Hi Eveyrone!
Sorry I'm not able to keep up with the posts as well as I would like.
JOY--I can relate to you completely in everything you said... I do not think you're being selfish at all--I think you're like the rest of us in this position--trying to make sense of our place in life, because so often, it seems like we are placed into a category kind of unspoken as "the others"... as in "the others who do not really fit." Whenever I read your posts (and Kyra's, and "the others"... hee hee) I think to myself, "Right on girl, you really know it is for the rest of us."
Kyra and Maggie--EXCELLENT question about adopting or having children as a single parent if a person felt able... I say, if that's where they are in life, if they've prayed about it and feel they have God's blessing and family support, then go for it.
I myself am adopted and have met two other girls about my age who were also adopted--by single mothers. In fact, one had four sisters--so, it was a family of five girls, all adopted, and their happily single Mom, who never married or had a significant other. Neither of these girls felt they were "missing out" on anything by not "officially" having a father.
Familes have many, many defintions, especially nowadays... so my personal belief is, if you have the desire and Godly people/church family to support your decision (because raising a child requires group support if at all possible, as far as I can see), go after your dream with all your heart and may God bless your family.
For myself, I have thought about this and do not believe it would be the option for me. As I've posted before, a few years ago, I dated an alcoholic who saw my entrance into his life as a chance to quit work and end any attempts at adult responsibility whatsoever--I basically became the single mother of two little boys, ages 18 months and 4 years old, for three years. I fed them, dressed them, bathed them, took them to church and day care... paid for many of their living expenses... and nearly had a nervous breakdown in the process. I was ashamed that I had made such terrible choices (in allowing myself to become an alcoholic's enabler) so I didn't really tell anyone what was going on and it was one of the worst time frames of my life.
Now, please don't read me wrong--the boys were wonderfu--it was the father who was the source of so much grief in my life, but it was because of poor choices I myself had made. But the kids taught me so much! Another one of my favorite memories was getting Alex, the oldest, up for a bath one day after a nap, and as I carried him to the tub, he said, "Oh Kim, wait, I forgot my dinosaur!" I told him, "That's ok honey, I don't think he'll mind... because, you know, dinosaurs don't really like getting their hair wet anyway." His little giggle at my bad joke is a precious memory I'll always carry. But because of other situations surrounding the alcoholism, I was miserable and at wit's end during that whole time.
Now I know it would be a bit different if I had or adopted my own children as a single... but because of that experience, if I want to be 200% honest with myself, I don't think I would be a good candidate for that choice, because I caught a small taste of the vast scope required to be a parent... let alone a single parent.
But for anyone else out there who believes they can handle it and are ready, may I just add my two cents of encouragement... because you have my utmost admiration... and I think one of the most valuable things you can do as a Christian is to raise a child well.
