A better explanation.

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L

llc84

Guest
#1
#1
I have the hardest time saying what is on my heart. It just comes out incoherently in my mind and I can’t put it into writing.
But, simply and broadly stated, I just feel incredibly alone.

My previous posts haven't been the easiest to decipher.

And I think some people got the idea that I think of God as a genie. I guess, in a way, I do. I'm human. I'm trying my best to understand why this is so hard for me.

If it's wrong for me to wonder why others get exactly what they want and I don't, then I am sorry. God knows I am. It makes my heart hurt.

I feel like my life depends on a hour glass and I am running out of time for marriage and a family. Thirty may seem young to some, but to me, it's not. My biological clock really is ticking.

Along with many other things I pray about (I'm not always selfish, I promise) I keep praying for God to take the desire for me to marry away because I can't deal with this being an idol when I want to focus on HIM. Does that even make sense? But does He listen to me or has He turned a deaf ear to me? My desire is still here.

I really hope I'm not being a nuisance. I apologize if I am.
 
L

llc84

Guest
#2
#2
Okay, never mind.

This place is so cold. And clique-y.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
llc84 said:
Okay, never mind.

This place is so cold. And clique-y.
Click to expand...
Actually you picked a slow time of the night to post. Majority of the regulars are in the chats right now most likely. And some people may just not have an answer. Or if this is something they may have already tried to help you with.
I haven't read through all your posts, or know what kind of feedback you've received, or how well you've received what you've gotten.
Sometimes the right answers don't come right away. I mean, you're 30 and thinking about killing yourself because you're not married. Maybe that's Why you aren't married. You shouldn't be. You're thinking is if you don't have marriage, family, kids then life isn't worth living. Marriage isn't about making you happy or complete or fulfilled. It's about giving, not getting. Your entire approach to marriage is backwards. Maybe Gods answer is 'no'. Because he's seeing that you aren't ready to be married. Maybe God isn't removing the desire from you because it's something you need to work through.
Change takes time and effort. Changing thinking and expectations is very difficult and rarely does God just change you suddenly. God is about the fight, the effort, the experience. Not the God of 'make it easy'.
When i joined this site i was so focused on finding someone. But over time, listening, learning i've learned that while i still have the desire to find someone, i am able to function happier now even though i don't have the things i want. It took time. I had to learn to hear what others said, sometimes to me, sometimes just reading threads, learning new ways to think and approach my desires. And i still have to try. Not every day is easy.

I'm guessing by your OP here that you'll say you've heard all this before. That you've tried it all before. I remember approaching you before, with a sincere desire to help, and you seemed to not read anything i said and accused me of being harsh. So, i'm not expecting much else again. Either way i hope you find some way to work through this.
 
S

ScarsThatBind

Guest
#4
#4
llc84 said:
Okay, never mind.

This place is so cold. And clique-y.
Click to expand...
cliquey yes I notice that already. Cold? No. You have to be willing to listen to others, venting is well and good but you have to want to listen and change in your own ways and make yourself better before you can love others as in marriage. Every woman WANTS marriage and kids at some point, but it's not about our plan. It's about Gods plan!

We CAN NOT make God change His loving plan to our will. How backwards is that huh? All these things you are hoping for may or may not happen in HIS will, when you are in the right mental state to be your best if He gives these things to you.

Focus on you.
 
Pipp

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
#5
Sep 17, 2013
5,539
2,713
113
Georgia
#5
I really am sorry. I wish I had an answer, but I dont. I know sometimes it's hard.. shoot on Saturday I get to watch my little sister get married to the man she loves and I've never even had a boyfriend...but you know what...it's ok... I'm happy for her just like I know she would be if it was me...it's just not my time. My time may or may not come. I'm really gonna pray for you and my heart goes out to you. It's never fun to feel alone. Keep your head high and your knees bowed ...maybe it's just not your time either but it doesn't mean it never will be.
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#6
#6
I really don't think anybody was purposely ignoring you- I just don't think anyone really knows how to help. I actually started to write a reply to this a couple different times tonight, but honestly I just didn't have the words. Everything I typed kept sounding so trite and cliche, and I figured that was the last thing you needed. And then I got frustrated, because what I thought would be the best thing I could do would be to sit with you in person and just let you talk it out over a cup of coffee...obviously that's silly, what with distance and me being a stranger and all.

I'll tell you what I really think about what you're going through-

It's painful. I understand. Maybe I don't get it entirely, but I've been in the position of wanting children soooo badly it hurt, and begging God for them, and feeling like He wasn't listening and didn't care. I prayed for a baby probably several times a day for a few years. Five years into my marriage, God gave me my son. Two years later, my daughter. I got more than I bargained for, but wouldn't trade them for anything.

Now my marriage is over. I had thought all I wanted was a husband and babies, and I got it...but in my desperation, I got into a bad marriage and it was lonelier than being alone. I prayed for my marriage to be fixed, almost as often as I prayed for a baby.

God didn't fix it.

I now get to raise my two kids alone, instead of having the happy little family I begged for.

I didnt wait on God's timing. I wanted what I wanted, and I wanted it immediately. God gave me part of what I wanted, but this is no way to live...it's the hardest thing I've ever done.

If I had ever said, Ok God-let's do this Your way- and then focused on something outside of myself, bigger than my own problems and desires, I think I'd have saved myself a heck of a lot of pain and suffering.

I really think that could help you- getting involved in things outside of yourself. Volunteering. A women's group at church. Something that helps you focus on the needs of others.

Honestly, it will still hurt. Nothing but God Himself can take away the pain of being alone- and speaking from very recent experience, God can't begin to heal or comfort you until you get out of the way.

I also hope that you stick around here; I know we can come across a little unfriendly...we're really not though. Sometimes it's just a slow night in here, sometimes people just don't know how to respond or help. But I think it could be a good thing for you, to hang out and get involved in some of the other threads. I've made some very good friends here and found a lot of support and received more prayer and love from these people than I know what to do with. Everyone's experience here is different, but there are good people here who have gifts to comfort or just listen. I hope you'll give this place a chance, and I hope you'll find some kind of peace for what you're going through.

I know I just rambled at you a lot, without saying much that is helpful. I'm sorry. Not sorry enough to not post it, though...I think you need someone to reach out to you. I'm not great at that, but you know, gotta start somewhere. So...stay a while?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Markum1972

Markum1972

Senior Member
#7
Mar 25, 2013
1,165
32
48
#7
Clique-y? What is that and how do we remedy it?

I don't find you to be a nuisance. This is what I had to do...

Stop asking God to give you what you want and instead ask him to reveal what it is that he wants for you. He is faithful to show you his will.

Stop thinking that your struggle is different than others. It is written that we all share in the various trials and tribulations. The enemy seeks to isolate you from the flock so that he may devour you.

Rejoice in your trials, knowing that God's will shall be performed in your life through patience. "Nevertheless, not my will, but your will be done."

Do not waver in your trust and do not grow wearing in your good works.

Put your full trust in him.
 
B

blueorchidjd

Guest
#8
#8
You're right but we have to remember for most people, we don't develop over night. :p
GAME.....blouses.
Markum1972 said:
Clique-y? What is that and how do we remedy it?

I don't find you to be a nuisance. This is what I had to do...

Stop asking God to give you what you want and instead ask him to reveal what it is that he wants for you. He is faithful to show you his will.

Stop thinking that your struggle is different than others. It is written that we all share in the various trials and tribulations. The enemy seeks to isolate you from the flock so that he may devour you.

Rejoice in your trials, knowing that God's will shall be performed in your life through patience. "Nevertheless, not my will, but your will be done."

Do not waver in your trust and do not grow wearing in your good works.

Put your full trust in him.
Click to expand...
 
G

GodsBella

Guest
#9
#9
DITTO to all the above and I replied to you on your other post...hope it helps a bit...

But rephrasing what some have said to try to help you, not find an answer honest there isnt one im sorry and yes it sucks cause women have to have answers we just do...but to help you find a path, your path to fulfillment.

In mt other reply I said: you will not find happiness in being loved by another but its in you loving you. Trust meeee yes yoy do need love, and hugs, and a partner, best friend, lover, etc of course. But even having them you can ruin it by being dependant (look up codependency im in recovery for this) and until you first love you so much you feel complete just YOU no man's love will complete you. No marriage. No children. Its not cliche I wish! Its truth from some of us that get you, that been on your road. Remember a partner is meant to complement you, be an asset, not be all or the whole fulfillment. As someone adviced: that could be a reason why its not your time yet. You have more to learn and work on to then meet your equal :)

I didnt have my son until I was 34 and had let go of hope concluding I was meant to adopt. Its not in our time, its better in His time.

Another here said, your looking at marriage wrong its about giving not receiving and boy that is true. Yes, you are to receive but once married you'll remember us....its actually a lot a whole lot about giving. Life is not as they paint it in poems. Its tough.

Also, as another said....part of loving you first in order to reach the level for your one and only to find you is.....be the best you. Imagine he is now being molded to be such a good partner for you. However he is meant to learn but what about you? Are you working on making the best you possible...first for God as we were created for Him, second for you to then be sooooo proud of you, third for your future love of your life so you are the best wife he can desire, fourth for your children for you will then have so much you have learn to teach them and done to show them :)

As another said, your life doesnt begin once your married are a wife or mom. No its begun long ago and your missing out. Join activities, volunteer, make friends, yes talk to us :)

We'll get to our blessings....a day at a time.
 
J

JustAnotherUser

Guest
#10
#10
llc84 said:
Okay, never mind.

This place is so cold. And clique-y.
Click to expand...
I'll have to agree to an extent that it can be cliquey here. Some forums more so than others. But I think Ugly pretty much summed it up as to any other reasons as to why people may not respond. I tend to like the topics if I can feel for what the OP's are saying but have no words to give. :)
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#11
Mar 13, 2014
42,373
16,867
113
69
Tennessee
#11
llc84 said:
I have the hardest time saying what is on my heart. It just comes out incoherently in my mind and I can’t put it into writing.
But, simply and broadly stated, I just feel incredibly alone.

My previous posts haven't been the easiest to decipher.

And I think some people got the idea that I think of God as a genie. I guess, in a way, I do. I'm human. I'm trying my best to understand why this is so hard for me.

If it's wrong for me to wonder why others get exactly what they want and I don't, then I am sorry. God knows I am. It makes my heart hurt.

I feel like my life depends on a hour glass and I am running out of time for marriage and a family. Thirty may seem young to some, but to me, it's not. My biological clock really is ticking.

Along with many other things I pray about (I'm not always selfish, I promise) I keep praying for God to take the desire for me to marry away because I can't deal with this being an idol when I want to focus on HIM. Does that even make sense? But does He listen to me or has He turned a deaf ear to me? My desire is still here.

I really hope I'm not being a nuisance. I apologize if I am.
Click to expand...
I really do not believe that by your focus on HIM precludes you for a desire for "him" for this is not an idol but a natural desire. Most individuals do not want to spend their life alone and slowly watch the sands in the hour glass drip a grain of sand one at a time until gone. My advice to you is to flip the hour glass over and continue to pray for God to search and find the man of your dreams and heart's desire. Your time will certainly come.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#12
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#12
You should come more and get to know us. :) I'm sorry for your pain and frustration. I wish I knew what to say, but honestly I don't. God Bless you.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#13
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#13
If this a clique it's a nice understanding clique.
 
S

SpaceCowboy

Guest
#14
#14
I feel alone a lot too. Just means that you've hit a few snags along the trail. Have your patience and persistence in difficult circumstances be your defining characteristic. Faith in God is probably the most attractive quality a women can have. You'll find someone.

If you wanna talk more you should message me! Don't be shy lol. I'd love to get to know you.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#15
Mar 13, 2014
42,373
16,867
113
69
Tennessee
#15
SpaceCowboy said:
I feel alone a lot too. Just means that you've hit a few snags along the trail. Have your patience and persistence in difficult circumstances be your defining characteristic. Faith in God is probably the most attractive quality a women can have. You'll find someone.

If you wanna talk more you should message me! Don't be shy lol. I'd love to get to know you.
Click to expand...
The healing process begins. Very good.
 
wisebeardman

wisebeardman

Banned
#17
Mar 22, 2013
4,718
124
63
Indiana
#17
Because it is so clear and it takes a long time to realize it. If you immediately know the candle light is fire, then the meal was cooked a long time ago.
 
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