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I
God's word guards our hearts & minds if we fill them with it. I think we get bitter & cynical when we're focused on "me"..on "self". Suspicion,bitterness,being cynical...those things are not born of God.
I know I've given my heart over to so many things that were not pure or good for me,and in turn I've gotten what I had sown into. I used to be incredibly cynical about everything. Especially about the motives of other's. I still have to fight against that at times. I seem to always find that the root of me feeling this way is because of my pride. I'm not seeing them or the situation as Jesus would. I viewing things in the flesh.
The Bible speaks of guarding our hearts,being careful of what you let in or embrace. We can't always guard our hearts with things like relationships,it's hard because emotions get involved,and if we feel hurt or betrayed then our first instinct is to retreat & build walls to "protect" ourselves from being hurt again. Problem with that is,if we're not letting God have His way in our lives & giving that pain or offense over to Him,then all we are doing is pushing Him out of the picture & adopting the idea that "I can handle this MY way!" Thus,almost harboring & nurturing that pain & resentment.
It's a hard thing to balance,no doubt. There's the part of you that will justify not letting others in or trusting them by fooling yourself into saying "I'm using wisdom by not trusting so & so." Again,for me...that's more than always a big fat cop out to justify my own pride & pain.
I know I've given my heart over to so many things that were not pure or good for me,and in turn I've gotten what I had sown into. I used to be incredibly cynical about everything. Especially about the motives of other's. I still have to fight against that at times. I seem to always find that the root of me feeling this way is because of my pride. I'm not seeing them or the situation as Jesus would. I viewing things in the flesh.
The Bible speaks of guarding our hearts,being careful of what you let in or embrace. We can't always guard our hearts with things like relationships,it's hard because emotions get involved,and if we feel hurt or betrayed then our first instinct is to retreat & build walls to "protect" ourselves from being hurt again. Problem with that is,if we're not letting God have His way in our lives & giving that pain or offense over to Him,then all we are doing is pushing Him out of the picture & adopting the idea that "I can handle this MY way!" Thus,almost harboring & nurturing that pain & resentment.
It's a hard thing to balance,no doubt. There's the part of you that will justify not letting others in or trusting them by fooling yourself into saying "I'm using wisdom by not trusting so & so." Again,for me...that's more than always a big fat cop out to justify my own pride & pain.
U
I like what Fenner said. Guarding your heart is about using wisdom. Looking for red flags whether it's in people, situations, or anything really. Not rushing. Letting your heart be earned over time from a proven source.
Jaded and cynical is what happens when you let the mistakes of your past keep you from everything and everyone. It means you haven't learned from the bad choices you've made, but rather blamed the person. And when you blame others, rather than own up to your own mistake in trusting someone (usually too soon or ignoring warning signs) you say it's their fault. And they may share some blame. But it's what you do with that experience, learn and grow or get bitter, that will determine if you can learn to be wise, or end up cynical.
Jaded and cynical is what happens when you let the mistakes of your past keep you from everything and everyone. It means you haven't learned from the bad choices you've made, but rather blamed the person. And when you blame others, rather than own up to your own mistake in trusting someone (usually too soon or ignoring warning signs) you say it's their fault. And they may share some blame. But it's what you do with that experience, learn and grow or get bitter, that will determine if you can learn to be wise, or end up cynical.
M
Is there a difference between those things, being bitter and cynical, and hardening your heart?
How do you avoid shutting down that way?
I've heard the same lie over and over since I was a teenager- I'm beautiful, I'm amazing, I'm awesome, whatever...and it's been said by so many different types of people...and I fall for it, hook, line, and sinker every time...
and the person who tells me those things just...I dunno. Some of them treat me like crap, proving they don't mean a word they said. Others may mean what they say just until something better comes along.
I just...I know I shouldn't place so much value on what people say. I should have my eyes on Jesus, focus on him, yes I know all that. And I'm trying. I'm trying not to let this get me...not to let anyone's words or actions define my worth.
I'm pretty new at this. I don't know HOW to...see myself the way God sees me, I don't know HOW to not feel this hurt and betrayed and confused and lied to and just...it makes me feel like...I'm not good enough to be anything for anyone but a momentary diversion. Like I have a big sign on my forehead that says "I'm gullible and kinda funny and pretty forgiving, feel free to take my heart and kick it through the dirt". No big deal. I'm used to it.
This is just a really difficult learning process. I should have known better. I just feel...not even angry or upset...just so lost. It's totally my own fault. Ugh...
if someone could just pass me a box of Kleenex, I'll go work this out and come back when I can make some sense.
How do you avoid shutting down that way?
I've heard the same lie over and over since I was a teenager- I'm beautiful, I'm amazing, I'm awesome, whatever...and it's been said by so many different types of people...and I fall for it, hook, line, and sinker every time...
and the person who tells me those things just...I dunno. Some of them treat me like crap, proving they don't mean a word they said. Others may mean what they say just until something better comes along.
I just...I know I shouldn't place so much value on what people say. I should have my eyes on Jesus, focus on him, yes I know all that. And I'm trying. I'm trying not to let this get me...not to let anyone's words or actions define my worth.
I'm pretty new at this. I don't know HOW to...see myself the way God sees me, I don't know HOW to not feel this hurt and betrayed and confused and lied to and just...it makes me feel like...I'm not good enough to be anything for anyone but a momentary diversion. Like I have a big sign on my forehead that says "I'm gullible and kinda funny and pretty forgiving, feel free to take my heart and kick it through the dirt". No big deal. I'm used to it.
This is just a really difficult learning process. I should have known better. I just feel...not even angry or upset...just so lost. It's totally my own fault. Ugh...
if someone could just pass me a box of Kleenex, I'll go work this out and come back when I can make some sense.
U
This is the key. Remember, we train others how to treat us. Until you believe in yourself you will always be at risk. Actually, we're all at risk. There is no way to eliminate the risk all together. Some people are just users. But for now you're a bigger target because you don't believe you deserve better. It leaves you More vulnerable than others.
Just remember, the changes you're going for take time. You'll need to learn what to look for, put into practice holding up the standards you have.
Your ability to be forgiving and trusting are actually great parts of you, but like All things, it's a matter of learning not to stop being that way, but how to be yourself with wisdom and strength as well. Not being quick to give in, but letting people prove themselves, and when they don't somehow, or show warnings, spotting them and acting on them, rather than ignoring the warnings.
Just remember, the changes you're going for take time. You'll need to learn what to look for, put into practice holding up the standards you have.
Your ability to be forgiving and trusting are actually great parts of you, but like All things, it's a matter of learning not to stop being that way, but how to be yourself with wisdom and strength as well. Not being quick to give in, but letting people prove themselves, and when they don't somehow, or show warnings, spotting them and acting on them, rather than ignoring the warnings.
M
*sigh*
I have always left myself wide open for this to happen. I am learning...I am growing...I know the truth, regardless of how I feel right now. I am valuable, and I know God sees me as such.
I think I'm just tired of being so easily mislead, and so very replaceable.
I feel like one of those obnoxious inflatable things that gets punched and knocked down but pops right back up again for round two.
I have always left myself wide open for this to happen. I am learning...I am growing...I know the truth, regardless of how I feel right now. I am valuable, and I know God sees me as such.
I think I'm just tired of being so easily mislead, and so very replaceable.
I feel like one of those obnoxious inflatable things that gets punched and knocked down but pops right back up again for round two.
These are two version on the same subject:
Pro 4:23 Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts.
Pro 4:23 Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.
I sometimes let it go, but I´d better be on guard...
It hurts when I gave wings to my dreams and these lacked winds to fly on.
Pro 4:23 Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts.
Pro 4:23 Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.
I sometimes let it go, but I´d better be on guard...
It hurts when I gave wings to my dreams and these lacked winds to fly on.
I
You are not replaceable Cristen! If you choose to believe that lie,then no one can make you believe otherwise...but just know that it is indeed a LIE!
Not to sound horribly cruel,but you are in fact still a married woman. Even if you were officially divorced tomorrow,do you feel that you are ready for a deep committed relationship? Only you & God know your heart concerning this.
Do you not believe in your heart that God knows what's best for you?
That He will not lead you & guide you and bring to you someone who will be all those thing's you desire & more?
Seek Him first & let His Spirit guard your heart.
Just for the record,while you & I have a history of sorts,please never think for one minute that you can ever be replaced or thought of in my heart as someone without value. The relationship we had headed into an ungodly area that should have never taken place,no matter how much we "loved" or "cared" for one another. It's a cold harsh reality that I've had to come to terms with,and don't think I didn't struggle with it. I did. More than you'll ever know. Ever. God was faithful to see me through it & still continues to. I hate that you doubt your self worth at all. I hate that I've possibly had a hand in that doubt because we have both chosen to move on from what we knew was wrong into something that is right...which is following God,instead of our desires.
Not to sound horribly cruel,but you are in fact still a married woman. Even if you were officially divorced tomorrow,do you feel that you are ready for a deep committed relationship? Only you & God know your heart concerning this.
Do you not believe in your heart that God knows what's best for you?
That He will not lead you & guide you and bring to you someone who will be all those thing's you desire & more?
Seek Him first & let His Spirit guard your heart.
Just for the record,while you & I have a history of sorts,please never think for one minute that you can ever be replaced or thought of in my heart as someone without value. The relationship we had headed into an ungodly area that should have never taken place,no matter how much we "loved" or "cared" for one another. It's a cold harsh reality that I've had to come to terms with,and don't think I didn't struggle with it. I did. More than you'll ever know. Ever. God was faithful to see me through it & still continues to. I hate that you doubt your self worth at all. I hate that I've possibly had a hand in that doubt because we have both chosen to move on from what we knew was wrong into something that is right...which is following God,instead of our desires.
M
Jim...*sigh*
Of course I'm not ready, or looking for, a relationship. I learned my lesson there, and I know it was right to end it.
Just because it was wrong doesn't lessen the pain and confusion. Not your fault. Mine. But even so...
with everything that's going on in my life right now, I haven't had much chance to even process this. Beyond trying daily to do/say/feel the right things, I have all this other junk cluttering up my heart and mind and I don't know how to deal with it.
Im getting there. I'll be fine.
Of course I'm not ready, or looking for, a relationship. I learned my lesson there, and I know it was right to end it.
Just because it was wrong doesn't lessen the pain and confusion. Not your fault. Mine. But even so...
with everything that's going on in my life right now, I haven't had much chance to even process this. Beyond trying daily to do/say/feel the right things, I have all this other junk cluttering up my heart and mind and I don't know how to deal with it.
Im getting there. I'll be fine.
