Grace, you know I can be blunt, honest, and quite harsh. I used to be worse! So, I'm going to be honest as to the two reasons people are harsh and overbearing. Also, if anyone takes offence, I apologize. Please, if you have an issue with me, PM me.
1) They truly don't get how other people's emotions work, and they aren't good at dealing with their own. People who aren't good at identifying or handling their emotions don't do well with other people's emotions. It's a lot like comparing my painting skills to someone who's a professional. I can do something abstract and kinda make it work. Someone who is a pro can make 2D images emote and come to life. And some of those people who can't identify other people's emotions have valid psychological disorders. Those disorders are personality, medical, and not mood.
2) Some people shut down (or are born without) an emotional side. Here's my lot. I'm an emotional person, but for a long while, I had to put them aside. However, because of the way I grew up, my overall personality, and things that happened to me over the course of my life, I shut down the emotional part of me for a while. I couldn't (or wouldn't) deal with my issues, so I shoved them down with anger, disdain, pride, and anxiety. People would try to connect with me, and I just couldn't handle any added pain, so I rejected them before they rejected me. And the best way to do that is to be contrary, battle ready, judgmental, and elitist. You say what you want, when you want, and how you want, and people learn not to mess with you. They learn that fighting you, or what you say, just isn't worth it because your attack will be ten times worse than theirs. You do what you have to in order to survive.
To me, it sounds like your ministry partner fits into option number two. She feels the need to protect herself (for many reasons I can think of) and will do so by any means necessary. People who say, "Oh well, they have to deal with what I say, when I say it, and how I say it" are quite wounded and quite selfish. They're stating that their well being is MUCH more important than the person with whom they are speaking. Granted, there are those who are just more blunt than someone else, but you can still be blunt without being mean. That's where the whole "Truth in Love" comes in.
There are many on this site who beat others up and then claim it's their right because it's "how they are" or "the bible backs me up" or "people just need to adjust to me". Sometimes, yes, that is true. And maybe because we're text based something gets lost in translation. However, I think that most people who beat someone up (intentionally or not) in these forums have chips on their shoulders.
1) They truly don't get how other people's emotions work, and they aren't good at dealing with their own. People who aren't good at identifying or handling their emotions don't do well with other people's emotions. It's a lot like comparing my painting skills to someone who's a professional. I can do something abstract and kinda make it work. Someone who is a pro can make 2D images emote and come to life. And some of those people who can't identify other people's emotions have valid psychological disorders. Those disorders are personality, medical, and not mood.
2) Some people shut down (or are born without) an emotional side. Here's my lot. I'm an emotional person, but for a long while, I had to put them aside. However, because of the way I grew up, my overall personality, and things that happened to me over the course of my life, I shut down the emotional part of me for a while. I couldn't (or wouldn't) deal with my issues, so I shoved them down with anger, disdain, pride, and anxiety. People would try to connect with me, and I just couldn't handle any added pain, so I rejected them before they rejected me. And the best way to do that is to be contrary, battle ready, judgmental, and elitist. You say what you want, when you want, and how you want, and people learn not to mess with you. They learn that fighting you, or what you say, just isn't worth it because your attack will be ten times worse than theirs. You do what you have to in order to survive.
To me, it sounds like your ministry partner fits into option number two. She feels the need to protect herself (for many reasons I can think of) and will do so by any means necessary. People who say, "Oh well, they have to deal with what I say, when I say it, and how I say it" are quite wounded and quite selfish. They're stating that their well being is MUCH more important than the person with whom they are speaking. Granted, there are those who are just more blunt than someone else, but you can still be blunt without being mean. That's where the whole "Truth in Love" comes in.
There are many on this site who beat others up and then claim it's their right because it's "how they are" or "the bible backs me up" or "people just need to adjust to me". Sometimes, yes, that is true. And maybe because we're text based something gets lost in translation. However, I think that most people who beat someone up (intentionally or not) in these forums have chips on their shoulders.