Okay, dear brother. Since it seems to matter so much to you as to why it seems that Christian women are not into so-called "nice guys", here's me, sharing a woman's perspective. I hope my sharing helps.
But first off, my definition of a "nice guy" is a genuinely nice guy. Not the kind who just seems nice, but who is really nice because he believes it's the right way to be. Not just because he was raised to think he should be nice, but because he understands that being nice means being pleasing before our LORD's eyes, and honoring to HIS sight in the presence of others surrounding him, regardless of what other people think his motives or intentions are. So, my view of a nice guy is actually a good guy
Papa GOD's holy and righteous man, closely acquainted and loving HIS Holy Word and ways.
Now, with regards to women not going for this definition of a nice guy/good guy/holy man...
Even though we are Christians, we are still individuals. People, with varying interests and standards. We have a certain set of qualities/qualifications that we would like to see or discover about someone before we say we "like" this person, and eventually fall in love with them. Personally, i lifted up my "wish list" to Papa GOD in prayer. In my case, i know and am quite honest before HIM about all the things that i'd like/love to have my future spouse to have
personality, quirks, physical characteristics, etc. But of course, i'm very open to HIS leading regarding all these things. HE may or may not grant my wish list to the letter, but i'm sure HE will truly surprise me and leave me breathlessly joyful and in awe of HIS creation of my special holy man when we finally meet
Back to the original question: Why don't Christian women like nice guys?
It's not that Christian women don't like nice guys.
Everyone likes nice guys. Who doesn't want to be treated nicely? Even bad people like nice guys, because they could take advantage of them more than others. Nice guys/good guys/holy men are an awesome blessing to everyone!!!
But sadly, in romance, it's not enough that you're a Christian guy for any Christian girl to just want to marry you. But it IS, and should be
the number one qualifier. It's a HUGE mistake for any Christian to go for a non-Christian as a future partner, because it never goes well during the course of the relationship. Expect your relationship with our LORD to suffer if you choose this path (i know, 'coz i've been there). When the LORD says "don't be unequally yoked with unbelievers", HE's saying this for our own good and ultimate happiness. Also, we should also start thinking along the lines of wanting to honor and glorify HIM by following HIS teachings because we truly love HIM, not just because we want something good for ourselves.
For someone to like you, be into you, and want to marry you, you have to be attractive to that person. And what attracts a person varies individually. Everything must be satisfied: physical qualities, personality, level of maturity, dependability, how that person makes you feel overall, depth of spirituality and passion for GOD, how much that person inspires you, etc. If that person doesn't come out satisfactory to you, you disqualify that person, and just mark him/her as a friend, and so on.
In my personal experience, i was truly oblivious of the beauty of holy men in the past. They are awesome, yes. Admirable, men i look up to and esteem highly. But i felt they were out of my league XD i was just a growing Christian then. I felt so spiritually immature and unacceptable and unattractive to said men (see, we also gauge our attractiveness to our prospects XD of course, we don't want to fall for someone we think we'd just cry over because they won't feel the same way. No one wants to have their heart broken
). Also, for some reason, i found nice guys somewhat boring. Prudish. Unexciting. Someone i couldn't be able to have fun with and be crazy around. There was this deep fascination for the dark things inside of me in the past. Sadly, it was what i used to gauge a man's attractiveness to me, even as a Christian. In my thinking, nice guys don't know anything other than doing holy things. I completely disregarded the fact that they can be anything more than what i thought they were. So, i disqualified genuinely good men in the past. I went for the guys who had darkness inside of them, who had deep issues. To me, they were mysterious, highly interesting, unpredictably exciting.
By nature, i never like anything easy. The more complicated something is, the more i have a ball with it XD i LOVE challenges (i was addicted to Sudoku, and when i play games, i ALWAYS set the difficulty to Difficult/Suicidal/Legendary XD heck, i'm actually into
Dark Souls at present!!! Anyone who has played it knows that that game is so VERY hard XD ). And, i enjoy solving problems, listening to problems, trying to figure things out. I take my time with these things, trying to understand them (yup, i once wanted to become a psychiatrist XD but as crazy as i am, asylum patients really freak me out. Plus, i don't want the idea of being a doctor who no longer goes through a lot of action, just writing on patient records, writing prescriptions, and so on. I want to think on my feet, and i hate routine, so my job has to be unpredictable and toxic
so i chose to work at the ER XD).
I carried this over to my relationships, and choice of men. I chose guys with lots of issues, not because i wanted to fix them, but simply because they fascinated and never bore me. Their darkness was like a flame that drew me close...a flame that burnt me countless times, but in my stubbornness and utter insane blindness, i persisted, saying i was enjoying myself. I lived a very sinful life because of this choice...it's something i am not proud of, and truly regret. I forgot my Christianity on purpose, just to satisfy what i thought would make me happy and feel loved. It was my vain pursuit, for years.
When i've finally had my fill of all that, and the darkness was no longer something fascinating, but something that was cold and consuming...a poison that was killing me, spiritually, emotionally, and physically...i finally ran back to GOD in shame and resignation and desperation. I've finally realized that what i wanted wasn't making me happy and alive. I've finally become weak enough to be sobered up, finally ready to listen to HIM.
By HIS grace, HE revived me from my poisoned, dying state, and filled me with HIS Holy Fire, renewing and restoring what years of sinning brought to decay. HE let me here HIS voice loud and clear, reminding me of my calling and purpose for living. Reminding me of who and what i am before HIM. From that point of revival, EVERYTHING changed
it felt like i was born again, the 3rd time
to this day, i am at awe in what HE did and is doing in my life!!!
My love and fascination for darkness fled me. I no longer want to be associated with anything that puts my relationship with GOD in danger or compromise. I simply don't get anymore what i found attractive about darkness at all XD i've finally come to discover the beauty of holiness and righteousness. Something i never understood in the past, even though i knew i should. Now, i simply love to revel in HIS sweet, holy presence
my heart sings with so much joy, as i know and discover more of HIS wonders, every single day!!!
And yes, now, i've come to find holy men as incredibly attractive
and i've discovered that they are more special and unique and fun than i realize!!! I am truly blessed by what changes the LORD has done in me internally, coz now i see that
everything HE makes holy is absolutely beautiful
So you see, my conclusion on this? Christians need to have that change in their hearts for them to find nice guys/good guys/holy men as truly attractive or beautiful for them to truly seek after and pray for them
for one's heart to be changed, Papa GOD's Holy Spirit must truly be the one that reigns and is in full control, free to move about, expose and destroy every darkness in it, replacing it with a heart that loves what is HIS
all that is pure and holy. It takes one's daily devotion and full submission to HIS will and HIS Word for this to take place.
I hope my rambling here helps XD GOD bless you all, dear brethren!!!
