I am a single Christian. I've been friends with this man for a while now (also christian) and we talk now and again but everytime we do talk I've noticed that we have had a lot of deep conversations about personal aspects of our lives and we really open up to eachother and pray for the struggles we've been through. After speaking to him during this period of time I have come to realise I have strong feelings for him. I don't know If he likes me back but sometimes I feel like he does but I just don't know if he is waiting for the right time to tell me or if he just doesn't feel that way about me at all and maybe just sees me as a friend.
It's really hard being single and having such strong feelings for him seems to consume my day as he's all I can think about- I just don't want my time wasted having feelings for him if it's not meant to be so I've been asking God to take away these feelings if it is not suppose to manifest into anything and just to help me focus on his word and his will but I can't seem to give God my full focus and my love for this man hasn't gone away.
I have been praying about this for a while now and I just don't know what to do and it's come to a stage where it's almost painful to be around him because I like him that much but I don't feel like I should tell him as it's the 'mans' job to seek his wife/partner and I also would never have the confidence to tell him how I feel if I have no idea how he feels.
Singleness is a gift given from God but this makes it so much harder appreciating this when all I want is to be with him... I hope someone can give me some advice or pray that I can hear Gods voice clearer!
First read our thread on how fast do you emotionally invest to get in on our discussion on pseudo relationships. You aren't the only person who gets into these situations. You're trying to figure out whether and how to tell this guy that your feelings go beyond friendship. If you do you may weird him out and lose the friendship or at least the closeness and comfortableness that you have now. If you don't you may go crazy.
The only two ways out of your present craziness are to either tell him how you feel (write a note if you can't do it in person) or decide to distance yourself from him and hope he comes after you to ask why. As long as you continue to spend time with him and build intimacy without talking about what your relationship is, you will continue to wonder and ask these questions. If I were in this situation (and I was in a similar situation not that long ago but got the out of he left town), I would probably bring the topic up of how we relate to each other, how it is beyond what normal friendship is to me, and how I'm confused about how to define it and feeling the need for definition. The only other encouraging thing I can say is that both times this topic came up between me and guys who were just friends, it didn't destroy the friendship. Even if he is just a friend, he cares about you and I seriously doubt he's going to abandon you just because the going gets a little rough.
The second aspect of your question is about isn't it the man's job to take the initiative. I say yes for several reasons, but on a personal level it's because I don't want a passive guy, and I don't want to keep second guessing whether he really likes me or is just too nice to say no. You, however, shouldn't be a doormat or hostage to his preferences or laziness. Do what you need to do so that this situation doesn't consume your life or thoughts.
Finally, I think all of us have a problem of fully focusing on God when we are interested in someone. That's normal and doesn't make you a terrible Christian or person. And remember, God wants good for you. It's not like he's waiting for you to make a mistake so he can clobber you. If you do mess up a bit, he'll be waiting there to redeem the situation and bring the best out of it.
