Does God choose your spouse?

[secularhermit]

Well, remember the saying, "Birds of the same feather flock together."?

If God were joining people on a one-to-one basis, then all "Christian" marriages would never sever in divorce court; these marriages would linger on "till death do us apart." But that's not what happens in real life.

Nonetheless, people of the same faith, and especially of the same strength in practicing their faith tend to gravitate together. It's among that population of saints that the Holy Spirit of God does bring a man and a woman together in holy marriage.

Thanks for telling it clearly.

 

[secularhermit]

I feel that if God chose every spouse - even someone we didn't like but he wanted us to marry - then there would be more evidence of it in Scripture. We are commanded to be equally yoked. There are references to people praying for guidance on choosing a spouse, but for the most part it appears that within those guidelines the choice (and freedom) is ours.

Love isn't a magic formula, where if one ingredient isn't correct the potion won't work. It's a decision. Your job is to choose someone that you get along well with, and commit to loving them as well as you are able.

Just to points:
"We are commanded to be equally yoked" As I have seen "humanly" there´s not an exact way to measure it, except by matchmaking with God.


"Your job is to choose someone that you get along well with" I don´t see it as a "job" neither an oblivion, though it is getting along with GOD´s tips, more than my visceral hunches. Yet "Yes!" Measuring how we would coping with. However, it´s seen MANY couples changed during marriage (or before a complete commitment).

I´m sure that surrendering would give GOD a chance to work on that area and, as some have said: "Dreams don´t work unless you do". In my case, I have too many things to work on (and there´s not too much time left): Celibacy seems to be an easier way.

 

[posthuman]

anyone who has ever made any sort of mistake should be able to understand that there are many things in our lives that God has chosen for us, but we rejected and chose for ourselves.

in His mercy, He refrains from drawing us with hooks in our noses, and at other times also by mercy He puts us where we need to be even while we kick and fuss against His hand.

i believe my wife is a gift from Him, and i know too that i could have chosen a very different marriage. the point about the existence of divorce is an important one; not every marriage is blessed, but who can say all (or any?) divorce is blessed by God? see: the existence of reconciliation.

these things, i can't understand how God works, but they are wonderful. i know for sure that a good spouse is from God, thank Him for mine, and pray He helps me be the same for her!

 

[secularhermit]

Hi, Mr Post!

Perhaps you have read about dogs turning back to their vomits... Once I have rejected a wife or once I´ve been rejected, I realized it´s easier to start a new where there´s nothing to forgive or to be forgiven. It´s like just bricklaying on a new basement. The other way is somewhat emotionally hurtful. Trusting -a new- costs much more than starting a new where no one has to be forgiven or doubted.

Of course, there are successful reconciliations and these are a good spiritual exercises. I tried them once or thrice but I did certain things wrong that I knew I never loved her, but what I wanted to enjoy from that marriage.

 

[Drett]

If you are drunk and hanging out in bars looking for love then someone else is doing the choosing for you.

 

[mystdancer50]

I blogged about this awhile back

One for One
Kiss and Tell

Here is the response to someone's comment on my blog:
Thank you for your comment. I don’t believe Tom remains alone. I do believe that God has designed our lives down to the smallest of details…and who we marry is a pretty big one. If God has a plan and will for our lives, why would that not include a specific spouse? So, Sally marries someone other than Tom and God works with that. Tom marries Beth and God works with that. It isn’t a failing or a bad thing…it just wasn’t His original intention. Sally and Bill go on and fulfill their calls in God and so do Tom and Beth. God makes all things work for good for those that love Him and serve Him.

I think that many Christians are afraid to believe that God does have a specific person in mind for each of His children that He wants married because it is a breeding ground for discontentment. If Christians pursued this line of thought, how many would say they married ‘the wrong person’ because John or Kim are looking like ‘the one’ that God had for them. It is safer to believe that God doesn’t have one person in mind for each of His children that He intends marriage for, especially in this day and age where divorce is not such a big deal in the church anymore.



Summing it up: God does, in fact, have specific plans for each person, as to whether or not they will marry. If it is His plan that they will marry, He has a specific pairing in mind, one that benefits both His son and daughter in the marriage, and one that will glorify Him and further His kingdom. His creation has free will and thus gets in the way. Sometimes, we choose differently than His plans, sometimes marrying our own choice of person, sometimes marrying when He doesn’t intend marriage for us, and sometimes refusing marriage when His will calls for us to be married. God still uses us regardless of this and once marriage has taken place, that person is ‘the one’ for you.

 

[breno785au]

If ever I see the point in getting married again, I sure hope God chooses for me. I've done a real poor job of it thus far.

I think Gods in the business of teaching us to make right choices than choosing for us.

 

[Cairparavel]

i'm starting to see good Christian marraiges basically as a blessing just like a getting a good job or whatever. Some people just get a much better hand of cards than others. And that's just how it is. The rest of us just survive the best way we can trusting God with every fiber of our beings. Suffering is a blessing too, in it's own way, but only mature Christians can appreciate that. The rest of us demand comfort, happy lives, and marraiges...sometimes at the expense of children...who get tossed back and forth from home to home.

And the lucky (or is should say, blessed) few with low libidos and zero sexual desire can be free to be celibate and do really awesome things for God without a family to nurture. They can be the most fruitfull of all!

So my bottom line is that I don't think God actually "chooses" your spouse for you. He might want you to pay attention to the better options out there and not screw yourself up with a bad choice, but the choice is still yours to make. And love is definitely a choice as well. Feelings will always come and go. But choosing to stay married to someone until you die...no matter what happens -sickness/poverty/adultry - is true love and commitment at its finest.

 

[posthuman]

Hi, Mr Post!

Perhaps you have read about dogs turning back to their vomits... Once I have rejected a wife or once I´ve been rejected, I realized it´s easier to start a new where there´s nothing to forgive or to be forgiven. It´s like just bricklaying on a new basement. The other way is somewhat emotionally hurtful. Trusting -a new- costs much more than starting a new where no one has to be forgiven or doubted.

Of course, there are successful reconciliations and these are a good spiritual exercises. I tried them once or thrice but I did certain things wrong that I knew I never loved her, but what I wanted to enjoy from that marriage.

¡hola sr. ermitaño!

i don't think reconciliation has to mean remarriage. i'm very much pro-reconciliation in all kinds of ways though; i think it was a big part of Christ's agenda forgiving is more than forgetting.

more than just heard of dogs and vomit, for sure, i know i'm a dog myself. i don't deserve to have the life i have now - that is evidence to me it's from heaven. we've both heard not to boast about tomorrow because we don't know what it will bring, but today i thank Him! if i can do that on a day, i think i can face the next day without regret.

 

[jer2911]

It took me many years to overcome the anxiety over this question. - Sorry for my boldness to ask, how long you struggle over this question? I was taught that God - taught by whom? where did you learn it from? could choose anyone for you, so since He knows what's best for you, - pardon me for asking again, - do you really believe that he knows what's best for you? you just simply accept whether you really like that person or not. - it seemed on this acceptance is a mere obedience to someone who doesn't have a choice.

One more thing, is this question only for males who met their spouse? Because I'm really bold enough to reply when i'm not married and a female.

So I thought I post it here to see what others think about it.

In order for me to convey my views on this, I need to do the above questions. I'm single and still hoping and waiting for my spouse to come.

IF the MALES don't believe their spouses are God-given gift or as the verse stated:

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. - Proverbs 18:22

And for me it was no doubt that God knew all along what's best for Adam (or Eve) - Genesis 2:20-22

THEN that maybe the reason why God wanted me to wait longer and (WAITED THIS LONG!) because perhaps males are yet in the state of confusion? GOD is sparing me from further hurts. God is still preparing the males to submit their will to God.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying all of us are destined to be married.

(Copied note
The situation seems markedly different in the New Testament. The Baptist, Jesus, and Paul were single, and both Jesus and Paul mention celibacy, Jesus calling it “eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 19:12) and Paul speaking of singleness as a “gift from God” (1 Cor. 7:7). Both Jesus and Paul indicate that such a call to singleness allows unmarried men and women to devote greater and more undistracted attention to religious service (see esp. 1 Cor. 7:32–35). There is no question, therefore, that singleness can be God’s will for certain individuals; in those cases, at least, singleness is not a curse but a divine gift—just as “every good and perfect gift is from above” (Jas. 1:17). In fact, at certain times and in certain situations singleness is preferable to marriage (1 Cor. 7), though marriage continues as the norm (Matt. 19:4–6).

Every good and perfect gift is from above - James 1:17 - being single, being married, being with or without a spouse. And this where I stand, my upcoming spouse comes from God - a perfect gift that is from above. But it doesn't mean MY UPCOMING SPOUSE IS PERFECT. That's where my acceptance comes - I have no choice but to love him - his good and most specially bad qualities.

We are predestined... (Ephesians 1:11) but our choice and freewill is not predestined. We are not puppets. God is in control but HE is not control-freak.

IF a male choose not to believe spouse is chosen by God, and the spouse that others have right now THEN my brothers, (Romans 8:28) HE still will take care of everything. Generally, what matters is your belief and not your spouse belief when you face our Creator. (Well and good if you have the same belief.)

 

[Misty77]

I chose my [ex] spouse and did a very poor job of it. I'm pretty God was up there yelling, "DON'T DO IT!!!!" But I wanted the pretty party, the "freedom," the sex, and the metaphorical picket fence. Didn't turn out that way.

But He did bless me with an awesome son from that marriage =)

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

I chose my [ex] spouse and did a very poor job of it. I'm pretty God was up there yelling, "DON'T DO IT!!!!" But I wanted the pretty party, the "freedom," the sex, and the metaphorical picket fence. Didn't turn out that way.

But He did bless me with an awesome son from that marriage =)

That's so funny you say that Misty,because my gf said that her first marriage,she audibly heard God tell her on her wedding day "Do Not Marry This Man!" and she went ahead with it anyways. 2 kids & 3 yrs later he left her,and hasn't made one ounce of effort to see his kids in the past 10 yrs. He lost custody of them a few yrs back because he didn't even bother to show up for a hearing. She feels the same as you though,she wouldn't trade her kid's in for all the world & loves them to bits. God can certainly redeem our foolish choices when we get out of His way & submit to His leading by His Spirit.

 

[jer2911]

I'm confused, you were just asking if God choose your spouse, but it doesn't automatically concluded that the marriage along the way will work out. If marriage deosn't work out after believing God choose a spouse for you, that's entirely a different matter. For instance, a divorce. Or once you knew that God chose your wife, assuming he will guarantee you with a great marraige. The link below is a good reference to why even if we believed God chose our spouse, and obeyed his commands in choosing a spouse yet the marriage broke up. (Mark 10:1-12).
miscellanies: on the journey with God - Miscellanies - Jesus on Marriage and

Remember the story of Hosea that was commanded to marry Gomer? Also one example of God choosing a spouse.

You see, if along the way, the spouse decided to have divorce or separation that's his/her choice and you are right, no one, even God can force you to remain in marriage.

I quoted some scriptures as an example of God's divine intervention on choosing a spouse,, but it doesn't mean, along the way of your marriage, it will come out that way.

 

[Nautilus]

I don't think God is just going to drop someone in your lap, you do have to do the leg work yourself. Though asking for his blessing and listening to what he says is definitely a necessity.

 

[MissCris]

I think Gods in the business of teaching us to make right choices than choosing for us.

I was kinda being sarcastic. You're right, though...I just don't learn very well.

 

[NestForASparrow]

I once thought so, but I don't know now.

 

[proverbs35]

Remember the story of Hosea that was commanded to marry Gomer? Also one example of God choosing a spouse.

Great example. I didn't think about that one.

 

[jeremyPJ]

Not really sure. Sometimes I think he does put us with people to show us who we are/aren't, what we need to work on, and what happens as a result. Can be hard to understand. Our self insight can go deep on this subject, sometimes I think we end up with the wrong people, to teach us something.

 

[breno785au]

I was kinda being sarcastic. You're right, though...I just don't learn very well.

I'm a slow learner too, exceedingly slow but we get there in the end Thank goodness He is patient!

 

[biscuit]

It took me many years to overcome the anxiety over this question. I was taught that God could choose anyone for you, so since He knows what's best for you, you just simply accept whether you really like that person or not.

So I thought I post it here to see what others think about it.

I believe if you are saved and have a special relationship with the Lord, He will show you the way but it will be up to you to see the light.