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I will have been divorced 2 years as of Feb 2nd 2014. My ex- wife & I have no ill will towards one another. As a matter of fact,I contacted her via email over the summer because I felt an urging to tell her that I didn't blame her entirely for the marriage ending (even though it was her who filed for the divorce & gave me no real reasons as to why she wanted to end a marriage of over 9 yrs). In the email I expressed to her that I was sorry for not being the man she needed,and that I didn't blame her for our relationship disintegrating. In fact I told her that I felt in a sense it was much more my fault,simply because I was a christian married to an unbeliever trying to live a life I wasn't meant to live. I knew better,and was accountable to God for my actions. My being upset or depressed wasn't her fault when she left me. Yes,she had a hand in it,but I had a choice to either wallow in the "woe is me,my wife left me" or let it go & move on.
She responded to my email within 48 hrs & was so happy to hear from me,and was touched & grateful that I told her that I didn't hate her or hold a grudge. She said that after she left me,for about 3 or 4 months she felt so guilty & sad & wanted to call me or write,but was afraid I'd still be too angry. She expressed in her email response that she'd like to continue contact with me as friends & to share pics & updates about our son (the dog we shared,which she took with her back to the UK,lol..not a "real" child) I wrote her back & said that I wished her well in life & hoped for all things wonderful for her,but that I needed to move on with my life & so did she. I felt that if her & I remained friends,it really would serve no purpose on many levels. One of them being that if I ever do find another woman that I am interested in dating or getting married to,I don't want that woman to ever feel that she is in the shadow of my ex-wife or that she might feel "2nd". Seeing as how my ex-wife & I share no physical ties such as a child,there really is no need to have her in my life.
I did in fact destroy all my wedding photos,video...cards,etc...from as far back as to when we were dating. All personal gifts as well,I've managed to give away or sell she had given me. The only things I have are paperwork from the divorce,tax stuff & info from the sale of our home for legal reasons or whatever. I didn't rid myself of all the aforementioned out of spite or bitterness,but out of letting go of the past. To keep all those things as a physical reminder would only make me sad at times,and make me remember failure & shortcomings,and I don't see as how that can be a healthy thing.
So,I've tried not to be too long winded about all this,and I apologize if so,but I just wanted to say,as a man who was married for 9 yrs & dated his wife for 2 yrs prior to their marriage,that now after almost 2 yrs of being single again...
there is healing,and hope and not all men are still bitter or compare other women to their ex's. The only time I would ever mention my ex-wife to another woman in conversation is if she were to ask her about me & our relationship when married or if it was pertaining & relevant to the discussion at hand.
Here's praying that the OP finds what she needs & is continually guided by the wisdom of the Holy Spirit.
Blessings.
She responded to my email within 48 hrs & was so happy to hear from me,and was touched & grateful that I told her that I didn't hate her or hold a grudge. She said that after she left me,for about 3 or 4 months she felt so guilty & sad & wanted to call me or write,but was afraid I'd still be too angry. She expressed in her email response that she'd like to continue contact with me as friends & to share pics & updates about our son (the dog we shared,which she took with her back to the UK,lol..not a "real" child) I wrote her back & said that I wished her well in life & hoped for all things wonderful for her,but that I needed to move on with my life & so did she. I felt that if her & I remained friends,it really would serve no purpose on many levels. One of them being that if I ever do find another woman that I am interested in dating or getting married to,I don't want that woman to ever feel that she is in the shadow of my ex-wife or that she might feel "2nd". Seeing as how my ex-wife & I share no physical ties such as a child,there really is no need to have her in my life.
I did in fact destroy all my wedding photos,video...cards,etc...from as far back as to when we were dating. All personal gifts as well,I've managed to give away or sell she had given me. The only things I have are paperwork from the divorce,tax stuff & info from the sale of our home for legal reasons or whatever. I didn't rid myself of all the aforementioned out of spite or bitterness,but out of letting go of the past. To keep all those things as a physical reminder would only make me sad at times,and make me remember failure & shortcomings,and I don't see as how that can be a healthy thing.
So,I've tried not to be too long winded about all this,and I apologize if so,but I just wanted to say,as a man who was married for 9 yrs & dated his wife for 2 yrs prior to their marriage,that now after almost 2 yrs of being single again...
there is healing,and hope and not all men are still bitter or compare other women to their ex's. The only time I would ever mention my ex-wife to another woman in conversation is if she were to ask her about me & our relationship when married or if it was pertaining & relevant to the discussion at hand.
Here's praying that the OP finds what she needs & is continually guided by the wisdom of the Holy Spirit.
Blessings.