Grace's Robotic Man

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Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#1
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
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#1
As I journey through this single life and get to know the opposite gender on various deeper levels, I always seem to focus on those qualities that they have which I really enjoy and appreciate. One man I know may be funny and quick-witted, while another guy friend may be kind and caring. There's someone else that I've gotten to know who I "click" with really well, while the person I spent some time with a year ago or so shared so many interests and passions with me that I felt like he was my male counterpart. And then there's the spiritual maturity that I admire so much about several other men I know.

For various reasons, none of them were a match for me, but knowing them and seeing things that I loved about them made me subconsciously add those qualities to my "wow, this is a quality I need in a future spouse" list.

It's not a big deal, but now I'm a little concerned that I'm perhaps building this virtual robotic man out of parts I've picked and chosen from other actual people, and creating an impossible standard. By the time I am ready to actually start a relationship, the robot is going to be enormous with all of his added-on parts, and completely unattainable!

Now I'm all "Noooo, I can't get to know you better... I don't want all your wonderful qualities to get stuck to my robot!"
 
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maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#2
Apr 18, 2013
9,526
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#2
I also wonder if I'll ever meet a girl with ALL the qualities I want.

But that's why God made things like perfume and long eyelashes...
they pretty much trump all those little "issues".

: )
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#3
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
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#3
I was doing stuff like this for a while.

But every relationship is different and unique.

"The perfect blossom is a rare thing. You could spend your life looking for one, and it would not be a wasted life."

I spent some time this weekend with three of the most important women to me and I can say that they each in their own way are perfect.

But with each of them there is a lot that would have to change differently in both of us to be in a relationship. We would be challenged and pushed and our patience tested.

I don't believe that there is such a thing as a plug and play relationship.



In our youth, when our hearts and our minds are like wet clay its easy to adapt to someone new. It is like water which moves around the rocks in a stream to reach its goal. However, as we get older, we become more rigid and our expectations become more fixed, not on the possibility but only one possibility. Our cup is not empty with the expectation of not knowing what could be, but it is full of the knowledge of how it should be before it is.

This is why love is easy when you are young and harder as you get older. There is no going back to when there was no walls, no tests, and no confusion. There is only to give what grace we have with what time we have to someone who is worthy.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#5
Mar 13, 2014
42,373
16,866
113
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Tennessee
#5
Grace-Like-Rain said:
As I journey through this single life and get to know the opposite gender on various deeper levels, I always seem to focus on those qualities that they have which I really enjoy and appreciate. One man I know may be funny and quick-witted, while another guy friend may be kind and caring. There's someone else that I've gotten to know who I "click" with really well, while the person I spent some time with a year ago or so shared so many interests and passions with me that I felt like he was my male counterpart. And then there's the spiritual maturity that I admire so much about several other men I know.

For various reasons, none of them were a match for me, but knowing them and seeing things that I loved about them made me subconsciously add those qualities to my "wow, this is a quality I need in a future spouse" list.

It's not a big deal, but now I'm a little concerned that I'm perhaps building this virtual robotic man out of parts I've picked and chosen from other actual people, and creating an impossible standard. By the time I am ready to actually start a relationship, the robot is going to be enormous with all of his added-on parts, and completely unattainable!

Now I'm all "Noooo, I can't get to know you better... I don't want all your wonderful qualities to get stuck to my robot!"
Click to expand...
Mr. Roboto
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#6
May 23, 2009
16,213
5,186
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#6
Excellent post, Grace, and there is nothing I can add here that hasn't already been said.

I often wonder if the reason why we say we are looking for someone "spiritual"... is because by the time they qualify for the list of all our requirements... they might indeed be a spirit.
 
1

1still_waters

Guest
#7
#7
I think this is a major issue for Christians in so many things.
We develop a predefined mold for any given thing.
Then we don't leave lots of elbow room for nuance, individualism, and the basic reality that we're imperfect humans saved by the blood of Jesus, and still reaching for perfection through the grace of God.

Sure certain molds and standards are needed, but we can get so rigid that we turn into people whom are engaging in some form of role playing as our individual quirks, nuances, and humanity get sucked into the vacuum known as the ideal mold.
 
J

just_monicat

Senior Member
#8
Jan 1, 2014
1,284
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#8
i can relate a bit to this.

yes, there is definitely a list of what i consider attractive, even swoon-worthy qualities that (in some cases) probably seem random and weird to almost anyone else. but usually they exist because of previous exposure to something that i couldn't help but notice. and because we're constantly in motion, some of what i previously found so attractive has possibly lost some of its charm, simply because i'm no longer the (same) person that was so aware of or incredibly drawn to that quality.

i've recently had a bit of a revelation, which is, that if i am willing to trust that God actually has someone he's preparing for me (in a similar way that i'm being prepared for) that He's also got that covered for me.

while, it feels a little on the simplistic side for me, but i'm consciously choosing to go with it for now. because i think there's some truth to that.

trust me, this notion amuses me greatly. i imagine some guy walking around thinking things like, "why can't i find a woman who loves boots as much as i do?" or "if i could only find a woman who could beat me at scrabble...".

seriously, though -- of course, that opens up new concerns that have a lot to do with being afraid of walking right past him, but um, i'm still working on wrangling *that* fear in. ; p
 
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D

Donkeyfish07

Guest
#9
#9
You think you could beat me at scrabble Monica? I smell a bet
 
D

Donkeyfish07

Guest
#12
#12
just_monicat said:
as if!

you'd better start making the pecan chocolate chip cookies now...
Click to expand...
Hmmmm, a dozen pecan chocolate chips vs 2 20 oz Red Bulls? Sounds like a fair wager. Can we play anywhere online?

I would ask for food, but I'm getting chocolates from Grace 2 times already and Pip is making me cupcakes. lol. I need something to wash the cupcakes and chocolate down with
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#13
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
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#13
Liamson said:

In our youth, when our hearts and our minds are like wet clay its easy to adapt to someone new. It is like water which moves around the rocks in a stream to reach its goal. However, as we get older, we become more rigid and our expectations become more fixed, not on the possibility but only one possibility. Our cup is not empty with the expectation of not knowing what could be, but it is full of the knowledge of how it should be before it is.

This is why love is easy when you are young and harder as you get older. There is no going back to when there was no walls, no tests, and no confusion. There is only to give what grace we have with what time we have to someone who is worthy.
Click to expand...
This is so true.

1still_waters said:
I think this is a major issue for Christians in so many things.
We develop a predefined mold for any given thing.
Then we don't leave lots of elbow room for nuance, individualism, and the basic reality that we're imperfect humans saved by the blood of Jesus, and still reaching for perfection through the grace of God.
Click to expand...
Yeah, I agree. Though for me it's not so much wanting a man to fit a mold, as it is realizing how many wonderful traits and qualities there are out there, and knowing that finding someone with even two or three of them is probably quite a find.

How do you place a value on these traits, to know which are more important and which are less? I suppose if my heart is really drawn to a specific person, this wouldn't be such an issue. But my mind rebels against letting the heart lead too much, because when the heart leads often it disregards important information and mistakes are made, you know?


just_monicat said:

i've recently had a bit of a revelation, which is, that if i am willing to trust that God actually has someone he's preparing for me (in a similar way that i'm being prepared for) that He's also got that covered for me.

Click to expand...
Monica, it's interesting... I don't know that I believe any longer in a "one man God is preparing for me" type of scenario at least for myself. I know God guides all our steps, so in a way I can believe that, but mostly now I view it as more of a "decide which person you'd fit best with, make the decision, and go for it" type of thing. Not as romantic, is it? :p

 
I

iTOREtheSKY

Guest
#14
#14
Because of this post Angie,I now have the song's "Iron Man" by Black Sabbath,"Mr. Roboto" by Styx,and the theme to the Six Million Dollar Man all pulling a mega-remix simultaneously in my head right now. Cheers for that! lol
 
J

just_monicat

Senior Member
#15
Jan 1, 2014
1,284
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#15
Grace-Like-Rain said:
This is so true.

Monica, it's interesting... I don't know that I believe any longer in a "one man God is preparing for me" type of scenario at least for myself. I know God guides all our steps, so in a way I can believe that, but mostly now I view it as more of a "decide which person you'd fit best with, make the decision, and go for it" type of thing. Not as romantic, is it? :p
Click to expand...

well, i definitely don't believe in soulmates or something along the line of "one person for everyone" baloney.

but let me clarify. first of all, what God does to prepare us, in reality is refining us, making us more Christ-like. that is a major part of how i think God has prepared me for my future. all of my relationships have changed as i've become more Christ-like and grown in my faith, such as learning to be love-focused in my actions, rather than outcome-focused.

next, i know that God has used my experiences and circumstances to prepare me for what would come, by the way of opportunities and adventures. this is a lesson that He's shown me over and over.

why isn't it reasonable to accept that God would prepare you for your future relationship? and do the same for him?

 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#16
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
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#16
just_monicat said:


why isn't it reasonable to accept that God would prepare you for your future relationship? and do the same for him?
Click to expand...
Maybe because I don't really know if God even has a future relationship for me. I dunno... the future is so very blank. Either way though, I'm being refined and prepared for a life of giving glory to God, and that's priceless. I love what you said about each relationship growing you. That's a cool thought! As I recognize great qualities in others, I'm growing and learning so much too. I just have to do away with my robot before he messes things up for me. ^_^
 
I

iTOREtheSKY

Guest
#17
#17
Grace-Like-Rain said:
Maybe because I don't really know if God even has a future relationship for me. I dunno... the future is so very blank. Either way though, I'm being refined and prepared for a life of giving glory to God, and that's priceless. I love what you said about each relationship growing you. That's a cool thought! As I recognize great qualities in others, I'm growing and learning so much too. I just have to do away with my robot before he messes things up for me. ^_^
Click to expand...
No matter what God is preparing you for it will be great! Who know's?...You might end up meeting a man who is a combination of all those amazing thing's you've found in others all rolled into one. I don't believe in the soul mate thing or destiny per say,but it can happen that you find/God brings the perfect person for YOU & you alone! :)
 
J

just_monicat

Senior Member
#18
Jan 1, 2014
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0
#18
Grace-Like-Rain said:
Maybe because I don't really know if God even has a future relationship for me. I dunno... the future is so very blank.
Click to expand...
oh, yeah. that.

well, most days, i believe that God is preparing someone for me, and vice versa. but sometimes, i do wonder.

the way i've dealt with those feelings is making peace with the fact that i could be happy with either outcome. and now, doing my best to trust God that He's sufficient for me for the rest of my days.

and a robot could be kind of cool. i bet he wouldn't sass you. ; p

ok, back to work now.
 
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MartyrNdaMaKn

MartyrNdaMaKn

Senior Member
#19
Jan 22, 2013
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#19
To bad I don't look good in a wig or I would be the perfect match for me.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#20
#20
I get what you're saying, Grace. I've had similar thoughts. But here's the magic to it all. You have this idea 'i like this trait from X person, this trait from Y person... etc... but at the end of the day, when you meet someone that captures your heart, that list goes out the window. Because you are so enamored with what it is about them that draws you to them, that you don't miss the list. Chances are they will have many, but not all, of those qualities, but you won't miss the ones that aren't there. Because this new person will have qualities you didn't know or think about before. So don't worry about it. When the time comes, things will be so natural and normal, all your lists won't matter.
 
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