My husband manipulating and emotional abuse at the point of divorce

[HisLittleFawn]

I m in tears as I write this. I gave my life to the Lord 6 years ago at the age of 19 when he revealed himself to me and got baptized. I went to church. I met this man in church, he got baptized same day as myself we fell in love. I thought he was the man God sent for me.After more than 5 years dating we got married and had a child. My daughter is currently 2 years old. I had waited and kept myself a virgin for my furure husband and he was the first and is the only man in my life. At the beginning we where doing great but after a while we started having arguments and not being able to get along. We still stayed together trying to make it work, then I got pregnant and after that it made things even worse, I was having enough of our fights so we parted for a while then we got back together again because I believed he had a change of heart. Well it was all false because he started arguing again and putting me down and trying to manipulate me. I was working and then I was accused of something I didnt do at work (i suspect foul play) so they demoted me and i was going to be paid less so out of pride I just quit the job without giving it much though, Well then I got so depressed because of what happened I didnt want to even work anymore and so I decided to stay home and care for my baby for a couple of months. He started getting upset about this because He wants me to work. We are not currently living together because we cant pay an apartment. I am living with my mother and my daughter. But of course it was always my wish for us to be together as a family which is why we got married. I never refused to work and started looking for jobs and still am but he became even bitter with me. Every time we went out there is always a fight about money, and me not working even though i am actively looking for work. We can never go out on a family trip and have fun without arguing once in the day about the same issue. He manipulates me with the money because he is the one earning cash. He calls me names like lazy and says i only want to live off the government, which is not true. He puts me down saying i never have any money im broke and yesterday he said i was mediocre and was criticizing my upbringing and childhood because i grew up without a father raised by my single mother. It really hurts when e says thse things because i told him about my pain not growing up with my dad and other childhood trauma and he uses this now against me to hurt me. I never knew I was gong to go through all of this. Instead of giving me comfort and support my husband makes me feel like garbage. Yesterday was the last straw and he passed the limits. He got so upset at something so small and insignificant and continued on about it because I kept mentioning his mistake because he had sad so many awful things to me earlier, He just had to say he was sorry but he is always so prideful and he never accepts when he makes a mistake he just blames me for it. Well then he just exploded like he usually does but this time he went to far. I do not think i can still be with a man like this that doesn't appreciate or love me like I deserve even though i have a child with him and love him. He criticized my body because after I gave birth I have some loose skin and my breast are not the same after breastfeeding our child, He said he doesnt want to have sex with me and that his penis doesnt even erect when he sees me anymore and that i always receive him looking like a uncombed badly dressed zombie. ( i have been trying and i even joined the gym) He criticized my sexual organ saying I don't please him anymore ( and he is the one that doesnt bring me to orgasm almost all the time we had sex) I try to be the best wife ever I try my best to be compassionate, kind , and love him unconditionally. I know I could have tried better and there are times when I also have my temper but why cant he consider me and understand what I am going through? Why cant he be kind to me and show affection and love to me. Why did he ask me to marry him if he didn't love me. When we are outside he doesnt even touch me, when he comes over he doesnt kiss me anymore. The only time I felt some affection from him is when he made love to but after that its all coldness basically acting like friends or accountainces. He gets upset about any small thing like the interney not going fast to buy something online so he starts saying things like 'oh theres always a problem with you or everything always a difficult thing to do' to me like its my fault with a bad attitude. I have gone out of my way, swallowed my pride humbled myself enough to go up to him and admit my side of mistakes and he absorbs it with happiness but doesnt do his part or denies he was wrong at all. I have been extra nice and understanding and he cant even recognized it a little. Yesterday after saying all those things he did something I couldn't even believe he would go to far as to do, Even though we had fought and argued I asked him to buy the babys diapers so we go to the store and he buys them as we are going home he gets upset of something i say and then tricked me into giving him the bag and run away with it to return it to the store! I thought he would then appear back with the bag but he never did, I was stupid enough to call him about it after and he says " I dont care if she poos in the bed, you and your mother will have to clean that up and you have to wait until i am able to give you money for it when I can," I just cant believe he will do this to his own daughter. I know he was super angry at me but to go off with the diapers knowing i have no money now to buy that brought to tears. I dont want to see his face anymore . Every time he comes he just makes me feel awful and take away my joy. I am tired of forgivng him and then getting back and he does the same again. and after all those things he said and what he did I cannot be with him no more. I no longer look forward to see him. I am considering divorce right away but I thought about how the Lord said he doesnt want us to divorce except for fornication/adultery. I do not know what to do brother and sisters please help me. I really loved this man when i fell in love with him and decided to marry him but being with him hurts me so much. I tried to make it work for our daughter because I know how hard it is to grow up without a father. But i cannot do this anymore. :'-(

 

[kjane]

God is with you..
Always...
Whatever you do.. you must inquire of the Lord first.
God Bless you,

 

[tourist]

Your husband is naïve and immature. I hope that you are able to find a close friend to confide these matters on your heart. I will offer a prayer for you and the salvation of your marriage. Your story is sad but it may have a happy ending. Please do not lose hope. You are not alone in this because the Lord is by your side. Maybe he will give your husband a kick in the pants to get him motivated and to shower you with love and tenderness. Or failing that, show him to the door.

 

[Kate913]

hislittlefawn,

I really feel like you are going to need to humble yourself before God. This is what the word of God says,

1 Peter 3:1-6
Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands,6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Its seems that your having a really hard time keeping your mind off of everything your husband is doing wrong and your not really examining yourself. If you were, then every account of your husband wrong doings would not be posted on this site and you would not be constantly complaining but resting on God peace and mercy. I'm not saying that this is an easy situation but we must forgive so that we can be forgiven and I don't hear that going on in your message. I say these same things to myself as I say them to you because I know that they apply to everyone. No one is any better than anyone else so we must stop acting like we are and saying things like "how could that person do such a thing" Because we are all guilty of all sin.
Christianity today tells us that we deserve better. This is a lie. We do not deserve better. If anyone did it would be Christ and he made himself the biggest door mat in hopes that he might save souls. Who do we think we are? We deserve the worst. And I'm sure that even as bad as things are in your life right now you can say that its not the worst.
Paul talks in scripture about expending ourselves in every way in hopes that one might be saved.

2 Corinthians 12:15
So I will very gladly spend for you everything I have and expend myself as well. If I love you more, will you love me less?

Are we really counting the cost of following Christ?
Are we doing everything without complaining, seizing every opportunity.
Do we really know what the Love of Christ is?
We have suffered NOTHING!
Humble yourself, wake up!
As I said before I know that these very things apply to me and I say it to you with all Love and sincerity, Though it may be hard to hear does not mean it is not true.
I pray that you think on these things HisLittleFawn, and test everything that I have said with the word of God to see if it is not so.

with all the Love of Christ that He has given me,
Your Sister,
Kate

 

[Ugly]

hi
Well, unfortunately, the rate of change among abusive people is very low. Once an abuser beings, he rarely will stop for anything. The reason for this is nothing is ever the abusers fault. If you didn't do this, i wouldn't yell. If you hadn't screwed this up i wouldn't be angry. It's never their fault for being angry, being mean, it's always yours. And if a person can't admit to their wrongs, they can never change, because there is nothing to change, in their mind.

Fact is your husband has broken his marriage oath by his treatment of you. And the more he refuses to acknowledge that and own up to his actions, the more hard his heart will get to God and his conscience. While it's true God can do anything, including change a person, that person still have to admit he needs changing. Normally, in situations of abuse, my advice is to get out and stay out and move on. Unless God is telling a person otherwise, there is no good to come from the situation you're in. There's nothing God approves of going on. This is not what God wants for his people.

As an off topic helpful hint, when typing long posts use paragraphs. You have a 'wall of text' there which i couldn't read all the way through, and many people won't try. So by breaking up the wall it's easier to read, easier to follow and you may get more responses.

 

[Ugly]

Wow. Really? She's being abused and the advice is 'be humble'? Cold and spoken like someone who doesn't have a clue.

 

[Kate913]

We are called to tell people what they need to hear, not what they want hear. It does no good if she says she needs love and prayer and all I give is empty words of "god bless" and send her on her way. The word talks about this very thing. Those who have ears to hear, let them hear.

 

[Billyd]

As I read your post, I couldn't help but think of 1 Corinthians chapter 13. Although Paul was addressing agape love (love for our brothers and sisters) I believe that it will benefit by applying it to your situation. God gave us the living Scriptures to apply to our daily lives. Please read it and pray on it.

Your situation requires more counseling than I can give you. Locate a Christian marriage counselor (ask your pastor or priest for the name of one), and if you can get your husband to attend, go together. If not, go alone.

Lord God, I pray for this marriage in turmoil. Please help this young couple find each other and the help that they need to succeed in love. Let them know that help is just a prayer away. In the Precious name of Jesus, our Lord and Savior I pray, Amen.

 

[tourist]

We are called to tell people what they need to hear, not what they want hear. It does no good if she says she needs love and prayer and all I give is empty words of "god bless" and send her on her way. The word talks about this very thing. Those who have ears to hear, let them hear.

Your words contain truth. A simple saying like "I will say a prayer for you" provides no practicable help or comfort. For me, it would hold little meaning. I believe that it takes wisdom to tell a hurting individual not only what they need to hear but also what they want to hear. You are definitely on the right track in your humble service to the Lord to minister to those who are hurting or lost.

 

[Ugly]

We are called to tell people what they need to hear, not what they want hear. It does no good if she says she needs love and prayer and all I give is empty words of "god bless" and send her on her way. The word talks about this very thing. Those who have ears to hear, let them hear.

Nice, unfounded accusation. Try again.

What's next? The 'truth' that if the rape victim it's her fault? If you're going to insist on telling people what they need to hear, then we should start with the truth. Not putting down people for being the targets of attacks. Accusing the victim will never help anything.

 

[Springlover]

Kate,
I agree with your teachings. very good and this is what the Lord teaches us to be humble and examine our own hearts and life as husband/ wives.

God bless you

hislittlefawn,

I really feel like you are going to need to humble yourself before God. This is what the word of God says,


Its seems that your having a really hard time keeping your mind off of everything your husband is doing wrong and your not really examining yourself. If you were, then every account of your husband wrong doings would not be posted on this site and you would not be constantly complaining but resting on God peace and mercy. I'm not saying that this is an easy situation but we must forgive so that we can be forgiven and I don't hear that going on in your message. I say these same things to myself as I say them to you because I know that they apply to everyone. No one is any better than anyone else so we must stop acting like we are and saying things like "how could that person do such a thing" Because we are all guilty of all sin.
Christianity today tells us that we deserve better. This is a lie. We do not deserve better. If anyone did it would be Christ and he made himself the biggest door mat in hopes that he might save souls. Who do we think we are? We deserve the worst. And I'm sure that even as bad as things are in your life right now you can say that its not the worst.
Paul talks in scripture about expending ourselves in every way in hopes that one might be saved.

Are we really counting the cost of following Christ?
Are we doing everything without complaining, seizing every opportunity.
Do we really know what the Love of Christ is?
We have suffered NOTHING!
Humble yourself, wake up!
As I said before I know that these very things apply to me and I say it to you with all Love and sincerity, Though it may be hard to hear does not mean it is not true.
I pray that you think on these things HisLittleFawn, and test everything that I have said with the word of God to see if it is not so.

with all the Love of Christ that He has given me,
Your Sister,
Kate

 

[waterlily]

As humans we feel like that we have to get to the point of exhausting all our hope and knowledge to seek God for answers for things that trouble us. The simple fact that you have poured your heart out in such a way shows the pain and confusion you are in. I'm truly sorry that you are in this position. I have a feeling you wanted us to agree with you and say bad husband and leave him. I under no way shape or form agree with abuse in any way and feel you and your husband need to find wonderful bible believing counseling in order to move in any direction.

There is two sides to every story and we have only heard one side. I believe we cannot give any advice on the status of your marriage or what direction you need to move in but we can with in all confidence and love say God is sufficient and able to heal you and sustain you right now. Only God can take the little we have and turn it into the miraculous. . The battle is the Lord's. ..His faith is sufficient. .His hope is sufficient and His forgiveness is sufficient. .

take this time to fall deeper and deeper in love with your heavenly husband...give your marriage to Him, Give your pain to Him..and just trust Him.. for His love and His word is the only truth you can stand on right now... Seek Him.. and be obedient to Him.

God bless you and your family.

 

[waterlily]

I also pray that God gives you the wisdom and discernment in what to share with people on an open chat forum and on this chat site in general. For many here are loving Godly people but many are not. we must remember to honor God in all we do..

again bless you in the mighty name of Jesus..

 

[presidente]

hi
Well, unfortunately, the rate of change among abusive people is very low. Once an abuser beings, he rarely will stop for anything. The reason for this is nothing is ever the abusers fault. If you didn't do this, i wouldn't yell. If you hadn't screwed this up i wouldn't be angry. It's never their fault for being angry, being mean, it's always yours. And if a person can't admit to their wrongs, they can never change, because there is nothing to change, in their mind.

Do you have any research to base this idea that change among 'abusive people' is very low? I know that a lot of organizations that make statements about abuse and abusers do so based on ideology, based on any real facts or research.

This idea also runs contrary to the Gospel, since the Lord does work on people to change them. Look at Saul of Tarsus.

Fact is your husband has broken his marriage oath by his treatment of you.

You don't know that. How could you possibly know what he said at their wedding? Not every couple follows the book of common prayer wedding ceremony.

Marriage is not based on the vows spoken at the ceremony. That's something from our culture, not scripture. If a couple is married and violates the teachings of scripture regarding divorce and remarriage, that's violating God's word. If, in addition to getting married, they make oaths, then violating the oaths is another sin. For example, if a man swore an oath on his wedding day never to make his wife cry, then after a while, he would most likely be guilty of violating an oath. That doesn't mean he isn't married anymore or that there are grounds for divorce.

And the more he refuses to acknowledge that and own up to his actions, the more hard his heart will get to God and his conscience. While it's true God can do anything, including change a person, that person still have to admit he needs changing. Normally, in situations of abuse, my advice is to get out and stay out and move on. Unless God is telling a person otherwise, there is no good to come from the situation you're in. There's nothing God approves of going on. This is not what God wants for his people.

Based on one side of the story, this is wreckless advice, IMO.

 

[presidente]

Hi HisLittleFawn,
I'm sorry to hear about your marriage problems. It seems to me like you and your husband have some marriage problems that a trained counselor might be able to help you with. If you could find someone who is really skilled in teaching communication techniques, listening, valuing what the other person has to say. A lot of times, marriages where couples argue a lot have the problem that either party just says things in a way that just irritates the other. Cutting the other person off while they are talking. Not valuing what the other person says. All these kinds of things can lead to arguments. If you could go to a counselor who could tell both of you what kinds of things you should and shouldn't say, how to listen, how to value each other, you might stop pushing each other's buttons.

There were a lot of things you said about your husband that I didn't like. The thing about not buying diapers sounded really bad. What happened after that? Did you have a backup plan, like old-fashioned cloth diapers? Did he end up buying diapers later, and just took back the other ones to make a point because he was angry? I'm not sure the root of the argument. Was he wanting diapers to come out of your money, or was money just so tight he couldn't really afford to buy diapers and pay rent and eat, too? It sounds like he was just so angry over an argument that he wanted to send you a message.

I don't like to hear about men being too down on their wives for not getting a job or being too critical of their wives. That can work both ways. If a man tells his wife he doesn't care for her post-pregnancy body, he could just be being honest. And he could also be trying to get her to exercise. It doesn't have to be motivated by a desire to hurt her.

I do think there are probably some things you could work on. You said in the title and in the message that your husband is trying to 'manipulate you'. You also said that he tries to 'manipulate you' with money. I don't quite get that. If you submit to your husband, why would he have to manipulate? If he says we don't have money for ribbons or tea this month, then you can just say you'll submit to him on that. If you submit to him, why would he have to 'manipulate' you into agreeing to follow that? Maybe you mean something different by manipulation, but you might want to consider what you mean by it, and consider whether he is doing what you consider 'manipulating' because you won't submit.

And submission may get you out of a lot of arguments and other situations. If you disagree over money, tell him you disagree, but you will submit to his decision and then do it. You can tell him, "I'll submit to your decision on this, but if you don't mind, I'd like to share with you why I don't think that's a good idea." Then close that conversation saying you will follow his decision. That can solve a lot of problems.

Also, I noticed you seemed upset that he didn't seem to forgive you and held things over your head. If he loves you, he should forgive you, right? But in the same message, you say he has gone too far and you don't want to forgive him or stay with him. Shouldn't you also forgive him? The thing with the diapers was probably a way of his sending a message about how angry he was over something. It could have had to do with money. Or maybe he sensed you treating him with disrespect or contempt, and wanted to put an end to that. Sometimes people make poor decisions while they are angry. But can't you forgive that.

Also, if you want him to stop criticizing you, there is a way to tell him. For example, if you want him to get off your case about finding a job until you get one, you can lay down with him on the bed or couch, and in a very sweet voice say, "Honey, can I tell you something?" You can do this while rubbing the back of his head, or something affectionate like that. Then you gently tell him how you felt when he said such and such, and ask him really nicely not to do that. Another approach is when he comes home (a situation you both need to get into-- sharing a home) you can hug and kiss him at the door and ask him if he wants to sit down a while. Rub his shoulders and offer him some lemonade (or whatever) you just made. Bring it too him. While he sits in the chair, you sit on the floor at his feet and lean against him. Then ask him, "Do you mind if I tell you something..." If he's hard to talk to, being really gentle and kind can disarm the defense mechanisms. It's hard for a man to get into an argument with a woman who is being sweet, gentle, and kind. Yelling back at him, "Why don't you get off my case?" isn't effective Holding your ears and saying, "When will you stop talking" isn't effective. Being kind and saying things so he will respond with empathy may be effective. If he gets on your case about a job, you can very calmly tell him you are sorry you haven't found a job and you will keep trying to find one as soon as you can.

I'm thinking it would be hard for a woman to live with George Canstanza's father as a husband. (If you know the show Seinfield.) But I think even he'd be quiet if his wife had talked to him calmly instead of yelling back.

Maybe there are a lot of areas where he needs work. He may have a temper and get upset at the Internet speed. But there are a lot of things you can do to live peaceably with a high strung person. One thing is, a soft answer turns away wrath. It's hard for someone to argue by himself. If you respond calmly when he is upset, he may just calm down. If you respond with submission and respect when there is conflict, the conflict may soon be resolved. He may have areas where he needs some serious improvement as well. It would be good to get him involved in some counseling, which could mean a pastor, a Christian counselor, or some counselor that teaches communication skills. Be careful, because some counselors, especially secular ones, don't measure success in marriages saved, and care little about whether a marriage stays together or not. I'd advise a counselor who believes in keeping marriages together, who holds to a Biblical idea of divorce and remarriage, who believes in male headship and wives submitting to their husbands, and who is a fair, kind loving person with a successful marriage himself.

 

[proverbs35]

You are in a very tough situation. One of the best things you can do now is meditate on the Word of God.

HisLittleFawn said: I m in tears as I write this.

I can imagine how upsetting this must be. However, it's important for you to control your emotions and "guard your heart." Being overly emotional can be extremely counterproductive.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything YOU DO flows from it. Pr 4:23

Guarding Your Heart in Marriage - Focus on the Family

HisLittleFawn said: Well it was all false because he started arguing again and putting me down and trying to manipulate me.

This is what Proverbs says about a slanderous person:

• ... whoever utters slander is a fool. Pr 10:18B

This is what Proverbs says about an angry, argumentative person:

• A fool is quick-tempered. Pr 12:16A
• You mentioned that you and your husband are separated. Separation isn't always a bad thing. The Biblical actually recommends it in certain situation:
• Don’t befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul. Pro 22:24-25
• A quick-tempered man acts foolishly (Pro 14:17A). Stay away from a fool, for you will not find knowledge on their lips (Pro 14:7).
• Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended. Pr 22:10

HisLittleFawn said: He started getting upset about this because He wants me to work.

Based on what you have shared, working could help you resolve some of your issues. The whole stay-at-mom thing isn't an option for so many mothers. After all, the Pr 31 was a merchant and business woman.

Working could help YOU provide for some of the things that you and your daughter need rather than being totally dependent on a husband who is unwilling and/or unable to provide. The most important thing for you to remember is that "God WILL meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus" (Phil 4:19).

God can and will provide (Jehovah-Jireh) for you regardless of what your husband does or doesn't do. Don't be so focused on a human man, but shift your focus and eyes to God. Ask and allow God to open doors for you, so that you can earn a much needed income.

YOU can do all things through Christ who strengthens you! Phil 4:13

HisLittleFawn said: Every time we went out there is always a fight about money, and me not working even though i am actively looking for work.

Studies show that the biggest cause of divorce is money problems. Couples often have financial problems and argue over money leading to divorce. I just wanted to raise your awareness about that leading cause of divorce. Therefore, how you handle money and talk about money are extremely issues in marriage.

How to Avoid This Leading Cause of Divorce - Jim Daly

http://www.daveramsey.com/article/newlyweds-what-do-we-need-to-know-about-
money/lifeandmoney_relationshipsandmoney/

When Only One Wants to Change - daveramsey.com

The Truth About Money and Relationships - daveramsey.com

HisLittleFawn said: It really hurts when e says thse things because i told him about my pain not growing up with my dad and other childhood trauma and he uses this now against me to hurt me.

I already mentioned the importance of "guarding your heart." In a situation like yours, "guarding your heart" could very well mean that you stop sharing intimate details about your family background with your husband that he can use to belittle you. In other words, don't give him any fuel that he can use to make you angry later.

As surely as a wind from the north brings rain, so a gossiping tongue (some translations say backbiting tongue) causes anger! Pr 25:23

Queen Esther didn't reveal details about her family background and nationality to her husband Xerxes right away. Esther 2:10, 2:20

HisLittleFawn said: I kept mentioning his mistake because he had sad so many awful things to me earlier,

Don't keep reminding him of his mistakes in retaliation. You can't control your husband. That's not your job. You are not responsible for how he behaves. However, you are responsible for how you respond to him. Therefore, work on the ways in which you respond to him. It will take practice. Here's how the Bible says that we should respond to angry people:

• ... a wise person stays calm when insulted. Pr 12:16b
• A fool gives full vent to anger, but a wise person quietly holds it back. Pr 29:11
• A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger. Pr 15:1
• People with good sense restrain their anger; they earn esteem by overlooking wrongs. Pr 19:11
• Mockers can get a whole town agitated, but those who are wise will calm anger. PR 29:8
• Those who control their anger have great understanding; those with a hasty temper will make mistakes. Pr 14:29
• Whoever corrects a mocker invites insults... Pr 9:7A
• Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Col 4:6

HisLittleFawn said: He criticized my body because after I gave birth I have some loose skin and my breast are not the same after breastfeeding our child, He said he doesnt want to have sex with me and that his penis doesnt even erect when he sees me anymore and that i always receive him looking like a uncombed badly dressed zombie.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. However, it's real life, and this sort of thing happens to women all the time. Kristi Watts', a CBN host, husband divorced her after the birth of their 1st child because she gained a lot of weight. Here's her powerful testimony:

CBN TV - Who Kristi Is In Christ

Again, you can't control your husband, so relinquish any ideas that you might have about trying to control him or the situation. God is in control; we are not. With that being said, just work on you. Exercise and eat healthy.

Workouts in the gymnasium are useful, but a disciplined life in God is far more so, making you fit both today and forever. 1 Tim 4:8 Message translation

Develop a Biblical self worth and body imagine. Biblical beauty tips:


HisLittleFawn said: "I dont care if she poos in the bed, you and your mother will have to clean that up and you have to wait until i am able to give you money for it when I can," I just cant believe he will do this to his own daughter.

He probably doesn't care. Take him at his word. For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Luke 6:45. In other words, we reveal what's in our hearts when we talk. That all goes back to the importance of you finding employment, so that you can get the things you need for yourself and your child.

It's time to stop waiting and depending on your husband to do what needs to be done, if he has already proven to be unreliable.

Moses' wife circumcised her son because Moses had dropped the ball concerning their son's circumcision. As a result, God got angry with Moses and was about to kill him, but Moses' wife went ahead and circumcised their son. As a result of Zipporah's pro-activity, God left Moses alone.

Men were responsible for circumcising boys. However, because of Moses' inactivity and/or unwillingness concerning the matter, Zipporah went ahead and did what had to be done. She didn't just sit around waiting on Moses to do it. Ex 4:25

HisLittleFawn said: take away my joy.
You will find joy in the presence of God. Again, don't depend on your husband or anyone else to give you joy.

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Ps 16:11

This reminds me of some song lyrics by Shirley Caesar:
This Joy I Have
this joy I have the world didn't give to me ooh ooh
this joy I have hey hey hey the world didn't give to me
oh this joy I have the world didn't give to me
the world didn't give it
the world can't take it away oh yeah
SHIRLEY CEASAR - THIS JOY I HAVE LYRICS

HisLittleFawn said: I am tired of forgivng him and then getting back and he does the same again.
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Gal 6:9

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Mat 6:14

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Mark 11:25

Do Yourself a Favor...Forgive: An Interview with Joyce Meyer < Books | CBN.com

 

[Angela53510]

I am shocked at all the people who failed to read the desperation in the OP of this poor abused woman. Her husband is obviously immature, selfish and insecure. I would go so far as to suggest that he is probably sleeping with other women, based on his comments about her intimate physical attributes. He is comparing to something!!

The real scripture that applies to this situation, and the husband is completely failing to fulfill God's instructions as to how to care for and love his wife.

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, [SUP]26 [/SUP]that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, [SUP]27 [/SUP]so that he might present the church to himself in splendor,without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. [SUP]28 [/SUP]In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. [SUP]29 [/SUP]For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church," Eph. 5:25-29

Is this man loving his wife as Christ loved the church? Is he loving her as much as his own flesh? No the exact opposite. He is taunting and abusing her. He is denying his own daughter the basic necessities of life. He is cruel, and is obviously trying to provoke her to leave, which is what she needs to do. Maybe it will shake him up to realize what he is losing, or maybe it will just give the OP a chance to recover from his demeaning insults and taunts!!

HisLittleFawn, you need to contact an battered women's shelter in your area, and find out where you can get counseling and learn the cycle of abuse. A year long course, with support from other abused women would also help. Your husband is an abuser, only one step away from violent physical abuse. He doesn't care for you or your child. This is NOT your fault. This is because Satan is controlling him. God could change him, I agree, but it would be a hard long process, and he would first have to admit and confess his sins against you and God. Please read this link.

Domestic Violence Cycle of Abuse | Wheel of Abuse | Destructive Effects of The Cycle of Abuse

As far as the diapers. Go to a fabric store and get a huge piece of white flannelette. Cut it into diapers and sew up the rough edges, and get some rubber pants and pins, and you will not have to rely on expensive, environmentally damaging disposable diapers any more. I raised 4 children on cloth diapers, and I assure you they were better off for it. My DIL has kept her son in cloth for 18 months, and he has never had a diaper rash, and other than some washing and folding, it is a much cheaper and easier way to raise a baby. Please check out this link.

Cloth Diapering Guide - Becoming Mamas

There are fancy patterns, but stick to a rectangle or square, and learn how to fold them. It is easy!

 

[kemuel]

Dear Sister, i am praying for you, your husband your entirely family even.
be strong, it is also important that whatever he has done to you, that you forgive him. I am not saying that is is easy..it is not, but trust in God and keep seeing his face...
He can mend all of this..he will see you through.

 

[tourist]

I am shocked at all the people who failed to read the desperation in the OP of this poor abused woman. Her husband is obviously immature, selfish and insecure. I would go so far as to suggest that he is probably sleeping with other women, based on his comments about her intimate physical attributes. He is comparing to something!!

The real scripture that applies to this situation, and the husband is completely failing to fulfill God's instructions as to how to care for and love his wife.

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, [SUP]26 [/SUP]that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, [SUP]27 [/SUP]so that he might present the church to himself in splendor,without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. [SUP]28 [/SUP]In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. [SUP]29 [/SUP]For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church," Eph. 5:25-29

Is this man loving his wife as Christ loved the church? Is he loving her as much as his own flesh? No the exact opposite. He is taunting and abusing her. He is denying his own daughter the basic necessities of life. He is cruel, and is obviously trying to provoke her to leave, which is what she needs to do. Maybe it will shake him up to realize what he is losing, or maybe it will just give the OP a chance to recover from his demeaning insults and taunts!!

HisLittleFawn, you need to contact an battered women's shelter in your area, and find out where you can get counseling and learn the cycle of abuse. A year long course, with support from other abused women would also help. Your husband is an abuser, only one step away from violent physical abuse. He doesn't care for you or your child. This is NOT your fault. This is because Satan is controlling him. God could change him, I agree, but it would be a hard long process, and he would first have to admit and confess his sins against you and God. Please read this link.

Domestic Violence Cycle of Abuse | Wheel of Abuse | Destructive Effects of The Cycle of Abuse

As far as the diapers. Go to a fabric store and get a huge piece of white flannelette. Cut it into diapers and sew up the rough edges, and get some rubber pants and pins, and you will not have to rely on expensive, environmentally damaging disposable diapers any more. I raised 4 children on cloth diapers, and I assure you they were better off for it. My DIL has kept her son in cloth for 18 months, and he has never had a diaper rash, and other than some washing and folding, it is a much cheaper and easier way to raise a baby. Please check out this link.

Cloth Diapering Guide - Becoming Mamas

There are fancy patterns, but stick to a rectangle or square, and learn how to fold them. It is easy!

Insightful and loving. Most impressed. Better than my lame response. Well done!

 

[Kate913]

The opinions of men are worthless. We need to stop.giving people advice based upon our opinions of thing and start directing people to the word.of God. Just because someone is a victim does.not mean they are made innocent. As christ said...
Quit judging by appearances and make a right judgement.
We need to get our minds on things above and stop.claiming to love God but directing people to men for help and telling them to seek men. I say all these things to myself.
With Christs Love,
Kate