Cuddling and kissing?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
P

Packersgirl

Guest
#1
#1
I met this guy on an online dating site. We chatted fir two weeks. I sent the first message to him but he pursued and initiated there after. He often got a little steamy in his messages and I reciprocated playfully. One night he asked for my number and to add him to facebook. I did. Couple days later we met at the park and watched a movie at my house. We cuddles and kissed. I sent him a txt the next say saying I had fun and would love to do it again some time. He was always very aggressive and strait forward online. When we met he wasnt very talkative at all and seemed shy. The next day he removed me frim his facebook and I havent herd from him since. This was Monday night and it is now Friday. What did I do wrong? He kind of illuded to the fact he was waiting for a paycheck to "take me out" is there still hope he will contine to purse? If he does decide to pursue again how do I not mess up again? Men and women please respond...but men what is he thinking?
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#2
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#2
Is that real?

In case it be true:

What would be your virtual behaviour he could have seen as risky for him?

Do you have too many "fans" around that he thought you would not give him exclusive rights, in that relationship?

Was it you who initiated the kissing or hugging?

Those who are shy, even in real time situations, tend to talk too little that hearing me talk (talk alone and too long) got me bored... Did you encouraged him to talk, instead of you talking too long?

The BEST answer is around him the ONE you liked. If he has left you, don´t get mad or don´t be upset: Perhaps it is NOT YOUR FAULT and he expecting someone else HE THINKs it is better FOR HIM.

That thing is commonly happening, even in married people so, is he left (absolutely) try TO ASK HIM just to grasp if it was your own fault and, when knowing it, make corrections, so you never experience the pain of being left.

Be aware also that, if he wanted a chubby girl, he may have found a thin woman he doesn´t like.

Perhaps he wanted money, and saw nothing to seize.

Maybe he saw you too controllig, and he extrapolated where he didn´t want to be...

Let him know you wish to know WHERE YOU WENT WRONG. Probably the wrong was him, and you are thinking you are wrong (who knows he was seeking someone "better") because men and women alwasy look after their BBDs (best big deals).

My the Lord help you find an exact answer!
 
ChandlerFan

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
#3
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
102
63
#3
If he is that different online than he is in person, that should throw up at least a minor red flag. Also, the steamy messages should be another. And the whole kissing-on-the-first-date thing seems very premature to me.

I know he didn't do anything explicitly harmful, but it just seems like he may not be doing the best job at caring for you as a person. I think the fact that he's ignored you for 5 days makes that evident too. I doubt that he intends to continue pursuing you because he has chosen to ignore you, and it's super immature of him not to be a man and tell you of his feelings and intentions, even if they are to no longer pursue you.
It is possible, though, that he may contact you again if he is getting bored with whatever else he's doing, and that's a tell-tale sign that you need to return the favor and ignore him.

P.S. I grew up in Wisconsin and am a Packers fan too!
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#4
#4
So...y'all were sending "steamy" messages back and forth pretty much right off the bat, before even meeting each other....

Let's back the steam(y) train up a bit...

From my own in experience, a guy who talks like that with a woman he barely even knows is only interested in one thing- sex. And, if he gets it, he's going to move on pretty quick. If he doesn't get it pretty quick, he's going to move on to someone who Will give it to him.

I would guess that his sudden distance is because he expected things to go further than they did, or because he's already got other women he's trying to get steamy with.

He's not worth the inevitable trouble, seriously...and I hope you hold out for someone who can contain the steamyness until you're married.
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#5
#5
P.s.- from my own experience, not from my own in experience *facepalm*
 
hoss2576

hoss2576

Senior Member
#6
May 10, 2014
552
23
18
#6
I would caution you on how quickly you transition from first contact to physical contact, if not just for safety reasons. There could be many factors at play that have absolutely nothing to do with you, and you may have learned a few of these things with a longer time before meeting. You will in all likelihood never know, and you cannot dwell on it. Adding physical elements so soon to a new relationship is very problematic. It can lead to assumptions on both parties parts that the other one was not thinking.

Given that he deleted you from Facebook, I take it to mean he no longer wishes to pursue you. I would be reluctant if he does contact you again. I don't think you messed up at all, but I would take it slower, because it gives you the opportunity to feel out the motives of people you communicate with (and just good safety).
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#7
Mar 13, 2014
42,373
16,868
113
69
Tennessee
#7
Packersgirl said:
I met this guy on an online dating site. We chatted fir two weeks. I sent the first message to him but he pursued and initiated there after. He often got a little steamy in his messages and I reciprocated playfully. One night he asked for my number and to add him to facebook. I did. Couple days later we met at the park and watched a movie at my house. We cuddles and kissed. I sent him a txt the next say saying I had fun and would love to do it again some time. He was always very aggressive and strait forward online. When we met he wasnt very talkative at all and seemed shy. The next day he removed me frim his facebook and I havent herd from him since. This was Monday night and it is now Friday. What did I do wrong? He kind of illuded to the fact he was waiting for a paycheck to "take me out" is there still hope he will contine to purse? If he does decide to pursue again how do I not mess up again? Men and women please respond...but men what is he thinking?
Click to expand...
What is wrong? Well, I do not know. You will have to ask this guy for yourself. He started on the right track but then he veered off into a tangent. Usually, these tangents are exciting but not in this instance and he had a slight derailment. There is nothing wrong with snugs and hugs. Lots of snugs and hugs. Maybe he is shy or feels insecure about himself. Write a little bit of a steamy letter to him yourself. Be quite playful. Use a lot of different colors in your writing. Make him feel good about himself whenever he is with you. Believe me, you are not the one who is messing up! You just need to get the love train back on the right track. Make the caboose a cozy place for you and him to go. Don't worry, you will be the one who will punch his ticket. All aboard!
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#8
Mar 13, 2014
42,373
16,868
113
69
Tennessee
#8
ChandlerFan said:
If he is that different online than he is in person, that should throw up at least a minor red flag. Also, the steamy messages should be another. And the whole kissing-on-the-first-date thing seems very premature to me.

I know he didn't do anything explicitly harmful, but it just seems like he may not be doing the best job at caring for you as a person. I think the fact that he's ignored you for 5 days makes that evident too. I doubt that he intends to continue pursuing you because he has chosen to ignore you, and it's super immature of him not to be a man and tell you of his feelings and intentions, even if they are to no longer pursue you.
It is possible, though, that he may contact you again if he is getting bored with whatever else he's doing, and that's a tell-tale sign that you need to return the favor and ignore him.

P.S. I grew up in Wisconsin and am a Packers fan too!
Click to expand...
I have never been to Wisconsin. I grew up in Detroit.
 
hoss2576

hoss2576

Senior Member
#9
May 10, 2014
552
23
18
#9
tourist said:
What is wrong? Write a little bit of a steamy letter to him yourself. Be quite playful. Use a lot of different colors in your writing. Make him feel good about himself whenever he is with you. .... Make the caboose a cozy place for you and him to go. Don't worry, you will be the one who will punch his ticket. All aboard!
Click to expand...
Have you lost your ever lovin' mind?
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#10
Mar 13, 2014
42,373
16,868
113
69
Tennessee
#10
hoss2576 said:
I would caution you on how quickly you transition from first contact to physical contact, if not just for safety reasons. There could be many factors at play that have absolutely nothing to do with you, and you may have learned a few of these things with a longer time before meeting. You will in all likelihood never know, and you cannot dwell on it. Adding physical elements so soon to a new relationship is very problematic. It can lead to assumptions on both parties parts that the other one was not thinking.

Given that he deleted you from Facebook, I take it to mean he no longer wishes to pursue you. I would be reluctant if he does contact you again. I don't think you messed up at all, but I would take it slower, because it gives you the opportunity to feel out the motives of people you communicate with (and just good safety).
Click to expand...
Problematic can be part of the process of the discovery process and is to be expected and any problems encountered can be resolved. Maybe he deleted her from Facebook because he is started to respect the privacy and intimacy they are sharing. All is fair in love and war and I think that she should go for it. I think that this guy is worth more that 4 days of waiting. Patience will prove to be the key on whether or not this relationship blossoms. Many such journeys are possible.
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#12
#12
tourist said:
No. I believe in the Power of Love.
Click to expand...
A man who Loves a woman doesn't toy with her.

Nowhere in the OP do I read anything that hints at Love. On either side.
 
P

Packersgirl

Guest
#13
#13
Well when I asked him his intentions he told me he would like to get to know me and go from there ;) I have also told him that I wanted to take things slowly.
 
hoss2576

hoss2576

Senior Member
#14
May 10, 2014
552
23
18
#14
tourist said:
No. I believe in the Power of Love.
Click to expand...
I fully believe in the power of love, but this does not seem to be an example of love. Love takes time and kindling. I will use the age old analogy. This seems like someone threw gas on a fire. It went high and hot fast, then fizzled. Love is a stoking process and takes time of slowly adding to the fire, and that fire will last, glowing hot. That's the love we need to strive for.

This fast, physical contact is dangerous on several levels. I am all for romance and there is nothing wrong with some good huggin' and kissin', but it has its time.
 
P

Packersgirl

Guest
#15
#15
Aahhhh....so frusterating when u feel like you approached everything all wrong and ruined something that could havd been amazing.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#17
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#17
Packersgirl said:
Aahhhh....so frusterating when u feel like you approached everything all wrong and ruined something that could havd been amazing.
Click to expand...
Young lady, dont be dismayed! you are still learning and each of the person here have similar experiences of learning by assay and errors.

Cheer up!

I´m as old as rock and rock and still try to learn.
 
hoss2576

hoss2576

Senior Member
#18
May 10, 2014
552
23
18
#18
Packersgirl said:
Aahhhh....so frusterating when u feel like you approached everything all wrong and ruined something that could havd been amazing.
Click to expand...
It is amazing - with the right person.
 
ChandlerFan

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
#19
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
102
63
#19
Packersgirl said:
Aahhhh....so frusterating when u feel like you approached everything all wrong and ruined something that could havd been amazing.
Click to expand...
I don't think it ever had a chance of being amazing based on the foundation that your whole friendship/relationship/whatever it was had been built upon. I don't mean this in an insulting way whatsoever, but you seem blissfully unaware and naive of this, almost as if you're okay with being toyed with. Please don't be okay with that. Also, him choosing to break off contact had likely nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.
 
P

Packersgirl

Guest
#20
#20
Hum....love means different things to different people. I like someone who is a bit coy and playful. If I can figure out what a man is all about the mystique is gone for me. I dont mean in an imature playing games sort of way...but there behaviour has to be such that it keeps me on my toes. And if there is no passion or attraction it makes it even worse. When younger i thought my drive for excitement was the sole reason i was still single. I tried to settle for a man who I had no passion for and we had no chemistry. As I havr gotten older I know realize that chemistry is a critical element of a relationship.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.