In need of Singleness advice

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Victoriab

Guest
#1
#1
I am a single Christian. I've been friends with this man for a while now (also christian) and we talk now and again but everytime we do talk I've noticed that we have had a lot of deep conversations about personal aspects of our lives and we really open up to eachother and pray for the struggles we've been through. After speaking to him during this period of time I have come to realise I have strong feelings for him. I don't know If he likes me back but sometimes I feel like he does but I just don't know if he is waiting for the right time to tell me or if he just doesn't feel that way about me at all and maybe just sees me as a friend.

It's really hard being single and having such strong feelings for him seems to consume my day as he's all I can think about- I just don't want my time wasted having feelings for him if it's not meant to be so I've been asking God to take away these feelings if it is not suppose to manifest into anything and just to help me focus on his word and his will but I can't seem to give God my full focus and my love for this man hasn't gone away.

I have been praying about this for a while now and I just don't know what to do and it's come to a stage where it's almost painful to be around him because I like him that much but I don't feel like I should tell him as it's the 'mans' job to seek his wife/partner and I also would never have the confidence to tell him how I feel if I have no idea how he feels.

Singleness is a gift given from God but this makes it so much harder appreciating this when all I want is to be with him... I hope someone can give me some advice or pray that I can hear Gods voice clearer!
 
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faroukfarouk

Banned
#2
Feb 21, 2014
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#2
Figure prayer and the Scriptures to be central to your interests and thinking.

Then, if you meet someone who thinks and acts similarly, then maybe this would be the Lord leading you.
 
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Victoriab

Guest
#3
#3
Thanks for your reply farouk, I think prayer and reading scripture is something that is a way of life for us and he seems very rooted in the word of God. In terms of other interests we seem to have a lot especially our general sense of humour and the way that conversation flows- I think this is what attracts me to him.

I am trying to have patience and wait on God for him to ask me out or something but in the meantime I don't know what to do. It's just really hard for me to focus on anything else! I don't want these feelings to take over my time with God but they seem to be getting stronger
 
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Ugly

Guest
#4
#4
Why not just say something? You can spend your life in this false cultural concept that as a woman you can't speak up, and sit around waiting for someone else to. Or you can stop wasting your time and speak up to him.
 
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faroukfarouk

Banned
#5
Feb 21, 2014
5,672
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#5
Victoriab said:
Thanks for your reply farouk, I think prayer and reading scripture is something that is a way of life for us and he seems very rooted in the word of God. In terms of other interests we seem to have a lot especially our general sense of humour and the way that conversation flows- I think this is what attracts me to him.

I am trying to have patience and wait on God for him to ask me out or something but in the meantime I don't know what to do. It's just really hard for me to focus on anything else! I don't want these feelings to take over my time with God but they seem to be getting stronger
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Well, I'm sure that there are plenty of Godly role models among Christian women in Northern Ireland, who will advise you not to be driven by feelings that take over from the emphasis on prayer and the Scriptures.

There's a saying: "Marry in haste; repent at leisure..."

Planning to get married is like winding for hours along a road in the Glens of Antrim. It's not like the motorway near Dublin Airport....

Blessings.
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#6
Apr 18, 2013
9,526
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Ugly said:
Why not just say something? You can spend your life in this false cultural concept that as a woman you can't speak up, and sit around waiting for someone else to. Or you can stop wasting your time and speak up to him.
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Actually tell someone you like them?

You need to stop talking crazy.

: )
 
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Victoriab

Guest
#7
#7
A Lack of confidence I think! And not being sure if it's what God wants for my life. I'm not really use to these situations it seems a bit different in the christian world and since being a christian I don't know how I would deal with this. Usually I'd attract the typical confident type who took the lead. But this guy is different so even if he did like me I think he would take a lot more time to come out and say it. Rather like me :p
 
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Victoriab

Guest
#8
#8
A Lack of confidence I think! And not being sure if it's what God wants for my life. I'm not really use to these situations it seems a bit different in the christian world and since being a christian I don't know how I would deal with this. Usually I'd attract the typical confident type who took the lead. But this guy is different so even if he did like me I think he would take a lot more time to come out and say it. Rather like me :p
 
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Victoriab

Guest
#9
#9
I'm just not a super confident woman! Maybe I'll just have to do it before these feelings eat me whole!
 
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Victoriab

Guest
#11
#11
Tell him how I feel..
 
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Victoriab

Guest
#13
#13
Possibly rejection, which is not the worst thing that could happen but not the best. Either that would help my feelings to go away once there is not that mystery about what could happen or they would just stay :(
 
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faroukfarouk

Banned
#14
Feb 21, 2014
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#14
Victoriab said:
Possibly rejection, which is not the worst thing that could happen but not the best. Either that would help my feelings to go away once there is not that mystery about what could happen or they would just stay :(
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Do you think that the feeling you might get from expressing your feelings, matters more than the consequences?

If we are committing our ways to the Lord (Proverbs 3.6), then we can trust Him to open and close doors in our lives.

Blessings.
 
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Victoriab

Guest
#15
#15
I think as humans we can often get caught up in the way we 'feel' rather than the consequence of our actions which is a very good point to consider. What consequences could there be other than rejection or acceptance from this man?
"In all of your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path.." Perhaps I should wait to see what God desires for me but at the same time it seems as though these feelings are taking over me seeing that clearly.
I feel as if I didn't feel like this then it would be easier for me to see what God wants for my life right now.. unless these feelings are a sign of what is to come..
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#16
Apr 18, 2013
9,526
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#16
Write all your feelings down on a note, then have a friend pass it to him.

Oh, and be sure there's a box he can check, that says, "I like you too."

: )
 
DuchessAimee

DuchessAimee

Senior Member
#17
Apr 27, 2011
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#17
Think about and write down what the worst possible thing would be if you told him how you felt. After you consider all the possible consequences, after thinking about both the long term good and bad of your actions, do you still want to tell him?



If the answer is yes, do it. If the answer is no, hold your tongue.
 
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Richie_2uk

Guest
#18
#18
Heya Victoriab. Don't go on feelings alone. as Some feeling can be deceiving and may serve you wrong. But if both you and he are Christians,, best thing for either of you or both if you both feel the same. Is to see God for wisdom. Its great that you both are talking about issues that are close to you. and sharing good times chatting away. But God will give you wisdom and give you right attitude, if it's his will for both you and him are having these feelings. Last thing you want is for you to go brave and tell him how you feel. and he may feel opposite and may ruin friendship. I have seen it, and it happens. God bless, Seek God's advice on this matter. God gives you the desires of your heart, but according to his will.
 
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GodIsSalvation

Banned
#19
Dec 18, 2013
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#19
You seem all right to me Victoria. From your testimony I see nothing bad with the dude either. Heh I get the lack of confidence aspect too. I see where asking the dude be also unsure if he does like you and is kinda shy lol. At the same time I feel for you on not wanting to be rejected.

Most logical advice I'd say is do not ask him out or any of that but continue on as friends for a bit longer. If you find after continuing as friends a bit more that you must tell the man your feelings after a little more time to render a fairer perspective on him and you then so be it. This way in the case of rejection you can still just be friends and who knows, you give it some more time and dude might just ask you out lol.
 
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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#20
#20
If you tell him you like him make sure you say, i like like you. If you use 1 like he might think you just like him, if you use 2 likes he'll know you like like him.
 
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