Help: Virginity and Test Drive a Car Before You Buy It!

[kthespis]

Excellent post and I couldn't have agreed more. However, this is the 21st century and mistakes are magnified 1000x compared to ancient times. That's why I say a solid & thoroughly investigation should be made on the partner and take the relationship slowly and through stages before making a commitment. All it takes is one bad relationship to destroy one's life forever. I know many men & women who wanted to do the right thing and got burned. For example: on a secular board there was a woman who was grieving for help with her marriage because her husband was arrested for male prostitution. She was a virgin and saved herself for him & marriage and felt a great betrayl. She grieved so much that she wanted to talk to me by phone because she liked my responses on a social board and she trusted me. She calmed down a great deal especially when her HIV test came back negative but knew it was just the first of many tests over a period of time. If only she had done an investigation on him, she would have found some disturbing info. This young lady did everything by her Catholic faith and got burned because of a few red flags she ignored.

Wow. Thanks for this confession. I hope she is in a better place. This is why I agree with, Misty77, who posted on Page 2... "Like with finances, procreation, religion, and in-laws, a couple should have full-disclosure discussions so both sides know what they are getting into instead of springing new information on an unsuspecting parting after the wedding reception. It kind of seems like a bait-and-switch scam otherwise."

Is not marriage a business as well? If so, would you not do proper research before investing in something, let alone, your life? Too many, I feel, want to soft peddle major issues that deal could put one's health and well being in the balance. God does not want us to live life as fools, fumbling about blindly. I understand why many people call for a full-disclosure, of course, respectfully.

 

[biscuit]

Wow. Thanks for this confession. I hope she is in a better place. This is why I agree with, Misty77, who posted on Page 2... "Like with finances, procreation, religion, and in-laws, a couple should have full-disclosure discussions so both sides know what they are getting into instead of springing new information on an unsuspecting parting after the wedding reception. It kind of seems like a bait-and-switch scam otherwise."

Is not marriage a business as well? If so, would you not do proper research before investing in something, let alone, your life? Too many, I feel, want to soft peddle major issues that deal could put one's health and well being in the balance. God does not want us to live life as fools, fumbling about blindly. I understand why many people call for a full-disclosure, of course, respectfully.

I tell you an old secret that most do not know. You can find out 75% of your mate's business by hanging with family members, friends and enemies. The enemies are likely to spills the dark secrets that will be hidden from you from the other sources. And of course, you will have to sort through the facts & lies. It is better "to know than not to know."

 

[faroukfarouk]

I tell you an old secret that most do not know. You can find out 75% of your mate's business by hanging with family members, friends and enemies. The enemies are likely to spills the dark secrets that will be hidden from you from the other sources. And of course, you will have to sort through the facts & lies. It is better "to know than not to know."

Knowing, and gossip are two different things.

 

[biscuit]

Knowing, and gossip are two different things.

And intelligence will prevail

 

[faroukfarouk]

And intelligence will prevail

There's also the privacy issue.

 

[biscuit]

There's also the privacy issue.[/QUOTE

After 4 years in top law firms, believe me, I know more than you think about privacy laws or issues.

 

[kthespis]

I tell you an old secret that most do not know. You can find out 75% of your mate's business by hanging with family members, friends and enemies. The enemies are likely to spills the dark secrets that will be hidden from you from the other sources. And of course, you will have to sort through the facts & lies. It is better "to know than not to know."

Wish I could double like this!

 

[faroukfarouk]

Wish I could double like this!

There is sometimes TMO ("Too much information...")

 

[just_monicat]

I tell you an old secret that most do not know. You can find out 75% of your mate's business by hanging with family members, friends and enemies. The enemies are likely to spills the dark secrets that will be hidden from you from the other sources. And of course, you will have to sort through the facts & lies. It is better "to know than not to know."

getting to know someone shouldn't require reconnaissance missions into enemy territory.

however, spending time with them and their extended circle is well worth the time and effort. but i would do that because i wanted to get to know the guy in a new light, as opposed to going with the intention of unearthing conspiracy and subterfuge.

i prefer to get my "dark secrets" from the guy himself -- and if you pay attention, you should be able to spot red flags of deception.

unfortunately, not everyone chooses to acknowledge or act on those flags...

 

[Jullianna]

getting to know someone shouldn't require reconnaissance missions into enemy territory.

however, spending time with them and their extended circle is well worth the time and effort. but i would do that because i wanted to get to know the guy in a new light, as opposed to going with the intention of unearthing conspiracy and subterfuge.

i prefer to get my "dark secrets" from the guy himself -- and if you pay attention, you should be able to spot red flags of deception.

unfortunately, not everyone chooses to acknowledge or act on those flags...

Agreed. If I feel the need to resort to subterfuge to get to know someone I'm in the wrong relationship anyway.

 

[faroukfarouk]

getting to know someone shouldn't require reconnaissance missions into enemy territory.

however, spending time with them and their extended circle is well worth the time and effort. but i would do that because i wanted to get to know the guy in a new light, as opposed to going with the intention of unearthing conspiracy and subterfuge.

i prefer to get my "dark secrets" from the guy himself -- and if you pay attention, you should be able to spot red flags of deception.

unfortunately, not everyone chooses to acknowledge or act on those flags...

I think you have well developed and well experienced antennae to pick up such signals from those you have dated, so yours are probably words of wisdom.

Mutual respect between Christian adults is also an aspect of it.

Blessings.

 

[MrsRoseTreasure]

I have no objection to the legal sanctioning of marriage, and I hope I didn't sound that way. I'm just stripping the matter down to the basics.

 

[faroukfarouk]

I have no objection to the legal sanctioning of marriage, and I hope I didn't sound that way. I'm just stripping the matter down to the basics.

Oh it came across fine; I guess my point was in Western countries today, and in other lands in the past, the relationship between the legal and customary side of marriage, as a public institution, has varied somewhat.

Blessings.

 

[MrsRoseTreasure]

That makes me really sad. I have had my life ruined by a bad marriage, and it was no one's fault but my own. Fortunately, the Father is merciful to forgive. I hope she can come through this with her faith and her heart in tact.

Excellent post and I couldn't have agreed more. However, this is the 21st century and mistakes are magnified 1000x compared to ancient times. That's why I say a solid & thoroughly investigation should be made on the partner and take the relationship slowly and through stages before making a commitment. All it takes is one bad relationship to destroy one's life forever. I know many men & women who wanted to do the right thing and got burned. For example: on a secular board there was a woman who was grieving for help with her marriage because her husband was arrested for male prostitution. She was a virgin and saved herself for him & marriage and felt a great betrayl. She grieved so much that she wanted to talk to me by phone because she liked my responses on a social board and she trusted me. She calmed down a great deal especially when her HIV test came back negative but knew it was just the first of many tests over a period of time. If only she had done an investigation on him, she would have found some disturbing info. This young lady did everything by her Catholic faith and got burned because of a few red flags she ignored.

 

[biscuit]

getting to know someone shouldn't require reconnaissance missions into enemy territory.

however, spending time with them and their extended circle is well worth the time and effort. but i would do that because i wanted to get to know the guy in a new light, as opposed to going with the intention of unearthing conspiracy and subterfuge.

Unfortunately, the court system, whether it is for divorce or DV, doesn't work well for men and women are well aware of this and exploit it to the hilt. Fortunately, I know the system very well and avoided the exploitation and in one whloe piece at the age of 60. I know many men in their 40's, 50's & 60's don't have a pot to piss in because most of them lost everything regardless who fault it was. I guess we can blame the feminists for working the system politically to favor women over men when it involves injustice in the courts. So much for equality between the genders. BTW, Christian women are not voicing their opinions too loudly because they also greatly benefitting from the injustice. Men have to use extreme cautious not to fall into the "spider web" traps set up by the system to discredit men.

 

[kthespis]

getting to know someone shouldn't require reconnaissance missions into enemy territory.

however, spending time with them and their extended circle is well worth the time and effort. but i would do that because i wanted to get to know the guy in a new light, as opposed to going with the intention of unearthing conspiracy and subterfuge.

i prefer to get my "dark secrets" from the guy himself -- and if you pay attention, you should be able to spot red flags of deception.

unfortunately, not everyone chooses to acknowledge or act on those flags...

I agree with you, just_monicat. Going into enemy territory has its risks, especially if it boxes that person in. I know I am not the person I was 10 years ago and much more mature and balanced. That being said, if the "enemy" warns you that the person you are dating has a "bi-sexual" past or has a pattern of quitting when things get tough it would at least allow you to choose to date longer versus rushing into a marriage. I think the Italian proverb goes "better the devil you know than the devil you don't." Tell me that isn't true

 

[rachelsedge]

After reading the four pages here I feel a little confused. I don't know how I would feel with discussing sex with my boyfriend, or fiancè. It's a touchy topic. I would feel kinda weird asking him ''So....are you okay with so and so, and how often do you want to do that, and how, etc?'' It feels strange just to think about it. Isn't knowing the basics enough? like no adultery, reciprocity, liberty on the non-issues. And I would also think knowing if there is any sexual past a must before marriage. But besides from that, do we really need to know more about the subject before marriage?

I'm with you kayem, I'm not sure how one would do that.

Besides the fact that I'm confused what you're supposed to talk about "what you want" if you've never done anything before and don't truly know what it might be that you want, if that makes sense. I hope it makes sense because I don't really want to draw it out and explain what I mean by it but I can.

 

[777ShesinHisHands777]

God gives us the beauty of becoming one with our mate as a sort of "prize" for waiting. And while you will still be given that gift of intimacy with him/her if you do NOT wait, it loses some of it's wonder and beauty when it is "opened" before the wedding. Its kind of like peeking at Christmas/birthday presents before they are given to you and ruining the surprise.

I will confess I did not wait.... Oh dear God how I wish I had. Life would have been soo much different for me. While I was raised to understand that sex outside marriage was displeasing to God, I was also taught that if you did have sex outside marriage God saw that as a commitment and in essence you were married in His eyes at that point.

At that point I didn't know enough about him and later found him to be a very anger driven, verbally abusive person. However because I made the mistake of not waiting... I felt obligated to compound it with another mistake of getting married to someone that I really would not have married had I not given in to the temptation.

I am now paying the consequences of those choices. Yet as the mother of my beautiful children God has blessed me with I have taught them the same things I was taught with one exception. If you find yourself in any sinful situation. Confess that sin, Repent of that sin, but do not move forward with a life changing decision because of that sin without serious prayer and petition to God for what you should do and where to go from there FIRST!
For example...Some may disagree with my choice but with my daughter who is 19 and unwed... she is due to give birth to my first grandchild in July. As much as that pained my heart to have her in this situation, I strongly advised her to wait and pray about marriage. I feel that marriage for the sole purpose to not be an unwed single mom is not a good reason. I had hoped that my experiences in the past would deter her from walking a pathway such as I did ... however for whatever reason she is walking one that is potentially worse. I can only pray.

But anyway,,, back to your question LOL ( I guess my train of thought got derailed a bit)
I was told the same thing about trying before buying after my husband left and it rather offended me that people would think of an intimacy like that so callously. And I will tell you from the woman's viewpoint, if she is worth your time and attention... She will appreciate you waiting and treating her with respect and honor. She will only come to possibly resent the fact that you did not support her in the waiting and following Gods suggestions for our lives and His perfectly designed will. Practice showing Love in all ways non physical, Then if things go not as you have planned, you will still know how to be intimate without the sex. There are sooooo many ways to show love, and I would suggest even sitting down with her and asking her to write down what she would view as you demonstrating that you love her, and you do the same for her... But for many reasons I would stick to God's leading first and foremost and not the leading of those around you! I even suggest that you proceed cautiously with suggestions from Christians around you because.. We can Be Wrong! Most important is what does God say.... and in this case you knew the answer before you even asked I am thinking. So the best advice anyone could give is.... Is this question already answered in the bible? If so then dont look any further. You already have your answer dont be expecting a special reprieve. God Bless You and I pray that you find strength to do what is right.

In Him,
Kimmie

 

[faroukfarouk]

I'm with you kayem, I'm not sure how one would do that.

Besides the fact that I'm confused what you're supposed to talk about "what you want" if you've never done anything before and don't truly know what it might be that you want, if that makes sense. I hope it makes sense because I don't really want to draw it out and explain what I mean by it but I can.

While it's good to be frank with one another, yet it's good also for what is said, to be consistent with Philippians 4.8: 'Whatever is true..honest..just..pure..lovely..of good report; if there be any virtue and if there be any praise, think on these things.'

 

[IDEAtor]

I thought it was money. Interesting.

Well I agree. It ought to be discussed openly. Well, that and everything else.

I thought it was pride.