L
I'm going to try again. I know I've left a bad impression on some, and I'm very sorry.
So, I am Laura. I turned 30 in May. I live in Kentucky. I struggle with severe depression, some OCD, and in general I've always been a "glass half empty" kind of person.
My life has never been spectacular. I was bullied physically and mentally by kids because of my weight. I left school in the 8th grade to be homeschooled. When I was 16, I quit altogether.
There has been a few things in my life that I have been adamant on. Ever since I can remember, I have wanted to be married and have a family of my own.
It hurts me so much to watch every friend I basically ever had date, get engaged, get married, have a baby, have another, and so on. Both of my best friends have kids in school. What hurts even more is seeing the people who treated me so badly get these things as well.
And me? I've never even been on a date.
I don't have any friends here where I live now except one... and she's married.
I can't relate to anyone my age and now the younger people I could relate to are dating, getting engaged, and getting married.
Lately I have been praying for God to take my desire of marriage away because it hurts too much to deal with. If it's not His will for me to marry, then why have the desire when I don't even want it?
I don't think God owes me anything, but I am thoroughly questioning why it is that people who have hurt me the most can get exactly what I want and I have prayed so long and I don't even have a guy remotely interested in me?
What do you do in this situation when you feel you have hit a brick wall with faith? Because I can't keep believing that God will allow me to marry and have a family. I can't. I don't want to get my hopes up anymore.
So, I am Laura. I turned 30 in May. I live in Kentucky. I struggle with severe depression, some OCD, and in general I've always been a "glass half empty" kind of person.
My life has never been spectacular. I was bullied physically and mentally by kids because of my weight. I left school in the 8th grade to be homeschooled. When I was 16, I quit altogether.
There has been a few things in my life that I have been adamant on. Ever since I can remember, I have wanted to be married and have a family of my own.
It hurts me so much to watch every friend I basically ever had date, get engaged, get married, have a baby, have another, and so on. Both of my best friends have kids in school. What hurts even more is seeing the people who treated me so badly get these things as well.
And me? I've never even been on a date.
I don't have any friends here where I live now except one... and she's married.
I can't relate to anyone my age and now the younger people I could relate to are dating, getting engaged, and getting married.
Lately I have been praying for God to take my desire of marriage away because it hurts too much to deal with. If it's not His will for me to marry, then why have the desire when I don't even want it?
I don't think God owes me anything, but I am thoroughly questioning why it is that people who have hurt me the most can get exactly what I want and I have prayed so long and I don't even have a guy remotely interested in me?
What do you do in this situation when you feel you have hit a brick wall with faith? Because I can't keep believing that God will allow me to marry and have a family. I can't. I don't want to get my hopes up anymore.