1
This guy has made it very clear that he wants to have sex and we have only been talking a few days. I have basically flat out told him he is not having sex with me, multiple times. Anytime he starts to mention sex or anything I tell him it is not gonna happen and he quits talking or hinting at it for a while. A lot of times when he brings up sex though he does it in a 'sweet' way like first i have to win your heart and other things along those line. He is really pushing me to hang out with him but I am very hesitant because I don't want to be pushed beyond what I want, because I know people can get caught up in the moment. He is very sweet and I don't think he would push beyond it, and i know he would stop if I told him to. But the fact that it is constantly on his mind makes me question his motives. Let me just add he is in the National Guard and just got back from duty. So it might be built up tension from being on duty for so long? I don't know...I'm just guessing. He also knows I'm a virgin, and likes to say witty remarks about it, trying to get me on the topic of sex. I know his friends are pushing him to have sex with me because they have liked me for a couple years now and whenever he is with his friends his texts and the way he talks kinda changes.
Does he just want sex? Should I quit talking to him or keep telling him how I feel about it and see if he quits. I don't know what to do, advice or anything would be awesome.
 
jrccomputer

jrccomputer

Senior Member
#2
Sep 25, 2013
379
3
18
#2
I would try say if you talk lime that I just can't talk with you anymore. If that does not work I would stop being involved with him.
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#3
#3
Yes, the guy just wants sex. Even if he wants to be your "friend", he still wants to sleep with you.

It's up to you whether you think you should keep hanging out with him or not.
 
mystdancer50

mystdancer50

Senior Member
#4
Feb 26, 2012
2,522
50
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#4
Run far away. Fast! Flee sexual immorality. This man seems to be overly focused on this very thing, so run away from this relationship and don't look back.
 
phil36

phil36

Senior Member
#5
Feb 12, 2009
8,260
2,111
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#5
Hi Jessicamae,

I would stay well clear.. You can discuss this with him.. but if you have only known or spoken for a short while I don't think his intentions are good. If he respected you he wouldn't be pushing you like this.
 
Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#6
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
#6
As someone who was once a young late teens male, the answer is unequivocally yes. He pretty much just wants sex and if he gets it will probably then just drop you due to the whole conquest issue. Then youll have to deal with the humiliation you were nothing more than a gamepiece between him and his buddies.
 
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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#7
#7
For the love of everything Jessica....

What i'm about to say is not meant to sound harsh.

If there is one thing i know about, it's men who are in the military in any type of capacity. My whole family was in the military, brothers, sister, aunts, uncles, my real dad, my step dad..my friends. I mean i grew up on the biggest military base on the east coast, and now i live right next to it. I dated guys in the military. So you get the picture right. I say that to tell you this.
Do you have any idea how nasty those guys are?? So nasty, the military gives them STD checks ( i believe once a year) because most of them sleep around. If you don't believe me, just ask him.
You said he was on duty. You probably mean deployment. Duty is when they stay over night at which ever command they are in and have to stand watch. (the standing watch also depends on if there on sea (ship) or shore duty(land) Deployment is when they leave for some months.

Depending on which country he was deployed to, he could have easily had sex. Actually That is when most men cheat on their wives or girlfriends... on deployment. Anyway.. I wouldn't blame it on tension, i would blame it on him being a retard.
Chances are he is also over 18, unless his parents signed for him to join at 17. I see that you are 17... That alone isnt looking good.

He would sleep with you in a heart beat, then sleep with any other girl. Don't make the mistake of thinking you are anything special to him. If he talks to you like that after only a few days, he's done/doing that with other girls too. What kind of guy starts talking to a 17 year old and two days later starts hinting and straight out saying he wants to have sex with her?? Don't even get me started on the ''sweet way'' he's trying to sleep with you. He's a guy... he'll say anything to get you.

I can't believe you are actually asking the question: Does he just want to have sex with me.... umm DUH what do you think.. he wants to sit and have coffee with you. Seriously you need to wake up here cause your not doin yourself any favors. It is ridiculous that you have even continued to talk to a guy like this. He obviously doesn't respect you one bit if he continues to talk to you about sex after you have asked him to stop over and over again.

If you hang out with him i promise you he is going to pressure you into having sex, and at that point you better hope he takes no for an answer.

Girl, you need to run in the opposite direction.
 
T_Laurich

T_Laurich

Senior Member
#8
Mar 24, 2013
3,356
122
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#8
If I kept asking you for money... I think you would realize really quickly that I didn't really care about our friendship as much as that money...
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#9
#9
JessicaMae said:
This guy has made it very clear that he wants to have sex and we have only been talking a few days. I have basically flat out told him he is not having sex with me, multiple times. Anytime he starts to mention sex or anything I tell him it is not gonna happen and he quits talking or hinting at it for a while. A lot of times when he brings up sex though he does it in a 'sweet' way like first i have to win your heart and other things along those line. He is really pushing me to hang out with him but I am very hesitant because I don't want to be pushed beyond what I want, because I know people can get caught up in the moment. He is very sweet and I don't think he would push beyond it, and i know he would stop if I told him to. But the fact that it is constantly on his mind makes me question his motives. Let me just add he is in the National Guard and just got back from duty. So it might be built up tension from being on duty for so long? I don't know...I'm just guessing. He also knows I'm a virgin, and likes to say witty remarks about it, trying to get me on the topic of sex. I know his friends are pushing him to have sex with me because they have liked me for a couple years now and whenever he is with his friends his texts and the way he talks kinda changes.
Does he just want sex? Should I quit talking to him or keep telling him how I feel about it and see if he quits. I don't know what to do, advice or anything would be awesome.
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I'd kick him to the curb. His 'sweet' demeanor is just a play to get into your pants. And once he has he'll move on. And if all his buddies are pushing it, there may be a bet somewhere in the midst of it all, about whether or not he can sweet talk you out of your pants and into bed. Or perhaps its a contest of some sort. Bottom line is you're asking if a guy who is always trying to get you to have sex if he really wants sex? And then you're making excuses for his behavior. I'm pretty sure if that guy needed sex that bad, he could find it. You aren't the only option in town. Chances are he's already had sex, so this lame excuse of him being in the National Guard is bull.
And if you're buying his 'sweet' thing and think he would 'never push it' you're fooling yourself. Guys this sexually aggressive are only sweet when they are going after what they want. And guys that sexually aggressive aren't known for 'not pushing it'. He already IS pushing it. Soon as you said 'never going to happen' and he continued, guess what... he pushed it. He has already pushed it and you're saying he never would.
This guy shows quite a strong potential to rape. You're saying no, and he's not listening. Hmm... exactly what rape is. So if he's not accepting your no now, what makes you think he will accept it if you're alone together? This guy is a player and he's playing you up and down the court and you're trying to find ways to excuse his behavior, instead of seeing the huge red flag waving in your face. Everything about this guy says 'stay away'. You're just setting yourself up to be a victim.
 
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iTOREtheSKY

Guest
#10
#10
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
For the love of everything Jessica....

What i'm about to say is not meant to sound harsh.

If there is one thing i know about, it's men who are in the military in any type of capacity. My whole family was in the military, brothers, sister, aunts, uncles, my real dad, my step dad..my friends. I mean i grew up on the biggest military base on the east coast, and now i live right next to it. I dated guys in the military. So you get the picture right. I say that to tell you this.
Do you have any idea how nasty those guys are?? So nasty, the military gives them STD checks ( i believe once a year) because most of them sleep around. If you don't believe me, just ask him.
You said he was on duty. You probably mean deployment. Duty is when they stay over night at which ever command they are in and have to stand watch. (the standing watch also depends on if there on sea (ship) or shore duty(land) Deployment is when they leave for some months.

Depending on which country he was deployed to, he could have easily had sex. Actually That is when most men cheat on their wives or girlfriends... on deployment. Anyway.. I wouldn't blame it on tension, i would blame it on him being a retard.
Chances are he is also over 18, unless his parents signed for him to join at 17. I see that you are 17... That alone isnt looking good.

He would sleep with you in a heart beat, then sleep with any other girl. Don't make the mistake of thinking you are anything special to him. If he talks to you like that after only a few days, he's done/doing that with other girls too. What kind of guy starts talking to a 17 year old and two days later starts hinting and straight out saying he wants to have sex with her?? Don't even get me started on the ''sweet way'' he's trying to sleep with you. He's a guy... he'll say anything to get you.

I can't believe you are actually asking the question: Does he just want to have sex with me.... umm DUH what do you think.. he wants to sit and have coffee with you. Seriously you need to wake up here cause your not doin yourself any favors. It is ridiculous that you have even continued to talk to a guy like this. He obviously doesn't respect you one bit if he continues to talk to you about sex after you have asked him to stop over and over again.

If you hang out with him i promise you he is going to pressure you into having sex, and at that point you better hope he takes no for an answer.

Girl, you need to run in the opposite direction.
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Nod put it even nicer than I could have! You have yer' whole life ahead of you,plz don't compromise or fall for this guy's lame "charm". READ your signature!!!! and let God's Holy Spirit renew your mind & guard your heart. God Bless!
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#11
May 23, 2009
15,539
4,782
113
#11
Ugly makes an excellent point about your safety being at stake as well.

Please cut ties with this guy. He's not listening to you on one of the most personal topics there is--he won't have any respect or consideration for you in any other way as well. And, as others have posted... even if he pretends to, it's only to get his way.

A guy who won't take no for an answer is definitely never someone to keep talking to. For him, "No" means, "She's a challenge, but eventually I'll get what I want." Some guys even thrive on this and seek it out because it prolongs the "game." Imagine how much he'll brag to his boys once he finally gets his way, especially if they all know you said no. There's going to be a lot of high-fives going on to the guy who "dethroned" the girl who said no.

And, as Ugly pointed out, your safety may be at stake as well. I'm NOT bashing all men here but some guys will definitely push you beyond your limits and then tell you it was your fault or that they know you really wanted it. He obviously sees the fact that you still agree to talk to him as all the "yes" he needs to continue. Even if you continue to be "friends" with someone like this, he will often tell his friends he's doing things with you, even if he isn't, just to make himself look good. You're very pretty--unfortunately, there are some guys out there who would love to claim bragging rights on you especially because of it. His friends won't know that you didn't actually agree to anything--they'll only know what he told them and you'll look like the bad one because of it.

Stand your ground. I know it's tough when someone you like is paying attention to you, but it's going to be ok, and you'll be able to go out there and make REAL friends, which would not include this particular person.

We care about you (many of us have been right where you are and speak from experience) and don't want to see you fall into the trap of being used or hurt. If nothing else, learn from our mistakes!
 
S

ServantStrike

Guest
#12
#12
Just dump this guy to the curb.

Unless you like the idea of wearing a bear trap every time you're near this guy, this will end badly. It's pretty clear from his actions that he is also NOT behaving in Christ like manner. All around just not worth your time.
 
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sadiemarie

Guest
#13
#13
YOu only have your virginity once...you cant get it back...if he cares he will wait...tell him you are waiting for marriage...that will tell you where he is coming from...dont give yourself away!
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#14
#14
Stay away from him, Jessica. The "sweetness" is a well rehearsed sales pitch. If this guy's buddies are pushing him to have sex with you, odds are there's a bet out there than he can't add the gorgeous virgin to his list of conquests.

What you have is precious. Don't cast it before swine.
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#15
#15
MissCris said:

It's up to you whether you think you should keep hanging out with him or not.
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To clarify that ^^^

I don't mean that it doesn't matter either way, be friends with him or not- I meant, you're 17 and old enough to be able to tell who is and who isn't a good person to be around. You're getting great advice here from these people who are older and more experienced, and it would be wise to listen. However, I remember being 17 and having the attention of a guy in the military. I married that guy. Worst idea ever. He got what he wanted from me, and divorced me within 10 months. My point is, 17 year olds, despite all the best advice in the world, ultimately have to decide for themselves in these situations, and often make the wrong choice because they just can't see what they're getting into.

Please don't make the wrong choice. Don't be just another notch on his bedpost.

Edit: The guy MARRIED me, just to get it. So don't let any kind of promises or sweet talk sway you.
 
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JimJimmers

JimJimmers

Senior Member
#16
Apr 26, 2012
2,589
75
48
#16
Doesn't look like I need to say anything here!





I love how many people responded with one voice on this subject. Group hug!

Okay, second thought I do have one thing to say: Bless you Jessica, you'll probably meet many guys like this in your life. Be ready! :) The cold shoulder is the best response. After pepper spray, that is. Real men care about you as a person.
 
RedTent

RedTent

Banned
#17
Oct 31, 2011
8,200
182
0
#17
This is a very serious decision, it goes a lot deeper than just whether to have sex with this guy. It affects what you think sex is, is it what the world says about it or what God says about it? God says it makes two one, and it means combining all of our life.

When King David made sex something it wasn't, he had to pay dearly in his world. God forgave him, took David back as his dearly beloved, but there were many results in his life as a result. And if David hadn't asked forgiveness, he would have lost his eternal life over it.

Sexual immorality goes very deep. It opens up a pathway to accepting the devil's influence in our life when we accept ways for ourself that isn't of God. Search all scripture, especially NT scripture, for all the instructions given the church about marriage and sex.
 
Gary

Gary

Senior Member
#18
Oct 23, 2011
246
14
18
#18
I would tell the guy to get lost....I don't care if he seems sweet. He should be respectful toward your wishes.....period! Being deployed with the National Guard should not be an excuse either. Also, the fact that he talks differently to you when he's around his friends is a sign of immaturity and is another warning that you should take notice of!
 
Gary

Gary

Senior Member
#19
Oct 23, 2011
246
14
18
#19
Not all men in the military are that way!
 
G

Godslyric

Guest
#20
#20
Young lady I dident embrace Christ until I was 42 and half dead, before that, I was a musician for many years, and before that I ran strip clubs in Atlanta Ga in the late 70's...I have heard every pitch in the book, and even invented a few new ones myself, to slowly position a pretty young lady in a place where she would abandon her values, slow can, long con, its all the same...You will mis step if you keep on walking down that path...I see your intentions are good, but something is drawing you toward this man, and he is telling you of his intentions through humor, and talk consisting of a sexual nature...The hand writing is on the wall, now you just have to decide what you are going to do about it...Id give a lot of thought to the suggestions being posted here...Mainly RUN! You may think you might have this under control, but I assure you, you dont...If he possesses any skills at all, it's just a matter of time...Be true to your convictions in Christ, and put it behind you, before it brings you somewhere that will cause you much emotional pain...
 
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