If there is a problem with men being lazy, the blame seems to rest squarely on the mothers who raised them. Some mothers tend to baby their sons and don't give them any household responsibility, like the daughters, who learn to work hard.
Speaking from personal experience, I have a brother who was never expected to do anything, while I did all the housework. He still lives in my mother's basement, at age 58, while my aging mother can't move into assisted living because somehow it "isn't fair" to make him move out in his own. Apparently, he was teased too, in junior high.
My husband's mother would not let him make a bed. I know, because my oldest son was 12 when we were visiting one time, made his bed in the morning, like he was taught, and she came and pulled it apart because it wasn't good enough! But he was only visiting, I can't imagine what it would have been like to grow up and face that kind of domineering perfectionism daily. My husband could not make a bed for 33 years. I would tell him it was not rocket science, but he would grow all helpless, and confused at the concept. But I have some fitted sheets, which are too hard for me to pull over the corners, and now that he has been retired the last 7 months, I have been getting him to help me, and we have made the bed together from each side.
Imagine my surprise this week, when we didn't get around to making the bed, and I came in to find the bed perfectly made! So he is over his learned helplessness! He is a hard working man, but there are just areas he was never taught or shown how to do things, and it made him look unhelpful around the house.
As far as sons, I raised three to do housework and to clean their rooms. They are married to women that work, and all of them help around the home. I am proud of them, as they are hard working men, just like I raised them to be. My son-in-law was a bit spoiled, but is very intelligent and realized he cannot expect his wife to work full time putting him through residency and do all the housework. The first year if marriage was hard in him, but he now cleans their condo from top to bottom on his weeks off.
So don't expect a man to be helpful if he is never taught. Lazy little boys grow up to be lazy old men! But hard working men are a joy, and any boy can be taught the basics.
Now as far as the daughters working on houses and cars, my parents had me helping build houses, and I built the one I have lived in the last 14 years. My daughter helped her father rebuild the car that crashed, and she is very good at body work, now!
This is is the big reason I hate these stupid stereotypes Christians have bought into. Any PERSON is capable of learning, helping, and be a part of the maintenance and upkeep of a home. Laziness is learned. And it applies to women, as well as men. And both men and women can be a part of the work force.
I worked outside the home, and my husband and children all contributed to the daily and weekly tasks around our home. My children all had part time jobs after school, and they learned to work. That is a lifetime skill, but it won't happen if kids are just given money.
Now that I am sick, there are many jobs I can't do. But I do the jobs I can, like cooking, even wearing a brace on my hand to keep the bones from subluxing, or dislocating doing simple tasks. My husband has filled in the gap, and he is a gift from God! I'm just glad he was given some responsibilities growing up, because he became a great father and husband!
PS Sorry for the long post! My years of teaching also taught me that anyone can learn and work hard, if you give the students discipline and high standards. The curriculum has been dummied down for too long!
Speaking from personal experience, I have a brother who was never expected to do anything, while I did all the housework. He still lives in my mother's basement, at age 58, while my aging mother can't move into assisted living because somehow it "isn't fair" to make him move out in his own. Apparently, he was teased too, in junior high.
My husband's mother would not let him make a bed. I know, because my oldest son was 12 when we were visiting one time, made his bed in the morning, like he was taught, and she came and pulled it apart because it wasn't good enough! But he was only visiting, I can't imagine what it would have been like to grow up and face that kind of domineering perfectionism daily. My husband could not make a bed for 33 years. I would tell him it was not rocket science, but he would grow all helpless, and confused at the concept. But I have some fitted sheets, which are too hard for me to pull over the corners, and now that he has been retired the last 7 months, I have been getting him to help me, and we have made the bed together from each side.
Imagine my surprise this week, when we didn't get around to making the bed, and I came in to find the bed perfectly made! So he is over his learned helplessness! He is a hard working man, but there are just areas he was never taught or shown how to do things, and it made him look unhelpful around the house.
As far as sons, I raised three to do housework and to clean their rooms. They are married to women that work, and all of them help around the home. I am proud of them, as they are hard working men, just like I raised them to be. My son-in-law was a bit spoiled, but is very intelligent and realized he cannot expect his wife to work full time putting him through residency and do all the housework. The first year if marriage was hard in him, but he now cleans their condo from top to bottom on his weeks off.
So don't expect a man to be helpful if he is never taught. Lazy little boys grow up to be lazy old men! But hard working men are a joy, and any boy can be taught the basics.
Now as far as the daughters working on houses and cars, my parents had me helping build houses, and I built the one I have lived in the last 14 years. My daughter helped her father rebuild the car that crashed, and she is very good at body work, now!
This is is the big reason I hate these stupid stereotypes Christians have bought into. Any PERSON is capable of learning, helping, and be a part of the maintenance and upkeep of a home. Laziness is learned. And it applies to women, as well as men. And both men and women can be a part of the work force.
I worked outside the home, and my husband and children all contributed to the daily and weekly tasks around our home. My children all had part time jobs after school, and they learned to work. That is a lifetime skill, but it won't happen if kids are just given money.
Now that I am sick, there are many jobs I can't do. But I do the jobs I can, like cooking, even wearing a brace on my hand to keep the bones from subluxing, or dislocating doing simple tasks. My husband has filled in the gap, and he is a gift from God! I'm just glad he was given some responsibilities growing up, because he became a great father and husband!
PS Sorry for the long post! My years of teaching also taught me that anyone can learn and work hard, if you give the students discipline and high standards. The curriculum has been dummied down for too long!
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