Is there a difference between those things, being bitter and cynical, and hardening your heart?
How do you avoid shutting down that way?
I've heard the same lie over and over since I was a teenager- I'm beautiful, I'm amazing, I'm awesome, whatever...and it's been said by so many different types of people...and I fall for it, hook, line, and sinker every time...
and the person who tells me those things just...I dunno. Some of them treat me like crap, proving they don't mean a word they said. Others may mean what they say just until something better comes along.
I just...I know I shouldn't place so much value on what people say. I should have my eyes on Jesus, focus on him, yes I know all that. And I'm trying. I'm trying not to let this get me...not to let anyone's words or actions define my worth.
I'm pretty new at this. I don't know HOW to...see myself the way God sees me, I don't know HOW to not feel this hurt and betrayed and confused and lied to and just...it makes me feel like...I'm not good enough to be anything for anyone but a momentary diversion. Like I have a big sign on my forehead that says "I'm gullible and kinda funny and pretty forgiving, feel free to take my heart and kick it through the dirt". No big deal. I'm used to it.
This is just a really difficult learning process. I should have known better. I just feel...not even angry or upset...just so lost. It's totally my own fault. Ugh...
if someone could just pass me a box of Kleenex, I'll go work this out and come back when I can make some sense.