Can I start again?

[llc84]

I'm going to try again. I know I've left a bad impression on some, and I'm very sorry.

So, I am Laura. I turned 30 in May. I live in Kentucky. I struggle with severe depression, some OCD, and in general I've always been a "glass half empty" kind of person.

My life has never been spectacular. I was bullied physically and mentally by kids because of my weight. I left school in the 8th grade to be homeschooled. When I was 16, I quit altogether.

There has been a few things in my life that I have been adamant on. Ever since I can remember, I have wanted to be married and have a family of my own.

It hurts me so much to watch every friend I basically ever had date, get engaged, get married, have a baby, have another, and so on. Both of my best friends have kids in school. What hurts even more is seeing the people who treated me so badly get these things as well.

And me? I've never even been on a date.

I don't have any friends here where I live now except one... and she's married.

I can't relate to anyone my age and now the younger people I could relate to are dating, getting engaged, and getting married.

Lately I have been praying for God to take my desire of marriage away because it hurts too much to deal with. If it's not His will for me to marry, then why have the desire when I don't even want it?

I don't think God owes me anything, but I am thoroughly questioning why it is that people who have hurt me the most can get exactly what I want and I have prayed so long and I don't even have a guy remotely interested in me?

What do you do in this situation when you feel you have hit a brick wall with faith? Because I can't keep believing that God will allow me to marry and have a family. I can't. I don't want to get my hopes up anymore.

 

[MissCris]

I clicked "like" on your post because you came back...because you were very open...

Im insanely tired and haven't got anything worth saying right now, but I will be back to this thread soon.

And hey...glad you stuck around

 

[wisebeardman]

hey I never been on this date thing. never been married never had kids ect ect. I was hated when I was younger and still am. I walked out of school at 14 and never went back. I guess honestly it works like this, Some get everything and more. while a select few just end up with a giant turd.

I guess the only amusing part of my life is having some females who not all that long ago told me I was ugly and not good enough, try to come slinking up to me talking like I am so great... of course after they have popped out 2 or 3 kids by 2 or 3 different guys and had been with most of the city.... and nope I don't give them anything I tell them pound sand you blew any chance years ago so move along to someone else.

So I gave up the love and relationship garbage long long long ago, I guess the only reason I am still alive is I want to see how society destroys itself i guess..

 

[llc84]

I clicked "like" on your post because you came back...because you were very open...

Im insanely tired and haven't got anything worth saying right now, but I will be back to this thread soon.

And hey...glad you stuck around

Thank you. I'm tired of making bad impressions.

 

[llc84]

hey I never been on this date thing. never been married never had kids ect ect. I was hated when I was younger and still am. I walked out of school at 14 and never went back. I guess honestly it works like this, Some get everything and more. while a select few just end up with a giant turd.

I guess the only amusing part of my life is having some females who not all that long ago told me I was ugly and not good enough, try to come slinking up to me talking like I am so great... of course after they have popped out 2 or 3 kids by 2 or 3 different guys and had been with most of the city.... and nope I don't give them anything I tell them pound sand you blew any chance years ago so move along to someone else.

So I gave up the love and relationship garbage long long long ago, I guess the only reason I am still alive is I want to see how society destroys itself i guess..

How similar! But you have one up on me. No one has ever called me ugly and then wanted to come back to me. The guy I really liked in my teens called me ugly and he was basically right. And now he's married to a beautiful woman with 2 beautiful kids... And I'm still here... bein' all ugly and stuff. Ha!

And hey, I think that's a good enough reason to still be alive!

 

[violakat]

Ugly in whose eyes? You are not ugly. You're actually quite beautiful. You've been beaten down and nearly destroyed by others, only to accept the lies they give. Beauty is not what is on the outside, but what is on the inside that shines out to the outside. Have you ever thought about what some of the most so-called Beautiful people are so horribly ugly when they're angry? It's because they're letting anger and bitterness eat them up inside. What you see on the outside is only a shell, a figment of what we want others to think we are. When you proclaim yourself ugly, then that's what others will see. But when you see that are you are beautiful, both inside and out, as well as beautiful in God's eyes, then that beauty shines forth, and others can see it.

 

[violakat]

By the way, your eyes remind me of Renee Zellweger and in a way, so does your smile.

 

[kenandbarbies]

I have been married and divorced. Let me just say that its really a very good thing that you have not dated or married the wrong person. Don't downplay that. You havent been or aren't in a wrong relationship.
If the Lord does present you with the right person, he will be thrilled that you have waited and have not settled.
Settling can lead to serious misery.
If I have any advice to offer, it would be to invest your time in helping other some way. Get busy letting God work through you by serving others.

 

[tourist]

Thank you. I'm tired of making bad impressions.

The first impression is usually the correct impression and I am impressed.

 

[tourist]

I'm going to try again. I know I've left a bad impression on some, and I'm very sorry.

So, I am Laura. I turned 30 in May. I live in Kentucky. I struggle with severe depression, some OCD, and in general I've always been a "glass half empty" kind of person.

My life has never been spectacular. I was bullied physically and mentally by kids because of my weight. I left school in the 8th grade to be homeschooled. When I was 16, I quit altogether.

There has been a few things in my life that I have been adamant on. Ever since I can remember, I have wanted to be married and have a family of my own.

It hurts me so much to watch every friend I basically ever had date, get engaged, get married, have a baby, have another, and so on. Both of my best friends have kids in school. What hurts even more is seeing the people who treated me so badly get these things as well.

And me? I've never even been on a date.

I don't have any friends here where I live now except one... and she's married.

I can't relate to anyone my age and now the younger people I could relate to are dating, getting engaged, and getting married.

Lately I have been praying for God to take my desire of marriage away because it hurts too much to deal with. If it's not His will for me to marry, then why have the desire when I don't even want it?

I don't think God owes me anything, but I am thoroughly questioning why it is that people who have hurt me the most can get exactly what I want and I have prayed so long and I don't even have a guy remotely interested in me?

What do you do in this situation when you feel you have hit a brick wall with faith? Because I can't keep believing that God will allow me to marry and have a family. I can't. I don't want to get my hopes up anymore.

I can't believe that you have never been on a date. You are pretty and sweet and interesting. I would keep praying for God to search and find the man of your hearts desire. You never know when or where you will meet your future husband. I pray too but now I don't know what I want. You are not alone.

 

[Roh_Chris]

I'm going to try again. I know I've left a bad impression on some, and I'm very sorry.

So, I am Laura. I turned 30 in May. I live in Kentucky. I struggle with severe depression, some OCD, and in general I've always been a "glass half empty" kind of person.

My life has never been spectacular. I was bullied physically and mentally by kids because of my weight. I left school in the 8th grade to be homeschooled. When I was 16, I quit altogether.

There has been a few things in my life that I have been adamant on. Ever since I can remember, I have wanted to be married and have a family of my own.

It hurts me so much to watch every friend I basically ever had date, get engaged, get married, have a baby, have another, and so on. Both of my best friends have kids in school. What hurts even more is seeing the people who treated me so badly get these things as well.

And me? I've never even been on a date.

I don't have any friends here where I live now except one... and she's married.

I can't relate to anyone my age and now the younger people I could relate to are dating, getting engaged, and getting married.

Lately I have been praying for God to take my desire of marriage away because it hurts too much to deal with. If it's not His will for me to marry, then why have the desire when I don't even want it?

I don't think God owes me anything, but I am thoroughly questioning why it is that people who have hurt me the most can get exactly what I want and I have prayed so long and I don't even have a guy remotely interested in me?

What do you do in this situation when you feel you have hit a brick wall with faith? Because I can't keep believing that God will allow me to marry and have a family. I can't. I don't want to get my hopes up anymore.

You need to come clean to the people who you have hurt. There is no guarantee things will be back to normal, but it is worth a try. If they really mattered to you, then you must move mountains to get them back.

 

[christian74]

Thank you. I'm tired of making bad impressions.

I don't know how you left a bad impression here before.
But it takes courage for anyone to coming back, admitting of leaving a bad impression, and asking for a fresh start.

Now... to me, that a great character that any single man/woman is blessed to have and a great asset.

So count your blessing sister and you and those in a similar situation, including myself, should definitely take a note of what kenandbarbies said above.

God bless.

 

[coachcj]

I am not sure what impression you left in the past, but you have taken quite a bold step to make amends. Good job.

I discussed this issue quite extensively in my recently released book "Whose life are you living? - Discovering the wisdom to walk in Freedom". Here is the truth - The "world" has succeeded in selling you a lie about who you are and actual realities. As difficult as you may find it to accept this truth: There are millions of people around the world who will give up everything they have just to be you.
Secondly and unfortunately, your experience and circumstances have worked against you and forced you to limit your expectations.
Thirdly, it might also be that these issues contributed to making you appear or behave differently ( to others) from the real you that is inside.
HERE IS WHAT I CAN TELL YOU:
1) You are not ugly.
2) If you have a desire to marry, God wants you to be married as well. There is somebody for you.
3) You might find something in your experience that can become a platform to helping others in your situation.
4) Your first step is overcoming all the lies the world has ever told you about you with the truth that God created someone as special as you are for a purpose.
Let me know if you need further help.

 

[wisebeardman]

No one has ever called me ugly and then wanted to come back to me. !

It was more of desperation on their part... They went chasing the looks and money and it got them used up like a piece of meat and kids with no daddy... guess they figured I would be desperate enough to fall in with them... NOPE. I never forget people burning me.

 

[llc84]

Ugly in whose eyes? You are not ugly. You're actually quite beautiful. You've been beaten down and nearly destroyed by others, only to accept the lies they give. Beauty is not what is on the outside, but what is on the inside that shines out to the outside. Have you ever thought about what some of the most so-called Beautiful people are so horribly ugly when they're angry? It's because they're letting anger and bitterness eat them up inside. What you see on the outside is only a shell, a figment of what we want others to think we are. When you proclaim yourself ugly, then that's what others will see. But when you see that are you are beautiful, both inside and out, as well as beautiful in God's eyes, then that beauty shines forth, and others can see it.

Whoa, that was probably one of the nicest things EVER said to me. Ever. I can't thank you enough for that. <3

 

[llc84]

I have been married and divorced. Let me just say that its really a very good thing that you have not dated or married the wrong person. Don't downplay that. You havent been or aren't in a wrong relationship.
If the Lord does present you with the right person, he will be thrilled that you have waited and have not settled.
Settling can lead to serious misery.
If I have any advice to offer, it would be to invest your time in helping other some way. Get busy letting God work through you by serving others.

Ah, thank you for your advice. Sometimes I really feel like if I were to ever meet someone, they would be scared away because I have waited. Especially at my age. It's not very common.

 

[llc84]

I can't believe that you have never been on a date. You are pretty and sweet and interesting. I would keep praying for God to search and find the man of your hearts desire. You never know when or where you will meet your future husband. I pray too but now I don't know what I want. You are not alone.

Thank you! You've been so kind to me throughout this whole thing. I really appreciate that.

 

[llc84]

I don't know how you left a bad impression here before.
But it takes courage for anyone to coming back, admitting of leaving a bad impression, and asking for a fresh start.

Now... to me, that a great character that any single man/woman is blessed to have and a great asset.

So count your blessing sister and you and those in a similar situation, including myself, should definitely take a note of what kenandbarbies said above.

God bless.

Thank you. I'm just being honest, haha.

 

[llc84]

It was more of desperation on their part... They went chasing the looks and money and it got them used up like a piece of meat and kids with no daddy... guess they figured I would be desperate enough to fall in with them... NOPE. I never forget people burning me.

I totally understand this. I've had a small number of people who think I'd be "easy" and "desperate" because of my age and looks. But, I'm not that naive.

 

[Shouryu]

You need to come clean to the people who you have hurt. There is no guarantee things will be back to normal, but it is worth a try. If they really mattered to you, then you must move mountains to get them back.

Uh... Did you actually read her first post on this thread? Because I just re-read it three times, looking for where she said she was hurting others (she didn't), looking for where she indicated that she had a "normal" she's trying to get back to (she isn't), or looking to see people she's trying to get back (there aren't). Did you reply to another thread in the wrong place? Because quite honestly, your response makes no sense to me at all.