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K
There shouldn't be anything you can't discuss with someone you intend to marry as long as you discuss it in a respectful manner. The discussion doesn't have to be crude.
Keep in mind that one person's "basic" might be something out of a biology textbook, while another's "basic" might be the entire Kama Sutra.
When you marry someone your body is no longer your own (1 Cor 7:3-5). You are going to learn things about a man you never imagined once you marry. They will learn more about a woman than they ever imagined as well. Some of which you both may wish you hadn't.
You learn together. You grow together. You care for one another. You please one another. You discuss things, even things that are difficult or make you uncomfortable. That's how intimacy grows. It's intimacy that truly connects you, not necessarily the sexuality. Good communication is key to intimacy. It's important to gauge that before you marry. Respectfully.
Keep in mind that one person's "basic" might be something out of a biology textbook, while another's "basic" might be the entire Kama Sutra.
When you marry someone your body is no longer your own (1 Cor 7:3-5). You are going to learn things about a man you never imagined once you marry. They will learn more about a woman than they ever imagined as well. Some of which you both may wish you hadn't.
You learn together. You grow together. You care for one another. You please one another. You discuss things, even things that are difficult or make you uncomfortable. That's how intimacy grows. It's intimacy that truly connects you, not necessarily the sexuality. Good communication is key to intimacy. It's important to gauge that before you marry. Respectfully.
K
I'm not really sure what we're talking about anymore honestly. I'm still wondering if you were saying that in order to know if someone is a hypocrite, we need to know their sexual preferences? I just think that it is not necessary. Not saying discussing sex is unecessary, but it's not necessary in order to rightly judge someone's character.
Three years is enough to know there are similarities and differences. And this one is a similarity. People have sex everywhere you know. Besides, my hometown was very influenced by American culture in some ways of thinking.
Three years is enough to know there are similarities and differences. And this one is a similarity. People have sex everywhere you know
. Besides, my hometown was very influenced by American culture in some ways of thinking.
don't you think that as two people can grow to be in love and can grow to work together in personality, don't you think that they can grow together sexually?
if it's right, it's right. if it's wrong it's wrong.
and if it's right, then the favor of God will be on it in all areas and the two shall grow as one in love.
don't worry about the details.
if it's right, it's right. if it's wrong it's wrong.
and if it's right, then the favor of God will be on it in all areas and the two shall grow as one in love.
don't worry about the details.
J
That's sort of my point. You CAN definitely grow together, but one of you may be farther along in that process than the other. A LOT farther.
I'm not talking about having this conversation with someone you just met or someone you are casually dating. I'm talking about someone you are contemplating marrying. Within that context, I don't know how the conversation would be impure, unless it was crude.
Using the language of this thread, I don't need to drive the car before I buy it, but if they fished it out of the Gulf after a hurricane, I'd like to at least know about it.
I'm not talking about having this conversation with someone you just met or someone you are casually dating.
I'm talking about someone you are contemplating marrying. Within that context, I don't know how the conversation would be impure, unless it was crude.Using the language of this thread, I don't need to drive the car before I buy it, but if they fished it out of the Gulf after a hurricane, I'd like to at least know about it.
K
That's sort of my point. You CAN definitely grow together, but one of you may be farther along in that process than the other. A LOT farther.
I'm not talking about having this conversation with someone you just met or someone you are casually dating. I'm talking about someone you are contemplating marrying. Within that context, I don't know how the conversation would be impure, unless it was crude.
Using the language of this thread, I don't need to drive the car before I buy it, but if they fished it out of the Gulf after a hurricane, I'd like to at least know about it.
I'm not talking about having this conversation with someone you just met or someone you are casually dating.
I'm talking about someone you are contemplating marrying. Within that context, I don't know how the conversation would be impure, unless it was crude.Using the language of this thread, I don't need to drive the car before I buy it, but if they fished it out of the Gulf after a hurricane, I'd like to at least know about it.
I guess it's just one of those situations where you have to test the ground, and from there discern what's appropiate to ask and carry the conversation with tact.
J
Yeah I agree that talking about past experiences would be necessary. Maybe not every detail, just enough to know where he stands. Thanks for your insight I guess it's just one of those situations where you have to test the ground, and from there discern what's appropiate to ask and carry the conversation with tact.
I guess it's just one of those situations where you have to test the ground, and from there discern what's appropiate to ask and carry the conversation with tact.
I would like to say, as someone who has investigated sexual crimes for years, it makes me smile to know there is still innocence in the world.
It's very sweet and refreshing. God bless you.
T
BananaPie is peachy. ...oooo! Shiny!
Okay, seriously; quit distracting me, Midnite.
As for Song of Solomon, the conservative teaching of that Book is the loyal relationship between Jesus and His Bride.
Okay, seriously; quit distracting me, Midnite.
As for Song of Solomon, the conservative teaching of that Book is the loyal relationship between Jesus and His Bride.
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D
I agree with the phrase "test drive it before you buy it" but not the way your putting it. lol, I'm with still.....sex shouldn't be that big of a deal when choosing a spouse and it shouldn't be something you would leave your wife over either.
By test drive it before you buy it, I think spending a lot of time with your potential spouse and getting to know all their quirks, good points and bad points is a great idea to find out if it's someone you could see yourself living with. That's more important, the sex should be good because it's with someone you love and decided to marry......if there are any problems in that area it's not like it can't be worked on. I think your putting sex on too high of a pedestal.
By test drive it before you buy it, I think spending a lot of time with your potential spouse and getting to know all their quirks, good points and bad points is a great idea to find out if it's someone you could see yourself living with. That's more important, the sex should be good because it's with someone you love and decided to marry......if there are any problems in that area it's not like it can't be worked on. I think your putting sex on too high of a pedestal.
K
After reading the four pages here I feel a little confused. I don't know how I would feel with discussing sex with my boyfriend, or fiancè. It's a touchy topic. I would feel kinda weird asking him ''So....are you okay with so and so, and how often do you want to do that, and how, etc?'' It feels strange just to think about it. Isn't knowing the basics enough? like no adultery, reciprocity, liberty on the non-issues. And I would also think knowing if there is any sexual past a must before marriage. But besides from that, do we really need to know more about the subject before marriage?
Isn't knowing the basics enough? like no adultery, reciprocity, liberty on the non-issues. And I would also think knowing if there is any sexual past a must before marriage. But besides from that, do we really need to know more about the subject before marriage?
K
Nautilus, that is a major concern for me and many of my virgin friends. You said it... "different people do like different things sexually..." That very statement is the heart of the concern of whether test driving a car before you buy it. I've come to rely on faith, as many posters on here have backed up, but "physically compatibility" just didn't invent itself.
K
There shouldn't be anything you can't discuss with someone you intend to marry as long as you discuss it in a respectful manner. The discussion doesn't have to be crude.
Keep in mind that one person's "basic" might be something out of a biology textbook, while another's "basic" might be the entire Kama Sutra.
When you marry someone your body is no longer your own (1 Cor 7:3-5). You are going to learn things about a man you never imagined once you marry. They will learn more about a woman than they ever imagined as well. Some of which you both may wish you hadn't.
You learn together. You grow together. You care for one another. You please one another. You discuss things, even things that are difficult or make you uncomfortable. That's how intimacy grows. It's intimacy that truly connects you, not necessarily the sexuality. Good communication is key to intimacy. It's important to gauge that before you marry. Respectfully.
Keep in mind that one person's "basic" might be something out of a biology textbook, while another's "basic" might be the entire Kama Sutra.
When you marry someone your body is no longer your own (1 Cor 7:3-5). You are going to learn things about a man you never imagined once you marry. They will learn more about a woman than they ever imagined as well. Some of which you both may wish you hadn't.
You learn together. You grow together. You care for one another. You please one another. You discuss things, even things that are difficult or make you uncomfortable. That's how intimacy grows. It's intimacy that truly connects you, not necessarily the sexuality. Good communication is key to intimacy. It's important to gauge that before you marry. Respectfully.
Here's the thing about marriage. I'm sure there were no huge ceremonies in the beginning. Think about it. First there was just Adam and Eve. What made them "married?" When they came together as one. Then Cain and the other children, and so on and so on. At some point, the union of marriage became an official legal event where family members made potluck and witnessed the "joining" of the couple in "legal" union. But the next day, if they have not had sex, the wedding ceremony can be void. Why? SEX IS MARRIAGE! When a man and woman "cleave" together and become one, they are married. That's what makes fornication such an evil; it minimizes that commitment to nil.
Therefore, what you've been told is backward thinking. It's not the sex that's the test drive, it's the friendship.
Besides, good sex is a learned skill. No one is born with knowing how to do it right the first time, though certainly the mechanics are easy to figure out. It comes with time, and familiarity with one another. These are hallmarks of a great relationship, as well.
Therefore, what you've been told is backward thinking. It's not the sex that's the test drive, it's the friendship.
Besides, good sex is a learned skill. No one is born with knowing how to do it right the first time, though certainly the mechanics are easy to figure out. It comes with time, and familiarity with one another. These are hallmarks of a great relationship, as well.
Without going into detail about the physical aspect, I think the point that can be made is that to marriage as well as the private aspect there is its public aspect. In our Western society this expresses itself in the fact that a legally recognized ceremony is held: what this essentially means is that the law is acknowledging the institution of marriage.
B
Excellent post and I couldn't have agreed more. However, this is the 21st century and mistakes are magnified 1000x compared to ancient times. That's why I say a solid & thoroughly investigation should be made on the partner and take the relationship slowly and through stages before making a commitment. All it takes is one bad relationship to destroy one's life forever. I know many men & women who wanted to do the right thing and got burned. For example: on a secular board there was a woman who was grieving for help with her marriage because her husband was arrested for male prostitution. She was a virgin and saved herself for him & marriage and felt a great betrayl. She grieved so much that she wanted to talk to me by phone because she liked my responses on a social board and she trusted me. She calmed down a great deal especially when her HIV test came back negative but knew it was just the first of many tests over a period of time. If only she had done an investigation on him, she would have found some disturbing info. This young lady did everything by her Catholic faith and got burned because of a few red flags she ignored.
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