For me OP, I had a pretty harsh "musashi face" prayer to "whatever you are, God", and said "ok, enough of the confusion, I want to know what the deal is. why did you bother to make me, and make me wonder, if you will not clarify it all?"
I went through a short "Job" state of mind.
A short time later, I decided that since the concept of money was such a piece of garbage, that I would just start giving it away to help others who were having hard times. A key note on this, I was earnestly concerned for their welfare, not just giving as a reward seeking mechanism. Because I was also giving my physical labor and time as well. And the money I was giving away wasn't my extra money, it was money that I "needed" to pay my own bills and such. I then got my answer to the "why" question in the prayer mentioned above.
I had been blocked from answers, because I had been focused on myself instead of other people.
I tossed out all, or at least most, of the precepts that I had been given about religion and began to re-read the bible, and many other religious texts in a different way, with the assumption that regardless of translation accuracy and literality, it all speaks through metaphor, and that they all use the same "encryption" set. A key note on this, I do believe the miraculous things mentioned in the bible happened, but not primarily to showcase the miracles, rather to ensure that the story that is recorded yields a metaphor that targets me on the inside.
What I found is that many of those stories are a historical record of things that have happened in me, spiritually, some are happening right now, and some are laid out before me. I have expectations, backed up with a present and past tense witness of the 40 or so years of my life that I can remember. All recorded for me, and anyone who believes, long ago.
I know what to expect in my life in the future. And it is sweet in the mouth, sour in the belly. Excruciating, yet not trade-able for all the money in the world.
"Behold, I send my messenger before thy face"
That messenger is the text I'm staring at when I read that verse.
It is quite frankly, "before your face"
An example, at one point I was totally unable to fall asleep except on one side of my body for a very long period of time. Immediately in one day, I was then unable to fall asleep except on the other side of my body. Means a lot when I then read that in Ezekiel, and retrospectively consider the durations and they match up to the time frames given in the text.
And the grand finally of this, is that I finally challenged God personally on the concept that He will deliver the specific tortures preached by modern religions based on the trivial mechanics of those religions.
And found that those hateful translations of His word are "hog wash", what swine wash themselves in.
"Leavened bread", if you like a metaphor that is not as harsh.
I believe 1 timothy 2:1-6 in all of it's "in your face", to the point, matter of fact, literal penmanship.
"Born again" is relearning everything.
Encapsulated, my message is this -
Love God
Love others
Turn away from messing up, so that it stops happening, and enter the kingdom of "heaven"
If a person does this, the bible is their personal witness, instead of an external confusion.
And now I have lived and proclaim...
All glory, honor and power to Him who sits on the throne.
Because my warped imagination alone would not have yielded the results that I have experienced.
The Jesus Christ that I believe in is much bigger and personal and down to earth, than the one I was taught in church.
There's my witness, for what it's worth. Hope it helps you somehow.