Thoughts On Adoption

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

Would You Consider Adoption?

  • Total voters
    49
Stand_Up_4_God

Stand_Up_4_God

Banned
#41
Apr 13, 2007
985
6
0
37
#41
I have thought about this issue since I was a child....I would do both if I'm able to. I love children, I want at least one of my own if possible. I also want to adopt...I know how it feels to be rejected, disowned, despised, denied, etc. by your own parents. I wasn't adopted, but the parents did abandon my sis and I. Our grandparents took us in thank God! I have sat down and thought long and hard on this issue....there's so much to take into consideration. The issues they may have in all aspects of life being a main one. It's always best to either have been there somewhat yourself, or to have known/dealt with someone that has. It takes many patients,compassion,understanding,compassion,mercy,grace, and oh so much more. Every child deserves a chance in life, they don't deserve to be cast away because of whatever their parent(s) did. Many are born addicted to drugs and things, and have horrible with-drawl symptoms after birth. Some end up on them, some don't. Some want to do whatever the parents did. They need a very well rounded, spiritually founded upon God type of family, and everything. I suggest looking up information online and everything, make some phone calls, etc. Just to see what's out there, what you would have to go through to do this, what it would cost you and everything else.
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#43
#43
Kathleen said:
im curious

- wots wrong with twins? .. :D
Click to expand...
Nothing wrong with them, I am one myself with an identical twin brother, but in general I don't like the way twins live life as one, my brother and I are very much individuals and we never relied on eachother anymore than our other siblings, we are just brothers who happen to be alike.

I have never been comfortable with twins who are driven to emulate eachother and be the same in everything they do, the expectation in society that that is how twins always are has caused me a lot of irritation over the years and as a parent if I had twins who behaved that way I'd obviously accept and encourage it if that was how they were, but honestly I don't like it and would not be comfortable with rasing two children as one, I would just prefer not to have to deal with that situation, I have barely reconciled being a twin, raising them is not something I'd want to do.

But being a twin increases my chances of having them along wiith the fact that there is that tendency on both sides of my family.
 
Kathleen

Kathleen

Senior Member
#44
Oct 13, 2009
3,570
6
38
#44
cool - jst sounded kinda like you had something against them

im a twin , with my brother :D

i love being a twin and when i am married , i would like twins :D
 
T

tryingtofindhim

Guest
#45
#45
Kathleen said:
cool - jst sounded kinda like you had something against them

im a twin , with my brother :D

i love being a twin and when i am married , i would like twins :D
Click to expand...
have fun popping twins out lol. I pray to God i don't have twins unless I adopt them ha!
 
xXxNightXStalkerX4XGodxXx

xXxNightXStalkerX4XGodxXx

Banned
#46
Feb 13, 2009
33
0
0
38
#46
I actually am adopted. Adoption is a lot of work. My family had to spend a total of 1 year battling in court to get custody of me because another family wanted me as well. And I love them all the more for it. Adoption is the most amazing gift you can give an abandoned child. If you want me information ask and I will give it about my own personal experience
 
Sharp

Sharp

Senior Member
#47
May 5, 2009
2,569
21
38
#47
xXxNightXStalkerX4XGodxXx said:
I actually am adopted. Adoption is a lot of work. My family had to spend a total of 1 year battling in court to get custody of me because another family wanted me as well. And I love them all the more for it. Adoption is the most amazing gift you can give an abandoned child. If you want me information ask and I will give it about my own personal experience
Click to expand...
Who was the other family that wanted you, and why did they want you, and how did it end up in court.
 
Sharp

Sharp

Senior Member
#48
May 5, 2009
2,569
21
38
#48
Wow its 22 votes to 0. There is no-one who would not consider adoption.
 
A

Abing

Guest
#49
#49
i consider an adoption, :) there are just so many people out there who needs shelter and some love ♥
 
whiteknite

whiteknite

Banned
#50
Jan 9, 2009
819
4
0
#50
there are a lot of couples that cannot have children for what ever reason. They would be good parents and adoption would also give some child a good home
 
D

Dread_Zeppelin

Guest
#51
#51
Matthew said:
Nothing wrong with them, I am one myself with an identical twin brother, but in general I don't like the way twins live life as one, my brother and I are very much individuals and we never relied on eachother anymore than our other siblings, we are just brothers who happen to be alike.

I have never been comfortable with twins who are driven to emulate eachother and be the same in everything they do, the expectation in society that that is how twins always are has caused me a lot of irritation over the years and as a parent if I had twins who behaved that way I'd obviously accept and encourage it if that was how they were, but honestly I don't like it and would not be comfortable with rasing two children as one, I would just prefer not to have to deal with that situation, I have barely reconciled being a twin, raising them is not something I'd want to do.

But being a twin increases my chances of having them along wiith the fact that there is that tendency on both sides of my family.
Click to expand...
I find this interesting because I am an identical twin as well. My twin sister and I always shared, been blamed together, and were grouped together the same as you. We were basically called "the twins" and "KatienRachel" as opposed to having our seporate identities, so I can relate to that annoyance.
However, that said, I would be absolutely miserable without my twin. I love her and I feel totally incomplete without her, she is my best friend and my rock. I dont know how I could live life without her. Her being my other half is a blessing to me- she is my favorite person in all the world and she feels the same about me.
As far as other people and their questions and expectations, whenever we were asked stupid things (like do we know eachothers thoughts, can we feel the when one is hurting) we just made fun of them and got a laugh out of it. I dont care that we're treated the same and were raised "as one" because it was the best having a friend at all times.
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#52
#52
Dread_Zeppelin said:
I find this interesting because I am an identical twin as well. My twin sister and I always shared, been blamed together, and were grouped together the same as you. We were basically called "the twins" and "KatienRachel" as opposed to having our seporate identities, so I can relate to that annoyance.
However, that said, I would be absolutely miserable without my twin. I love her and I feel totally incomplete without her, she is my best friend and my rock. I dont know how I could live life without her. Her being my other half is a blessing to me- she is my favorite person in all the world and she feels the same about me.
As far as other people and their questions and expectations, whenever we were asked stupid things (like do we know eachothers thoughts, can we feel the when one is hurting) we just made fun of them and got a laugh out of it. I dont care that we're treated the same and were raised "as one" because it was the best having a friend at all times.
Click to expand...
I understand and in truth your situation is more the norm based on my experience, I have never encountered identical twins who had any other view than that, they could live without the silly annoyance but it's minor compared to how much they treasure being a twin and they couldn't ever feel right without that other person.

My twin and I are close, but I just never felt in life as if I couldn't get by without him, when he's gone it doesn't bother me and honestly I don't feel less of a person when he's not around, I've never understood that feeling because I've never had it, it might be due to growing up always being compared to him in everything just pushed us apart, perhaps I was more sensitive to it than others, I just never liked people always saying to me 'are you Matthew or James??', and then using a truncated version of our surname to identify both of us so they never had to try and know who we were.

In truth I envy you a little, always encountering twins who seem to get amazing joy out of the experience makes me wonder how it all went wrong for me, we value being individuals but it's hard not to feel there's something missing when all other identical twins seem to value it so highly.
 
Last edited:
D

Dread_Zeppelin

Guest
#53
#53
Matthew said:
I understand and in truth your situation is more the norm based on my experience, I have never encountered identical twins who had any other view than that, they could live without the silly annoyance but it's minor compared to how much they treasure being a twin and they couldn't ever feel right without that other person.

My twin and I are close, but I just never felt in life as if I couldn't get by without him, when he's gone it doesn't bother me and honestly I don't feel less of a person when he's not around, I've never understood that feeling because I've never had it, it might be due to growing up always being compared to him in everything just pushed us apart, perhaps I was more sensitive to it than others, I just never liked people always saying to me 'are you Matthew or James??', and then using a truncated version of our surname to identify both of us so they never had to try and know who we were.

In truth I envy you a little, always encountering twins who seem to get amazing joy out of the experience makes me wonder how it all went wrong for me, we value being individuals but it's hard not to feel there's something missing when all other identical twins seem to value it so highly.
Click to expand...
I dont think that there is something nessisarily wrong with you- it all has to do with the luck of personalities. Maybe because you are both men it has something to do with it. A lot of things that made us close was also due to bad experiences in our lives and we went through them together. Also we naturally spent a lot of time together and always had the same friends. I suppose if you and your twin lead very seporate lives and have different friends then it would be hard to have that kind of comrodery.
Do you talk to your twin? Not just like brother things but deep stuff? Could be he doesn't know that you want that kind of close relationship.
I know exactly how you feel when someone asks who you are. Some people in school called us both "Katechel" because they couldn't tell the difference. Even though that was a little annoying, you just got to keep correcting them and adventually you can say "Wow I know your name, why can't you learn mine?" Imply that it's rude. And if they're old, forgive them. My aunt still doesn't know who I am or how to spell my name.
 
A

aprilrenee1

Guest
#54
#54
I have a twin brother...we never were tight...
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#55
#55
Dread_Zeppelin said:
I dont think that there is something nessisarily wrong with you- it all has to do with the luck of personalities. Maybe because you are both men it has something to do with it. A lot of things that made us close was also due to bad experiences in our lives and we went through them together. Also we naturally spent a lot of time together and always had the same friends. I suppose if you and your twin lead very seporate lives and have different friends then it would be hard to have that kind of comrodery.
Do you talk to your twin? Not just like brother things but deep stuff? Could be he doesn't know that you want that kind of close relationship.
I know exactly how you feel when someone asks who you are. Some people in school called us both "Katechel" because they couldn't tell the difference. Even though that was a little annoying, you just got to keep correcting them and adventually you can say "Wow I know your name, why can't you learn mine?" Imply that it's rude. And if they're old, forgive them. My aunt still doesn't know who I am or how to spell my name.
Click to expand...
We do talk and we have a good relationship, but we don't talk about deep stuff, but honestly I don't talk to anyone about deep stuff, though not for lack of trying.
When we were young in primary school we had more seperation, different classes and friends etc. but in secondary school we were together more, same classes etc. I think that did some damage, I'd rather have been more seperate through my teenage years, I guess feeling like we were being pushed together by everyone around us and being treated like 'one' made me resent it.

I look back and see that we never had the chance to let our relationship develop naturally because people assumed because we were twins we wanted to be always together and so they made an effort to do it, as a result we never really defined the relationship for ourselves, I guess if you are naturally comfortable with that then it wouldn't be a problem.

As for the names issue, I accepted long ago that would never change and to an extent I just have to live with it, I'll always meet new people and they'll struggle to identify us from eachother like everyone else, some people are more sensitive than others but now I am older it doesn't really bother all that much, as long as the people I really care about know who I am I can deal with the rest.
 
D

Dread_Zeppelin

Guest
#56
#56
Matthew said:
We do talk and we have a good relationship, but we don't talk about deep stuff, but honestly I don't talk to anyone about deep stuff, though not for lack of trying.
When we were young in primary school we had more seperation, different classes and friends etc. but in secondary school we were together more, same classes etc. I think that did some damage, I'd rather have been more seperate through my teenage years, I guess feeling like we were being pushed together by everyone around us and being treated like 'one' made me resent it.

I look back and see that we never had the chance to let our relationship develop naturally because people assumed because we were twins we wanted to be always together and so they made an effort to do it, as a result we never really defined the relationship for ourselves, I guess if you are naturally comfortable with that then it wouldn't be a problem.

As for the names issue, I accepted long ago that would never change and to an extent I just have to live with it, I'll always meet new people and they'll struggle to identify us from eachother like everyone else, some people are more sensitive than others but now I am older it doesn't really bother all that much, as long as the people I really care about know who I am I can deal with the rest.
Click to expand...

Ha! We had the opposite problem, we wanted to remain together in school but people assumed we wanted to be apart. My sister and I seporated in first grade and she still thinks of it as "the worst time in my life". For some reason she got picked on and I was the popular one with all the friends.
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#57
#57
Dread_Zeppelin said:
Ha! We had the opposite problem, we wanted to remain together in school but people assumed we wanted to be apart. My sister and I seporated in first grade and she still thinks of it as "the worst time in my life". For some reason she got picked on and I was the popular one with all the friends.
Click to expand...
I guess that's a common problem, parents and sometimes other people as well, presume they know what twins want and take that action when the twins are young, and then the damage is done.

I also dealt with the favourites thing, at different times in school, primary school that is, we each were more popular and it was confusing, we didn't change and yet our appeal to our friends seemed too, but I guess all kids deal with that when they're young.
 
MisaMisa

MisaMisa

Banned
#58
Dec 6, 2009
103
0
0
#58
I have this fear that I would have a hard time loving my adopted child as much as my own child(ren). Other than that fear, I would love to adopt!
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#59
#59
MisaMisa said:
I have this fear that I would have a hard time loving my adopted child as much as my own child(ren). Other than that fear, I would love to adopt!
Click to expand...
That seems to be one of the most common things people tell me when we discuss it, a lot of people have said to me they think the love between parent and child is primarily based in the physical link, espcially between mother and child.

I get the reason for that and it is one of my concerns in the sense that it might be a stumbling block in the future if my wife has that feeling also, I have never felt that way, I think there is something unique that bonds people together in most relationships and while the relationship with an adopted child would be different, it'd be no less special.
 
M

Marrissiakins

Guest
#60
#60
Adoption is a wonderful thing.. :) I'd know that first hand :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.