Is Pornography a Deal-Breaker for You?

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Great Post Kim. yeah i think that if a guy is still struggling with that .. it will have a huge negative effect on how they are in the relationship..
So if we can put this in an equation.. Person you like + Porn= bye bye
 
zeroturbulence said:
So I guess those pictures came in handy after you left o_O

Sorry...I couldnt resist! :D
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The even sadder part is that he told me when he was done with them, he handed them off to his brother.

Nothing like second-hand porn (pardon the puns...)--used, broken in, and passed on the to next user, apparently.

I've had some confrontational discussions with guys about that, and when they get defensive, I always say, "Well, if you can look at that and do that and know in your heart that Jesus is right there in that moment knowing everything you're doing, thinking, and acting upon... and you're cool with that, and you honestly believe He's cool with that, I guess there's not much I can say."

Usually... it's the the other person that doesn't have anything to say after that.
 
GodsLilMunky said:
Great Post Kim. yeah i think that if a guy is still struggling with that .. it will have a huge negative effect on how they are in the relationship..
So if we can put this in an equation.. Person you like + Porn= bye bye
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I was never great at math but always kind of liked equations... ;)
 
What you do in private is not my business basically. But when you meet someone, you need less of that stuff lets say.
 
Hmmm. If I am finding out in the beginning of a relationship, porn would be a deal breaker for me. If the person tells me that they are struggling with it and is seeking help then.. dunno... I would probably say it would still be a deal breaker for me.

Maggie
 
eugenius said:
What you do in private is not my business basically. But when you meet someone, you need less of that stuff lets say.
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I've heard that argument too... some will say, "If I only had a girlfriend/woman in my life/wife (or man if you're a woman, of course), I wouldn't need that stuff."

But from what I've seen, the problem gets worse instead of better, because the person who's been absorbed in porn will generally want to "try out" what they've seen... leading to a lot of bitter feelings if the other partner isn't interested. So then the person will say, "Well, if only my partner were more open-minded, experimental, willing to try this or that..." and they wind up trying to find someone else, because they will say, "You aren't meeting my 'needs' and I need someone who will'."

I think this is one of the general deceptions of porn--people think they need someone, and that they'd be able to quit if they had "the right person". But what it really does is set you up to never be happy with anyone, no matter how "perfect" they might seem at first.

I've also had guys say, "You don't understand, I'm thinking of you when I'm looking at X and doing..." (whatever), to which I reply, "Oh, then I'm supposed to be flattered that you think of me as your own personal porn object?" Sorry, just not my idea of a compliment as a Christian.

This could just be me, but I personally don't see how anyone who is filling their mind, heart, and soul with these images can realistically expect to be able to treat a member of the opposite gender with genuine respect and dignity--because the images will be playing, replaying, and morphing in their minds as they spend time with you, no matter how skilled they think they are at "compartmentalizing" the images.

Feel free to voice another opinion if your experience has been different.
 
seoulsearch said:
I've heard that argument too... some will say, "If I only had a girlfriend/woman in my life/wife (or man if you're a woman, of course), I wouldn't need that stuff."

But from what I've seen, the problem gets worse instead of better, because the person who's been absorbed in porn will generally want to "try out" what they've seen... leading to a lot of bitter feelings if the other partner isn't interested. So then the person will say, "Well, if only my partner were more open-minded, experimental, willing to try this or that..." and they wind up trying to find someone else, because they will say, "You aren't meeting my 'needs' and I need someone who will'."

I think this is one of the general deceptions of porn--people think they need someone, and that they'd be able to quit if they had "the right person". But what it really does is set you up to never be happy with anyone, no matter how "perfect" they might seem at first.

I've also had guys say, "You don't understand, I'm thinking of you when I'm looking at X and doing..." (whatever), to which I reply, "Oh, then I'm supposed to be flattered that you think of me as your own personal porn object?" Sorry, just not my idea of a compliment as a Christian.
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I know it is common for people looking at porn to try and shift the blame onto their partner by saying that they aren't doing enough in the sex life to keep them satsified so they are doing what they can to gain satisfaction without betraying the relationship, at least in terms of being physical with another person, they often don't realise that just creates an even bigger problem.

I've seen a situation with some friends when the man has behaved that way and made his partner really defensive because she was being blamed and it made her even more resistant to dealing with the physical relationship unless he stopped and that caused him to continue doing it and the relationship broke down very quickly.
 
It is def a deal breaker for me. I have struggled with it in the past and know how damaging it can be to yourself.. and then I was married and my husband got heavily involved in it and it tore our marriage apart, he became sexually abusive and in the end left me for another woman.

I wanted to make a comment i forget now who it was that said it, but he said he struggles with porn and someone mentioned to him a filter site and getting someone to be accountable to.. his response was that he felt if he couldn't do it alone that he would never be free from it....I just want to remind him that God said it is not good for man to be alone and i dont think he was really talking about marriage there like a lot of people use that scripture for, We as a body of Christ NEED each other... when one man falls down the other can pick him up...Iron sharpens Iron...ect.. Its good to have accountability partners. and also i believe with the help of God and your accountability parter one you will eventually be free cause after time passes and you fill that voice with God like things, the desire will fade.

So anyway thats my input :)
 
Well as for me I've been free from it for almost 6 weeks. I'm starting to think that God has taken away my desire to look at it since I don't even miss it anymore like I did on my other attemts. and there have been days where I'd normally screw up. But yeah 6 weeks just with God helping me and no porn blocker.

Just a question for the girls. Would go for a guy that's a virgin, but still had problem with porn in the past, but isn't looking now?
 
yeah, cant hold anyones past against them. God is a forgiving God so should his Sons and Daughter be. If their free from it now and walking with God awesome!

And hey Congrats on the 6 weeks thats awesome!! I to was able to overcome it with the Power of God and no filter I know God is a powerful God! I always recommend an accountability partner, because God did say its not good for us to be alone and to help one another but i do know God is more then capable of doing it on His own. :) So Awesome keep it up!
 
dothackzero said:
Well as for me I've been free from it for almost 6 weeks. I'm starting to think that God has taken away my desire to look at it since I don't even miss it anymore like I did on my other attemts. and there have been days where I'd normally screw up. But yeah 6 weeks just with God helping me and no porn blocker.
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Well done man, that's really great.

Stay strong! :)
 
Matthew said:
I know it is common for people looking at porn to try and shift the blame onto their partner by saying that they aren't doing enough in the sex life to keep them satsified so they are doing what they can to gain satisfaction without betraying the relationship, at least in terms of being physical with another person, they often don't realise that just creates an even bigger problem.

I've seen a situation with some friends when the man has behaved that way and made his partner really defensive because she was being blamed and it made her even more resistant to dealing with the physical relationship unless he stopped and that caused him to continue doing it and the relationship broke down very quickly.
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I agree with you completely, Matthew. And it's happening in Christian marriages. I have a friend who is in that situation right now and I pray for them often because they aren't getting counseling (I think there is, understandably, a sense of embarrassment--but they need outside help.) He's expecting her do do things she's totally uncomfortable with, and he's blaming her for their problems because she won't go along as much as he wants.

Dothackzero--I always appreciate the honesty in your posts and think you're doing great!! However, I would suggest to please seek some outside help if you can, even if it's a help site on the internet, if you're concerned about privacy.

Addictions can't be broken alone, and thinking if you can't do it by yourself you can't do it at all is another deception the devil tries to ingrain in our heads so we won't get help. I applaud you for always working towards constant improvement, but addictions grab us at our weak moments. If the root issues aren't dealt with, all it will take is, for example, a stressful situation (what if you fell in love with a girl and she didn't love you back, or maybe she dated you for a while but broke it off) will plunge you right back into the same cycle, often ten times harder than before.

To answer your question, for me, it would depend on where the guy was at in his struggle. If he was just beginning to deal with it--no, I wouldn't date him. If he'd been getting help for years and had a proven track record, including testimonies from other people, then I'd consider it. I know that sounds harsh, but having dealt with guys with addictions in the past (thinking they were over it), I'm much more careful now.

I admire and want to cheer on anyone who is striving to overcome these issues--it's when I encounter attitudes such as, "It's my mind and body, I can with it whatever I want and think whatever I want and have it be with whoever I want while I'm doing it," that really bother me.
 
I would like to add a perspective to this discussion regarding pornography viewing. It will pertain to both men and women. Because of our technologically advanced society, (as compared to centuries ago), we have developed the ability to create realistic projections of people through digital cameras, DVD’s and Web Cams.

I believe it is significant to recognize the spiritual implications of pornography viewing, not simply as a bad habit, which God sees as sexual immoral, but as a manner of worship. If you look into a mirror, you are not actually seeing yourself, but you are seeing a reflection of yourself, identical in every way, but nonetheless, a copy.

This same fact is applicable to anything we view on a computer, a television, movie projection, through a webcam or on the pages of pornographic magazines. These are not people, they are copies of people, perfect reproductions of the original. The point is, that these are images.

In times when such technology was not available, man fashioned images from wood, stone and paintings on canvas or other materials. The worship of women is actually rooted in Babylon, where Ishtar was worshipped by Nebuchadnezzar II, where her temple housed her carved image. Her temple was also known for its ‘sacred prostitution’, carried out as a manner of worship by women, who believed they actually became the goddess when they laid with the men who came to the temple. Other names for Ishtar are, Isis, The goddess, moon goddess, queen of heaven (Jer.7:18), and Dianna (Acts 19:35).

In our time, being considerably more advanced, idolatry has taken on a whole new meaning and we no longer create images from stone, clay or wood, but we have perfected the practice of idolatry especially ‘the worship of women’, and the images have never been more realistic. While this may be more common among men, the same principle applies to those lusting after the images of men, children or animals.

Romans 1:23 …they exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images
 
I think most of you are being unreasonable when you say that this sin is a deal breaker. What about someone who has anger problems or gambling problems, what makes one sin worse then another. Only adultery is said to be a deal breaker and if looking at porn is adultery then being angry at someone would be murder.The bible verse that says that to look on a women with lust is to commit adultery, was to show the people that in no way were they without sin.
 
jesus_be4_religion said:
I think most of you are being unreasonable when you say that this sin is a deal breaker. What about someone who has anger problems or gambling problems, what makes one sin worse then another. Only adultery is said to be a deal breaker and if looking at porn is adultery then being angry at someone would be murder.The bible verse that says that to look on a women with lust is to commit adultery, was to show the people that in no way were they without sin.
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Jesus was being quite literal when he said to look at a woman with lust in your heart, you have already commited adultry.
 
jesus_be4_religion said:
The bible verse that says that to look on a women with lust is to commit adultery, was to show the people that in no way were they without sin.
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Cako53 said:
Jesus was being quite literal when he said to look at a woman with lust in your heart, you have already commited adultry.
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Well this is the problem with taking a verse and trying to apply it to our lives, everyone takes it in a different way and suddenly all christians have a different standard even though they all follow the bible, the fact is neither of you knows for certain if it is was meant literally or simply to highlight a point.
I think it's a doorway to arrogance to start to assume we know exactly how it was meant, all we can do is try our best to understand, simultaneously hoping we are right but accepting we may be wrong, knowing all the while that the Lord will forgive us our sins either way.

jesus_be4_religion said:
I think most of you are being unreasonable when you say that this sin is a deal breaker. What about someone who has anger problems or gambling problems, what makes one sin worse then another.
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I don't think it is unreasonable really, people are only saying it's a deal breaker in terms of entering a romantic relationship, not in terms of friendship, helping and supporting the person, so as long as we don't turn away from people with this problem entirely then I don't see anything wrong, it's just accepting the fact that for some of us certain problems are too big to deal with during the course of a romantic relationship, it's better they are dealt with before the relationship begins.
 
There is a verse in one of the epistles that basically says lusting after a woman in the mind only is the same as having an affair.

I can't remember where it is or exactly what it says but that is the gist of it. If anyone actually reads this and cares to look it up, I think it is in one of the letters to the corinthians.

Having been there and struggled with porn myself I can say rightfully that it is more destructive than drugs. perhaps not physically but mentally. It warps the mind changes how you view women. The worst is that its after affects are similar to LSD in that even years later that images are still burned into my mind. They are scars I can't get rid of and will carry my entire life. Anyone who says pornography is harmless is LYING!!!!!

As for trying to quit, there is no trying. You either stop or you don't. There is no inbetween. That doesn't mean there wont be a struggle. It will be a fight the rest of your life. If you can find a woman willing to aid you in the struggle, great, but I'm afraid they are few and far between once they fully realize the depth of the struggle. Perhaps I'm wrong about that part, but that is my experience.

Pornography is and should be a deal breaker for any relationship simply because an affair is already going on. Anyone indulging in it is telling their partner they are not good enough. Besides its hard to compete with fantasy, and you are stealing from your partner.

If you are indulging in porn, end it NOW!!! Before you get so far in you can't get out.

Trust me, it will reap wonders in any relationship.
 
How can it not be? but you have to ask yourself what attracted to that person in the first place. One who looks at pornography is an adulterous person. It would then be difficult in many ways to be truly pure.. However one thing holds true in my belief.. although many claim that they do not, they do look at it.. almost daily for many people who are supposedly devout Christians or religious. these people are hypocrites, and very bitter and angry.. not understanding God.. I have experienced the worst of it personally.. there is absolutely no love in what is going on out there. It is lawless, corrupt and completely against God in every way. However you must realize we are all made of flesh, because our ancestors ate from the forbidden tree of knowledge. therefore we all sin, we can't do anything about it. But believe me, if you go on with these actions thinking it is ok, you will lower yourself and one day you will wake up hurting really bad. What is scary is our past few generations have been leading up to an acceptance of sin, which is truly gross right now. It is to the point where you are an enemy if you are not corrupt. It is to the point where people are now completely blind of God and have no light in them.

“Arise, shine; For your light has come! And the glory of the Lord is risen upon you. For behold, the darkness shall cover the earth, and deep darkness the people; But the Lord will arise over you, and His glory will be seen upon you. The Gentiles shall come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your rising,” Isaiah 60:1-3.
 
So yeah, movies that show bare breasts. Girls would you count that as porn? I was just watching movie that showing breasts in parts, but it wasn't porn... I tried looking away or closing my eyes when it was happening. So would you girls count that as porn? But yeah from what I did see I was disgusted for some reason, maybe it more proof that God as has changed me?

Anyway, assuming that this doesn't count. It been about 8 weeks without looking.
 
dothackzero said:
So yeah, movies that show bare breasts. Girls would you count that as porn? I was just watching movie that showing breasts in parts, but it wasn't porn... I tried looking away or closing my eyes when it was happening. So would you girls count that as porn? But yeah from what I did see I was disgusted for some reason, maybe it more proof that God as has changed me?

Anyway, assuming that this doesn't count. It been about 8 weeks without looking.
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Unfortunately, you can't seem to get away from both male and female nudity in most of the movies nowadays... I don't watch many movies anymore but it seems no matter how much you try, something slips past every now and then.

So in a case like that, no, I wouldn't consider that to be someone purposely looking at porn unless, of course, they were watching those types of movies purposely knowing there was going to be nudity and the choosing the film specifically for it.

It's great that you're allowing God to work with you--that's awesome!

Don't give up the fight. We all have struggles with different things, so don't give up, and you can be sure God certainly won't give up on you either.
 
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